April stayed steadily in the background. Finn had drawn her a picture of the flowers his mum liked best and, even though it was nearing the end of November, the church was full of orange gerbera daisies. The room felt bright. And Finn’s little hand had gripped his the whole time.
He felt oddly detached about it all. He’d organised a funeral tea afterwards but only vaguely recognised a few of Isabel’s friends, even though they all made a point of coming and speaking to Finn. The little guy seemed overwhelmed. April looked even more uncomfortable.
He crossed the room, Finn’s hand still in his. He glanced down at Finn. ‘I think we’ve probably stayed long enough. I was thinking we could do something together with Finn right now.’
He could tell she was hesitant but Finn had perked up at the suggestion. ‘Can we go and pick a spaceman film?’
He looked at her again. She was pale in the black dress with her blonde hair tied back. The outfit had a severity to it that just didn’t seem quite right for April. They’d discussed wearing something bright like Isabel’s friends, but somehow it didn’t feel quite right for them. April had found a brooch with a bright orange gerbera that matched the church flowers and pinned it to her dress. Riley had relented and worn a bright orange tie with his dark suit. Even though they’d asked Finn if he wanted to wear one of his superhero T-shirts he’d shaken his head; he’d wanted to wear a suit like his dad’s.
Riley had been choked. He’d love to wear matching clothes with his son—just not like this. Everything about this was hard. He was questioning every decision he made.
He almost gave a shout when April gave a sigh of relief. ‘Let me get my coat,’ she said.
As they walked along the icy street together Finn reached out to hold April’s hand too. Riley was glad of the cold, fresh air. Finn hadn’t said much at all during the service. He’d placed a bunch of orange flowers by the grave and shed a few tears while Riley held him in his arms.
It had been exhausting. Smiling politely and shaking hands with people he really didn’t know—all of whom he knew were looking him up and down and wondering about his suitability to bring up Finn.
He’d had a stand-up fight with his mother about attending the funeral. She wanted to offer ‘support’ to her grandchild. But Riley had been insistent that the event was already too overwhelming for Finn. He’d been clear that she needed to wait a few days. Finn needed some space.
He would be starting full days at school next week and Riley had suggested his mum and dad come down to meet him then. He hadn’t told her that Finn had video-chatted with his uncle Dan a few nights ago. It was obvious that Dan was smitten by his nephew straight away, and Finn with him, but Dan being away was actually easier. More manageable.
‘Who is your favourite spaceman?’ Finn asked April out of the blue.
She looked surprised and he could see her searching her brain. ‘Well, it would have to be the one that I met.’
Finn stopped walking, his mouth hanging open. ‘You’ve met a spaceman?’
She nodded. ‘I went on holiday to Florida once and visited NASA. I got to have lunch with a spaceman. It was great.’
Finn’s eyes were wide. ‘Really? Dad, can we do that?’
Riley smiled. He was still getting used to being called Dad. First few times, he’d looked around to make sure it was really him that was being spoken to.
He gave a sort of nod. ‘We haven’t had a chance to talk about holidays yet. But it’s always something we could consider.’
‘Could we, Dad, could we?’ The excitement on Finn’s wide-eyed face made his heart swell. Right now he was tempted to promise the world to Finn, but he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. He wanted his son to grow up to appreciate people, things and places. He was still trying to figure out everything in his head.
And that included the woman walking at the other side of his son.
April had been quiet most of the day. She’d agreed to come because Finn had asked her to. Riley wasn’t sure she would have come on his invitation alone.
Although he’d been curious about April before, he hadn’t pursued things. He’d been due to leave. But that hadn’t stopped him trying to engage her constantly in conversation and trying to find out a little more about her.
Her face was serious. She’d told him she was good at funerals. She’d said she’d lost her sister but hadn’t elaborated. Had today brought back some bad memories for her?
He was still curious about April. She was fantastic with patients. She’d been supportive to him in the most horrible set of circumstances. Even now, she was holding his son’s hand. April Henderson had a good heart. Why didn’t she let anyone get close to her?
