This Scheming World

by Ihara Saikaku

  So complaining time and again, she tossed the lone geta into the firebox. But this very action brought painful memories of still another regrettable incident. So again she began complaining and bewailing the fact that “time flies like an arrow.” “The first anniversary will come around tomorrow,” she moaned, “to make me sad all over again.”

  A physician who lived in her neighborhood happened to be taking his bath. “Stop your grieving,” he called out to her. “The year end is an auspicious occasion. Incidentally, who was it that died a year ago for whom you will be observing an anniversary?” he inquired.

  “I’m just a foolish old woman,” she answered, “but when human beings die I don’t grieve so much for them, because everybody must die sooner or later. What really makes me sad is this: last New Year’s Day my sister from Sakai paid me a New Year’s call and brought me a present of some money. I was so happy that I at once placed it on the shelf dedicated to the god of the New Year. But that same night it was stolen. No outsider could have taken it. When all my prayers, first to this god and then to that, went unanswered, I asked a yamabushi (mountain monk) to perform a divination for me. He said that if the sacred paper on the altar shook and the sacred light gradually died out, it would signify that the missing money would be restored within seven days. Sure enough, the paper did begin to shake and the light went out. So deeply was I moved by this divine manifestation, which seemed to me proof that the world was not yet hopelessly degenerate, that I gave the yamabushi all of a hundred and twenty mon. After that I waited for seven days, but the money never turned up.

  “ I was telling this to another man, and he said that what I had done was just like throwing good money after bad. Nowadays, he told me, ‘there are so-called yamabushi who are fakes. For instance, they’ll fix up various contrivances under the altar by means of which they can make paper dolls dance the Tosa dance. This is not at all new,’ he continued, ‘but was originally performed by a magician by the name of Matsuda. People nowadays are highly sophisticated, but for that very reason they sooner fall into the simplest of traps. The shaking of the sacred paper,’ he went on, ‘is caused by loaches concealed in a pot on the stand to which the paper is attached. The fake yamabushi rubs his rosary and chants an incantation, all the while wildly beating on the altar with a sacred stick. This commotion so frightens the loaches that they start jumping up and down. When in motion they touch the sacred paper and make it shake, striking awe into those who are not in on the trick. As for the light, in the stand there’s fixed a device resembling an hourglass which cuts off the supply of oil and makes the light go out.’”

  “When I heard this story from the man,’’ lamented the old woman, “I realized at once that I had suffered loss upon loss. Never in my life until then had I lost even one mon. But now on this very New Year’s Eve. l find that my calculations have gone all awry. Since the money’s still missing, everything looks dark for me, and I must face the New Year with a troubled spirit.” So saying, the old woman burst into such a fit of unrestrained crying that it embarrassed the servants and the entire family. Furthermore, they were vexed at her suspecting them of theft, and they swore in the names of various gods that they were entirely innocent.

  Meantime the house cleaning was almost done, but just as the servants reached the attic, one of them spied something wrapped up in Sugihara paper. It was the very money for which the old woman had been searching for so long a time. “You see?” they said to her. “What was never stolen is bound to turn up sooner or later. My! What a mischievous mouse that was!” But she was not to be mollified. Pounding the mats with her fists she cried out that never in her born days had she seen a mouse, or even heard of one, that could carry something that far. “I think it must have been a two-legged rat,” she insisted, “so I’ll still have to keep a sharp watch.”

