Mr. Darcy Forever

by Victoria Connelly

  ‘Not if she was wearing a bonnet.’

  ‘Would she be likely to? I mean, after the promenade?’

  ‘I’m not sure. She used to be far too self-conscious about her costume, but who knows?’

  Walking out into Queen Square, Mia wondered if she’d really just spent an hour in the same room as Sarah and not seen her. How peculiar that felt, and yet despite the long years apart, she still wasn’t sure she was ready to see her.

  ***

  Sarah had, indeed, been in the talk about food in Regency times. She’d been sitting toward the back of the room and suddenly felt very hot and in need of some fresh air and had got up to leave before the questions began. She’d not seen Mia or Shelley and hadn’t thought to look for them, either. Besides, she was too busy thinking about something else.

  Lloyd.

  She was due to meet him outside the abbey and was anxious not to be late. He’d told her he was going to photograph the River Avon in the morning, and Sarah was pleased that he was staying in Bath. It took her mind off how lonely it was, being on her own there, despite the many festival events that were keeping her busy.

  Now, walking through the city, she couldn’t stop thinking how nice it was to have a man’s company again. It felt as if she hadn’t had such company in some time, and life was always a little bit duller without a companion.

  As she approached the abbey, she began looking out for him and soon spotted him among the crowds in front of the great door. He was bent down at ground level, his broad shoulders taut as he found some new angle from which to photograph. Sarah sneaked up on him, wondering how close she could get before he saw her.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, without raising his eye from the viewfinder.

  ‘How did you know it was me?’ Sarah said, perplexed.

  ‘I saw you as soon as you came into the square.’

  ‘Did you?’

  He got up and showed her a photograph he’d taken of her a few seconds before. Sure enough, there she was, wearing a soft, otherworldly expression on her face.

  ‘What were you thinking of?’ Lloyd asked her.

  Sarah looked up at him. ‘I was thinking of you.’

  He smiled and she smiled back. It was the right answer.

  ‘Did you get the photos you wanted of the river?’

  ‘I got a few,’ he said.

  Sarah liked his modesty. They were sure to be brilliant photographs, but she knew he wouldn’t boast about them.

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘are you going to tell me the secret history of Sarah now?’ His voice was full of warmth, but it made Sarah feel quite cold, and she sat down on a nearby bench feeling depleted.

  When Lloyd had told Sarah that he wanted to know everything about her, she hadn’t quite taken him at his word but he seemed intent on finding out about her.

  This is your comeuppance, a little voice said. You’re going to be found out. You can’t escape.

  ‘Sarah—what is it?’ he asked. ‘You’ve turned white! Are you okay?’

  She nodded but then shook her head.

  ‘I’m a bad person,’ she whispered.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m a bad person. You don’t want to know about me. You really don’t want to get involved with me.’

  ‘What are you talking about? How could you possibly be a bad person?’

  ‘You don’t know what I’ve done.’

  Lloyd’s forehead furrowed. ‘I admit I don’t know much about you,’ he said, sitting down next to her, ‘but I know enough to say that you’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Sarah said, shaking her head. ‘I’m the very worst kind of person you could ever imagine.’

  Lloyd laughed but then apologized when he saw the hurt expression on Sarah’s face.

  ‘Sarah,’ he said, ‘it seems to me like you’re carrying some terrible weight around and—say no if you want; I won’t be offended if you do, but—I might be able to help you.’

  ‘How?’ she asked. ‘How can you help me?’

  ‘I can listen to you,’ he said. ‘If you want to talk about it.’

  Sarah sighed. It was the very thing she’d been dreading, because she hadn’t ever talked about it to anyone.

  ‘You probably won’t want to have anything to do with me if I tell you,’ she said.

  Lloyd looked startled. ‘I can promise you right now that you don’t have to fear on that score.’

  ‘But how can you say that?’

  He smiled at her. ‘Because I like you, and nothing you can say is going to change that.’

