The Torn, Book One of the Holding Kate Series

by Cole, LaDonna

  “Yes, you are the Mutha.” I lifted the corner of my mouth and snorted.

  My eyes grew serious. “I need Corey.” I whispered, pleadingly. “I need to know he is alive and…and perfect.” The last word was raspy and filled with the desperation that overwhelmed me.

  She nodded. “I know.” She forced out in a clipped way. “I know w.. wa..” She sighed in frustration. “I know tis dal okl redia sortsk tsi ladont y killo.”

  This was going to take forever.

  The blizzard assaulted the cabin for weeks. It was all we could do to keep the windows and doors clear of snow drifts. We played word games, told stories, and refused to let Donnie and Tara speak in their “new” language. Finally, after much work and panic attacks, the sun broke through and our team mates had a break through.

  It was so strange to hear them speak English with a foreign accent.

  Over the endless days of cold waiting, this is what we learned. Corey and Pinky had left the village over fifty years ago. They were the only two who refused to acclimate to the new culture. Everyone else married, settled down, and had children, grandchildren, even great grandchildren. Tara joked that Donnie and Mel had practically populated the village by themselves. Donnie poked fun at her choice of a husband. Evidently, he was the spitting image of Trip, but had died decades ago in an avalanche.

  They had settled the village when they first arrived and had refused to allow integration for the first 20 years. When a sickness almost wiped their children out, they decided in order to survive they would need to completely immerse themselves in the culture. Travelers came and joined them, barbarians tried to invade them, but Tara had trained their children in combat and they were able to defend themselves. The original language had gradually died out as they integrated with the culture, except for Corey and Eunavae. They insisted on speaking English. The village had developed a reputation in this world as exotic fighters, and they were quite a bit bigger in stature than the rest of the population.

  The strange thing was that none of the original team ever died. They aged much more slowly than their offspring, who were born, lived full lives, became old and died. They grieved deeply with one another. Every loss was acutely felt by each team member.

  The original team met on the peak once a year to reconnect, share stories, and grieve over their losses for that year. The last meeting was the jump back home. Caitlyn and Navarro had young children, literally in their arms. Mel and Donnie were expecting another baby. When they found themselves back at QHR, they realized the children did not come back with them and Mel was no longer pregnant.

  The memory of Caitlyn and Navarro’s grief sent a pang of sorrow through me. How would you live through that? How do you ever get over that? What kind of cold hearted monsters ran Heartwork Village? Who would put children through this kind of trauma? Was this some kind of new age form of punishment for our misdemeanors?

  I knew Trip had a lot of questions for Tara, and they would need some privacy to work through them. So I wrangled Donnie into taking me into the village. We donned parkas and snow shoes, and Donnie taught me how to walk in them. I fell a lot until I got the hang of it.

  We trudged along the main road, snow crunching between the enmeshed wicker soles of our snow shoes. “Did Corey marry Pinky?” I finally gathered enough courage to ask.

  “No.” Donnie reached out and took my hand. “He never showed any interest in any of the girls of this world or our team.”

  My heart broke for the loneliness he must have suffered for all those years. “And, Pinky? She never married.”

  Donnie looked down and frowned, then cut his eyes to mine. “Eunavae—as she is happy to be called now—” he cast a small grin at me, “has chosen celibacy.”

  I jerked my head around at him. “What? Pinky?”

  He shrugged. I frowned. He wasn’t telling me something, but I didn’t press him. I could tell whatever it was, he felt awkward about it.

  “Why did they leave the village, after all that time, like 170 years or something?”

  “Corey came to Mel and me the day they left. He said he wanted to go south and learn medicine from some forest dwellers. He had heard of their skills and thought he could learn something that would help.”

  “Oh, in case of another plague?” I questioned.

  “Well, I am sure that was part of it, but they never came back.”

  “Why did Pink…I mean Eunavae go with him?”