They walked onto the main street and into one of the local shops. Finn raced over to the large display of DVDs. Riley put his hands in his pockets. ‘Are you ready for this?’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘You think I can’t handle a little sci-fi?’
He gave a playful shrug. ‘I thought you might be more of a romance girl.’
‘Oh, no.’ She shook her head straight away, even though her gaze was locked directly with his. A smile danced across her lips as she brushed past him to join Finn. ‘What I don’t know about Star Wars, Star Trek and Buzz Lightyear isn’t worth knowing,’ she whispered into his ear.
He grinned. Another tiny piece of information about April Henderson. He was just going to keep chipping away at that armour she’d constructed around herself.
After a hard day for him and Finn, April was the brightest light on the horizon. And he’d never been so happy that she was there.
* * *
Two hours later Finn was fast asleep against April’s shoulder. He might even have been drooling a little. The credits of the sci-fi movie were rolling on the screen. The room had grown dark and it was almost as if Riley read her mind as he crossed the room and flicked the switch on a lamp.
She wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed to end up here. She hadn’t intended to. But when Finn had asked her to come back she didn’t have the heart to say no. Meaning that right now she had a five-year-old draped halfway across her, snoring.
Riley glanced towards her legs. As she’d sat on the sofa with Finn her dress had crept up a little more than it should. She tried to wiggle her dress down but it was nigh impossible with Finn’s weight on top of her.
‘April, can I get you something else a little more comfortable to wear?’
She almost laughed. It sounded like the old adage, Do you want to slip into something more comfortable?
He must have caught the expression on her face. ‘I have scrubs,’ he said quickly.
‘Scrubs would be great,’ she said. The black dress had been perfect for a funeral, but as the day had progressed it had started to feel more restrictive.
He disappeared for a second and set down a pale blue set of scrubs next to her, leaning over and adjusting Finn’s position to free her up.
She pushed herself from the sofa and looked around. ‘Bathroom this way?’ she asked.
Riley nodded and she walked through to the hall. It was a typical army house. Adequate. But not perfect. As she wiggled out of her dress in the cramped bathroom she understood why he’d immediately thought about getting a place of his own. Everything in the house was bland. It would be difficult to put a stamp on the place and give it a family feel. It didn’t really feel like a home.
By the time she came out of the bathroom, Riley was in the kitchen. ‘I thought I’d make us some dinner,’ he said simply.
She opened her mouth to refuse straight away, then stopped. Would it really be so bad to share a meal with him? It had been a big day. For him, and for Finn. And, truth be told, for her too. It was the first funeral she’d been to since her sister’s. It didn’t help that Isabel had only been five years older than Mallory. Mallory’s funeral had been
full of young people too. And, while it was comforting, there was also a terrible irony about it. Some people were cheated out of the life they should live. If she was honest, she didn’t really want to be alone right now.
‘Can I help?’
Riley pulled a face. ‘That depends.’
‘On what?’
‘On how fussy you are. I can make lasagne, spaghetti bolognaise or chilli chicken. That’s as far as I can go.’
‘Three things? I’m impressed. My speciality is chicken or sausage casserole.’
He laughed. ‘Okay then, which of the five—’ he opened his fridge ‘—no, sorry, four—I’ve no sausages—do you want to go for?’
April leaned her head on her hand. She was tired. It had been a long day. And it had been a long time since she’d had a conversation like this. A guy actually offering to make her dinner.
‘I think I’m brave enough to try your lasagne. Do I get to watch the chef at work?’
He smiled. ‘Sure you do. I’ll even give you wine. But, just so you know, I’m a bit of a messy cook.’
He pulled two wine glasses out of the cupboard, held them up to the light and squinted at them. ‘I’m just checking that they’re clean. I moved in such a rush that I literally just walked from the flat to this house with things in my arms.’
