Mint Cookie Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  After he talked to the vet, Riley called Suzanne to bring her up to speed. I heard her ask about the SD card, and Riley told her we wouldn't need the safe house any more. She could go back to her usual business, something I was sure she was grateful for.

  My cell rang. "What's up?" I asked Kelly.

  "We have a cookie booth sale today," she said. After I said nothing for a moment, she added, "You forgot again. Didn't you?"

  I really needed to get a calendar. "No! I knew it was today!"

  "I'm waiting for you at the curb."

  I hung up and let Riley know I had something to do. He told me Dr. Rye could see us in the afternoon, so I had some time.

  I left Riley with Philby and went out to meet Kelly.

  As we pulled up to the grocery store, I knew we were in trouble. The pinched, hostile face of Juliette Dowd greeted us. She was pacing beside the six-foot table the store had set up, angrily punching her clipboard with a closed fist. What had I done to piss this woman off?

  "Something wrong?" I asked as Kelly unloaded the cases of cookies and the girls started to arrive. We had six girls (and no Kaitlins) signed up for the booth, and they all arrived in two minivans.

  She stabbed a finger in my direction. "I don't like you, Ms. Wrath. I don't think you're an appropriate role model for these girls." I wondered if she was a robot who only had those two things to say. Couldn't she come up with something better?

  I shrugged. "That's too bad. Because they love me." I wasn't going to screw around with this bitch. Life was too short. Sometimes, people just didn't like you, and that's that. Some folks couldn't handle it. I could, because being liked by everyone didn't matter to me.

  "What's going on here?" Kelly muscled her way into the conversation. "What's your problem, Ms. Dowd? Are we doing something wrong?"

  Okay, except for the fact that Kelly wanted people to like me.

  "I don't have any problem with you." She pointed at my best friend. "But I do question your judgment in choosing this woman as your co-leader." The redhead was practically spitting.

  "You're not nice, and I don't like you!" Little Ava was standing between me and Dowd. It was so cute how she defended me.

  "You're behaving badly, Ms. Dowd," Kelly snarled. "I really hope you don't end up in my emergency room when I'm working there."

  My jaw dropped open. Well at least Kelly was angry at someone else besides me. Once again I wished my best friend had been in the field with me. Especially when I was surrounded by four Muay Thai fighters in a Bangkok alley. If I hadn't had a gun, I wouldn't have gotten out of there alive.

  Juliette Dowd viciously snapped her pen into the clipboard. "According to section seven, article five, I can demand that you hold a meeting so I can place you under special observation. You have to set the meeting for tomorrow after school."

  Special observation? I didn't like the sound of that.

  "Call the parents and make sure your girls will be there. And have an official activity. I'll be watching you, Wrath!"

  She stormed over to a green sedan, got in, and peeled out of the parking lot.

  "What the hell did you do to that woman?" Kelly asked.

  "Yeah!" Tiny Ava glared in the direction of the car. "What the hell?"

  Kelly blanched and pushed Ava over toward the other girls, who were putting on their dancing cookie costumes.

  "I like that kid," I said. "She's a tough cookie."

  Kelly groaned, and the booth sale started as shoppers began wandering in. I didn't have time to wonder about the strange Council administrator who hated my guts. People were buying cookies like they were the last batch on earth. It probably helped that the girls were adorable in their little costumes. Or maybe these cookies were more addicting than heroin. Whatever the reason, we racked up the big bucks and emptied out Kelly's trunk in less than an hour.

  "Ice cream on me!" I shouted to the girls when we were done.

  A weird old guy grinned toothlessly and walked toward me.

  "For my girls only," I amended. The man grumbled an impressive stream of swear words as he walked away. See? It doesn't bother me if someone like him doesn't like me.

  "What are you going to do about that woman?" Kelly asked me 10 minutes later as she, I, and six girls slurped ice cream inside a red and white checked store.

  I shrugged. "Nothing. She's all talk and no action. I'm not intimidated."

  "I know that," Kelly said, one eye on her melting butter brickle cone. "But I don't like it. I think I'm going to report her for harassment."

  "Okay." I licked my chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. "I'll help you with the body."

  The girls were sticky with ice cream goatees by the time we were done. Their parents picked them up, and Kelly drove me home.

  "Wait," she said as I started to open the door. I closed it. "I know I've been a pain in the ass. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's important to me that you know it's not you."

  "Thanks," I said once I wrapped my head around that sentence. "I won't press you for it then. When you're ready to talk about it, I'm here."

  Kelly nodded. "I know that. I've got a doctor's appointment in an hour. I'm sure they'll just find that I'm anemic or something. I'll let you know."

  I hugged her. "You'd better. Because I need you."

  "You do have a lot on your plate right now," she said.

  "At least two hunky men who both seem to want me," I blurted out.

  Kelly turned off the car. "I've got a few minutes. Spill it."

  I told her everything. About dinner with Angela, about my insecurities about my relationship with Rex, and about Riley's recent kisses. It felt like I was babbling pathetically, but it started to feel good once the last word was out.