  Sarah looked into his eyes, which were filled with kindness, and then she took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t go back on his word once she told him the truth.

  Chapter 24

  Barton Cottage

  I was thinking of driving into Tavistock. Are you sure you don’t want to come?’ Sarah asked Mia. They were sitting at the breakfast table, and Mia was working her way steadily through three slices of toast and marmalade.

  ‘I don’t understand why you want to go anywhere,’ Mia said, taking a slurp of tea.

  ‘I just want a change of scene, that’s all.’

  ‘A change of scene? But I thought you said this was the most beautiful place on earth.’

  ‘But I want to explore,’ Sarah said.

  Mia frowned. This didn’t sound like the Sarah she knew. ‘What’s the matter? Is something wrong?’

  ‘Why should there be something wrong?’

  ‘Because you sound strange. You don’t sound like you.’

  ‘What an odd thing to say,’ Sarah said.

  ‘No, it isn’t,’ Mia said. ‘Not when you’re acting all weird.’

  ‘I’m not acting all weird.’

  ‘Yes, you are—you’re all distanced.’

  ‘What, just because I fancy a trip to Tavistock?’

  ‘No. You’ve been… I don’t know—pensive.’

  Sarah bit her lip. The trouble with having a sister was that she would always know when something was wrong, even if you didn’t say anything and even when you were doing your very best to hide it.

  ‘You’re imagining things,’ Sarah said, deciding to deny the whole thing. ‘Now, are you coming with me or not?’

  ‘I want to stay here.’

  Sarah sighed, getting up to clear away the breakfast things. She knew what Mia meant, of course. She wanted to hang around in case Alec dropped by, and Sarah was in a terrible quandary about that. Should she stay too and try to make sure Mia didn’t make a fool of herself? But it would run the risk of seeing Alec herself, and she really didn’t want that to happen.

  Yes you do, a little voice said as she entered the kitchen. You want to see him more than anything else in the world.

  Which is why you mustn’t, she told herself sternly, crashing the crockery into the sink. He’s dangerous. He’s flirting with both you and Mia, and there’s only one way that will end, unless you do something about it right now.

  Before either she or Mia could change her mind, Sarah finished washing up, brushed her hair with one hundred strokes, and grabbed her handbag and car keys.

  ‘I’m off,’ she called through the house.

  Mia appeared in the doorway of the living room. She was wearing a light summer dress that clung to her figure in the sort of way that left nothing to the imagination.

  ‘I hope you’re going to put a cardigan on,’ Sarah couldn’t help saying.

  Mia laughed. ‘You’re joking, aren’t you?’

  ‘There’s a cool breeze around,’ Sarah said, but she wasn’t really thinking about breezes.

  ‘When will you be back?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Sarah said, but she knew she didn’t want to be back until it was dark. She wanted to stay away from Barton Cottage as long as possible.

  ‘Okay,’ Mia said. ‘Well, drive safely. These country lanes can be dangerous.’

  Sarah nodded. ‘And you be careful too.’

  ‘What do
you mean? I don’t think there’s anything dangerous here at Barton Cottage.’

  ‘Just… be careful, all the same.’ Sarah swallowed hard, hoping she was doing the right thing in leaving.

  As she left the private estate and drove along the deep green lanes of Devon, she breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to get away, if only for a short time. At least she knew Alec couldn’t find her.

  ***

  Mia was quite relieved to see Sarah driving away. She was in a funny mood, and it was probably best if she was on her own now. Honestly, she could be worse than a mother, sometimes. Fancy suggesting that she wear a cardigan! The whole point of her choosing the yellow dress was because it showed off her figure, so why would she want to hide it under a saggy, baggy cardigan?

  Once she was quite sure that Sarah had gone and wasn’t likely to return because she’d forgotten anything—not that Sarah ever forgot anything—Mia left the house and walked along the track beside the estuary before following it through the wood. Sarah would not approve of what Mia was going to do, but the thought only spurred Mia on. She was old enough to make her own decisions. Twenty-one was a very special age. She was a grown woman now and didn’t need her older sister constantly telling her what to do.

