My Big Fat Supernatural Honeymoon

by My Big Fat Supernatural Honeymoon(lit)

  I rose unsteadily. A good half-dozen suckers swarmed into the cave, sniffing, probably uncertain of what to do. Without the sorcerer’s will guiding them, they would mill around for a few seconds before their pack mentality reasserted itself.

  More cries from up above. “Mitch! Mitch goddammit—” Choked off. Of course, if there were suckers down here there would have to be ones up there, it was one of their favorite hunting grounds. Food delivered right to their door.

  This is going to be interesting. Mitch, you dumbass.

  No time for thought. I shifted and launched myself toward the cave entrance, for light, for love, for Kat.

  A GUNSHOT CRACKED PREDAWN HUSH. HARV TOOK HIS foot from the sucker’s neck as its head exploded into ash. “One thing I’ve always hated about this town.” He paused as Kat brought the last stake down with a convulsive movement. It sank into sucker flesh like an ax biting deep into wood, and I let up on the thing’s throat as it turned to ash. “It’s all the damn vampires.”

  The sheriff holstered his gun. Dense cotton fog was filling the valley, creeping in on little cat feet. To one side, a battered Chevy Caprice painted primer-gray stood with both driver’s and passenger’s doors open. Gravel ground into my knees as I slumped, breathing heavily, staring at the carnage even now dissolving into dust.

  “Are you all right?” Kat dropped her stake and cupped my face in her hands, examining me. “Mitch? Talk to me. Are you okay?”

  I dunno, sweetpea. Am I? I found my voice, and realized with relief that I was in human form. When had I changed back? I couldn’t tell. I was bone-weary, little scrapes all over me singing with pain as the grit worked its way ever-finer against my skin, sandpaper rasping. “What happened?” I coughed hoarsely, hawking a wad of something dry, spitting toward the edge. False dawn was coming up, streaks of gray in the east.

  Kat let go of me and sat back on her heels, sparing a glance at the drifts of dust settling in the stillness. “You were asleep, so I snuck outside to take another look at the garden. Something about that attack didn’t seem quite right to me until I found this.” She dug in her jeans pocket and dragged out a small leather pouch, humming as it dangled from its strap. Another fetish, probably the one Evans had used to get the suckers to jump Kat in the garden. “I heard a car and hid in the kudzu. Some man in a truck drove up, went into the house, he and Evans came out carrying something that looked an awful lot like a body. I snuck back into the house to get you, but you were gone. Then Evans came back up and sicced her sanguinant on me.” A small shrug. “They were confused by the fetish, so after the fight I popped out the window and ran like hell. The truck had disappeared, you were gone, and I had a very bad feeling about it. So I hiked to that other bed-and-breakfast—the one you didn’t like, remember? I pounded on the door until they opened up and had them call 911. Turns out Harvey here is an Argentum. Isn’t that funny?”

  “Hilarious.” I struggled to process this. Kat was alive, sitting right in front of me, and covered in dirt, blood, mud, guck, and the dried remnants of mugwort paste. She had a scrape on her forehead, her cheek was still glaring purple, and one of her hands was bound with a dirty gauze bandage. Her T-shirt was torn, but she’d tied it together, the knot underneath her breasts, her nipples clearly visible against the thin material.

  Harv’s wide Sam Browne belt creaked as he lowered himself stiffly to one knee. He still moved pretty well, for an old fat man. “God have mercy on these poor bastuds. I been trying to figure out what it is with Lover’s Leap for years. Kids vanish all the time, and somehow this place always seems connected. But these suckers is tricky—I could only kill ‘em by one or two. I’ve known Widder Evans for years, never thought she was the sorceress type.”

  “She must have learned it from someone,” Kat pointed out. “Where were you, Mitch?”

  “There’s a cave.” I swallowed dryly, my throat clicking. “Under the edge there. Something’s in it. Evans is too, and some of her suckers. I think I killed her.”

  A few moments of absolute silence ruled Lover’s Leap. Gray light strengthened in the east, and the fog tightened its grip on Cotton Crossing’s points of light.

  “Well, goddammit.” Harv sounded disgusted. “I woulda liked to question her, son. A cave, you say?”

