by M. T. Ossler
Where the hell did that shit arise from?
Gator punches my arm, knocking me out of my trance. What the fuck was that, and how did those thoughts come into play? Something must be wrong with me. I need a fuckin’ drink!
We get the guy inside and on the couch. Once he’s settled, I can’t look at him again. I head straight to the bar and pour myself a full glass of whiskey. Downing the whole damn glass in a couple of gulps. It doesn’t help my nerves, so I do another. Two more down, and Gator’s at my side.
“What’s your fuckin’ problem, man?” he growls at me before seeing how shaken up I am. Gator is the only one in the Club who knows my secret. Cobra knew too, has my Prez Cobra always said we can’t have any secrets between us. The brothers were on a need to know basis when it came to personal information, he said. Cobra never judged me for it. He was the one that suggested I take my little trips every month to relieve myself. So, when Gator took over for his dad, I had to tell him. He’s cool with it and approves my trips.
“Nothin’,” I growl at him and fill another drink. He grabs my wrist and stops me. We glare at one another. Gator can read me like a book; hang around a person practically their whole life and you learn their tells.
“Seriously, man, I saw you get rattled out there. What the hell happened?” he asks again in a whisper this time. He lets go of my wrist, and I drop the glass on the bar top, spilling the amber liquid all over.
It makes no sense to keep things from him. He’s the closest person I have here, and I can talk to him. Plus, he won’t let this go, so I might as well take advantage of his willingness to talk.
“I’m not sure, man. He touched me, I looked into his eyes and time just stopped. It was like having an out of body experience. I’ve never felt anything so intense in my life,” I whisper to him. I still can’t figure out what the fuck happened out there. My heart hasn’t stopped pounding in my chest either. I feel this pull to him and I want to be close, but I can’t move.
“Huh,” is all Gator says with a smirk on his face. Gator is a handsome man, not my type. He’s a real brother and my best friend, a few years older than me, but we’ve been close for years. I value his opinion, and he sure as shit has one on this.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Come on, bro. You obviously have something to say, so spill,” I practically beg for his view on this shit. I’m at a loss, and I need to know what he saw.
“Well, I saw the look in your eyes, and it’s the same look I see in Beast and Ace’s eyes when they look at their girls. He’s your other half. You just experienced love at first sight, or a soulmate connection, or some shit like that. You’d have to ask the girls about this love stuff, they seem to have all the answers when it comes to love shit. Those women are always spewing something about love connections around here. They got Sam trying to get me to be all kinds of romantic and shit like those two assholes,” Gator says, laughing with a dreamy smile on his face. It’s the same one he gets whenever he talks about Sam or sees her. He’s in love with that girl, has been since high school. I don’t know what has held him back all these years from claiming her. I know he’s faithful to her. I don’t think he’s fucked with any other women in years. It’s been her from day one.
“You’re crazy. I’m nothin’ like those two schmucks, or you, for that matter. This was just a fluke or something, it means shit,” I snarl at him. Then, we hear Bella raise her voice, and we both turn around to find out what’s happening.
Bella is having a breakdown of total guilt. I don’t know what happened to that poor girl, but I can see it in her eyes, it was bad. And it has more to do with than just losing her parents and her brothers missing. That girl went through something very traumatic, I would say probably physical abuse from the way she looked when she arrived here. Beaten up and sick. And the breakdowns she had the first week she was here in Beast’s room. It sounded like she destroyed everything in my brother’s room.
She has a meltdown in Beast’s arms, Gator and I stay back, speechless. Then, Cesare orders her to look at him so he can talk to her. She obeys her friend, only looking at him, and she shields herself from the men in the room.
Cesare starts yelling at her, saying what happened to him was not her fault. He doesn’t want her to feel guilty about that bastard beating him almost to death. My blood starts to boil, hearing a glimpse of what he had to endure for those months. I want that bastard dead as bad as Beast does at this moment. I can’t figure out why I’m having these strong feelings, but I can’t fight them; they are overtaking me. A growl comes out of me from his words, and Gator slaps me on my arm. I look over at his smiling, smug face. Asshole. I turn back to Cesare and capture him in my sights, all of him.
