The Resolutions

by Mia Garcia

  Her mother would fight for this. Want this for Lee.

  But more than that.

  Lee might just want this for herself.

  Nora

  HER ALARM WOULD go off in ten minutes. Nora stared at her ceiling, waiting for the eventual wail from her phone. She’d been up early each morning, unable to keep away the dreams that had months before filled her with hope for the future. Now when Nora dreamed of walking down the streets of Paris and learning the art of the French macaron, she woke up to the somber reality that it would never happen.

  The alarm went off. Nora felt the scream crawl up her throat until she reached for the nearest pillow and buried her face in it.

  It was best to let it all out before school, before La Islita. Not that her mother would notice—she’d been running around in a whirlwind of plans since the news broke—which turned out well for Nora. It meant she didn’t have to hide behind a smile as much.

  Why was it so hard now? Why couldn’t she slip back to the way she was before? She’d always been fine with a life at La Islita, why couldn’t she be fine again?

  Even as she tried to shut down the thoughts of what could’ve been, they continued to sneak in.

  School was a flurry of classes and attempts at a brave face. All around her classmates talked college and majors, the grand dreams that awaited them as soon as the year was over. When asked about her own plans, Nora recited the future her mother had planned: working part-time at La Islita and taking business courses on the side. Finally taking over the store when the time called for it.

  But no matter what she said, her mind continued to whisper: What if? What if? What if?

  The whispers got stronger when she saw her reflection and the tangle of pink curls that begged for new adventures and bright futures. Where would that Nora be if it wasn’t for the expansion? She’d curl her fingers through her hair wondering if she’d let this new Nora down somehow.

  Jess was particularly invested in checking in on her each day.

  Jess: Hey! How is it going?

  Not great. Today whenever Nora’s mind drifted it carried her to the warm sunny streets of California and the Culinary Institute campus. She really had studied those photos well.

  Nora: Feel like running away?

  Jess: Yes. When do we leave?

  Nora stared at her phone and imagined buying a one-way ticket.

  Jess: Seriously, I can leave tomorrow. You in?

  Nora: Where would we go?

  Jess: Anywhere. Let’s do it!

  Her heart answered for her: New York, California, Paris. The places she’d narrowed down for schools. Now just reminders of what a fool she was.

  Jess: Nora?

  Nora: Never mind. Talk later, OK?

  It was her own fault she’d let herself dream. There was always just one path for her, and she would just need to remember that no matter what it took. No matter what it took from her.

  Ryan

  THE WEEKEND BEFORE the Halloween party they met for a day of pizza and movie marathons—they all needed it. Well, Ryan, Jess, and Nora needed it. Nora was doing her best to pretend La Islita’s expansion wasn’t crushing her soul. Even though they’d repeatedly told her she didn’t have to put on a brave face with them and they would back her up with her mom if she needed it, she acted like she’d tossed out the dreams of culinary school and no longer cared. Jess was a frazzle of nerves, which made them admit that Jess’s resolution wasn’t going as planned. After the party they needed to find a way to bring it back to the original idea: fun.

  Somehow.

  Lee . . . well, Lee was actually fine. She was thinking of doing film studies and smiling a lot more than usual, which made Ryan just a tad suspicious, but he was too preoccupied with trying to follow his grandmother’s advice and uncover this new Ryan inside of him. And then figure out how to paint a portrait of him.

  “Do you think Tim Burton knows there are other actors in the world?” Lee was hogging all the popcorn and making the most horrible faces at the screen.

  “We can just change the channel.” Ryan reached over Nora for a handful of buttery goodness.

  “I’m waiting for The Nightmare Before Christmas to come on. It’s the perfect combo of my two favorite holidays.”

  “That’s not for like another hour. We can find something else to watch in the meantime.”

  Lee thought it over and decided to suffer through it. “Meh—déjalo, I’ll just make fun of it.”

  “I thought you liked Sweeney Todd,” Nora said.