  I wasn’t thinking of arresting her, you Southern-fried ape. “Right under the edge.” My hands went out, curled around Kat’s shoulders. She was alive and breathing, and her blue eyes sparkled as they met mine. She looked happy enough to bust. “I’d take a few people in there with you, though. Looks like an active nest, and there’s a chunk of what looks like obsidian. Evans was using it for something.”

  “Harv called in. There will be a few more Argentum out here by late morning. Can you believe they have to drive all the way from Richmond?”

  Sweet merciful Sun. She’s alive. “I am going to tan your hide,” I mumbled. “Out sneaking around at night.”

  “I should tan yours, Fido. Going into a nest alone.” But she leaned into my hands, and the next thing I knew she was in my arms, stinking of bloodsucker but under that, warm and alive and my Kat.

  “I hate to interrupt.” Harv hitched up his belt, his small eyes gleaming in the strengthening light. “But they’s some more work to be done here, and you’d best help me do it. Then you best be on your way. I can clean this up with a little help from the Ordah, but I don’t want folks noticin’ you tangled up in’m.”

  Christ, I can’t wait to get out of this town. I made a muffled noise of assent, and planted a grateful kiss on Kat’s dirty hair before helping her to her feet.

  “MITCH.” SHE POKED ME IN THE RIBS, “WAKE up. It’s past noon.”

  I groaned, rolling over and burying my face in the pillow. “Go ‘way.” Running around changed and half-changed all night right after being poisoned did not make for a happy morning Sunrunner.

  She bounced on the edge of the bed, hardly able to contain herself. Where does she find all that energy? The motel room windows were dusty, but she’d pulled the shades back and a flood of sunlight poured through to touch the tired carpet. We were twenty miles from Cotton Crossing, as far as I could drive without passing out and veering us off the road, and the motel was that peculiar Southern roadside type that took cash and didn’t ask any questions when a dirty man came in at dawn looking for a room.

  “I just called Harv. He’s really a very nice man. He had some news.”

  Sweet merciful Sun. “Didn’t we agree—”

  “—that I’m not going be involved in that investigation anymore, yes, I know, ad nauseam, ad infinitum. I just wanted to check in. Did you know there was an old legend about Lover’s Leap?”

  I don’t want to hear it. “Mrph.” I tried plugging my ears with the pillow, but she wrestled it away. I didn’t fight too hard—she was probably tired too, bruised and aching.

  Yeah. Like that would slow her down.

  “Seems a Confederate bride got news of her young man’s death and threw herself off. After that, kids started scaring each other half to death with stories about Bloody Mary Evans. Mrs. Evans was her direct descendant.” She shook my shoulder, but gently. “Try to act interested, at least. There’s another legend too, an older one.”

  “Yeah?” I pried an eyelid open, mostly for the joy of looking at her. She was still bruised, dried mugwort paste daubed on her swollen cheek and gashed forehead. Her hair was still wet from the shower, and she wore one of my button-down shirts. It came down almost to her knees.

  Damn, she’s gorgeous. Did I mention the woman just has no mercy?

  “The local Algonquians had a legend about Lover’s Leap. They called it something that translates out to ‘hungry rock.’ The legend says it was once a stone belonging to one of their shamans, but the shaman got bit by a beast and died. Only he didn’t stay dead, his spirit went into the rock and got bigger and bigger and made most of the tribe vanish. This was right after the white man got here, so scholars thought it was a story about smallpox. Only—�
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  “Hungry rock. That makes sense.” I shivered, suddenly fully awake. “Ugh.”

  “Whatever’s in that cave, the Argentum will take care of. There’s just one thing that worries me.” Her eyebrows drew together, and I saw trouble on the horizon.

  “Oh, no. No. Come on, Kat. Harv told us to get out and stay out. He won’t be able to help us if law enforcement gets wind of Evans’s body.”

  “Please.” She gave the notion short shrift. “He is the law enforcement around there. He could really use a hand, though. He’s getting old, and he needs an apprentice. Speaking of apprentice, that’s what bothers me.”

  I laced my fingers behind my head and looked at her. Her hair glowed in the reflected sunlight, and even in a cheap motel room she was the best damn thing I’d ever seen. “What, sweetpea?”