  When she reached the driveway that led to the cottage where Alec was staying, she paused, as if having second thoughts. But what was there to have second thoughts about? She felt that they had made a real connection. It was as if she were meant to meet him—that he’d been waiting for her, and it was fate that Sarah had booked Barton Cottage.

  It’s meant to be, she told herself. It’s right.

  She walked down the driveway toward the cottage by the estuary.

  ***

  Sarah wasn’t in the mood for shopping. She poked around a few of the shops, and to acknowledge how close she was to Cornwall, bought copies of Daphne du Maurier’s Frenchman’s Creek and Jamaica Inn at the local book shop. She had to admit that Tavistock was one of the prettiest places she’d ever visited, with its grand town hall and Georgian buildings, but she needed to stride out. She needed to be somewhere vast and lonely, where there were no handsome men to disturb her equilibrium.

  Being ever practical, she bought a few provisions to take back to Barton Cottage before she left Tavistock and then drove the short distance to Dartmoor. It was a landscape she’d never seen before, but the acres of boulder-strewn moorland pleased her eye. Pulling over to park, Sarah swapped her neat flat shoes for a pair of walking boots and then followed a footpath lined with deep green bracken.

  The path led to a distant tor, which looked like a sleeping dragon in the afternoon light. She hadn’t realized how high up she’d driven, but looking around, she saw tiny villages dotting the wide valleys and saw steeples of churches far below. In the distance, she spotted a group of dark ponies, free to wander wherever they wanted. Sarah envied them that freedom, knowing that at some point, she would have to return to face her problems. For now, though, with the wind in her hair and the sun on her face, she could pretend that everything was all right. She could refuse to think about Alec and the way he looked at her.

  But you can’t stop thinking about the way you look at him, a little voice told her.

  As she reached the tor, she tried to distract herself by admiring the sculptural shapes of the stones around her. You could see for miles from up here, and as she tipped her head back and gazed into the never-ending sky, she knew that she had failed to run away from her problems, even for the brief space of a day, because no matter how far you ran, you couldn’t run away from yourself.

  She leaned back against the rough rock and closed her eyes, feeling the fall and rise of her chest as she breathed in the moorland air. It was quiet here, and that was just what she needed right now; it was just her and her thoughts. Finally she allowed herself to speak the words that had been hovering in her mind for days.

  ‘I’m falling in love. I’m falling in love—’

  ***

  ‘I have never eaten so well in my life,’ Mia said, finishing a lunch that Alec had thrown together with the ease of a professional chef.

  ‘That’s what holidays are all about, aren’t they?’

  ‘But I feel so guilty. I’ll have to run around the whole estate at least ten times before we leave.’

  ‘Don’t talk about leaving,’ Alec said.

  ‘I don’t want to,’ Mia said. ‘It’s too awful to even think about.’

  ‘Then let’s not,’ he said. ‘Let’s fill the day with happy things.’

  Mia laughed. ‘Yes! Let’s do that!’

  That afternoon, they walked along the coastal path for miles, the sun warm on their limbs and the salty tang of the sea in the air. Their conversation drifted easily and seamlessly from subject to subject, and the hours passed by.

  The sun was beginning to fade as they retraced their steps, and reaching Alec’s cottage, he turned to Mia.

  ‘Well, I guess Sarah will be back now,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, she’ll be out for hours yet.’

  ‘Really? Where’s she gone?’

  ‘I don’t know, some town where they sell lavender spray.’

  Alec looked perplexed.

  ‘Come on. I don’t want the evening to end yet. It’s so beautiful.’

  ‘Where do you want to go?’

  ‘I don’t know. Let’s make it up as we go along,’ Mia said, taking his hand and leading the way.

  They followed the path through the wood, the sweet scent of bluebells heavy in the evening air. Dusk had started to swirl around the trees as they left the main path, and their footsteps were soft and silent.