  “Sure, I like the story.” Lee made another face at the screen, sticking out her tongue. “But this adaptation? Nope. It’s so constrained.”

  “I’m pretty sure Burton used like eighty gallons of fake blood for his movie,” Nora said.

  “It has nothing to do with the blood, it’s like there’s so much passion and anger in the songs and everyone here is just like blah pretty singing blah don’t I look so goth and shit, like whatever, make me FEEL it.”

  “Can you please pass the popcorn?” Ryan reached again as Lee held it farther and farther away.

  “Why is this playlist five hours long now?” Jess peered at Nora’s laptop screen. Nora hopped over, scooting Jess from the chair until they both had one butt cheek on it.

  “Because it’s a party.”

  “I know, but five hours?” Jess scratched her palm, Ryan wondered if the idea of it lasting that long was making her itch. The closer they got to the party, the more frazzled Jess seemed. “That feels excessive.”

  “It will be over before you know it, and you’ll be able to check it off the List of Doom.”

  “It’s not the List of Doom,” Jess said, looking a bit hurt, though maybe she was just tired. “I just don’t remember ever being at a party for that long.”

  “You haven’t.” Ryan tossed kernels at Jess until she smiled. “We usually leave after two hours, but people come at different times. Just relax. Everything will be fine.”

  “I still can’t believe my parents said yes.”

  “Es . . .” Lee thought for a moment, testing out the Spanish for a second. It made them all super proud the more secure she felt in it. “. . . tu culpa?” Ryan nodded, and Lee smiled. “If you’d rebelled more they wouldn’t trust so much.”

  “That’s true.” Nora curled up to Jess. “You have no one to blame but your awesome self.”

  There was a knock at Ryan’s door as Sweeney Todd split a man’s neck open and a fountain of bright-red blood spurted out.

  Katie stood transfixed by the shower of red.

  “KatKat, don’t look at the screen,” Ryan shouted. “You’ll get nightmares.”

  “I know that’s fake. I’m not a child,” Katie said, hands on hips.

  He smiled at his sister. “I mean, you are . . . so . . .”

  She stuck out her tongue. “Want to play? I built a fort to invade, then tea but it’s really apple juice, then coloring, then a dance party.”

  “Sounds like a good time,” Lee replied. “¿Quizás más tarde, okay?”

  Katie squealed, running out of the room. It would be her bedtime in a half hour anyway.

  Jess joined them on the floor, checking off things on her phone. “Okay, so playlist done, chips, cups . . .”

  Ryan pulled the phone away from her. “Okay, you need a break, you are fine. You don’t have to plan a five-course meal for this shit, it’s a party, not a family event.”

  “But—”

  “We understand the impulse, we’ve all been to a fair share of events with at least one buffet table.” They all nodded. “But this is basic: drinks, low lighting, music, like a half a chip for everyone, THAT’S IT. Remember the bonfire?”

  “Vaguely.”

  “I think I had one drink and a whisper of a chip—no one cares as long as there’s loud music, beer, and low lighting.”

  “I told my parents no beer, though . . .”

  “Jess, they aren’t dumb, they know there will be beer.”


  “This is making me feel worse.”

  “I’ll stop talking then.”

  “This movie does not get better.” Lee finally caved and changed the channel. “Have you heard back from Jason?”

  Ugh.

  “Not after the initial invite reaction.”

  “So do you think he’ll come?”

  Probably not. It would be just another in the string of invites that Jason was either too busy to make or his life got in the way of. “Maybe.”

  A SENIOR YEAR miracle arrived the next day.

  A message from Jason:

  Shit—I’m so sorry about not messaging sooner. I’m a flake.

  Ryan wanted to wait to respond, but only held out for ten minutes. Soon they fell into the back and forth of rapid texting. He’d almost had the courage to bring up the show again when:

  You should come up this weekend! My friends are having a party, and I’d love to see you. It’s not that far of a ride. What do you say? Will you let me show you off before the big show makes you famous?

