When I Found You

by Brenda Novak

  Her throat worked as she swallowed. She was obviously still wrestling with her emotions. “Dyl and I were trying to get pregnant when...when I found out that he wasn’t capable of fathering a child.” She spoke haltingly, wiping fresh tears as they fell. “I didn’t want him to feel as though...as though he’d let me down in any way. He would’ve taken the news hard, as a personal failing, if he couldn’t give me a child. So...I decided I wouldn’t put him through that.”

  Mack could scarcely believe what he was hearing. This was the best-kept family secret in the world. He’d had no inkling whatsoever. “You came up with another way to get a baby.”

  “Yes.”

  “What about Presley?”

  “My sister was the one who helped me.”

  “In what way?”

  “Presley had moved back to town, and she and Aaron were just starting to see each other again. But she felt sorry for me and managed to convince him to make a...a genetic contribution so that Dylan and I could have a child and the DNA would be as close to Dylan’s as possible.”

  Mack dug around in his glove box to get a napkin he could give her. “Does that mean he went into the doctor’s with you? It was official?”

  “No.” She blew her nose. “That would’ve cost money. I didn’t dare create any kind of a paper trail.”

  Mack blinked several times as he tried to imagine how this had all come to pass. “So...how’d it work?”

  “We did it ourselves—at Presley’s. He donated in one room and I inseminated in another.”

  “And that worked?” Mack was almost as surprised by that as all the rest.

  “All we needed was a turkey baster,” she said.

  He pressed three fingers to his forehead. “I’m not even going to ask what that is.”

  “There wasn’t anything nefarious between us.”

  “What about Wyatt?” Kellan was Wyatt’s half brother, not cousin? That was mind-blowing. And Aaron was Kellan’s father. Mack tried to think of the interactions he’d witnessed between the two of them, which had always seemed perfectly normal. Aaron was a caring uncle, but Mack had to hand it to him. He’d truly given this child to Dylan, which had to feel weird.

  “He was too little to understand what was going on,” Cheyenne explained. “He has no clue. No one else knows.”

  “Except Kellan,” he pointed out.

  She wrung her hands, twisting the napkin up at the same time. “I knew it might come to this, if...if he ever needed a kidney or bone marrow transplant or other medical emergency. I was willing to take that risk because...what were the chances of that happening? I never dreamed he’d take a DNA test,” she added. “Not at fourteen.”

  “They weren’t so prevalent when you artificially inseminated yourself.”

  “No.” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh my God. What am I going to do?”

  “You’re going to have to tell Dylan,” he said.

  Eleven

  Mack let the engine idle as he waited for Cheyenne to get out. Dylan was no longer outside, but he must’ve heard Mack’s truck, because the door swung open again as soon as he pulled up, and Dylan filled the threshold as his wife crossed the yard. Mack had asked Cheyenne if she wanted him to come in to help break the news, but she’d declined his offer, and he understood why. This was something she needed to do herself. It was probably the most sensitive conversation they’d ever have.

  He waved at Dylan, who was so intently focused on his wife that he didn’t seem to notice. In any case, there was no response.

  Mack pulled away in spite of that and headed toward home, where he lived with Grady. They were the only two brothers left in the house they were raised in. They paid rent, but since there was no longer a mortgage, they used the money, by consent of all five brothers, to cover the expenses on their father’s small house. Neither Mack nor Grady wanted J.T. to live with them. J.T. preferred having his own place anyway, so that they wouldn’t “get involved in his affairs.” He didn’t like them criticizing his drug use or his laziness, but he sure didn’t mind them paying for his living. He worked part-time and earned some pocket money but considered what they gave him his due for starting Amos Auto Body in the first place, even though it hadn’t been worth much when he went to prison, and it was their hard work that’d turned it around.

  That sense of entitlement was irritating after how terribly he’d let them all down, but Mack couldn’t think about that right now. He was too worried about what was happening to the man who’d raised him.

  The post office came up on his right, and he turned in as he’d been planning to do all day, swung around to the parcel receptacle and rolled down his window. If he’d ever considered not having this test performed, what he’d experienced this afternoon had quashed the temptation. He had no desire for Lucas, when he was older, to come knocking on his door, hurt and angry that Mack hadn’t cared enough to be part of his life. As hard as it would be to change fathers on the kid now, Mack believed it was better to do that than let him live a lie. There’d be less rage to contend with later. Hopefully, there’d be less emotional damage, too.

  He reclaimed the package he’d shoved under his seat before arriving at Dylan and Cheyenne’s, stared at the label for several seconds, then dropped it inside.

  There. He’d done it. There was no turning back.

  Aaron called as he was driving away. Mack considered letting it transfer to voice mail. He knew his second-oldest brother would want to talk about Kellan and wasn’t convinced it was his place to divulge what he’d learned. But Cheyenne was busy with Dylan, so she couldn’t alert him to the fact that their secret was out, and Mack thought it might be smart to prepare Aaron, in case Dylan showed up at his house. “Hello?”

  “It’s me,” Aaron said.

  Mack drew a deep breath. This day was beginning to feel interminable. “I know. What’s up?”

