The Little Shop of Hopes and Dreams (Mills & Boon M&B)

by Fiona Harper

  Nicole just picked up the tray of empties and prepared to take them back to the kitchen.

  ‘No,’ Celeste said in a cloying tone, ‘it’s not Penelope she knows…it’s Jasper. Helena told us all about it.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘Didn’t you have a fling with him once?’

  ‘Actually, we went out for two years.’

  Celeste shrugged the information off as unimportant.

  However, it seemed that Minty wasn’t finished with her yet. Nicole was quickly realising that she was the more vicious of the two. ‘Well, it’s quality that counts, not quantity,’ she said. She glanced at the doors to the ballroom. ‘Didn’t he start going out with Penelope not long after he dumped you? They’re so good together…a perfect fit.’

  She must have seen a flicker of emotion in Nicole’s eyes, because she stepped in closer, went in for the kill. ‘Helena said you got quite hysterical about it, went all stalker on him.’

  Nicole said nothing. Yes, she had been heartbroken when Jasper had finished it. She’d loved him, for goodness’ sake! Jasper hadn’t been very forthcoming with explanations at first, probably too ashamed of his own snobbishness. A couple of phone calls to try to work out what the heck had gone wrong between them hardly constituted psychotic behaviour!

  But it wouldn’t do her any good to tell these two any of that. They’d made up their minds about her from the first day they’d met her, hadn’t they? She’d been labelled inferior and worthless because she Wasn’t Like Them.

  Celeste came to stand next to Minty. ‘Didn’t you go to Hurstdean with Helena?’

  She took in Nicole’s uniform again. The blouse had continued to misbehave and was now riding up on one side.

  ‘Ten years on and you’re reduced to waitressing? God, what a waste of a good education.’

  ‘Well,’ Minty drawled, joining in the fun. ‘It goes to show that you can take the girl out of the council estate, but you can’t take the council estate out of the girl.’

  Nicole knew that the words were designed to hurt, that she should just laugh them off, but that didn’t stop the stinging sensation deep down in her stomach. It didn’t stop humiliation flooding her face, warm and red. What had she ever done to these two?

  She looked at the carpet, cross with herself that tears were prickling in the corners of her eyes, that her nose was burning. She’d come too far to let them reduce her to this state. The new Nicole she’d become was supposed to shield her from feeling like this, but after all these years, all the changes she’d made, it hadn’t worked.

  That was when her anger changed course, when it stopped eating inwards and started radiating out through her pores. It grew and grew, until the urge to whack the pair of them upside the head with the reassuringly heavy metal tray became almost irresistible.

  But Nicole wasn’t as stupid as they were callous. She placed the tray back down on the table—just in case the daft side of her that kept hijacking her life decided to put in another appearance—and pulled herself up to her full height.

  ‘I have nothing to be ashamed of,’ she told them. ‘Even if I was a waitress full-time, there’s nothing wrong in that. Maybe some of us don’t have the luxury of starting life at the top of the heap, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work our way up there.’

  They were looking back at her, too stunned to say anything, so she just kept going. ‘I’m proud of where I come from, proud of my family, who’ve worked so hard to give me opportunities they never had. So my dad hasn’t showered me in diamonds from birth, but he’s taught me about love and respect, the value of an honest day’s work. Those things are far more precious. But if you haven’t got that by now, you probably never will, and because of that I refuse to be intimidated by you. In fact, I feel sorry for you.’

  Celeste’s mouth flapped and Minty looked as if she were about to have a stroke.

  Nicole picked up the tray. ‘Nice to see you again, girls,’ she said, looking at them each in turn. And it had been. She felt as if a chapter of her life had slammed shut. ‘You’ll have to excuse me now. I need to get back to work.’

  With that she turned and strode away, leaving them staring after her.

  ‘This isn’t over!’ Celeste called after her, finally finding her voice.