  “Just where did Evans learn sorcery? Harv knew she was a little eccentric, but he swears there wasn’t a sorcerer in town for a good fifty years. He says he would have known, and I believe him. And the guy you left tied up in his pickup is nowhere to be found.”

  I groaned again. “No more mysteries. We killed the bad guy and we’re both still breathing. Chalk it up to a win and leave it alone.”

  “I don’t know. It just bothers me.” But she smiled, and leaned down, her hair falling in my face. “You came all the way out there to rescue me, didn’t you?”

  Of course I did. “Yep.”

  “My hero.” Her mouth met mine, and things were progressing very satisfactorily for a long while until she broke away for some breath. “But I’m picking the next hotel, Mitch. And you’re still in the doghouse.”

  Half of being married, I guess, is knowing when to keep your mouth shut. The other half is probably knowing when to open it. Which for any reasonable man is close to never, when it comes to women.

  So I settled for diplomacy, us being on our honeymoon and all. “Sure thing, sweetpea. Now kiss me again.”

  And she did.

  I’m a lucky man.

  Lilith Saintcrow is best known for her Dante Valentine series, featuring a trigger-happy Necromance and lots of demons. She lives in Vancouver, Washington, with her husband, three children, four cats, and various other strays. You can find Lili online at www.lilithsaintcrow.com.

  A WULF IN GROOM’S CLOTHING

  Ronda Thompson

  The Wulf name is cursed. True passion rouses and releases the beast in males of the bloodline, but can facing a worst enemy—even the one lurking within—cast out the spirit?

  LAURA WULF WAS A CITY GIRL ALL THE way. She knew her husband of five hours enjoyed monthly trips into the woods. Sam liked to fish, hunt, and do whatever it was that men did when they became one with nature, but Laura had never wanted to stay anywhere there wasn’t an outlet for her blow-dryer and a Starbucks on the corner.

  That was something she had failed to mention to Sam during their eight-month whirlwind courtship. Laura had, in fact, alluded to the opposite. Sam believed she loved the great outdoors as much as he did. How could she fool him for a whole week?

  “What do you think of our love nest, Mrs. Wulf?”

  The cabin resembled some type of nest, all right; Laura just didn’t see “fantastic honeymoon location” written all over it. There were lights on, however, so true his word, there really was electricity. A faint scent of pine mixed with Lemon Pledge hung in the air, suggesting that Sam had tried to tidy up in preparation for their stay.

  But the place was small, a little run-down looking, and there were plaid drapes on the windows. The walls were paneled in pine and the floors were old hardwood, scuffed and in need of a good varnish. But the wood in the cabin wasn’t really the problem for her. It was the woods outside.

  “I know you deserve better, but with our work schedules and the cost of the wedding, it’s the best I can do for now, baby.”

  One glance into Sam’s big brown puppy dog eyes almost made Laura forget about the plaid drapes and the even scarier decor of the rugged outdoors beyond the windows. Maybe this wasn’t the honeymoon she’d always dreamed of having, but they were together. They were married. That should be all that mattered.

  “It’s not that bad,” she lied. “And you’re right. It’s definitely private.”

  Sam pulled her into his arms. “We’re going to have a fantastic time here. Who in their right mind doesn’t like a peaceful week in the woods?”

  Goldilocks didn’t like her short jaunt into the woods. Neither did Little Red Riding Hood. Hansel and Gretel… The list went on and on. It struck Laura that from a young age children were taught to distrust the woods. Bad things happened there.

  “It’s really kind of charming,” she forced herself to say, and tried harder to make herself believe. Glancing around, she noticed the bunk beds. Bunk beds? It was their honeymoon! Nodding toward the beds, Laura asked, “Do I get to be on top or bottom?”

  Nuzzling her neck, he answered, “Baby, you can have whatever position you want.”

  Now he was talking. There was at least one sport Laura didn’t mind getting sweaty while doing with her sexy husband. But first she wanted to prepare for her wedding night. “I’m taking a shower.”

  “Bathroom’s in there.” Sam nodded toward the only door in the cabin besides the front one. “I’ll put two bunks together and make one bed for us. It’ll be romantic. You’ll see.”

