Breaking South: A Turner Artist Rocker Novel (The Turner Artist Rocker Series Book 3)

by Alyson Santos

  “Gen—”

  “Please. Don’t say anything. Just let me get this out. I might not have another chance and I need you to hear this before we part ways. I’m not good for you. I see that now. You deserve the most beautiful things in life, and I give you the ugly. I probably shouldn’t haven’t called. I should have let you walk away, but I needed you to know the truth. For once in my life, I want to be part of something real.

  “I also want you to know how much you’ve changed my life. You inspire me. You met a girl who was drowning and showed her the shore. Well, I’m ready to swim for it. I am. You helped me find the woman in the mirror and now that I’ve met her, I think I’m going to love her. Genevieve Fox fell last night, but it’s going to be Viv Hastings who gets back up. I’m going to fight for her because she’s worth the pain. I’m worth the pain. No matter what they say, you and I will always know the truth. That my journey couldn’t begin until Genevieve’s ended. So watch for me, Oliver. Promise me. Viv Hasting’s first song is yours.”

  Silence.

  “Oliver?”

  My stomach drops when I look down at my phone. The call was ended? Just a second ago, which means he heard my speech. Which means… Sadness wells in my chest, a deep longing for something lost, but strangely, the panic is gone. As soon as I said those words, a heaviness lifted that has been pressing on my shoulders for as long as I can remember. Yes, that’s it. I feel light. Free. I feel hope and anticipation for what’s to come. After a lifetime of dreading tomorrow, I can’t wait to see what it brings. Oliver may have guided me to the girl in the mirror, but it was me we found. I was always there, I just needed a spark to see her. I’m sad he won’t be taking this journey with me, but it changes nothing. Even if I have to go it alone, at least I know it’s finally mine.

  Genevieve Fox fell from the mountain, but it will be Viv Hastings who climbs back up.

  I hear Hadley return with our snacks and wave toward the small table by the bed. “You can just put it there. I want to finish reading this.”

  It’s the best of all the articles so far in that the writer at least tried to stick to the facts. I don’t like calling them “reporters” because they rarely report anything when it comes to me. They speculate. They make up narratives that would rival fiction authors. They peddle entertainment, so writers seems more accurate. “I really wish they hadn’t released which hospital I went to, though,” I mutter. “Seems irresponsible.”

  “Then how would I have found you?”

  I freeze. My fist clenches around Hadley’s phone as my gaze shoots to the door. It can’t be. No. Because… No. “Oliver?” His name comes out as a whisper, weird because it’s an entire symphony in my soul.

  He smiles, those warm brown eyes filling with everything I love about him, and now, everything I love about myself. Gosh, he saw me when I didn’t. Fell for a woman I didn’t even know. “I’ve been in the parking lot for about a half hour. I wasn’t sure if I should come in. I figured you’d refuse to see me, but I couldn’t stand not being close to you. When you called just now…”

  I reach toward him, my fingers tingling with the need to touch him.

  It only takes a few steps of his long stride to get to me. I bury my face in his chest, clinging to him as if he’ll disappear. I know I could live without him, but I don’t want to. Ever. I want this moment whenever I need it. Whenever I want it. I pull harder, pressing my ear against his beautiful heart.

  “I love you too, Genevieve,” he says, tucking his hand into my hair to hold me in place. As if I’d voluntarily withdraw anyway.

  “It’s Viv now,” I whisper. He must hear me when he rests his lips on my head. I feel his breath, envision my skin soaking it in.

  “Viv. I love that.”

  “You can thank Sandy’s son Jaden for the idea.”

  His chest rumbles with a chuckle, and suddenly this isn’t enough. I’m not close enough to his gorgeous soul. I slip my hands under his shirt to feel his warm skin. Better, but still not satisfying.

  “I can’t believe you came. Even with everything you thought I did to you.”

  “I knew it wasn’t you. I knew something else was going on. In fact, so did Sandy.”

  I pull back in surprise, just enough to glance up at him. His smile is seriously the most beautiful thing on this planet. The kind of thing Viv Hastings could write a song about… “What do you mean?”