  ‘It is for me,’ she yelled back. Not a single glass on her tray wobbled as she made her exit.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  She was standing on the terrace overlooking the Thames, the only soul daring enough to brave the sharp December winds, especially now the slash of pale blue low on the horizon was the only hint the sun had graced this day with its presence. Alex slipped through the door and let it close behind him. Nicole flinched, indicating she’d heard it, but didn’t turn round.

  ‘What now?’ she asked, staring out over the river. ‘You’ve come back to make fun of my voice? Where my parents live? The fact I take the Tube rather than being carted around in a litter by serfs?’

  Alex stepped forward. ‘I don’t want to make fun of you.’

  She spun around. ‘Oh, it’s you.’

  While she’d been facing the other way, her voice had sounded strong, defiant, but now he could see silvery streaks down her face. It made him feel as if he’d been kicked in the chest by a horse. ‘Don’t cry.’ He walked over to her, brushed away the wet trail on one of her cheeks with his thumb. ‘Who did you think I was?’

  She shook her head and backed away. He couldn’t tell if it was because she didn’t want to talk or because she didn’t want to be near him.

  ‘Just stupid girls I used to work with. They’re guests here at the wedding. For some reason they’ve always had it in for me and I’ve never understood why.’

  Alex glanced back towards the hotel. He knew there had been hundreds of people there that day, but it didn’t stop him trying to picture whom Nicole had had her run-in with. ‘They’re probably jealous.’

  She turned away again and leaned on the stone balustrade that circled the small terrace, let out a dry little bark of a laugh. ‘I don’t think so.’

  Alex just looked at her. ‘I do. You’ve got drive. You’ve got intelligence. You’ve got heart. Why wouldn’t they be?’

  She shook her head, rejecting his explanation. ‘It doesn’t matter why. Either way I’m stupid to let them get to me, even a little bit. Especially as I gave as good as I got. I suppose it’s just that after the adrenalin high, you get the crash…’

  A shiver rippled from the top of her spine downwards and, still leaning her elbows on the stone railing, she hugged herself. Alex knew what he did next was cheesy and old-fashioned, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He slid his jacket off and draped it loosely around her shoulders before stepping back out of her personal space.

  He needed to talk to her. Properly. And he got the feeling she was a bit skittish this evening. He didn’t want to scare her off before he got a chance to say what he needed to say.

  ‘I’ve been looking for you,’ he said, joining her at the balustrade, staring out over the Thames with her.

  She shook her head again, still refusing to look at him. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

  Maybe. They were both supposed to be working. But the speeches had been done; the cake had been cut. He had a bit of time before he needed to get going again. But before he launched into what he’d come here to say, he needed to know if she was all right. ‘People like that…You can’t pay attention to them.’

  She sighed. ‘I didn’t think I had, but the more I look back, the more I realise that’s all I’ve ever done. And that’s why I hate doing this—’ she took another angry swipe at her eyes ‘—not because they got in a few well-timed digs, but because I’ve wasted so much time and energy on something that didn’t matter.’

  He wanted to touch her, but he put his hands in his trouser pockets to stop himself. He had the feeling that it wasn’t the right moment.

  She shook her head again and began to laugh. ‘I’m so stupid. My whole life has been an exercise in proving them wro
ng, proving that I am good enough, no matter what they say.’

  His control snapped a little. He moved closer, into her personal space now, so close he was almost touching. He could feel the warmth of her body, the heat carried the couple of millimetres between them. ‘Of course you are,’ he said softly.

  Fresh tears began to roll down her cheeks and she stood up and hugged herself harder. She sniffed. ‘I always thought I knew that, but now I’m not so sure I ever really believed it.’

  To hell with waiting. He closed the tiny gap left between them by folding his arms around her and pulling her close. She clutched on to his shirt and buried her face against his shoulder. He closed his eyes and just breathed her in. It felt as if he’d been waiting for this moment for years, when really it had only been a couple of weeks.

  ‘Why wouldn’t you believe it?’ he asked, his voice incredulous. Didn’t she know how amazing she was? Didn’t she know how clever and determined and funny? He couldn’t look at anyone else when she was in the room, couldn’t even think of anyone else.

