When I Found You

by Brenda Novak

  She closed her eyes, allowing herself to remember what it’d been like to finally have Mack inside her. It certainly hadn’t been a disappointment. She smiled dreamily as she relived his kisses, the care he’d taken to make sure she was satisfied, his thoughtfulness in letting her know their time together meant something to him, too. Since she had to leave today, they hadn’t wanted to waste a second, so when they weren’t making love, they talked or simply dozed in each other’s arms. Natasha didn’t think they’d slept for more than two hours all told, although she’d fallen back asleep after he left.

  Her phone signaled a text. With a yawn, she gathered the energy to roll over so she could reach it on the nightstand.

  It was Mack. She pushed the pillows against the headboard and pulled the sheet higher while she read.

  Last night was...wow. I wish you didn’t have to leave.

  So do I. But I come back whenever I can. You know that.

  This summer? That sounds like forever. Do you really have to live in LA for another five or six years?

  She frowned. It sounded too long to her, too. But she couldn’t give up on becoming a doctor. She was committed to it, knew that was what she wanted to be. And she’d put too much blood, sweat and tears into getting this far. The past six years didn’t change anything. The next five or six won’t, either.

  He didn’t comment on that. A few minutes went by before he sent her another message. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to lunch before you go?

  No. I need to see my mom. How are you able to work? Aren’t you exhausted?

  Too pumped up to feel it yet. Every time I close my eyes, I see you, I feel you, I smell you. I could spend another week, at least, with you in that motel.

  You’d have to buy a lot more condoms.

  I’m willing to get as many as we need.

  She laughed. He hadn’t mentioned whether he was going to tell his brothers that they were now seeing each other. And she hadn’t asked. She’d instinctively avoided topics that might pull them back to reality too soon or put a damper on their time together.

  I’m glad I twisted your arm into sleeping with me.

  Whatever happens, last night was worth it.

  :)

  Her mother called, interrupting their conversation. Mack seemed to be gone for the moment, anyway—probably had a new customer. “Hello?”

  “Where are you?” Anya demanded.

  Natasha hesitated. What’d happened with Mack was still so new. If they were getting together—as she hoped and believed they would—she wanted to be sure he had the chance to break it to his family first. She knew that wouldn’t be easy, or the way they’d met wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place. “I’m about to get some coffee at Black Gold. Would you like me to get you a cup?” she asked, dodging the question entirely.

  “No, I’m fine. Why didn’t you come home last night?”

  “It was late. I didn’t think you’d miss me.”

  “Did you stay at Mack and Grady’s again?”

  “There’s an empty bedroom there for me,” she said, still trying not to lie outright.

  “Was it fun, being with Mack?”

  “It was.” That had to be the biggest understatement of her life. She’d never had a night quite like last night. But she hoped her response came across as normal, even casual.

  “What’d you do after I left?”

  She pulled Mack’s pillow to her face and breathed deeply, trying to inhale the scent of him—to hold on to some aspect of what they’d enjoyed together now that it was over. “After we left the old-time photo booth, we just wandered around. What about you?”

  “Went to the wine booth Presley wanted to show me.”

  “How was it?”

  “Great. Presley even paid for my ticket.”

  Natasha couldn’t help being embarrassed about that. Anya had never been good about paying her own way. But she didn’t say anything.

  “I tried calling you after Aaron, Presley and the kids went home,” her mother continued. “But I couldn’t reach you.”

  Once she was with Mack, she hadn’t checked her phone. “It was so loud there, I probably didn’t hear it ring. Or maybe I was already in bed.” She winced, wishing she’d said “asleep” instead of “in bed.”

  Fortunately, her mother didn’t pounce on that unintended but accurate double entendre. “What time do you have to leave?”

  “About two.”

  “You’re out of school for the holidays. Can’t you stay longer?”

  “No. I told you I have to be at work at four in the morning.”

  “Call in sick.”

  “I can’t. There’d be no one to replace me. But if we hurry, we’ll be able to have lunch together before I leave. I’m on my way to your place right now.” She had to check out by eleven, and it was almost ten.

  “Okay. See you here.”

  Natasha was about to press the end button when her mother spoke again. “Tash?”

  “What?”

  “How will you get here? Your car’s at my place. I drove last night, remember?”

  “Right. I guess you’ll have to pick me up.”

  “At Black Gold Coffee?”

  “Yes.”

  “Now?”

  She calculated the time it would take to walk there. Fortunately, it was only a couple of blocks. “In like...fifteen?”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have me come to wherever you and Mack spent the night?” her mother asked, her “level with me” tone indicating that she hadn’t been fooled at all.

  Natasha gripped her phone tighter. “What’re you talking about?”

  “I went by the house last night, Tash. Grady was there, but you two weren’t.”

  “We must’ve gotten in after.”

  “Except that Mack left his truck downtown all night. I saw it. After everyone was gone, it was the only one parked on the street, so it was hard to miss. Does that mean something’s finally happened between you two?”