  Just at this point the physician, who had just finished his bath, came over and said, “It seems to me that there are some ancient precedents that apply here. For example, on New Year’s Eve in the first year of Taika, in the reign of the 37th Emperor, Kotoku, the Imperial Residence was removed from Okamoto in Yamato to Nagara Toyosaki in Naniwa. At the same time the mice of Yamato also moved. Now the thing that is so fascinating is that they carried along with them all their household effects: old cotton to line their holes with, paper to shelter them from the eyes of hawks, amulet cases to keep off the cats, pointed pickets to block the weasel’s way, sticks to prop open mousetraps, boards to extinguish lights with, levers to use when hooking dried bonito, desiccated sea-ears to use at weddings, heads of dried sardines, and bags of broken rice for use on pilgrimages to Kumano-all these they carried along in their mouths, throughout the entire two days’ journey. How simple then it must have been for this mouse to carry your money so short a distance as that between the cottage annex and the main house!” In such fashion the good physician undertook to pacify her, but his learned quotations from ancient times were all to no avail. She still insisted that she would not be convinced by any mere speech, no matter how clever, but must see some concrete evidence with her own eyes.

  Everyone was perplexed as to what to do, but finally they remembered that a certain Tobei had a mouse that had been trained by Nagasaki Mizuemon to perform tricks. So they sent for him, and when he arrived they asked the old woman to watch the mouse perform its various tricks. When Tobei told the mouse that a boy wanted a love letter delivered for him, it picked up a sealed envelope in its mouth, looked all around, and then placed it in the kimono sleeve of a girl who happened to be standing by. Next Tobei threw it a one-mon coin, ordering it to go buy a rice cake. At once it found a rice cake and returned with it, leaving the coin in its place. “Now you are convinced, aren’t you?” they asked the old woman.

  “Well,” she replied, “now that I have seen an actual demonstration, I don’t deny that a mouse could have carried off my money. But my suspicions are not completely allayed. It’s most unfortunate that the master let such a thieving mouse stay in his house. Since it was due to his carelessness that my money was laid away for a whole year serving no useful purpose, he ought at least to pay me interest for the period of time it was missing.”

  So on New Year’s Eve under such a pretext as this she extorted from her parsimonious son interest at the rate of fifteen per cent. Then muttering that now she was in a proper mood to celebrate the arrival of the New Year, she made her way back to her lonely bed.

  THE ONE-MOMME CLUB

  WHEN a man becomes rich, people always say he’s lucky. But this is merely a conventional expression, for in reality he becomes rich and his household thrives solely on account of his own ability and foresight. Even Ebisu, the god of wealth, is unable at will to exercise power over riches.

  But be that as it may, our wealthy merchants, for whom the discussion of a pending loan to a feudal lord is a far more engaging pastime than carousing or any other form of merrymaking, have recently organized themselves into the Daikoku Club. Shunning a rendezvous in the red-light district, they gather in the guest room of the Buddhist temple in Shimotera, lkutama. There they meet every month to discuss the financial condition of each individual applicant for a loan. Though they are all well along in years, they take pleasure only in ever-increasing interest and in mounting capital, utterly heedless of the life to come. Although it’s quite true that there’s nothing more desirable than plenty of money, the proper way for a man to get along in the world should be this: in his youth until the age of twenty-five to be ever alert, in his manly prime up to thirty-five to earn a lot of money, in the prime of discretion in his fifties to pile up his fortune, and at last in his sixties the year before his sixty-first birthday-to turn over all his business to his eldest son. Thereafter it is proper for him to retire from active affairs and devote the remainder of his days to visiting temples for the sake of his soul.

  These wealthy merchants of the Daikoku Club, however, who have already arrived at an age when it
is eminently respectable to spend their days visiting temples, continue to live in the midst of an avaricious world, completely oblivious to the way of the Buddha. Although every single one of them is worth two thousand kan or more, when he dies, all his property will remain in this world. He couldn’t take anything along with him except a shroud-if he possessed ten thousand kan.

  In recent days, another less wealthy group-twenty-eight members in all-who have through their own efforts amassed only from two or three to five hundred kan, have formed themselves into the One-Momme Club. They have no regular meeting place, but wherever they gather for a meal they never order a dish that costs more than one momme. (Hence the name of the club.) No sake is served with the food, though all of them are not teetotalers. How suffocatingly prudent it is to be so careful of money spent even for recreation!