  She tipped her head up to look at him. ‘I don’t know. I just know that I didn’t.’

  He stared down at her. For so long she’d puzzled him, one moment being one thing, the next something entirely different, but now he felt as if he was seeing her fully for the first time. There were no secrets in her eyes, no barriers. He’d been wondering who the real Nicole was. Well, here she was, clear and unobscured. He knew that with the same inner certainty as he did when he got a perfect shot of a landscape, found just the right angle and light to bring its essence alive.

  And what he saw in Nicole was just as wonderful as getting that perfect shot. It made him feel alive in a way he just couldn’t describe. He dipped his head, touched his lips against hers. They were cold at first, but promised such warmth. For a second she let him, strained towards him just the barest amount, but then she shook her head and looked away. ‘We can’t, Alex. What about Saffron?’

  He moved his hands from her back to twist her head gently back to face him, so she was looking him in the eye. ‘There is no Saffron. Not when I’m with you.’

  ‘Pretty words, but I’m not going to—’

  ‘Nic,’ he whispered, and she stopped talking, closed her eyes and absorbed the soft sound of his voice as if it had been a blow.

  ‘What?’ she said back, her lids still closed.

  He waited for her to open them again, and when she did he couldn’t help smiling. It started somewhere deep down inside and spread up through him and then onto the outside, stretching his mouth wide and making him feel as if he were fizzing.

  ‘They’re not just pretty words. There is no Saffron, not for me…’

  She frowned and opened her mouth, but he cut her off before she could say anything.

  ‘Because I broke up with her a few days ago.’

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  ‘B-but…but…’ That was all Nicole could manage. Nothing more intelligible came out of her mouth.

  Alex was smiling at her. She wanted to close her eyes, sink into whatever fantasy this was and never come out again. Unfortunately, she didn’t have that luxury. Had he really just said what she thought he’d said? It certainly would explain why Saffron hadn’t returned any of her calls in the last few days.

  ‘You did what?’ she finally managed to croak.

  And then she went cold all over.

  Had she been the one to mention Saffron’s name? She wasn’t sure. She hoped Alex didn’t notice if she had. As far as she could recall, he’d always been discreet, had never actually revealed his girlfriend’s identity to her.

  Alex released her head and moved his hands to her shoulders, then slid them down to her elbows, before pulling her closer.

  Alex had dumped Saffron?

  She shook her head, unable to really process the full implications of that information. What did that mean? For her, but also for Hopes & Dreams?

  ‘We had a long chat on Sunday, and she almost convinced me to give her a second chance, but I just couldn’t do it. In the end I had to come clean. I told her I was breaking it off.’ He looked for her reaction and frowned. ‘I thought you’d be more pleased.’

  ‘I am,’ she said.

  She was. Or at least she thought she was. This was a good thing, right? She’d been trying to hint to Saffron that maybe Alex wasn’t ready for the big declaration of love. She’d be spared that humiliation now. That had to be good news.

  And you get to steal Alex away all for yourself.

  No. She wasn’t stealing. You couldn’t steal something that didn’t belong to someone else.

  Then why was the joy she should be feeling marred with great, dirty smudges of guilt? She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with one hand, before opening them again and looking at Alex. That darned dimple was working overtime as he watched one emotion then the next flow undisguised over her features. For some reason he seemed to be enjoying every one of them.

  She cleared her throat. ‘I thought you said it was complicated.’

  ‘It was. But I found a way to make it simple.’

  ‘How…? Why?’

  His smile slid a little. ‘It wasn’t easy, but I came to the decision I’d be hurting us both to live a lie. I couldn’t have gone on seeing her feeling the way I feel about you. Until I met you I thought I was happy. I thought what Saffron and I had was okay…She was my safety net.’ He frowned, looked very serious. ‘I don’t want a safety net any more. That’s not what life is about.’

  Nicole swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat. She wasn’t so sure everything was as simple as Alex made it sound.