  He laughs and shakes his head. “That psycho locked me in the basement when I first heard about the fall. I was a mess, and he was afraid I’d do something crazy or get myself killed.”

  “What?! He locked you up?”

  He shrugs. “Yeah, thank god he did. Who knows what I would have done? Anyway, once all the other shit came out, he agreed it was messed up, and if I couldn’t get to you by phone, I had to get to you in person to figure out what was going on. He’s seen us together. He knew the picture that was painted couldn’t be right. He’s the one who drove me here.”

  “He did?” I ask in shock.

  Oliver smiles, looking almost smug. “Deep down, he kinda loves me. Don’t tell anyone. But yeah, he’s in the waiting room now. Hadley found me and escorted me here.”

  Wow, I have to remember to thank Raffie Sanderson for locking up my boyfriend. “Of course he loves you. You’re amazing.” I look up, loving the way he softens at my words. Gosh, how could anyone believe any of those lies for a second? Only people who have never met him. “I’m going to fix it, Oliver,” I say, tracing my finger along his jaw. The stubble tickles my skin and makes me want to experience it with my lips.

  “Fix what?”

  “All of it. The rumors. The lies. My career. My life. I’m going to climb. I’m going to fight through rehab to get back on the ice just like you. I’m going to take the pain for something I want.”

  He grins, and this time I can’t resist. I have to taste it. I pull his head down and brush my lips against his. Maybe those doctors were right after all. I could have survived this journey without Oliver Levesque, but I’m the luckiest girl in the world that I don’t have to.

  CHAPTER 17

  Come, mother dearest

  I’ve a story to share

  Of brave knights and tense frights

  Of secrets laid bare

  Where are you going?

  Don’t run

  You’ll ruin the fun

  Don’t you want to compare?

  Unless your story so glorious

  Has been my nightmare

  OLIVER

  After she’s discharged, Genevieve and Hadley skip the private jet to ride back to L.A. with Sandy and me. Although she got her phone from her mother, that’s all they exchanged before we left the woman and her husband standing in stunned silence at the curb. It hurt my heart to witness the cold severance of their family as we walked away, but I don’t blame Gen for a second. What that woman did was a gross betrayal, and if it took something so extreme for Genevieve to finally see who the real destructive force is in her life, so be it. Sure, Gen and I have hell waiting for us in the coming battle, but at least we have truth on our side. Corinne Fox only has her selfish ambitions to keep her warm. I shudder at the lonely road ahead of her. It makes me miss my own family even more.

  “What is it?” Genevieve asks, glancing at me from her seat. We just stopped for gas and are waiting in the car while Sandy and Hadley run inside for snacks. It was no easy task cramming into the back seat of Sandy’s SUV, but Genevieve needed to elevate her ankle for the long drive and made it pretty clear that my lap was the stool of choice. She’s facing me now, her back against the wall of the car, her leg stretched across the middle seat and landing on my thighs. I could complain at the cramped position, but I’ve had the opportunity to touch her for two hours straight. I’d pass up first class airfare for this.

  “Nothing. Just thinking about my family. I really hope you get to meet them some day. Camille called right after I found out about the fall. If she hadn’t… man, I don’t know. She always s
eems to know when I need her.”

  “She sounds incredible, but I’m not surprised. Look at her example.”

  I smile through the ache in my chest. “It will be weird celebrating Christmas without them next week. Sandy and Kels will do their best to include me, but yeah. It was a big deal in our house growing up. Our whole town, actually. No matter where I was in the world, I always braved the weather to try to make it back for at least a day.”

  Confusion flashes over her face, maybe a hint of distaste. I can only imagine how different traditions are for her. Does she have any memories worth holding onto? It makes me want her to experience the warmth of mine even more. “You can’t go home for this one?”

  I sigh and shake my head. “I probably wouldn’t have risked it anyway, but with everything going on, I definitely don’t want to take any chances with my rehab and the front office. They kind of hate me right now.” I release a dry laugh to lighten the comment, but she doesn’t smile.

  “I’m really sorry, Oliver. For all of it. You don’t deserve any of this.”

