Inside, a little part of her shrivelled up and died. The whole reason she wasn’t in a relationship right now was to give herself space to get this part of her life sorted. To not have to explain her thoughts or decisions to another person.
But a tiny part of her also recognised that she’d never actually been in a relationship where she would have been able to have that kind of serious conversation. Perhaps that was why she was trying to wrap Riley Callaghan up and stick him in a box somewhere in her brain before he let loose thoughts she wasn’t ready for.
Thoughts like the ones where those perfectly formed lips were on hers.
She choked as Riley started to dish out the lasagne.
He still didn’t speak. Just handed her the dish with a raise of his eyebrows.
This guy was too good at this.
‘Maybe there’s just not much to tell. I’m twenty-seven too. I’ve worked here for the last eighteen months. Before that I was in a general hospital, specialising in chronic injuries. And before that I did a year with kids who had cystic fibrosis. I’ve moved around to get a variety of experience.’
Not strictly true. She’d moved to the general hospital to be closer to Mallory when she’d got her diagnosis. And she’d moved to Waterloo Court after Mallory died because she couldn’t face all the sympathy and questions from her colleagues. It was easier to be in a place where people didn’t know your history.
‘Are your mum and dad still around?’
She nodded. ‘They moved up to Scotland just over a year ago. My nana was starting to get frail and they wanted to be closer to her.’
Her family felt as if it were falling apart. They’d lost one daughter and knew there was a possibility they could lose the other. And every time she looked at them she could see the pain in their eyes—that this was genetic. A time bomb that no one could have known about—at least not until fairly recently. But their pain had also affected her own decision. Would she want to risk passing faulty genes on to her own child? No. No way. Not when she saw the pain it could cause.
‘Do you visit?’
She nodded. ‘I visit a lot. Well, whenever I get time.’ She looked up from the lasagne. ‘I can’t believe how good this is. Who taught you how to make it?’
He smiled. ‘It’s a secret.’ His eyes were twinkling.
Was it a woman? She felt a tiny stab of envy.
He topped up her wine glass. ‘I worked with an Italian doctor in an infectious disease unit for a while. He gave me his grandma’s recipe.’
She kept eating. ‘Well, I hate to say it, but it might even beat my sausage casserole.’ She glanced through to the living room. ‘Do you want a hand to wrestle Finn into his pyjamas? I don’t think he’s going to wake up now.’
Riley followed her gaze as he kept eating. ‘In a minute. Darn it—jammies. I need to put them on the list.’
‘Finn doesn’t have pyjamas?’
He shook his head. ‘He does, but I think he might just have taken a little stretch. Either that or I’ve shrunk them in the wash. I’ll need to get him some new ones.’ He looked around the plain kitchen. ‘And I need to get some decorations too. I don’t even own a Christmas tree. I’m not even sure where to buy one around here.’
‘There’s a place just a few miles out of town—that’s if you want a real one, of course. They can be a little messy, but they smell great.’
‘Will you show me?’
She paused. She wanted to say no. She should say no. But a little bit inside of her wanted to say yes. Riley Callaghan was messing with her mind.
‘I can give you directions.’
‘I didn’t ask for directions.’ His fork was poised in mid-air and he was looking at her pointedly.
She licked her lips. It didn’t matter she’d had plenty of wine; all of a sudden her mouth felt very dry. ‘Why don’t we just play it by ear? I’ve got some plans in the next few days. If you let me know when you’re going I can see if I’m free.’
His eyes narrowed for a moment. He was a doctor. He could recognise a deflected question easily. It was second nature. But Riley was gracious enough not to push.
They finished dinner and she washed up while he prepared Finn’s room. It only took a few minutes to wiggle Finn into his pyjamas, and then Riley carried him up to bed.
She couldn’t help but follow him up the stairs as he laid Finn down in his bed adorned with a spaceman duvet. He whispered in his son’s ear, put a kiss on his forehead and switched on the nightlight that illuminated stars on the ceiling.
‘Oh, wow,’ whispered April. ‘That’s fantastic.’ She smiled at him in the dim light. ‘I think I want one.’
He raised his eyebrows as he walked back to the doorway, his shoulder touching hers as he bent to whisper, ‘I hate to break it to you, but you’ll have to sweet-talk my mother. She sent it down yesterday for Finn and I’ve no idea where she got it.’
April watched the circling stars on the ceiling. It was almost magical. Hypnotic. And by the time she stopped watching she’d forgotten about how close she was to Riley. She could smell his aftershave. Smell the soap powder from the soft T-shirt he’d changed into when they’d got home. Her eyes fixed on the rise and fall of his chest, then the soft pulse at the base of his neck. She was suddenly conscious that the scrubs she was wearing were thin. Thin enough to probably see the outline of her black matching underwear beneath the pale blue fabric.