She shook her head. ‘Riley Callaghan. So far, you’ve told me that you only have three recipes, you’re messy, and now I’m questioning your housekeeping skills.’ She shook her head. ‘If this were online dating, you wouldn’t get a “like”.’
He went into another cupboard and brought out two bottles. ‘But I have wine! So I win. Now, white or red?’
‘I guess for lasagne it should probably be red but I fancy white. Is that okay?’
He opened the bottle and poured the wine, then started pulling ingredients from the fridge.
She took a sip of the wine and relaxed back a little into the chair. ‘I’ll cut you a deal. You let me pick dinner—’ she raised her eyebrows ‘—from a limited menu, of course, and you let me pick the wine. How about I do the clearing up?’
He tipped the mince into a pan to start browning it, giving her a wink from the corner of his eye. ‘My plan has worked.’
April glanced back through to the living room at the little sleeping boy. ‘Will Finn eat this?’
Riley followed her glance. ‘Probably not. I’ll give him it first, but have some chicken on standby in case he doesn’t like it.’ He leaned against the doorjamb as the mince began to sizzle in the pan. ‘I wonder if he’ll wake up at all. It’s been a big day.’ He picked up his glass and took a sip of his wine. ‘Thanks for being there.’
She shrugged. ‘It’s fine. He’s a cute kid.’
She could see the pride on his face. Riley was rapidly turning into a doting dad. He moved back into the kitchen and started chopping an onion.
He was methodical. He added the herbs and tomatoes, then made a quick white sauce. Five minutes later he’d layered up the mix with lasagne sheets, sprinkled with cheese and put it in the oven.
She nodded. ‘I’m impressed. You never struck me as the organised type.’
He sat down opposite her. ‘I didn’t? What’s that supposed to mean?’ He wrinkled his brow. ‘Am I supposed to be offended right now? Because if I am, I’m just too tired.’
She shook her head. ‘For the last four weeks you’ve been racing about the place doing one hundred things at once. The unit isn’t normally like that.’
He pulled a face. ‘I know.’ He sat back a little and looked at her carefully. ‘I’ve been used to working at a frantic pace. I need to step down a gear and get more perspective.’
‘Can you actually do that?’ she asked softly.
He sighed. ‘I hate the way you do that.’
‘What?’
He lifted his hand towards her. ‘You ask the questions that I don’t really want to answer.’ He turned his head into the living room again. ‘The answer to the question has to be yes. And you can see why. I have to change things. I have to be a father to Finn. I’m all he’s got.’
‘But...?’
He groaned and leaned forward, putting his head on the table. His real thoughts were written all over him. She touched his dark hair. ‘You weren’t born to be a rehab doctor, Riley. You want to be where the action is. But if you’re going to have Finn on a permanent basis that will be impossible.’
He looked up a little as she shifted her hand, his bright green eyes peeking out from underneath dark lashes. ‘I love him. I love him already. Finn comes first.’
She bent forward, her head almost touching his. ‘You’re allowed to say it, Riley. But maybe just to me. You’re allowed to say that this life change gives you twinges of regret.’ She licked her lips. ‘Maybe I understand that a bit more than most.’
And she did. She was inches away from a guy a few years ago she would have flirted with, enjoyed his company and maybe even dated. There might even have been more possibilities that right now she didn’t even dare think about.
His face crumpled and he put his head in his hands for a second. He kept his eyes closed as he spoke. ‘Last week I thought I was going on a tour of Sierra Leone. I was looking forward to it. It might sound strange but I love the overseas tours. Always have.’ He opened his eyes slowly. ‘But last week I didn’t know I had a son to come home to. My whole life has changed in the blink of an eye. I’m not sure I was ready for it.’
She spoke carefully, sliding her hand across the table and letting her fingers intertwine with his. ‘Promise me that you’ll only ever talk to me about this. Don’t let Finn know. You’ve had the legs swept from under you. Mallory and I used to call that being cannonballed. It will take a while to get your head around things. To work out what is best, for you and for him. You can do this, Riley. I know you can.’