  I shrug and return to running my fingers over her skin above the bandage. “This world would be unrecognizable if everyone got what they deserved. Besides, then I wouldn’t have you.”

  Lame as hell, but totally worth it when she blushes and releases the cutest grin.

  “Pretty sure it’s the other way around,” she mutters, giving me a slight nudge with her foot on my lap.

  “I guess that means we deserve each other either way then. I’ll take that.”

  Her smile spreads as she lifts her gaze to mine. “I told you I was going to fix this and I meant it. I’m going to work harder on fixing myself too. I have an interview with a new therapist. One that I think will really be able to help me and challenge me. I’ll need that extra support over the next few months.”

  “That’s great, Gen. Mine has been huge for my recovery.”

  Her eyes widen in surprise. “You see a therapist?”

  “Of course. I meet with the team psychologist once a week. In the beginning it was even more often and it was mostly to sort through the depression and despair over what happened. Now, we focus mainly on meditation and visualization.”

  “Visualization?”

  “Yeah. Even though I can’t be on the ice, I can continue to train my mind to think like I am. I picture all kinds of plays and scenarios and imagine myself reacting. And yeah, sometimes I just need to tell someone how much this fucking sucks.”

  She grins and shoves my leg again. “Just sometimes?”

  I laugh. “Okay, a lot of times. Because it does, but that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if we do or don’t deserve what we got. We still have to live with it, so we have to decide if we give it more control over our lives or take the power back.”

  Her eyes narrow as she considers my words. I can tell they have a strong effect. “Hmm. Who needs a therapist when you have Oliver Levesque in your life?”

  “My siblings would tell you anyone who has to deal with me regularly would benefit from therapy,” I say dryly.

  She laughs and tugs my sleeve. “Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know I meant what I said on the phone. I’m serious about this. I’m going to climb. I know it will be hard, probably brutal at times, but I want to go after something that’s worth the pain. I have a meeting scheduled with Sam tonight to discuss everything, and we’re also searching for a new publicist to fix the current mess, as well as help us navigate what’s coming.”

  “You fired Selena?”

  “Of course I fired her. She obviously worked for my mother, not for me. At least I can trust Sam. My mom didn’t delete her messages from my phone, only yours.”

  My jaw clenches but I work to rein in my anger. None of that matters now anyway. “Are you going to tell Sam about Viv Hastings?” I ask, forcing away my rant against her mother.

  Genevieve shakes her head and leans it back against the window. “No. I’ll tell her Genevieve Fox is retiring so we can come up with a plan for that, but no one can know about Viv. If she’s going to be real, she needs to make it on her own. She needs to get noticed for her own talent, her own drive. At least when people find out it’s me later on, I’ll know I earned my place this time.”

  Wow. “Damn. I wish I was half as brave as you.”

  She grins. “Yeah? You think I have the guts to be a hockey player?”

  “Genevieve Fox, no. But pretty sure Viv Hastings could be an enforcer.”

  I’m drained by the time Sandy drops me off at the training center around noon on the way back from Vegas. He promises to take Genevieve and Hadley to Gen’s place before heading home to see the fam and pack for their road trip. Despite my exhaustion, I jump right in the pool to start training. I have hell waiting for me from the front office, so the more time I can get in before that drama, the better. Will they finally let me go for good? I’m useless to them physically. A question mark. A drain on resources. Now I’m a PR headache on top of it. At what point am I no longer worth the pain to them? I gave this recovery everything I had but it often feels like no one knows that, like these last weeks of battling have happened in a vacuum. I was invisible until I exploded into the public eye as a monster.

  The water feels good as I dive in, soothing my tired body and more worn-out spirit. Sandy kept telling me to sleep on our drive to Vegas, but it was impossible after the shock of what I read before we left. Did it hurt to see those things about myself, even if they were lies? Hell yes. The world thinks I’m the opposite of what I am. I’ve worked my entire life for a goal that got ripped away from me in an instant. Now, I’ve had my reputation and everything I’ve done to prove myself since taken away as well. I felt like I was facing a five-on-none as I walked through the front door today, bracing to defend myself to disappointed people who should know me and will now think they don’t.