  Holy shit.

  He read the text again and again. He’d love to see him?

  This weekend was Jess’s party and he couldn’t miss it, not after he made Jess throw it. What kind of a shit friend was he? His phone buzzed with a new message.

  Jason: I hope I didn’t scare you off.

  Ryan: No. Not at all.

  Jason: Really meant it. It would be great to see you.

  Ryan: Me too. I’ve been hoping we could really catch up for a while now.

  About the breakup. About himself. He thought back to what his grandmother said, that maybe he needed closure. Talking to Jason about why they broke up would be a start.

  Jason: Yeah, me too. So will you come? I can send you the party details.

  He should say no and suggest another day, but what if this was his last chance? What if this was exactly what he needed?

  Jason: Helllooo?

  Ryan: Can you give me a bit to figure it out? Had something that day but maybe I can do your party first and then head over there.

  After all, closure didn’t need to take all night, did it? And he could still be back in time for Jess’s party. Most of it anyway.

  Jason: Totally! I promise not to keep you long. ☺

  He paced around the room—Jess would kill him, but he could make it up to her, of course. This was it; it had to be it. He would get all the answers he needed and then that would be it.

  He started to text Jess, then thought better of it and called.

  “Hey,” Jess answered. “Is everything okay?”

  “You are going to hate me.” Ryan laid it all out and waited.

  “Are you serious?” Her voice was quiet, sad more than pissed.

  “Jess, please.”

  “The party was all your idea, and now you’re going to bail on me?”

  “Don’t think of it as bailing,” he argued. “I’m not flaking or anything, I just really need to do this.”

  Silence.

  “I know you’re angry.”

  She sighed but didn’t reply.

  “But you’ve got this, and I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

  “I just . . .” He could hear the doubt in her voice.

  “Jess . . . I need to see him in person. Between my classes, his internships, and apparently everything ever, we could only chat a little and now there’s this opportunity to talk, to really talk, and, Jess, you know how life gets. What if this is it? And you guys were right.”

  “We are?”

  He took a deep breath. “I have to move on, but it feels like I keep pulling myself back. And I know it has to do with Jason, and maybe if I can talk to him face-to-face, maybe . . . I don’t know. Something will happen.”

  “Do you still love him?”

  “I don’t think so.” Every part of him knew he was lying. Deep down he still had feelings for Jason, and a part of him wondered selfishly if this meeting would lead to other things.

  “I don’t know if I believe you.”

  He wouldn’t believe him either.

  “There’s not really a first love manual, Jess, so I’m just trying to figure stuff out, and I think—I think the answer means going to see him and figuring it out.”

  “So you’re going.”

  He realized that he’d never intended to ask permission. “Yes.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was soft, defeated.

  “Don’t hate me.”

  “You know I can’t hate you.”

  “I don’t know, you’re pretty good at everything.”

  “Doesn’t really feel that way lately.” Jess’s voice was so quiet he could hardly hear it through the phone.

  Neither of them spoke for a moment.

  “Jess . . .”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Her voice brightened. “Go get ’em, I guess. Good luck.”

  “Ditto.”

  His heart fluttered as they hung up. This was happening, this was really happening.

  Ryan: All set. I will see you Saturday.

  Jason: Can’t wait! Sending you details now.

  The empty canvas still sat across his room waiting for Ryan. Maybe after the weekend he would finally find himself. Now all he had to do was wait for the weekend to get here already.

  Jess

  THE WEEKEND NEEDED to be over already. Jess slashed another bag of ice into the bucket, contemplating throwing it over her head to drown out the repetitive thoughts calling her a huge failure.

  She still couldn’t believe it. How had she missed it? It was one of the big scholarships too—one that would’ve made it a lot easier for her parents to send two siblings to college at the same time—and Jess had missed the deadline.