  “They were close. Corey had become a spiritual advisor for our team, our whole village. I guess you would liken him to a doctor of the heart or priest. He really did much more than that. Corey, Eunavae, and Kail were the ones we all went to when we needed any kind of medical care. Eunavae and Kail had learned quite a bit on their Scriptorium and Corey was a natural at it. Anyway, they had a shop in the village, they all lived there.”

  “What happened to Kail?”

  “Oh he married and had generations of children. He still ran the medical office when Corey and Eunavae left.”

  “What will happen to the others back home, Donnie?”

  “They will heal and rest until we are back from this jump. Then they will jump again.”

  “Whose jump was this?”

  “We never could figure it out. I suspected that was what took us so long to get back. So many things happened over the 212 years. I guess it could have been any of them.”

  “Did you age at all?”

  Donnie threw back his head and laughed. “Yeah, we aged. I probably looked around fortyish. I didn’t feel like it. I still felt twenty years old.”

  My thoughts turned to Corey and my face sketched concern. I wouldn’t even recognize him when I saw him. He would be my dad’s age. How could I find him in this huge world if I didn’t even know what he looked like? I gave Donnie a sidelong glance, wondering what he looked like at forty years old. He caught my scrutiny and squeezed my hand.

  “Don’t worry, Kate. I know what he looks like. We will find him.”

  I nodded and swallowed back the lump that was choking me. Corey, my sweet perfect Corey had lived several lifetimes without me. I was crazy to think that he still had feelings for me. He would see me as a child. I was a child compared to him.

  We reached the village, took off our snow shoes and I gaped around at all the familiar looking faces. Everywhere I looked there was Tara’s hair color and stature, Mel’s eyes, Donnie’s frame, Kail’s skin tone and angled eyes. Ash’s chocolate skin and eyes were represented too. They had produced a beautiful clan of people, strong and lovely.

  Donnie took me to the medical office and introduced me to Kail’s wife. She glared at him with suspicion, and then asked him something in their language.

  He seemed upset and said something with the name Kail in it. She shook her head and her suspicion deepened.

  Donnie was visibly shaken from his encounter. “We have to get to the school.”

  “What’s wrong, Donnie?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  He pulled me along the winding street down toward the river at the foot of the mountain. We raced into a building full of children and he skidded to a stop. A smile broke across his face and he said something to the teacher who was the exact image of Mel.

  She glanced at the children and then spoke to Donnie as though he were a stranger. I suppose he was since he was back in his twenty year old body.

  They went back and forth for a while. Finally Donnie’s shoulders drooped, and we walked out of the school and down to the docks. He collapsed on a step. I sat down beside him and took his hand.

  “They don’t remember us. At all. It’s as if we never existed.” He hung his head. “Caitlyn and Navarro’s children were found and brought back to the town, but even the oldest children could not remember having parents. They were adopted by some of my grandchildren.”

  “Donnie, I am so sorry.” I kissed the back of his hand and held it to my cheek.

  “No, I suppose it is better. At least we know they aren�
�t grieving us.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Unreal.”

  I couldn’t fathom what he was feeling. To have poured two hundred years of your life into a place and then just be erased from existence, it was too much for my mind to grasp.

  “Let’s get travel supplies and horses. We have a long journey ahead of us and we should leave soon. I am worried about how our leaving affected Corey and Eunavae.”

  “What…what do you mean?”

  “If we never existed in this world, but they still do…”

  “Do they remember you?”

  “Right, or do they even remember who they are? We need to find them as quickly as possible.”

  Oh. My. God.

  We bartered passage on a barge headed south through the mountains toward the forest that Corey and Pinky had traveled to fifty years before. My heart was as heavy as the dark cloud cover. I couldn’t breathe and when I tried it came in shuddering and shallow spurts. I just couldn’t see where this was going to end. It seemed impossible that we would find them with the trail fifty years cold.