All of a sudden it felt as though a part of life that was so far out of reach was right before her eyes. A gorgeous man, a beautiful child—things she couldn’t even contemplate. Things that seemed so far away and unobtainable. When she and Mallory had been young they’d always joked about who would marry first, and being each other’s bridesmaids. They’d both taken it for granted that those things would naturally happen. Right now, she had to concentrate on surgery. Getting through that, gaining a little confidence again and getting some normality back to her life. Pursuing anything with Riley Callaghan wasn’t possible. It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to him. It especially wasn’t fair to a little boy whose whole world had just been turned upside down.
In the dim light Riley’s hand lifted oh-so-slowly towards her. ‘April—’
She turned swiftly and walked out of the room, her breath catching somewhere in the back of her throat. She needed to go. She needed to get out of there.
She rushed down the stairs and picked up the bag with her dress in it and her black coat. ‘It’s getting late. I need to get home. Thanks for dinner.’ She said the words far too brightly.
Riley was at her back, but his hands were in his pockets and his eyes were downcast. ‘Yeah. No problem. Thanks for coming today. I appreciate it.’
She nodded as she slipped her arms into her jacket and headed for the door. ‘Say goodnight to Finn for me. See you at work tomorrow.’
Riley gave the briefest of nods as she hurried out the door. It didn’t matter how quickly she walked, she could sense his eyes searing into her back the whole way, as the smell of his aftershave still lingered around her.
* * *
He watched as she hurried away like a scalded cat. What had he done? He hadn’t actually touched her. Yes, he’d meant to. Yes, he’d wanted to.
His lips were still tingling from the fact he’d wanted to kiss her. To let his lips connect with hers. Right now, he almost felt cheated.
But it was clear that something else was going on.
There was a reason he’d been curious about April Henderson. It wasn’t the good figure, the blonde hair and cute smile. It was her. The way she engaged with the patients. The way he could tell sometimes she was considering things, trying to do what was best. She’d captured his attention in a way he’d never really been caught before.
She’d relaxed a little around him tonight. When she’d been with Finn sh
e’d been happy. She was so good around Finn. He seemed to almost sparkle when he was with her they connected so well.
And it wasn’t just Finn. Riley wasn’t imagining things. There was definitely something in the air between them. Even though she was trying her best to ignore it.
He should probably ignore it too. Finn was his priority. Christmas was coming. His son was about to face his first Christmas without his mother, but Riley was about to spend the first Christmas with his son.
He wasn’t even sure how to mark the occasion. He should be overjoyed and happy, but in the circumstances it wasn’t appropriate.
There were obvious times when Finn’s childhood innocence shone through. He spoke about his mum. He cried at times. But children possessed a resilience that adults couldn’t quite comprehend. And he seemed to be settling in to his new house, his new surroundings.
But for Riley there was something else. Finn seemed to light up around April. It seemed he’d spent much of his five years around women, so that didn’t seem so unusual.
What was unusual was the way it made Riley’s heart skip a beat.
Or two.
He sighed and closed the door. It was just the wrong time. He still had to work out his career plans. His house plans.
His life plans.
It was best that he do it alone.
CHAPTER FIVE
WORK FELT STRANGE. April had spent most of the last few days glancing over her shoulder in an attempt to try to stay out of Riley’s way.
What might have happened if she’d stayed longer the other night? It annoyed her that there was almost an ache inside at the mere thought of it. By the time she’d got home that night she’d been resolute. It was best not to get involved with Riley and Finn Callaghan. Things would get busy anyhow. They would forget about her. Riley’s parents would visit and Christmas plans would start to be made. She could fade into the background and take care of herself for now.
So why had she spent the last few days with her stomach doing flip flops?
Lucy, the staff nurse in the ward, was waiting for her when she arrived. ‘Hi, April. You here to see John Burns?’
April nodded. John had been wounded in action and after a few weeks with an extremely damaged lower leg and a persistent infection they’d taken the decision to perform an amputation. ‘How’s he doing?’
Lucy pushed his notes over. ‘Riley’s spent quite a bit of time with him this morning. He’s had a lot of phantom pain. He had some analgesia about two hours ago, so he should be fit for you to see.’
She nodded and walked down the corridor towards John’s room. She could hear the laughter before she reached the room and her footsteps faltered. Riley. This was where he’d been hiding out. From the way Lucy had spoken she’d assumed that Riley had already left.
She screwed up her face. She couldn’t avoid this. It was her job. Physiotherapy was essential for John’s recovery and for his confidence. She’d just have to keep her professional face in place.
She fixed on a smile and walked into the room. ‘Good morning, John. How are you doing today?’
Riley was sitting on an easy chair in the corner of the room. He looked comfortable. Too comfortable. She gave him a glance. ‘We don’t want you distracting us, Dr Callaghan. John and I have some work to do.’
John was sitting up on the bed. He waved his hand. ‘No, it’s fine. Riley wanted to stay to make sure I’m good to go with the painkillers he’s given me.’ John shook his head. ‘I just can’t get my head around this phantom pain stuff. How can I feel something that just isn’t there?’