  ‘Nic?’

  ‘Yes?’ she replied on a whisper.

  ‘You’re overthinking everything again.’

  ‘Am I?’

  Was she? Did she do that?

  He leaned forward. ‘Yes.’ His voice was low and rumbly in her ear, sending tiny shock waves out from that point, raising the hairs on the back of her neck.

  Maybe he was right. She let out a great, heaving breath. She’d tied herself up in knots all these years with her warped thinking about Minty and Celeste and all those kind of girls. Maybe life wasn’t supposed to be as hard as she made it for herself. Maybe it could all work out if she didn’t plan everything to death, if she just went with the flow the way Alex did.

  Maybe good things happened anyway sometimes. She certainly hadn’t planned for Alex, yet the way he was pressing his lips to her neck at that moment was really rather nice.

  But lips and neck weren’t enough, as delicious as those feather-light little kisses were. She wanted the real thing. The thing she’d been waiting for for eleven and a half months, even if she’d pretended to herself—and everyone else—that she hadn’t. She wanted Alex to kiss her. Really kiss her.

  She released her hands, which had been bunched in fists, crumpling his shirt, and slid them up and around his neck, pulling him to her and angling her head so lips met lips. Alex guessed what she was doing, and he kissed her lightly, slowly, smiling against her mouth as he did so.

  Alex’s jacket slid off her shoulders, but Nicole didn’t notice the slicing wind coming off the Thames under a cloudless and starry sky. All she could think or feel or remember was Alex. It was such a relief after keeping it all at bay for so long.

  And she knew he was enjoying it, enjoying the way he was sweeping away every last bit of her control. What was worse was that she didn’t care. Kissing Alex squiffy all those months ago had been good. However, kissing him stone-cold sober, with no touch, no sensation, dulled by half a dozen cocktails, was much better than she’d ever dreamed it would be.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  The National Portrait Gallery was quiet on a Sunday morning. Nicole found Alex staring at a series of black-and-white photographs just beyond the entrance hall. He’d mentioned that there was an exhibition he wanted to see, a famous photographer who’d snapped everyone from supermodels to rock stars, politicians and old l
overs throughout his forty-year career. Alex turned as he heard her approach and her heart did a little skip.

  This morning, she felt as if she’d woken up in a parallel universe where everything looked the same on the surface but somehow it all felt different.

  He smiled at her broadly, as if he hadn’t been quite sure she was going to turn up and was pleased that she had. Nicole smiled back. She had spent hours this morning chewing it over in her mind, wondering if this was the right thing to do. She still didn’t have an answer for that question.

  ‘You came,’ he said.

  She nodded. ‘I did.’ And then she glanced at the entrance to the exhibition area. ‘Why don’t we go and look at photos?’

  ‘Nic?’

  She’d started walking ahead of him and now turned to face him. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Are you okay after yesterday? You seemed pretty upset when I found you on the terrace.’

  A wash of heat went through her at the mention of the terrace. Alex’s pupils dilated a fraction and she guessed he was having a similar flashback. She coughed and glanced away, not sure she wanted to broach that subject yet. Better to stick to the one he’d led with.

  ‘I’m okay,’ she said honestly. It felt very good to just be herself with him, to not have to lie to him. At least, not about this. ‘Yesterday made me think very hard about my life, about where it’s going and what I want out of it.’

  He gave her a sympathetic look. ‘Don’t let those bitches get to you.’

  She shook her head and smiled back at him. She didn’t even have to fake it. ‘They haven’t. In fact, I decided I’m glad it happened.’

  Today, when she’d got up she hadn’t gone straight to her wardrobe and chosen her outfit with ‘those girls’ in mind. Instead, she’d dressed for herself. Jeans, comfy boots and the grey jumper she’d worn at the first wedding with Alex, because it was warm and she liked it, and because it felt like an anchor to a pleasant memory. She’d even slung a colourful knitted scarf round her neck, even if it did make her look like a farmer.