  Trip sensed my building despair and stayed close to me for the river trip. He was in nearly constant physical contact with me. I watched Tara closely to make sure it was not a problem. She showed no signs of being threatened. Such empathy and maturity graced her every move. She hovered over me nearly as much as Trip. It almost seemed they had a pact to make sure I was never alone.

  I finally had to make my own pact with Donnie to ensure they had some time together. I asked him for language lessons. I had no desire to learn the language of this world that had ripped Corey away from me and it showed in my inability to master even the alphabet. It gave Trip and Tara a solid hour each day without having to babysit the pathetic love sick puppy.

  I really had to get a grip on myself. I was acting like some grade school wimp who was crushing on that guy who was way out of her league. Corey walked away from me! If there was anything I knew for sure, it was that Corey had NOT been pining for me for two hundred and twelve years. At this point, I didn’t care if he was married and a grandpa. I just needed to know that he was safe. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I would be crushed to find out he was married and a grandpa, but I wanted him home, in whatever condition that was. I didn’t care if it took another two hundred and twelve years, I wasn’t leaving without him.

  Phsshh! Like I had a choice.

  The river snaked us into the middle of the forest and we disembarked at a small settlement. The river boat captain gave us some information about the tree dwelling tribe, but said he knew very little about them. He gave us the name of a guide at the settlement to hire to take us safely into the deep forest.

  “Tumbahti.” The guide introduced himself. He spoke with Tara and Donnie while Trip and I unloaded our supplies.

  “He says he knows of a settlement of tree dwellers called the Darchori who are famous for their medicine, and they have a ‘Cianti Todura.’” His eyes twinkled.

  “A what?” No comprendo. See? I could do it too.

  “A White Healer.” He looked at me knowingly.

  “You think this White Healer is Corey?”

  “Or Eunavae, possibly.”

  “Well let’s get going people.” I grinned. Suddenly things were looking brighter. We packed our supplies onto our saddles, mounted up and followed the guide into the forest.

  There was a peculiar calm in the forest. The jingle of our tack and the soft padding of the horses’ hooves as they trampled the moss seemed muted and indistinct. I had the urge to whisper, I am not sure why. A reverence was required as we wove through the massive trunks and under the canopy of intertwined branches.

  We followed the river always to our left as we headed south then we cut sharply to the right and headed deeper into the green and brown. The forest closed in on us, and it became difficult to wend our way through the dense thicket. Tumbahti told Tara he was following a trail. I couldn’t see any such thing and began to think he was following the trace of a beetle. I couldn’t tell there was any difference from the “trail” and the thick forest to my right. Tumbahti was confident, so we followed with blind faith.

  Night fell, and we stopped to make camp. The moss was so spongy beneath our pallets that it was almost comfortable. We set up a night watch shift to keep the fire going and listen for any intruders. I took the first watch and Trip sat up with me. I don’t think he trusted that I would stay awake. Or maybe he didn’t think I could do anything if there was trouble. Maybe he just wanted some time alone with me. We leaned against the trunk of a tree wrapped in a blanket and listened to the soft whirring of the crickets and croakers around us.

  “What do you think we are going to find, Trip, when we get to the village of the tree dwellers?” I whispered and then blew into my fingers to warm them.

  “Do you mean, do I think Corey is there?”

  I nodded my head.

  He was still for a moment, his mind finding the answer in his heart. “I hope we find them. It seems like it could be them.”

  “But…”

  “Fifty years, Kate.”

  “Yeah,” I lifted my right cheek and gnawed my lips.

  “I have a question for you.” Trip turned to me and groped under our shared blanked until he found my hands, then he pressed my fingers between his warm palms.

  “Shoot.”

  “Do you think we are on their jump? Or did we start a jump of our own?”

  “Hmm…good question. I really don’t know. Why do you ask?”

  “Well, if we joined their quest, then it would mean that the jump is targeted to either Corey or Pinky. If they complete their task, a sphere could come for them, and we would never know they had gone back.”