  Mia had never felt more alive in her life. Although her limbs had cooled as she and Alec entered the wood, she still felt wonderfully warm.

  It’s because you’re in love, a little voice said, and she knew it was true. She’d fallen head over heels in love with this man, and the knowledge made her feel giddy.

  ‘Where are we going?’ Alec asked after they’d been walking for a good ten minutes.

  ‘You know where we’re going,’ Mia said. ‘Into the woods.’

  He laughed. ‘But we’re in the woods.’

  Mia turned to look at him, and they stopped walking. She suddenly felt shy, as if she were with a stranger.

  He is a stranger.

  Mia shook her head. She did not need to hear Sarah’s voice now. Anyway, she was wrong. Alec wasn’t a stranger at all. They’d spent all day together, talking like old friends. She couldn’t know him any better if they spent the next fifty years locked in deep conversation.

  Doing her utmost to block out any feelings of doubt, Mia leaned toward him, gently pressing her lips against his until she felt him return her kiss. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted to be kissed by somebody so much, but she didn’t want to stop at a kiss, and she could feel that Alec wanted more too.

  She watched as he took off his coat and laid it down among the thick bluebells.

  ‘You’re sure about this?’ he whispered. ‘I mean—’

  ‘Stop talking and just kiss me.’

  His mouth descended, and she was instantly consumed by the moment, closing her eyes and surrendering herself to his touch, desperately trying to shut out the voice of her sister who was screaming at her.

  What are you doing? Mia! Stop now!

  But she didn’t stop, and neither did Alec.

  Chapter 25

  When Sarah finished telling Lloyd about her drive up to Dartmoor and the terrible realization that she’d allowed herself to acknowledge there, he looked at her as if she were quite mad.

  ‘You fell in love,’ Lloyd said. ‘Is that it? Is that what you think makes you a bad person?’

  ‘You don’t understand. That was just the beginning.’

  He looked pensive. ‘But it’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘We can’t always choose who we fall in love with.’

  ‘Can’t we?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You so
und like you’re talking from experience,’ she said. ‘Are you?’

  ‘Are you trying to change the subject?’

  ‘Maybe,’ she said with a tiny smile. ‘And maybe it’s time you told me a bit more about yourself.’

  He looked surprised, but then nodded. ‘I suppose it is,’ he said, ‘although there’s not a lot to tell.’

  ‘Tell me anyway,’ Sarah said, really not wanting to say anything more about her past to Lloyd today.

  ‘Okay,’ he said with a sigh. ‘There have been two relationships in my life. Two major ones, anyway. One was with Chrissie, a girl I met in my first job. We dated for a couple of years and then drifted apart. No hard feelings and all that.’

  ‘And the second?’ Sarah asked after he paused for what she deemed long enough.

  ‘The second was more complicated. The second one moved in with me.’

  ‘Did she have a name?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Lloyd said with a bitter laugh. ‘April.’

  ‘That’s a pretty name.’

  ‘And most unsuitable too,’ Lloyd said. ‘Not that she wasn’t pretty, you understand. She was. Pretty as a spring day. That’s when her birthday was, too. She was named after the month she was born in, but… what can I say?’

  Sarah cocked her head to one side. ‘I don’t know, but I hope you’re going to say something.’

  Lloyd grinned. ‘She was more like winter, I’m afraid. To me, at least, although not at first. It kind of crept up in our relationship like an ice age.’

  ‘Oh, dear,’ Sarah said.

  ‘It was just little things at first, like a comment here or a frown there, but it all turned into some appalling relationship war in the end.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Sarah said.

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said. ‘It’s all in the past, and that’s where it should stay.’

  Sarah frowned. ‘How did it end, exactly?’

  Lloyd let out a huge sigh. ‘Exactly?’

  Sarah nodded encouragingly.

  ‘I came home from work one day, and I found the house—well—I’m not sure how you’d describe it.’

  ‘She’d trashed it?’