  Somehow, even through all of her obsessing and careful planning, all it took was one packed day to ruin everything. One day of school, Student Council meetings, track, and the center that resulted in Jess collapsing in bed, ignoring the flash of her phone signaling another reminder going off. One had gone off earlier that she’d forgotten to check between running from practice to the center, but she assured herself she would do it just as she got home. And she did, only to shoot up out of bed in a panic. LAST DAY to mail the Unidos Scholarship. She almost threw up the second she read it.

  After weeks and weeks of reworking the essay and pushing it until the final moment, she’d missed it.

  Now no matter how loud or fun Nora’s playlist was, it couldn’t drown out the disappointment in her head. In fact, the thrum of the beat was making her headache even worse. On top of that there was no room to breathe—the entire senior class was here—thanks in part to the mini panic attack she’d had while putting the guest list together and wondering who to invite and who to snub and eventually imagining what those who weren’t invited would say about her. It was just easier to invite everyone in the class, but then of course she’d gotten questions about friends in other grades, causing another mini attack and well, in the end Jess had just said yes to everyone. Well, at least that’s in keeping with my resolution, Jess thought grimly.

  Now it was Halloween, and her house was packed with vampires, uninspired football “costumes,” and anything that could be bought at the dollar store the day before. Costumes were not mandatory because if Jess had to add figuring that out into her schedule, she would, in fact, have hurt someone. Every other moment someone pushed up against her with a muffled “sorry” as she tried to navigate her house.

  There would still be other scholarships, fifteen in fact, but who’s to say she wouldn’t miss those as well? She was already pushing herself as far as she could to get everything done, but what if that wasn’t good enough? In a panic she pulled out her phone, once again checking that she hadn’t missed sending in the early decision application to Brown. No not yet, but it was coming up soon.

  I should be working on that and not hosting a stupid party.

  The headache had started at the back of her head
and had now traveled all the way to the bridge of her nose and neck. Her body was stiff and on alert as the world around her existed at too high a volume. Waste of time. Maybe she should run away, hide in her room while the whole thing just continued on without her. Maybe then she could get some work done. Looking around at the crowds of people gathered, she knew no one would give a shit if she disappeared.

  Okay, maybe not no one. Her body relaxed for a second as she felt Nora slip her hands around her waist, placing a glitter-covered cheek just below her shoulder.

  “How are you doing?”

  She tried to laugh but wasn’t sure that’s what it sounded like. “Like the night is still young, and that’s not a good thing.”

  Nora came around, her brown roots coming back in, making the bright pink stand out more. She’d worn a dark-pink short dress and wings to match her hair; Lee said she’d come straight out of the Jem comic book. “Just try to have fun. I know you’re still thinking about the scholarship, but it will be okay, I promise.” She wished she had Nora’s confidence in her. “I locked all the bedroom doors so no one can go make out in them, and I gave David the key.”

  “Thank you.” The last thing she needed was gross stains in her parents’ bedroom, though, looking around, she wasn’t so sure the rest of the house would fare any better.

  Nora touched the tip of her nose when Jess kept avoiding eye contact. “You’re already counting down the hours, aren’t you?”

  She nodded, taking a deep breath and counting to ten as she released it. “Helps me stay calm. Don’t judge me.”

  “Never.”

  “How are you doing?” Jess needed to shift focus fast before her mind tumbled down alleys she didn’t want it to. “Have you talked to your mom yet?”

  Nora scrunched up her face and shook her head. “No, she’s like in fantasyland and eventually I’ll just come join her. I am so tired of dealing with it, and I guess tired of not dealing with it. Life sucks.”

  “Don’t give up,” Jess said—maybe to herself as much as Nora.

  Nora placed her hands on Jess’s shoulders. “¿Sabes qué? Not tonight. Tonight I’m going to dance the crap out of this playlist with my girls.” She pulled Jess’s hand. “I can think about my future another day. How about you?”