  Natasha hoped no one besides her mother had noticed Mack’s vehicle. Fortunately, his brothers didn’t keep track of him the way her mother kept track of her whenever she came home these days—something Natasha found ironic since Anya paid so little attention to her when she was a teenager. “Nothing happened, Mom.”

  “You expect me to believe that?” she asked. “With the way he was looking at you last night?”

  “I’m telling you nothing happened!” She didn’t care if that was a lie. No way did she want Anya to say anything to Mack or make a big deal about it to J.T.—or any of Mack’s brothers, for that matter. It was important that Mack not feel any pressure. She’d been completely open and honest with him about her feelings. If they got together, she wanted it to be because he loved her in return, not because he felt obligated.

  “You two must’ve gone somewhere alone last night,” her mother insisted.

  “So what if we did?” Natasha retorted.

  This response was met with a long silence before her mother said, “I’m on your side, you know.”

  Natasha wanted to say, “Since when?” But that was resentment from the past welling up again—something she wrestled with on an ongoing basis.

  Taking a deep breath, she assumed a more measured tone. “I appreciate that. I really do. But nothing’s changed where Mack’s concerned.” Not yet, anyway. That would depend on the next few weeks. She understood that a sexual encounter was one thing and making a lifelong commitment was another. “So, can you pick me up at Black Gold Coffee?”

  “Sure. Just let me get dressed.”

  Apparently, her mother was barely out of bed, too. But that came as no surprise. Anya didn’t have a job; she lived on government assistance, stayed up late with her deadbeat friends and slept late, too.

  After she disco
nnected, Natasha navigated to the pictures on her new phone. She didn’t have many, since she had yet to download most of the data from her old mobile. But she had a few from last night.

  She was tempted to make the selfie she’d taken of her and Mack in front of the Christmas tree her wallpaper but decided against it and got out of bed.

  As she started to dress, she noticed her reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall and paused to take a closer look. Her hair was a tangled mess, her mascara was smeared, and she had a red mark on her neck that she wouldn’t be able to hide without different clothes—or at least a little concealer. She knew Mack hadn’t purposely left that mark, but last night had gotten crazy.

  She couldn’t show up at Black Gold Coffee, not like this. It was too busy there. Someone would see her who might mention it to one of Mack’s brothers.

  She could have Mack come and get her. She knew he’d do it in a heartbeat. But making him leave work would be more obvious than any other option.

  With a sigh, she grabbed her phone again and called Anya back. “Okay. Pick me up at Hotel Whiskey Creek.”

  Her mother didn’t even skip a beat. “That’s the old one above the Italian place?”

  “Yes. Just down from the park. Call me when you get here, and I’ll run out.”

  “I’ll be right over.”

  Fortunately, when Natasha ducked into her mother’s car, Anya didn’t say anything about how bedraggled she looked or where she’d spent the night. Anya continued to let that stuff go while Natasha picked her way through those who were camped, once again, in her mother’s living room. It wasn’t until she’d showered and packed, and she and Anya were having lunch at Just Like Mom’s—a café that served comfort food—before heading home, that she said, “If, for some reason, Mack doesn’t follow up on last night...”

  Natasha looked up from her food.

  “I hope... I hope you won’t let it hurt you too badly,” her mother finished.

  Natasha set her fork down. “You’re the one who always insists he loves me.”

  “I think he does love you. But like you said last night, people are complicated. The Amos brothers have been through a lot, so it’s natural that they’d guard their hearts. I could see his defenses going up again if you’re not around to keep breaking them down.”

  Natasha wanted to tell her that Mack wouldn’t disappoint her. Everything he’d said and done last night—even the messages she’d received today—suggested he was finally getting serious about her. “We’ll figure it out,” she insisted.

  “You will if you move home. He won’t be able to resist you then.”

  Natasha gaped at her. Her mother didn’t like her living so far away. Although Natasha didn’t believe Anya’s motivations were purely mercenary, it was true that she needed things she thought Natasha could help provide. Was this a ploy to get her back? “I can’t move home. Not now.”

  “You could if you really wanted to.”

  “And give up on everything I’ve accomplished so far? Give up on becoming a doctor?”

  Her mother shrugged. “That’s what I’d do. You have a good head on your shoulders. There are a lot of other things you could do. Besides, Mack has money. You won’t have to worry about how you’re going to live if you marry him.”

  Natasha refused to expect anyone else to take care of her. That was Anya, not her. “I’m not going to give up my hopes and dreams for any man,” she insisted.

  Anya pursed her lips. “Okay, but...I hope you don’t live to regret that.”

  Five

  “What’s wrong? You tired?”

  Natasha blinked and straightened. After attending classes and studying all day, it could get difficult to remain as alert as she needed to be at the hospital, especially if it was slow. She knew she wasn’t getting enough sleep. But that wasn’t what was weighing her down tonight. “Not really,” she lied.