He’s a handsome man, with short, tapered on the sides, light brown hair. He must have gotten a haircut at Skully’s, before coming here, to see his girls. His body looks to be in good shape, even after months of malnourishment. He has lost some body mass, but in time it will come back. His smile, when he looks at the girls is… gorgeous. It lights up his face and brightens his blues.
The pain in his eyes is going straight to my dark, cold heart. My unfeeling dark hole of a heart is feeling sympathy for another person, another man. Pain is a constant in my life, and I don’t care who feels it or inflicts it. It’s always better when I’m the one dealing it out, of course. But with this guy, I want to take it all away. I want his fuckin’ pain. Why in the hell are these thoughts and feelings consuming me today?
I listen to him talk to his friend, he loves her, and cares so much about her. He is also wise beyond his years. He’s young, I know that much, but he has an old, wise soul. A soul I apparently have some sorta connection to according to Gator.
I see the love coming from the girls and him, and it melts my heart. Our Clubhouse is turning into a mushy place. But I like it, I like them this way. My brothers are content, and I can only hope for the same thing in my life one day.
The connection with the people in this room is something I’ve never witnessed before. The Brotherhood is a family, but it’s nothing like what I see with Bella, Jules, and Cesare. Those three have a bond. Similar to the one Beast, Ace, and Blaze have, sorta. Gigi and Dusty have a separate younger, more innocent bond going on. These little circles seem to be connecting, from the first circle developing into something much larger. It’s our family changing for the better. Life sure is interesting around this place.
Beast leaves with Bella, and I sit with the guys and catch up. The girls leave us shortly after to prepare dinner. We spend the next few hours in the bar drinking, talking, and reminiscing, like old times with my brothers. Cesare is funny and flirty as well as wise, and the guys haven’t made any comments about his sexuality, which you can tell from his words, he’s into guys and not ashamed of it. He’s open and honest and apparently hasn’t had to hide himself from others. Badass biker men with tattoos and muscles don’t seem to intimidate him. I hope he’s not a twink that likes to be used.
Throughout the day, I find myself unconsciously gravitating towards Cesare. The closer I am to him, the more peaceful I feel. The tug is as if someone is pulling a string from my body towards his. There is no fight in me. No one has noticed anything different, maybe it’s because of his broken left leg and him needing help. I’m not sure, all I can do is try not to bring too much attention to myself, while I have this damn need to help him.
The guys are staying for the week, so Gator planned a party for them, packing the Clubhouse with brothers and a ton of pussy for them.
I hate our Club parties, but as a patched member and with my friends here, I’ll be staying, hanging out with them and all the strays instead of going to my house for the night.
I may go blind if I see another brother eat out another bitch’s pussy in front of me.
It’s gotten to the point that the pool table smells like fish to me these days. Between their fuckin’ them on it and eating the bitches out, pussy juices and cum have stained the top.
Gator needs to have that shit cleaned or replace the felt soon.
I may need to bleach my eyes after this weekend. Cunts do nothin’ for me, but seeing the guys’ dicks in a real live porn show, and not be able to fuck, is hell. Not like I would ever cross that line with a brother, but to me, it’s the same as it is to them. They see a cunt as something to fuck. I see a man’s ass, and it’s just an ass to fuck. A warm, tight hole in a man’s body to get off on. No connection of feelings, just pure pleasure as an orgasm rides through your body and ecstasy takes over, a release. Fuck, I’m so goddamn horny and need to fuck. I’ve been hard for days and can’t seem to get satisfied.
Unfortunately, I see one ass I desire and can’t have. He’s younger, shorter than me, and his body is hot as hell. He makes me feel things I’ve never imagined I would ever feel. I need a weekend away with some hot little fuckin’ twink.