April took a deep breath. Riley hadn’t spoken; he was just watching her with those green eyes. She turned her full attention to John as she sat beside his bed. ‘You’re right. It is difficult to understand. And we still don’t really know why it happens. Scientists think that the sensations come from the spinal cord and brain. The imprint of the leg has always been there, so it’s almost like the brain keeps hold of it.’ She licked her lips. ‘You’re not alone, John. Lots of patients experience phantom pain after this kind of operation. It’s our job to manage that pain for you. So you need to tell me if anything we do today is too uncomfortable.’
John let out a sigh. ‘I just want to get back on my feet as soon as possible.’ Then he realised the irony of his statement. He let out a hollow laugh. ‘Well, at least one of them.’ He met April’s gaze. ‘I just want to get some normality back. The last few months have been terrible. I want to be able to do things for myself.’
April nodded in appreciation. John’s mobility had been badly affected by his damaged and infected limb; that had been part of the decision for the amputation. ‘And we’ll get you there, John. We will.’
She looked at his position. ‘How has lying flat worked out for you?’
The first essential procedure for patients who’d had an amputation was to lie flat for at least an hour each day. This helped straighten the hip as much as possible. Any risk of hips tightening could make it more difficult to walk with a prosthesis.
John gave a nod. ‘That’s been okay.’
She gave him a smile. ‘So how do you feel about hitting the gym with me today?’
He grinned. ‘I thought you’d never ask. Music to my ears.’
She wheeled in the chair that was parked in the corridor outside, taking care to help him change position and ease into it. Riley stood up.
She gave him a tight smile. ‘I take it you have other patients to see? I can leave a report for you about how John does in the gym.’
But it seemed that the more she tried to brush off Riley, the more determined he became. And the most annoying thing about that was how casual he was about it. He didn’t act offended. He didn’t appear to be angry. He just seemed determined to hang around.
She pushed John down the corridor to the state-of-the-art gym. It was specially designed for patients with spinal cord injuries and amputations. April turned towards Riley. If he was going to hang around, she might as well use him.
‘I’ve looked over John’s wound and think it’s looking good. Good enough to take part in a walking trial. What do you think?’
Riley nodded. ‘It’s healing well. No problems. I think it would be useful to see how John manages.’
April gave a nod and took the chair closer to the parallel walking bars. She turned around and picked up what she’d left in preparation for today’s session. ‘We’re going to try one of these,’ she said, smiling as she watched the expression on John’s face.
‘What on earth is that?’
She kept smiling. ‘It’s called a pam aid. Pneumatic Post-Amputation Mobility Aid. It’s basically an inflatable leg. It helps reduce the swelling around your stump and helps you walk again. We need to assess your muscle strength and standing tolerance.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘And the big one—your balance.’ She gestured behind her. ‘We always start with the parallel bars.’
John frowned. ‘Can’t you just give me one of those prosthetic limbs and let me get on with it?’
Riley stood up alongside as April started to make adjustments to John’s stump-shrinker compression sock. ‘If you manage well with your walking trial over the next few days then we’ll make arrangements to have you fitted with a prosthetic limb. But it has to be made just for you. And we have to wait until your wound is completely healed and any residual swelling has gone down.’
John gave a nod. ‘Then let’s get started. I want to be out of this wheelchair as soon as I can be.’
It was almost like being under the microscope. Even though she knew Riley was there to observe John, every move she made, every conversation that she started felt a little forced. She hadn’t even been this self-conscious when she was a student and was being assessed.
Riley, on the other hand, seemed completely at ease. He cr
acked jokes with John and kept him distracted while April got things ready.
But she was conscious of the way he watched. It was annoying. Her emotions were heightened.
Eventually she stopped keeping the false smile on her face. ‘Are you going to do something to actually help?’
Riley’s brow furrowed with a deep frown. Now, finally, he looked annoyed. He glanced around the gym as he positioned himself next to John. ‘What would you like me to do?’
April pulled herself into professional mode. It was the safest place to be. Then she wouldn’t notice those eyes. Then she wouldn’t focus on the fresh smell stretching across the room towards her.
She didn’t even look at him. She waved her hand. ‘I’ll stay on one side of John. You stay on the other.’
She bent forward in front of John. ‘First time standing on your own can be difficult. I’m going to let you push yourself up—it’s best if you can get a sense of your own balance without us taking your weight. Don’t worry. If it’s too painful, we can help you sit back down, and we’re on either side; we won’t let you fall.’
John nodded. Guys who’d served always had a grim determination about every task. They didn’t like to fail at anything and John was no different. He placed a hand on either parallel bar and pulled himself up sharply. April kept her hands off but close by, ready to catch him if he swayed. There was a kind of groan. Weight bearing on a stump for the first time would be sending a whole new range of sensations about John’s body. She didn’t look up at Riley. He had adopted a similar position to herself, ready to take the strain of John’s weight if it were necessary.
After around thirty seconds, John’s breathing started to slow a little. ‘Okay,’ he said gruffly. ‘It’s not exactly comfortable, but it’s bearable.’ He turned his head to April. ‘Do I get to walk in this thing?’
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