Chapter Four
It’s a beautiful day for a wedding, Ava thought as she pulled up outside Sea Street Church.
The sun was shining brightly, with the temperature hovering at seventy degrees. The sky was robin’s egg– blue and cloudless. The historic church sat on top of a hill overlooking Cape Cod Bay. Renowned for its beautiful stained-glass windows and the pebbled stonework on its facade, Sea Street Church was a historic landmark in Buzzards Bay. It wasn’t unusual to see tourists lined up to take pictures in front of the stained-glass windows or the marble statues in the courtyard. There were many days she’d come to Sea Street Church seeking a quiet place to pray. But that was years ago, she realized. Long before she’d reached a stalemate with God.
Her mother-in-law had already picked up the twins and brought them to the church so they could take pictures with the bridal party prior to the ceremony. She could only hope they were on their best behavior. Ava took a deep breath as she prepared to walk up the stone steps and into the church. It had been a while since she’d graced the church with her presence. As she walked inside, she felt a tidal wave of emotion wash over her. This sacred place held a lot of memories, both sweet and shattering. She’d gotten married in this church, Pastor Felix had baptized her children within these walls and she’d bid her parents farewell here, along with her husband. So much loss, and yet today, everyone was gathering here to celebrate the union of two people who wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, who were about to pledge to each other their undying fidelity. It was a joyous event.
Although she loved weddings, a small part of her felt sad that this part of her life was over. Love, romance, marriage. Having someone finish her sentences because they knew her so well. It was all a thing of the past. She couldn’t imagine opening up her heart to another person, not when loving Billy and losing him had caused her so much heartache. Loving someone meant running the risk of dealing with unbearable loss. Heartache. Been there, done that. She wasn’t going down that road again.
Her head in the clouds, she ran straight into a solid presence as she turned the corner. Strong arms steadied her. She looked up to find warm, blue eyes gazing upon her.
“Pastor Felix!” she cried out, flustered at his sudden appearance. Although she’d braced herself for this encounter, a wave of shame washed over her. It had been ages since she’d attended service. She couldn’t imagine what he must think of her.
“I haven’t seen you in a long time, Ava. This church isn’t the same without you.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her cheek.
Ava grimaced. “It’s been a while since the kids and I have attended service,” she acknowledged. She felt her cheeks getting warm with embarrassment.
Pastor Felix smiled at her, his eyes filled with compassion. “My comment wasn’t a judgment. Just my way of saying you’ve been missed. You and the twins.”
“Thank you. Hearing that means a lot to me,” she said in a low voice, moved by his words. “I just haven’t felt moved to worship.”
A puzzled look passed over his face. “Is there a reason you’re feeling this way?”
“Let’s just say God and I had a little falling-out,” she hedged. Now wasn’t the time or place to get into a discussion about her fractured relationship with God. She’d come to Sea Street Church this morning to celebrate a wedding, not to air out her past grievances with the Lord.
Pastor Felix nodded. “Because of Billy’s passing?” he pressed.
She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as she admitted the truth she’d been hiding for two long years. “Yes. After I lost him I couldn’t help wondering why God didn’t answer any of my prayers.” It felt good to say the words out loud, to admit her pent-up feelings to Pastor Felix. Whatever she might say to him, she knew he wouldn’t view her in a negative light. He was a fair man.
“It’s normal to question your faith after such a devastating tragedy. And you’ve had a lot of loss in your life. Your parents passing so close to each other, then Billy. You’ve shouldered a lot of grief in a short period of time.”
And Sawyer. She had to add him to the list, as well. For a while there, she’d lost him, too. The thought came to her like a bolt out of the blue, and for the first time in years she acknowledged to herself how deeply she’d suffered. Inexplicably, she’d always thought of her losses as separate events, rather than one tidal wave of grief and pain.
“Yes, I’ve had a lot of loss over the years,” she admitted. “The hits just kept coming.”
For years she’d been so busy forging through the pain she’d never stopped long enough to grieve all her loved ones. Through it all, she’d tried to be invincible. Too much so, she now realized. She’d never wanted the kids to see the depths of her suffering, her unbearable grief. In the end, it hadn’t helped her healing process to bottle everything up inside. She was still in limbo and holding on to things she needed to let go of.
“What can I do to help you?” Pastor Felix’s voice enveloped her like a warm breeze.
“I’m not sure.” Ava shook her head. “I’ve missed Sea Street Church. Lately, I’ve wanted to come back and attend service, but two years is such a long time to have been away. Even today my stomach is full of knots.”
“Ava, don’t let embarrassment or fear stand in your way,” he continued. “One of your most special qualities is the way you connect with others. I’ll never forget how you drove Mr. P to church every Sunday without fail when he lost the use of his leg. He leaned on you, and you were there for him. If you lean on this congregation, they’ll support you, Ava.”
Tears welled in her eyes as she remembered her close bond with Mr. P. Ravaged by diabetes, he’d been unable to drive after his leg was amputated. It had been her pleasure to drive him to Sea Street Church so he could worship and experience fellowship with the rest of the congregation. As well as being a lifelong friend, Mr. P had served as an inspiration. Despite being ill and in pain, he’d continued to be a bright light in the world, spreading cheer wherever he went. He’d almost made it to his ninetieth birthday. It made her ashamed to realize how closed off she’d been in the past few years.