  I push through several laps, enjoying the burn of my lungs and strain of exertion, but mostly, it’s a relief to escape my mind for a few minutes. With so much energy poured into the physical, I can drown out the mental for a brief respite. Maybe I could hide here forever. I’ve felt like I’m treading water since the hit, struggling to keep my head up. Might as well do it for real.

  I see movement when I approach the wall for a turn, and my serenity shatters as Carlos marches toward me. He found me too soon. I could have used a few more laps. Days. Weeks. Months.

  Shit. Here we go.

  He towers over me from the edge of my lane, and I draw in a lungful of humid air as I grip the wall of the pool.

  “I know, okay?” I call up to him, pulling off my goggles for a better view.

  He shrugs. “You know what? You’re an idiot? Good. Twenty more minutes here and meet me in the weight room. You get your pre-workout shake down yet?”

  I squint up at him, certain I must be missing something. That’s it? “No, just got back.”

  And now, he looks unhappy. “Okay, then never mind. Get your ass out of the pool and go take care of business. Then meet me in the weight room.”

  “Okay, but—”

  “You gonna argue with me, Levesque?” But his lips twitch like he’s holding back a smile.

  “No, sir.”

  “Good. See you soon.”

  Other than a few jabs and snickers in the weight room, no one goes after me there either. In fact, my sentence seems suspiciously light throughout the day. I sweat through conditioning, exercises, and even a team meeting with almost no mention of my new status as a celebrity monster. I keep waiting for a call from the front office that never comes, bracing for a reaming that never bears down. In fact, I’m packing up for the day when Coach finally pulls me into his office for a chat before they leave for Seattle.

  “They tell me the knee is looking good,” Coach Brooks says as he waves me into a chair.

  “Yes, sir. It feels good.”

  “Carlos says you’re following the protocol, giving a hundred and ten percent.”

  I nod, swallowing my nerves
as he studies me. “I’d go harder if he let me.”

  Coach grunts through a dry laugh. “I don’t doubt it. You’ve always been a hard worker. A leader. You’re a good kid, Levesque.”

  I clear my throat and meet his gaze. “Thank you, sir.”

  His eyes narrow, his fingers intertwining into a knot on his desk. “‘Violent and manipulative’ they called you.”

  I swallow and look away. “Yeah, it’s—”

  “You holding out on me, kid? How come I never see that on the ice? We could use some violence and manipulation in net.”

  My gaze snaps to his, my lips lifting at the amusement in his expression. He sighs and leans back, studying me again. “You’ve had a rough few months. Your knee. Now all this media bullshit. How you holding up?”

  Good question. Am I holding up? Sometimes it feels like I’ll make it. Sometimes it feels like I’m sinking to the bottom, that I’ll be nothing but a footnote in future hockey commentary.

  “It’s been hard,” I say finally. I can’t take his penetrating stare and look away. “I’ve faced adversity before, plenty of tragedy, but this feels… different. Like I’m giving everything I have to fight a battle I might not win. It feels so big, so outside of my control. But I’m still pushing through, Coach. I want to get back on the ice more than anything. I want this more than anything. So until you tell me to stop, I’ll keep going at a hundred and ten percent. A hundred twenty-five when Carlos lets me.”

  He’s still staring when I meet his gaze again, a pensive look on his face. “I’m never going to tell you to stop and neither will any of the guys in this organization.” He sighs, probably reading my fear. “You should know that Sandy stopped in earlier, along with that girlfriend of yours. Explained the whole damn thing and said it was bullshit. Carlos confirmed you’re on track and we don’t need to worry on that front. Not that they had to tell us that. Anyone who’s met you would know the truth, but my point is, your people—your team—is solid and has your back.” He leans forward, leveling a look at me. “I know you probably feel like you’re insignificant right now. That you’re alone and the world has moved on without you. This place is a tomb when you’re on the list, but you’re still our man, Levesque. Got it? So keep going. Keep fighting because we need you as much as you need us. Stay all in, because we’re all in on you.”