  “Wouldn’t a sphere come for us, too?”

  “Maybe, maybe not. If this is a new jump, targeting you or Tara, our sphere might not come at the same time.”

  “I just assumed the sphere would come for all of us at once.” I crimped my brows together. “But if we are on separate jumps, there is no guarantee of that.”

  “Tara thinks we are on a separate jump.” He moved his hands over mine to warm them with friction. “She says it feels differently.” He cocked his head to the side.

  “Can I ask you another question?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think I like your questions so far.” I nudged his shoulder with my head.

  He chuckled. “Come on Katie girl, one more question.”

  “Okay.” I playfully relented.

  “Did you have passionate feelings for me at all?” He watched my face intently.

  Great. I should have stuck with no. I took a breath. “Yes, Trip, you know I did. I do. I…I love you.” My voice was a whisper. He squeezed my hands.

  “But…”

  My face quivered from anxiety. “It’s just…” My voice faded.

  “I think I understand.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled my hair. I didn’t think he understood.

  I tried to explain. “You feel like family to me. I don’t want to be separated from you. I feel so safe when you are draped over me like this.” I laced my fingers through his hand that was dangling down from my shoulder. “I love the safety that you bring me.” My voice was shaking. I wasn’t doing this very well. I gazed into his eyes and felt the familiar passion thicken the air between us.

  “But I don’t know much about this heart stuff.” I pressed my other fist against my chest. “I don’t know that I believe in love anymore, or if I even know what it is. I am so afraid of hurting you or Corey.”

  “I fell hard for you Katie girl, the minute you walked into me. My heart shattered as you tried to hide your tears. I knew I was going to watch over you from that moment. I know now that I saw my sister in you. Small, big brown eyes, so frail.” He wrapped his index finger around my wrist and his thumb crossed over it. His huge hand made my wrist look like a child’s.

  I looked into his eyes and gave him a sad smile. I did know how intricately his feelings
for me were tied to his feelings of protection for his sister. I had lived in his head for two days.

  “I love you, too, Kate.” His eyes simmered into mine. “I am still not sure about what kind of love it is. Sometimes it feels like the night of our first kiss under the willow tree. Sometimes it is really intense like the morning in the Penthouse. Mostly when we are alone, like this, or when you need me so desperately.” His voice thickened and the core of me ached for him to take me in his arms and continue where we left off.

  I blushed. “Yeah, it’s really…whew!” I raised my brows and blew through my pursed lips. The memory of Trip’s perfect body being explored by my hands, his urgent and deep kisses sent steam through me.

  He chuckled. “Other times it feels...I don’t know. Good. Calm.”

  “Safe.” I added.

  We watched the sparks rise out of the flames of the fire as our own sparks ricocheted between us.

  “Where does Tara fit into all of this?” I asked.

  “Heh…yeah. She is a force to be reckoned with, huh?” His features softened. “She is amazing. I love her too. It’s different…not based on need like us—you know—but mutual respect. It’s weird. I thought I loved her like a sister. We snapped at each other like siblings enough.” He chuckled, and then his face took a far off expression, almost wistful.

  “When she kissed me…” He made a sound like an explosion and pushed his hand out away from his chest.

  I giggled. “Fireworks?”

  “Nuclear!”

  “You two are made for each other.” I sighed and rested my head on his chest and stifled the dull melancholy that rose in my throat.

  He made a sound somewhere between “huh and hmmm.” The forest sounds were soporific and snuggled under his protection I drifted into a twilight sleep. After startling awake the third time, Trip chuckled.

  “Go to sleep, Katie girl. I will watch over you.”

  Of course he would. I surrendered to the pull of somnolence.

  I was shoved from sleep by a scream. Trip was jostling to get out from under me, and we were on our feet in an instant. Tara, Donnie, and Tumbahti shot up in their pallets, awakened. The horses were still tethered in their picket line.