The sound of footsteps had them both pausing in their private conversation. Sawyer appeared in the hallway, looking impossibly handsome in a light-colored linen blazer, a polo shirt and tan Dockers. Ava felt something shift inside her at the sight of him. Her pulse quickened. As soon as he saw them, his eyes lit up with pleasure. He reached their side in a few, easy strides.
“Pastor Felix, how are you?” Sawyer reached his hand out and the two clasped hands.
“I’m well, Sawyer. I’ve been sending a lot of prayers your way.”
“I deeply appreciate that,” Sawyer answered. “As far as I’m concerned, prayer is the best gift anyone could ever give me.”
“Spoken like a true man of faith,” Pastor Felix responded. He rubbed his hands together. “Well, if the two of you will excuse me, I should check in with the bride and groom. The ceremony should be starting in a half hour or so.” As he walked by Sawyer he patted him on the shoulder. “I want to hear all about your trip the next time I see you.”
“Will do,” Sawyer answered with an easy smile. “There’s plenty to tell.”
After Pastor Felix disappeared down the hall, Sawyer turned all of his attention to her. “You okay?” he asked. His eyes were like laser beams as they skimmed over her face.
“I’m good. We had a nice talk. I was able to get some things off my chest,” she answered, her heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. It felt good to be totally open with someone who wouldn’t judge or misunderstand her. Pastor Felix had given her food for thought. Later on this evening, in the quiet time after the kids had gone to sleep, she would reflect on Pastor Felix’s words.
Sawyer raised an eyebrow. She knew he was champing at the bit to ask her the specifics about th
eir conversation, but his excellent home training wouldn’t allow him to pry. Ava decided to take pity on him.
“I’ve been angry at God for a long time,” she explained. “It’s something I’ve been working on for a while. I still haven’t been able to fully move past it. Pastor Felix helped me realize I shouldn’t try to do it alone. I need this church. And the congregation.”
“The folks who make up this congregation are amazing. Do you know they started a special prayer circle for me while I was overseas?” Sawyer’s voice was full of admiration and awe. “I can’t tell you how much that humbles me.”
Ava began fiddling with her fingers. “I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t know about it. I’ve been out of the loop for a while.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed about. You’re struggling a bit right now with your faith. We’ve just got to find a way to get you back on track.” He leaned toward her, his cheek brushing against hers as he whispered in her ear, “Meet me in the back pew.” A woodsy smell filled her nostrils, and she felt the slight roughness of his stubble grazing against her skin. She fought the sudden urge to press a kiss against his cheek.
An image of a ten-year-old Sawyer came rushing back to her. He’d been adorable—with big eyes the color of a Hershey bar, impossibly crooked teeth and brown skin burnished from the sun. Every week they’d attended Sunday school together in the basement of Sea Street Church. When class was finished the children were ushered upstairs to attend Sunday service. Many of the kids rushed to the front of the church in order to sit in the first pew, but the very idea gave Sawyer the willies. As soon as class ended he would whisper in her ear to meet him in the back pew of the church. And each and every time she did, there had been plenty of mischief concocted by Sawyer. “I always got in trouble when I sat with you,” she reminded him. She felt her mouth curving upward into a smile. “And you always had to stay after church to speak to the pastor.”
“Come on. I wasn’t that bad, was I?” His voice sounded incredulous.
Ava burst into giggles. “You were incorrigible. Remember the time you put marbles in the collection basket?”
A huge grin threatened to split his face wide open. “I’ll never forget the look on Pastor McIntyre’s face when he stood at the pulpit and announced that the weekly collection yielded three hundred dollars and twenty-six marbles.”
“And then he looked straight to the back of the church, directly at you.”
Memories of a simpler time warmed her heart. Pastor McIntyre had retired years ago, but she still thought of him with fondness. He’d been on the strict side, but he’d taught them all the important things about church, community and loving the Lord.
She eyed Sawyer, a feeling of warmth spreading through her as they took a walk down memory lane. “You were quite the cutup.”
“And you were the prettiest girl in Sunday school.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “That would’ve been my sister, Sunny. I was the tomboy who wouldn’t have been caught dead in a dress. Remember?”
“How could I forget? The first time I ever saw you in a dress, it nearly bowled me over. It was a lavender color with lilacs all over it. You wore purple shoes to match.”
“I can’t believe you remember that.” Her voice was filled with awe. “Mama had to practically tie me down so I would wear it.” Just the thought of her sweet, gentle mother caused a longing so deep to bubble up from inside her it made her a bit breathless. Time hadn’t changed a thing. She still missed her mother terribly. The ache had eased a bit, but the yearning was ever present.
“I remember everything, Ava.” He reached out and tipped her chin up so their gazes were locked. His stare was intense, and she found herself feeling a bit self-conscious. Even though she’d never had a problem making conversation with Sawyer, she suddenly felt tongue-tied. It didn’t make sense her feeling this way, all jittery and nervous. She’d been friends with him for most of her life. Perhaps it was the way his hand lingered on her face, sending chills through her entire body.