  Leanne Luttges, one of the nurses she liked best, touched her arm. “You look wiped out. You really need to take better care of yourself.”

  “You know what med school is like.”

  “It’ll eat you alive if you let it.”

  Natasha managed a smile to cover the anguish she was feeling inside and headed down the hall. Fortunately, she was about to go on break. She could go outside and sit in her car, where she could eat alone and wouldn’t have to worry about anyone remarking on the blank expression on her face or how quiet she’d become. She hadn’t heard from Mack for several days. Right after she got home, he’d called her often, but now that it’d been six weeks, that was already changing. She could feel him slipping away from her again. The last time they’d talked, things had seemed pretty much like they’d been before their night at Hotel Whiskey Creek.

  They were returning to their old lives, lives that didn’t intersect very often, and she didn’t know what to do about it. Although he remained as polite, supportive and kind as ever, and she could tell they’d always mean something to each other, he was retreating, which indicated he wasn’t going to tell his brothers about the time they’d spent together, wasn’t going to pursue the relationship.

  For once in her life, Anya had been right.

  And it had to be about this...

  As she sat in her rattletrap Honda, which was all she could afford, staring glumly at the people coming and going in the parking lot, she checked her phone again, hoping for a missed call from him or maybe a text. She wanted to believe she was wrong about what was happening. But she’d still received nothing, and even if she had, she knew in her heart that it was over—already. All she could do was try to throw up some kind of defense so the disappointment wouldn’t crush her.

  Her phone rang. She grabbed it, but it wasn’t Mack. It was her mother.

  Closing her eyes, she dropped the hand that held her phone in her lap while trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She couldn’t talk to Anya right now. That would just make everything worse. Her mother was sure to ask about Mack, which would just bring it all up again.

  Instead, she sent a text. Can’t talk. At work. Everything okay?

  Fine. Just missing you. Any word from Mack?

  Damn it. That was the first thing Anya went to? Even in a text?

  We talk every few days. She hoped her mother would leave it at that, but, of course, she didn’t.

  And? How’s it going between you two?

  Apparently, her answer wasn’t obvious enough. Was she willing to openly admit it?

  She may as well, she decided. She had to face the truth. What good did it do to pretend?

  She’d been a fool to think one night in that motel would change anything. We’re just friends. Like before.

  You’ve always been more than friends, but I know what you’re saying, and I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, he’s making a big mistake.

  I’ll be fine, she insisted. But she had no idea if that was true. She didn’t think she could feel any more pain than she did. It seemed as though she was moving through a red haze, one in which she could scarcely breathe. But she’d given him all she had that night, offered her heart to him on a silver platter, and, apparently, he didn’t want it badly enough.

  Ace, the man she’d been dating before, had been asking her out, and she’d been putting him off, claiming she was too busy with school and work. Now, feeling like a fool for almost blowing up their relationship over Mack, she sent him a text. How’s it going?

  She chewed her peanut butter and jelly sandwich as she awaited his response, but she couldn’t taste it. There was no enjoyment to be found in any aspect of life right now, even in her studies. Especially in her studies. It was so difficult to concentrate, she had to reread everything just to gather a small portion of its meaning. Work wasn’t any easier. She could barely force herself to show up at the hospital, where her shifts suddenly seemed interminable.

  She shoved he
r sandwich back into the sack only half-eaten. She didn’t have the stomach for it, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.

  This is pathetic. She had to create some handholds—fast—or she wasn’t going to make it out of the hole she’d fallen into.

  Her phone dinged. Ace had responded.

  I miss you. When can I see you?

  She stared at those words. She had to go on living, couldn’t allow Mack or anything else to destroy her. If she’d learned anything from her mother’s example, it was that life wasn’t for sissies.

  I’m off tomorrow night, she wrote back.

  Awesome. Let’s build a bonfire on the beach.

  She sent a smiley face and hoped she’d be able to gather the interest and the energy to go out with him tomorrow night.

  She ended up canceling, but they got together the following week and the week after that. At least Ace made it clear that he wanted her. And he lived in the same area she did.

  She needed to forget Mack once and for all. She was determined to patch up her stubborn heart and recover. Soldier on. After all, she was no stranger to pain and difficulty.

  But then she realized that might not be so simple. Although she’d been too stressed and busy to notice, something important finally occurred to her—she’d missed her period at least twice.

  * * *

  From New York Times bestselling author

  BRENDA NOVAK

  How do you start a new chapter of your life when you haven’t closed the book on the previous one?

  “A page-turner with a deep heart.”

  —Nancy Thayer, New York Times bestselling author of Girls of Summer

  Available Now!

  www.MIRABooks.com

  ISBN-13: 9780369701077

  When I Found You

  Copyright © 2021 by Brenda Novak, Inc.

  Home for the Holidays

  Copyright © 2021 by Brenda Novak, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.