  “When I called Dylan earlier, he told me Kellan might’ve spoken to you. Is that true? Do you know what’s going on?”

  Aaron was asking about his son, not his nephew. And he knew that. The idea was so strange Mack could hardly wrap his mind around it, but after fourteen years, maybe Aaron was used to the weirdness. “I talked to him, yeah.”

  There was a slight pause, then, “What’d he say?”

  “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

  “Why would it be a secret?”

  Because of the ramifications. Although some part of Aaron had to be wondering if this was the day he’d always feared. How would he feel about everyone knowing that he was Kellan’s true father? How would Aaron’s son, Wyatt, and his two younger sisters react to learning that Kellan was their half brother instead of their cousin?

  How much damage would this do to the family? Should they try to contain it, despite Kellan finding out?

  Mack was convinced it would be smarter to continue to keep it a secret. It would certainly be better for Dylan and Cheyenne. Aaron and Presley, too. But how would they do that? Kellan knew. He could tell anyone he wanted. He could announce it to the world—and at fourteen he might not see the danger of doing exactly that.

  “I’d rather let Cheyenne fill you in,” Mack said.

  “Cheyenne? Why not you or Dylan?”

  He was beginning to catch on. “You haven’t guessed by now?”

  “I’m afraid to guess.”

  Poor Aaron. Mack couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. This wasn’t going to be easy on him, either. “Kellan took a DNA test, bro.”

  No response.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Yeah, I heard,” he replied.

  “Cheyenne’s breaking the news to Dylan right now.”

  Aaron swore.

  “I’m sorry,” Mack said.

  “I was afraid of this,” he responded. “I told Cheyenne and Presley that it would get out eventuall
y. Secrets always do. But it’s been so long... I thought we were in the clear.”

  “This doesn’t have to change anything,” Mack said, trying to do a little damage control. “Everyone still loves each other. That’s what counts. Love, not genetics.”

  “Don’t kid yourself,” Aaron said, sounding defeated. “This will change everything. Dylan will never be able to look at me the same way again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started to hate me, even though I only did it so that he could have a kid—to give back just a little for everything he’s done for us.”

  Mack eased off the gas. He didn’t want to arrive at the house and have Grady confront him when he was still on the phone with Aaron. “It must’ve been hard all these years, watching Kellan grow up, knowing you were his father.”

  “No. It’s been surprisingly easy.”

  Taken aback by his answer, Mack turned off the music that had already been playing so low it was barely audible. “How?”

  “It felt good to think I was able to give Dylan something for a change. And he didn’t know about it, so he didn’t have to feel grateful to me. I’ve considered it the best gift I’ve ever given to anyone. Until now.”

  “You’ve never regretted it?” Mack said. “Even for a minute? You’ve never looked at Kellan and wished you could tell him the truth?”

  “No. It’s been too rewarding to see the happiness he’s brought Dylan. Dylan has loved being a dad now that he’s not fighting such a huge battle every day just to scrape by, like he had to do with us. Dylan adores that kid.”

  Mack had never expected Aaron to be the one to make such a sacrifice. For all he denied the difficulty of it, Mack couldn’t believe there weren’t times when he felt a twinge of regret. Kellan was large and athletic, with a good chance at a football scholarship. He was also smart, handsome, gregarious and well-liked. So was Wyatt, Aaron’s oldest, but a child would be a difficult thing to give someone else, especially in a situation like this one, where Aaron had a front-row seat to watching Kellan grow up, and no one else, except Cheyenne and Presley, knew the truth. When Mack saw it from that perspective, he had to agree that it was a beautiful gift, and he felt terrible to think the happiness it’d brought Dylan was going to be destroyed. Genetics shouldn’t matter—not when there was so much love involved. “He loves him even more than he loved us.”

  “And I don’t want that to be taken away from either one of them,” Aaron said.

  “Dylan could never stop loving him. But the truth will be hard on him. He might get angry and show up at your house. Who knows? We’ve been through a lot as a family, but this is a first.”

  “It’d be a mistake to let everyone else know,” Aaron said.

  “I agree.”

  “I’m driving over to make sure this doesn’t get out of hand. I should talk to Dylan. Maybe I can help convince him that our intentions were good.”

  Mack could see his house just down the street and pulled over to give himself another moment on the phone. “Maybe you should approach Kellan first. Tell him you’d like to explain what happened and why. See if you can’t get him to calm down. If you can manage that, it’ll go a long way toward helping Dylan get through this.”

  “I’d be happy to, except he won’t take my calls,” he said, clearly exasperated. “You’re the only one he’ll speak to.”

  “Then text him. And give Dyl a chance to absorb what’s happened before you confront him and Cheyenne. That would be smart, too.” Dylan and Aaron’s interactions—at least, in the past—had been so volatile. Mack thought they could both use some time to let their emotions settle, so that they didn’t revert to the rocky relationship they’d had in the past.

  “Okay.”

  “Let me know how it goes.”

  “Mack?”

  “Yes?”