I see myself spanking my monkey hard a few times a day for the next week until I can get away. Next weekend, Jax, here I come. I need some real flesh in my hands soon. A hot little blonde to fuck, with a tight asshole and warm body, is what I desire.
My brothers are going to notice my obsession with this guy sooner or later if I don’t start controlling my shit. I need to distance myself from him. Easier said than done, unfortunately, since my body has a mind of its own when he’s near.
Chapter 3
Cesare
I’ve been here at the Dragons’ Clubhouse for about two weeks now. It’s been good spending my days with my loveys and getting to know the guys. It keeps my mind from wandering. At night is a different story, that’s when my demons haunt me. Things were slowly getting better, until today, that is. Today, Ryder left for the weekend on a personal trip. When I inquired about his whereabouts, Gator said he usually goes away once a month, and this is his weekend. I can’t help but feel sad and alone, though. He’s been by my side since I arrived. He helped me settle in my new room, which happened to be Beast’s old room, then Jules had it for a couple weeks before moving in with Ace, and now it’s mine. It’s lonely in this big room by myself.
I find myself waking up every night, in the middle of the night, in cold sweats and screaming. The haunting nightmares of what Antonio and his men did to me for months is unbearable. Ryder usually comes and stays with me most nights. Jules has stayed with me a few times, but her new man is not thrilled with me being here. I get it, I’m an acquired taste, as my loveys say. Not being alone in that big bed helps. Ryder being next to me helps the most. Jules usually holds me, he doesn’t, but he stays close, and sometimes our arms or legs touch. When that happens, I feel a spark of heat run through my body. When he’s close, the nightmares stay away, and I feel safe and at peace.
Now, he’s gone, and I’m alone. Beast told me Bella has nightmares too and maybe I should start seeing her therapist to help me through it. I may have to take him up on that offer. Beast is a good man, I wish I could have known him before he left all those years ago. He even gets Bella’s and my relationship, which I need now more than ever. Ace, on the other hand, tolerates me. I haven’t intentionally done anything to him, so I don’t know what the fuck his problem is with me. She did tell me she told him I was gay, maybe he’s a homophobe or something. I can see he loves her, and I’m elated for her and Bella, I’ve done nothing to overstep. I dream of having what they have one day. I’d like to have it with Ryder. I feel the connection we have, and he fights it. I don’t push him, I’ll take what he can give me. When I’m stronger, I may have to fight for both of us, cause the men around here are tough. One day, I’ll get my prince, until then, the closeness is good.
I wake up in the middle of the night from another nightmare. I’m screaming, sweating, and hyperventilating, and trying to find the lamp on the nightstand to turn the light on. A few minutes later, Jules comes running into my room. Her room is across the hall from mine. She doesn’t say a word, she just gets into bed with me and holds my quivering body in her arms. I cry, and she soothes me, rubbing circles on my back and sings to me.
I hate this new me, the me Antonio made me into after months of torture. The months he brutalized my body and starved me. Before he took me, I was strong, with the thickest skin around because my family – Val, Lorenzo, and Rom – built me up over the years. Made me stronger for when the day comes to join them in the Family. Yeah, they’ve been training me for years to work in the Family business with them.
After a while, I relax, and she stays with me. She never asks me any questions, she just helps me through it all. She knows what I went through and knows I just need time.
We are just falling back to sleep when my door slams open, hitting the wall and scaring the shit out of us. We both scream as the bright lights blind us. Our attention is brought to Ace as he growls, staring at me with a murderous look on his face.
“What the Fuck is going on in here?” he growls at me and walks over to Jules.
“Get the fuck out of bed now, kitten,” he roars and lifts her out of bed and into his arms. He’s gone too far now. This ends tonight, no one manhandles and scares my girl. If he has a problem with me, then we need to fix it, now! I’m not going to lose my girl because he’s an asshole. God, even with how possessive Beast is with Bella, he gets our relationship.