  Romantic? Laura had reservations but she grabbed her overnight bag and headed for the bathroom. She switched on the light, pleased to see a plug for her blow-dryer. Maybe five days in the woods, away from the city and their hectic job schedules, would be more romantic than she could currently wrap her brain around.

  They both did need downtime after their whirlwind courtship and the stress of planning a wedding. Some thought their decision to marry was too hasty, but Laura didn’t have a single doubt she’d done the right thing by marrying Sam Wulf. It had been love at first sight, made stronger when she got to know him over the past few months.

  Besides being absolutely gorgeous, Sam was also considerate, sensitive, and one hell of a lover. He was almost too good to be true. And he was hers. That thought made her smile, even if the bathroom wasn’t much larger than a broom closet.

  The water was thankfully warm and not the same ugly brown shade as the plaid drapes in the other room. Laura soaped herself with sensuous-smelling shower gel. The smell of lavender calmed her. There were no wedding-night jitters, just an antsy feeling about being stuck in the woods for a week. She and Sam couldn’t spend all of their time in bed. What else were they going to do?

  Knowing her husband, things that involved lots of physical exertion, not only indoors but outdoors, as well. Sam owned a landscaping business, which was how Laura had met him. She’d hired him and his crew to spruce up a few properties she planned to flip in her private real estate practice. The first time he’d shown up at a fixer-upper to discuss the bid, Sam had the job. He was worth any price just to see if he’d take off his shirt while he worked. He had, and Laura spent far too much time at the property just watching him labor in the hot sun.

  One thing led to another and they’d started going out eight months ago. Now she was Mrs. Sam Wulf. And Laura couldn’t be happier. The shower suddenly turned cold, causing her to squeal. Okay, she could be a little happier. Laura could be somewhere else on her honeymoon.

  “You all right in there?” Sam called through the door.

  Quickly turning off the water, which didn’t have much pressure in the first place, she answered, “The water turned cold!”

  “Small water heater. You’ll have to take quick showers while we’re here.”

  Quick showers? Small water heater? Bunk beds? “I can do this,” she vowed, stepping from the shower and grabbing up a fluffy towel.

  “Need help drying off?”

  “No you don’t.” Laura laughed. “I’m surprising you with this naughty negligee even if I only have it on for five minutes. You’re supposed to be creating a romantic atmosphere.”

>   “Just waiting for you to complete the picture. I’m ready, baby. More than ready.”

  That got her blood pumping again. Laura dried off, ran a brush through her hair, slipped into an indecent black sheer negligee, matching tiny thong underwear, and high-heeled black slippers. Switching off the overhead light, she opened the door.

  In the short time Laura had been in the shower, Sam transformed the small cabin. Several candles were lit and placed around the room. Two large windows were thrown open, allowing the silvery light from a full moon to shine in upon the bunks he’d put together. Her husband was already in bed, bathed in a soft glow that highlighted his tawny muscles and hid his face in shadows.

  “Wow,” she whispered.

  “Wow yourself,” came his response from bed. “Get over here, woman. I plan to ravish you.”

  The way Sam nearly growled the words sent a shot of pure lust racing through her. Laura moved on wobbly legs to the bed. It wasn’t that she was unskilled in walking in three-inch heels; to the contrary, the stiletto points kept getting caught in the cracks of the floor. Halfway to the bed, she kicked them off. Sam laughed softly.

  “I should have warned you about bringing high heels of any sort to the woods. You did bring a pair of sensible shoes to hike around in, right?”

  Hike around? The question drew her up short. Laura had brought a darling pair of denim flats she should be able to stroll outside wearing, but she’d pictured any walking they might do more in the way of short moonlit strolls a few feet from the cabin and back. Just as she feared, Sam had other ideas for them.

  “Yes,” she answered. “I brought woods-appropriate attire.”

  “I like what you’re wearing right now, even if you’re not going to be wearing it for long.” He patted the bed. “Hurry up or I’m coming to get you.”

  Worry over the hiking remark faded. It was her wedding night. She continued toward the bed, moving with a sensuous sway to her hips the heels hadn’t allowed her to carry off. Laura had almost reached the bed when something sharp jabbed the bottom of her foot. The sting made her cry out. A second later Sam was there, scooping her up in his arms.