  “If we hadn’t done what we did, Cheyenne would never have been able to have a child of her own. She could’ve been artificially inseminated with a stranger’s sperm, but then Kellan wouldn’t have been related to Dylan at all. After the sacrifices he made to raise us, Chey, Presley and I wanted him to see part of himself in his child. I guess that sounds crazy now, but it made sense at the time.”

  “I understand. It was a case of what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.”

  “Yes.” Aaron sighed heavily. “Except now he knows.”

  * * *

  Dylan stared at the floor. What he was hearing didn’t seem as though it could be real. Had he fallen into some sort of alternate universe? He’d spent fourteen years thinking that Kellan was his son. Kellan had spent every moment since he was born believing the same thing.

  “Dyl?”

  He could hear the tears in his wife’s voice. She’d been crying since before she even told him. He’d never seen her so upset. But he couldn’t react, couldn’t comfort her as he normally would, couldn’t move.

  She knelt down beside him. “Dyl, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t want you to have to know.”

  She’d said Aaron, his brother, had fathered their son. He thought back, trying to remember what his relationship with that particular brother had been like when Cheyenne got pregnant. Aaron had always been so full of resentment. Had he agreed to do what he’d done as a way to hurt Dylan? To get back at him for the things Dylan had had to do to carry the family through those lean years when he was the only thing standing between his siblings and foster care?

  No. He couldn’t believe that. He and Aaron had had their run-ins. But as difficult as their relationship had been, Aaron would never purposely hurt him. Not in this way. If he was angry, it was obvious. He didn’t sneak around. Cheyenne wouldn’t try to hurt him, either. So why did it feel as though they’d just ripped his heart out of his chest?

  Or...maybe that wasn’t fair. Maybe they weren’t responsible for the pain—only the shock. The pain came from the reality of the situation. He couldn’t have given Cheyenne a baby without some help. And Cheyenne had made it so that he hadn’t even had to ask or acknowledge that fact.

  Why had he never questioned how they got Kellan? Although he hadn’t realized it back then, he knew now that he couldn’t have children. After Kellan was born, they’d tried for years with no results. But Cheyenne claimed she was happy with just the one child—that it was fine—and he’d believed her and the doctor when they’d told him that Kellan must’ve been a miracle baby.

  Pinching the bridge of his nose, Dylan drew a steadying breath. He doubted the doctor would lie just to preserve his feelings, which meant even the doctor didn’t know how Cheyenne had conceived. Although Cheyenne had just explained it to him, he’d only been able to comprehend a few words here and there. Aaron and Cheyenne hadn’t slept together—it had been nothing sordid like that. He’d caught that much, and he believed it without question. But that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t Kellan’s father.

  “Please, Dyl,” she said. “I’d do anything to stop the pain this is causing you.”

  Anything. She’d already gone to pretty great lengths to preserve his feelings. Should he be grateful?

  If she hadn’t done what she’d done, they wouldn’t have had Kellan.

  “I love you,” she whispered fervently. “So does Kellan. That will never change. No matter what. You’re such a good man. You could never lose either one of us. I hope you know that.”

  It felt like he was awfully close to losing Kellan right now. The poor kid had to be as shocked and confused as he was. No wonder he’d run away!

  He managed to cover her hand with his. But that was the most he could do. Then he stood so that he could get his keys.

  “Where’re you going?” she asked, sounding scared as she followed him into the kitchen.

  “Out,” he replied simply.

  “Where?”

  “For a drive.” He gestured to stop her from coming any closer. “I just... I need some time,
Chey. Give me a chance to work through this.”

  She covered her mouth and choked back a sob as he stalked past her, but she didn’t cling to him. “I understand,” she managed to say between hiccups from crying. “I love you.”

  “Right. I got that,” he said and walked out.

  * * *

  Mack had just made himself a burger for dinner when he texted Cheyenne to see how things were going with Dylan. He didn’t know if she’d have the chance to see his message. If she was still talking to Dylan, she wouldn’t be paying any attention to her phone, but he was worried, and he knew Aaron was, too. Because Kellan hadn’t reacted to Aaron’s text, Aaron didn’t know what to do—whether to finish driving over, so he could try to talk to Dylan, or wait until he received some word from Cheyenne.

  Mack guessed Aaron was probably going to turn around when his phone rang again.

  Cheyenne.

  “Mack?” she said as soon as he answered.

  “Yeah. Did you get my message? How’s it going?”

  “Not too good.” She broke down but managed to continue, “Dylan walked out a few minutes ago.”

  Mack gripped his phone that much tighter. “Walked out?”

  “He said he needed some time.”

  “Where’d he go?”

  “I don’t know.” She sounded drained. No doubt she was after such an emotional day.

  “How upset was he?”

  “That’s hard to say. He didn’t really react, just listened to me tell him what happened. Then he stood up and got his keys. I’m guessing he’s more hurt than angry, which is killing me. I can’t stand to think I did this to him.” She sniffed. “But I was trying to protect him. Barring a medical emergency, I believed he’d never have to know.”

  “You couldn’t have seen this coming,” he said. “For what it’s worth, Aaron still believes you made the right choice.”