“That’s enough! Let her go, now!” I scream at him, getting out of bed to face this asshole and end this once and for all. “What is your fucking problem with me, man? I have done nothing to you. I get that you’re with Jules, and I am supportive of your relationship. But I will not let you take my best friend from me.”
“Hunter, put me down. Now!” Jules yells at Ace and hits him on the arm. He releases her, and she stands, unsure of what to do.
“Lovey, leave us. I think it’s time your man and I talk, alone,” I say, and she stands still, watching us both, before leaving my room. I keep my eye on Ace and watch his face as he glares at me the whole time. He’s jealous of me, and for the life of me, I don’t know why. She shuts the door behind her, leaving us alone.
I stand there, waiting for him to talk and can’t take it anymore.
“I’m waiting, asshole, talk! You hating me is hurting her, and I won’t let you do that any longer. So, tell me right fucking now why you hate me,” I demand, becoming impatient. He needs to straighten his shit with me now, so we stop doing this to Jules.
“I don’t really hate you, but you’re right, I am hurting her,” he says and takes a deep breath before sitting at the end of my bed. I join him and wait for him to continue.
“She told me you were her first kiss, and I hate that you had your lips on my girl. That’s why I’m jealous of you. I know it’s not logical. I know you only see her as a sister and your best friend, but you got a part of her I didn’t. I’m a possessive asshole, alright.”
I’m shocked by his admission and in awe of him right now. Yeah, he’s been a possessive asshole, but he really does care about her. I get it and I think I know how to fix this for all of us.
“Ace, you have no reason to feel that way. Yeah, we kissed once, like two girlfriends, it’s no different than her and Bella kissing. You are the only man that gets the best parts of her. You got to be her first real kiss. You are the only man to hold her heart. She is in love with you and only you. She waited her whole life for you, to give you her special gift. Ace, you have to stop seeing me as a guy and only see me as a friend. A friend, to both of you.”
We talk more and finally come to a peaceful agreement. He leaves my room for the night, and I stay awake, staring at the ceiling, not able to sleep. My mind is all over the place, and when I shut my eyes, I see the monsters.
So, the rest of the weekend goes by in a blur from no sleep. I stayed in my room the whole time. My loveys and little Principessa visited me. We watched a few episodes of Glee and sang all the songs together, but my heart wasn’t into it. It was nice to have them with me for that short time. I also spent some a little time with their men, talking, and that was good. I would rather have been left t
o my own volitions, but they are pushy broads, and I love them.
I haven’t slept in days, and I look like something out of the night of the living dead. This damn broken leg is getting on my last nerve. I want to walk around outside and get some fresh air, but I can’t; I’m stuck in a chair or the bed. These crutches are hell to just walk to the bathroom.
Sam checked all my wounds yesterday and said they have healed well and with minimal scarring. The cream she gave me worked wonders. She also said I can go next week and get my cast off, I can’t wait. My ribs are doing better too, but she wants me to have an x-ray while I’m at the doctor’s to confirm they healed properly. Beast said he’ll have one of the prospects take me unless I want him and Bells to go with me. I’ll be counting down the days.
“Hey, kid, how ya feelin’?” Ryder asks, entering my room and locking the door behind him. He places a tray next to me on the nightstand.
It’s early Monday morning, and he has breakfast and my pain pills. I haven’t taken them in days, I’m enjoying the pain. The pain makes me remember I’m here, alive for another miserable day.
I wish everyone would leave me the hell alone. I yearn to cry in private and stay under the covers forever. I ignore him, pulling the comforter over my head and block everything out.
“Take it away, all of it. Please just leave me the fuck alone. Tell my girls I’m not feeling well or something and not to visit me for a while.” He doesn’t leave, bringing his hand under the comforter and places it on my shoulder. “Go away!” I shout to get my words across to him. He needs to leave before I say something I can’t take back. Something mean and unforgivable.