Just then the sound of a door banging shut had them both startled and turning toward the front door of the church. Her father-in-law was standing there with a huge scowl on his face, staring directly at the two of them.
* * *
Sawyer felt an immediate shift in his own mood as soon as he laid eyes on his uncle. His hand dropped to his side and he moved a step away from Ava. He clenched, then unclenched his fists. Tension hummed in the air as Uncle Troy stood on the threshold, his mouth set in a grim line. Ava had a worried look on her face, making him wonder if she had any idea that her father-in-law had a problem with the two of them appearing as thick as thieves.
“Dad, is everything okay?” Ava asked. “You look upset.”
“Everything’s fine,” he said, the corners of his mouth lifting in the hint of a smile. Sawyer sensed it was just a put on for propriety’s sake. Uncle Troy wouldn’t ruin the festive vibe by voicing his concerns about their close relationship. In an effort to ease the tension, Sawyer walked toward his uncle, his arms held wide open for a hug. Much like his father, Uncle Troy was tall and wide-shouldered, possessing the build of a football player. Sawyer watched as the corners of his mouth pulled upward into the hint of a smile. Uncle Troy lifted his arms and pulled him into the tightest of bear hugs.
“Sawyer, it’s good to see you back where you belong.” His tone was laced with emotion. As a former marine, Uncle Troy prided himself on being tough and no-nonsense. Sawyer knew all too well that beneath his gruff exterior lay a tenderhearted soul. He was simply a man who wasn’t always comfortable showing affection.
“I’m happy to be back,” Sawyer said as they pulled apart from each other. He watched his uncle blink away the moisture in his eyes.
“It’s good to see you.” Ava placed a kiss on her father-in-law’s cheek. “How was your doctor’s appointment? Is your blood sugar okay?”
Uncle Troy grimaced. “My blood sugar is fine. Unfortunately, my blood pressure is higher than it should be, courtesy of the five pounds I gained over the holidays.” He patted his slight belly. “Other than that, I’m right as rain.”
Uncle Troy had been diagnosed as borderline diabetic, so his doctors were constantly advising him to exercise and keep his weight down. Those five pounds would have to come off sooner rather than later.
As more and more people began streaming into the church, Sawyer glanced at his watch. “We better move inside if we want to get a good seat.”
“I should go on back and find the kids. Why don’t the two of you go find a seat?” Ava suggested before leaving them to head toward the private rooms. He couldn’t resist sneaking a last glance at her as she walked away. The pink dress she was wearing fit her like a dream, showcasing her petite figure, small waist and shapely legs. She looked beautiful, and he felt a pang of regret that he hadn’t told her so.
When he turned back around, Uncle Troy was gazing at him, a wary expression etched on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, then quickly closed it. Sawyer had the feeling he was biting his tongue. They both knew it wasn’t the time or the place to get into it about his close relationship with Ava. This was the bride and groom’s special day, and they deserved to have everyone’s attention squarely focused on them.
As he walked down the aisle with his uncle, Sawyer couldn’t help noticing the festive adornments inside the church. Every pew was marked with a white satin bow and a sweet scent hovered in the air, courtesy of the massive floral decorations gracing the altar. He glanced to the front of the church where a handsome man with olive skin tugged at his collar as his best man tried to help him adjust his bow tie. Within minutes they were joined in their pew by Daniel and his parents, followed shortly by Ava’s sisters, Ella and Sunny, who sat behind them. Daniel was practically floating on air, since he’d been asked to do a reading. He’d kept it a big secret fro
m everyone exactly which passage he’d selected, wanting it to be a surprise.
Right before the ceremony started, Ava darted into the pew in front of him. She was seated at the end of the aisle, a camera clutched in her hand. He had to smile at the air of nervous expectation hovering around her. As much as she loved the twins, he knew she was bursting with pride from their special role in the ceremony. The air inside the church crackled with energy.
This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. The psalm came to him, reminding him of all the happiness surrounding him today. The joy was infectious. It vibrated and hummed in the air. Providence had placed him in this very church on this sacred day. But for God’s mercy, he might not have made it back home to his loved ones.
As the strains of the “Wedding March” rang out in the church, Dolly made her way down the aisle, solemnly dropping rose petals with every step she took. Casey followed a few feet behind his sister, his pace increasing rapidly as he neared the front of the church. He couldn’t help smiling as he watched Ava giving Casey the signal to slow down. As soon as they reached the front of the church, the twins joined their mother in her pew. A sudden hush fell over the congregation as the bride glided down the aisle, supported on both sides by her parents. She was beaming from ear to ear, her smile almost contagious. His aunt Tabby and uncle Frank looked choked up as they handed their daughter off to her groom.
The ceremony was heartfelt and moving. As Daniel stood at the altar and recited from Song of Solomon, his mother teared up and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” Daniel’s voice rang out strong and sure. Sawyer felt a pang as the words resonated within him. He knew that sentiment all too well. Even if you tried to extinguish it, true love endured.
Forever Her Hero Page 6