He looked at their connected fingers. ‘I’d never take out how I’m feeling on Finn. You must know that.’
‘I do,’ she said simply. ‘But I want you to know that it’s okay to feel like that. It’s complicated. If you’re having a bad day you can call me.’
They were touching. Having their fingers intertwined was so much more personal than a brush of the hand. And it was sending a weird stream of little pulses up her arm. Under the bright kitchen lights there was nowhere to hide. Those bright green eyes were even more startling. Last time she’d seen something that green, she and Mallory had been taking a photo of the emerald-tinged sea in Zante at Shipwreck Beach. It was still one of her favourite ever pictures.
The little lines around his eyes gave him character, made her know that he’d seen and done things she never would. There was so much to like about Riley Callaghan, meaning there were so many more reasons to push him away.
So why wasn’t she?
He looked at her, the barest hint of a smile quirking his lips. ‘You mean you’re going to give me your number?’
She frowned. ‘Didn’t I already when I was helping with the funeral arrangements?’
His fingers tightened around hers. ‘Ah, but that was different. That was for practical reasons. This—’ his smile broadened ‘—this sounds like almost giving a guy your number.’
She shook her head and pulled her hand back, surprised by how much she didn’t want to. ‘Don’t get the wrong idea, mister.’ She picked up her glass. ‘You’re supplying the wine and—’ she nodded towards the oven ‘—the food. I’m a practical girl; I’m only nice as long as you’re feeding me.’
Riley laughed. ‘Oh, I have plenty of wine. As long as you’re happy with a limited menu, we can be friends for ever.’
Something warm spread through her. It was like the kind of thing kids said to each other. The kind of thing she and Mallory used to say. Her fingers went automatically to her neck. To the pendant their parents had give
n both girls on their twenty-first birthdays. Two golden hearts linked together. Touching it made her feel closer to her sister. Touching it made her feel that sometimes Mallory wasn’t quite as far away as reality told her.
‘What’s that? It’s pretty.’ Riley noticed her movement straight away.
She hesitated before letting her fingers fall away to reveal what she was touching. ‘It was a gift from my parents.’ She didn’t add the rest.
Her brain started working overtime. What would Mallory have thought of Riley Callaghan? They’d generally had different taste in men. But somehow she knew Mallory would have loved this guy. It was both a comfort and a regret, that her sister wasn’t here to meet him.
Riley leaned his head on his hands and gave her a curious stare. ‘Are you going to tell me anything about yourself, April?’
She caught her breath. She hadn’t expected him to be so direct. ‘What do you mean?’
He counted off on his fingers. ‘Well, I know you’re a physio. I know you’re a good physio—a great one. I’m not quite sure what age you are. Or where you live, although I know it’s close. I know you had a sister. And you like spacemen.’ He gave her a smile. ‘But that’s about it.’
She couldn’t help but be defensive. ‘What exactly do you think you’re entitled to know about me?’
He stood up, his wooden chair scraping on the kitchen floor as he turned around, grabbed a tea towel and pulled the steaming-hot lasagne from the oven.
He didn’t speak as he handed her a plate, some cutlery and a serving spatula. He didn’t seem fazed by her briskness at all; in fact, it almost felt as if he was teasing her now. He sat down opposite and folded his hands on the table. ‘I don’t think I’m entitled to know anything. But I’d like it if you shared.’ He even grinned. ‘For example, my mum and dad are up north. My mother can best be described in terms of weather elements—she goes from snowstorm, sandstorm, whirlwind and tornado. My brother Dan is serving in the army. He’s twenty-seven and can’t wait to meet Finn. He probably is at the same stage of maturity.’
She wanted to smile. She really did. The waft of the enticing lasagne was winding its way across the table to her. He made everything sound so reasonable. But sharing wasn’t the place she wanted to be right now. Sharing about her sister would mean sharing about the disease, and the follow-on questions about genetics. And surgery.
A Family Made at Christmas Page 6