  From morning till night the men talk of nothing but money. Principally they scrutinize this merchant or that, to decide whether or not it is safe to make him a loan. They have accumulated their fortunes by loaning money and battening on the interest; indeed, there’s no business more profitable than money lending. Nowadays, however, there are a goodly number of merchants who, while putting up a prosperous front, are actually hard pressed. It frequently happens that when such merchants have obtained a loan and go bankrupt, they inflict painful and unanticipated losses upon their financial backers. Inspite of this, it would never do for these moneyed men to display an overweening distrust of them by outright refusal to grant them loans. “Since this is the situation,” they say to each other, “let’s look into the financial condition of each applicant for a loan as best we can, and then pool our information before deciding to whom we will make loans. And since all of us have agreed to this procedure, let’s not try to outwit each other.”

  ”Now then, just for our information,” suggests one of the club members, “let’s first of all make a list of all those who regularly borrow money from us.” To which several reply, “That’s a very good idea!”

  “First of all,” suggests another, “let’s consider Mr. So-and-so, that merchant in Kitahama. His property in toto is probably worth about seven hundred kan.”

  “Oh, no!” protests another. “That’s wide of the mark. I happen to know that he has debts outstanding that total eight hundred and fifty kan.”

  Whereupon the entire company, being astonished that there exists such a wide discrepancy between the two opinions expressed, call for a closer inspection and ask for further details.

  “The reason I believe him to be rich,” volunteers one of the company, “is this: a year ago last November his daughter married a merchant who lives in Sakai. Their bridal train stretched all the way from Imamiya to Fuji-no-maru’s Pharmacy in Nagamachi Street. And that’s not all. That long procession was followed by five chests, carried by tall men of equal height and suspended from green bamboo poles, each chest containing ten kan of silver. It looked just like a shrine festival procession. This merchant has several sons in addition to the daughter. If he wasn’t rich, I figured, he couldn’t have given her a dowry of fifty kan. So just last March I urged him to accept a loan from me of twenty kan, which he did with seeming reluctance.”

  Up spoke one of the other members of the OneMomme Club: “That’s too bad J I’m afraid that twenty kan of yours will come back to you diminished to exactly one kan and six hundred mon.”

  Hearing him, the original speaker turned pale, paused with his chopsticks midway to his mouth, and became so agitated that he left off sipping his fish and vegetable soup. “How sad the news I hear today!, he cried, and his tears began to flow even before he had heard the substantiating details. “ Please,” he begged, “tell me all all about it!”

  “Well,” replied the other man, “the father of that bridegroom is so badly in need of funds that he’s willing to pay the same high interest rates that play producers have to pay. Do you know of any other business beside the theater that can afford to pay such exorbitant interest rates and remain solvent? As for those ten-kan chests of silver you saw in the bridal procession, you could have them duplicated-with metal fittings, too-for about three and a half momme apiece. The five chests probably cost him no more than seventeen and a half momme. There were probably stones, or broken tile, inside, or practically any old thing that weighs enough. Surely there’s nothing worse than human depravity! My best guess is that those five money chests represented an effort on the part of the two households to deceive the world as to their true financial condition. As for me, even if I’d opened them up and found real silver inside I’d still not have believed it. Two hundred pieces of silver is just too much of a dowry for the daughter of a merchant who has no more money than he has. Not taking into account the value of the rest of the trousseau, I’d say that a dowry of about five kan would be plenty for his daughter. What do you think of my estimate? It might be best to let him have a loan of say two kan at first for a year or two, as a kind of test case. If the loan proves a safe one, then we may offer to lend him up to four or five kan for a period of some five or six years. I think that until he has proved himself to be thoroughly reliable, a loan of twenty kan is much too risky.”

  The whole company expressed their approval of his judgment. However, the man who had already made the loan of twenty kan, now being completely convinced by the arguments of the more experienced member of the company, became so dejected that he could hardly rise to his feet when the meeting was over. Sighing, he said: “ In all my life I’ve never before misjudged the financial status of any man, but this time I must admit that I’ve been indiscreet.’’ How, he inquired tearfully, might he recover his loan?

  “There is only one safe and sure way to get your money back,, replied the worldly-wise man who had just delivered the contrary judgment. “And even if you wracked your wits for a thousand days and nights, you could think of no other. For a present of one hiki of extra fine pongee I’ll tell you how you can do it,” he offered.

  “That’s very kind of you. I’ll certainly accept that offer,” answered the downcast one whose judgment had been found faulty. “Furthermore, to show my gratitude, I’ll add padding to the pongee. Please reveal the secret to me.”

  “ First of all,” replied the man of wisdom, “you must cultivate his acquaintance more closely. Fortunately, the Temma Boat Festival is not far off. On the 25th send your wife to view it from the beach stands. At that time let her fall into casual conversation with the wife of your merchant debtor about various household matters and spend an enjoyable day with her. Later, of course, for courtesy’s sake her sons will be introduced to your wife. When they are, she must praise the second son for his handsomeness, saying something like this:

  “‘Oh, what intelligent-looking eyes your son has so bright and sparkling! Forgive my rudeness, but I just can’t help saying that this son of yours is like a peacock born to a kite. No wonder he’s called an Adonis. I don’t mean to over persuade you, but I’d love to have him for a son-in-law, and I say it in sober seriousness. My own daughter, though her mother obviously is a very plain person, has ordinary good looks. Besides, since she’s the only child, her father has always said he’d give her a dowry of fifty kan when she marries. Besides, there’s that three hundred and fifty ryo that I have for my private use. And then that corner house at Nagabori-it must be worth at least twenty-five kan. And I almost forgot to mention those sixty five sets of kimono, still in as brand-new condition as the day they were made. She’s the only one who can possibly inherit them in the future. How I wish this handsome son of yours could be her husband!’ “While your wife is speaking in this fashion she should be gazing longingly all the while at the son. So much for the first step. Now from time to time after that you should send presents of something or other to the merchant. Since he’ll pay you back with things of approximately the same value, fear no loss in that quarter. Then at the proper moment you should have the son brought into your office to help your clerk coun
t your cash. Let him work side by side with the clerk, weighing the coins in the scales, counting them, putting your hallmark on them, and storing them in your vaults. Keep him at this work a whole day. Then after that pick out some suitable person who has connections with his father in some way or other and invite him privately to your house. When he comes, say something like this to him:

  ‘”My wife is just dying to have that man’s second son as a son-in-law, though personally I can’t see exactly what there is in him that attracts her so. It’s not really urgent, but at your leisure if you’d sound him out as to whether or not he’s interested in having my daughter as wife for his second son, I’d appreciate it very much. I can be perfectly frank with you. So let me say right out that no matter whom she marries, she’ll have a dowry of a thousand pieces of silver.’

  “After that, at the proper moment, when you think that enough time has elapsed for him to pass your message along to the man in question, let him know that you want to call in your loan to him. Without a doubt he will do everything in his power to repay you; because his love of money won’t let him pass up the opportunity of welcoming into his household a bride with such a generous dowry. There’s no other scheme but this that’ll work.’’

  Such was the gist of the advice given by the worldlywise member of the One-Momme Club to his fellow financier, and then all the club members parted company.

  On New Year’s Eve that same year, the man who had loaned the money to the merchant comes to the one who has advised him as to the best method of recovering his loan. Smiling all over, he bows low before him, tapping his forehead with his fan, and says to him: “Thank you, thank you, thank you! It is due entirely to your good advice that just a few days ago I received not only the principal of my loan but the interest as well. Among us money-lenders such a resourceful man as yourself is indeed a rare jewel.” Then, as he rises to leave, he says: “You recall that when you first advised me I promised to give you a hiki of pongee; however, I trust that this will do.’’ So saying, he sets before him two tan of cheap paper cloth manufactured at Shiraishi. As he goes out he remarks over his shoulder, “As for that matter of the padding, we’ll talk about that next spring.”