  "You really do have problems," Kelly sighed. "Granted, they're not bad problems, just inconvenient. But still…what are you going to do?"

  I stared at her, "You aren't going to tell me?"

  She shook her head. "No. How would I know who you're more interested in? I can't make that decision for you."

  "Well, who would you pick?" I asked, hoping this might give me some insight.

  "Oh, no." Kelly started the car back up. "I'm not helping you out with this one. You're on your own."

  I got out of the car and stuck my tongue out at her. She drove away laughing. At least I knew she and I were good now. That was something, at least.

  * * *

  "There's something there," Dr. Rye announced loudly after 10 minutes of agonizing investigation. I'd been a little late coming back, and when I walked in the door, Riley had Philby under his arm, ready to go.

  Philby was trying to sit down on the stainless steel counter top, but failing miserably. He'd definitely put on more weight. His knees, if that's what cats had, wouldn't even bend. Eventually he just sort of collapsed downward, legs splaying in all directions.

  "Normally I can just pop that puppy out," Dr. Rye continued. "But this is different. It's a little further in. I'll have to surgically remove it."

  "Can you do it today?" I asked. I didn't want to leave Philby here another night because I might go crazy and break in to rescue him again.

  Dr. Rye sighed heavily. For a moment I thought he seemed tempted. The vet looked at Riley and me a little longer than was comfortable.

  "No. He has to fast for 12 hours. Bring him in the day after tomorrow, first thing in the morning. It won't be too invasive, and you should be able to take him home that night." He cocked his head sideways and gave me the once-over.

  "After all, I know how hard it is for you to be away from your pet, Ms. Wrath."

  "Okay, good," Riley said as he lifted Philby. "See you then, Doc."

  We got in the SUV, and Philby sat on my lap, purring.

  "We need to be here the whole time," I said. "Once that SD card is out of Philby, we need to have it in our possession."

  "I know." Riley reached across and rubbed Philby's ears. "But I don't think the doctor is going to let us be in the surgery with
him."

  "If that card has sensitive, classified information, we can't let him look at it." I said. "You know the rules."

  He nodded. "And if we call it in, the agency will confiscate the cat and do it themselves. Without much regard for Philby's life."

  Mrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooow! The cat squinted at us.

  "Philby doesn't like that idea," I said.

  Riley was right. It would be so easy to report everything. But the CIA would probably kill Philby to get what they wanted. There was no way that was going to happen. We'd have to find a way to get the SD card the minute it came out of the cat. But how?

  It was late afternoon when we got home. I'd told Rex I'd come over at 5:00. I wasn't looking forward to it. I called to apologize for being so late.

  "Sorry, Merry," he said. "I got called into work tonight. Can we do it tomorrow?"

  "Sure," I said. "See you tomorrow."

  I hung up feeling both relieved and depressed at the same time. Was this better or worse? I just couldn't tell.

  Riley ordered takeout from an Indian restaurant I didn't even know existed. It was a quiet night, and we both went to bed with our own thoughts. At least in two days, we'd have that chip out of Philby. Maybe then this whole mess would clear up, and I could move on with my life.

  Which would be nice because right now, I had a former boss who'd kissed me, a boyfriend who'd lost interest, a mystery I couldn't begin to wrap my head around, a cranky cat with a strange piece of technical equipment embedded inside him, a best friend with problems of her own, and a woman from the Scout Council who wouldn't be happy until she could roast my body over an open campfire.

  The sooner this was all over, the better.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  The next day was basically a waiting game for Philby, so I spent the morning preparing for our mandatory scout meeting under special observation. I tried to find a project that would be Council approved that didn't have to do with cookies. I was getting a little tired of cookies, and sugaring up the girls wouldn't make anything better.

  Kelly and I had decided that if we had to do a special meeting, we might as well work on a merit badge to look good. How bad could it get if we were following the Scout curriculum? Kelly had called the parents the night before, and they were only too happy to let us keep the girls after school for an hour and a half the next day. Kelly said they sounded tired. I could only imagine. One meeting a week was exhausting for me. These people had their kids the rest of the time. I had one cat and needed a nap.

  So the next day, I met Kelly at the school. We signed in for our visitor's passes in the office and met the girls in one of the classrooms. To be honest, I was happy to have a little distraction from everything else going on in my life.

  Juliette was already in the room when we got there. I wondered if she'd spent the whole day there, drooling and rubbing her hands with glee in anticipation of returning to the office with my head on a spike. Why did she hate me so much?

  The whole thing felt weird. Like when someone's watching you but you can't see them. Except that I could see them. Or rather, her. Juliette stood in the corner of the room, clicking her pen. I was pretty sure I saw a bit of insane glee behind those eyes, but that could just be my paranoia talking.

  "Okay, girls!" I clapped my hands to get their attention. "Today, we're working on the Your Future badge. What do you think that means?"

  Ava's hand shot up, "What we're going to do when we grow up! I'm going to be a flower!"

  "Almost right," I said. "But I'm pretty sure you can't be a flower."

  "Why not?" the girl pouted.

  "Because you're a girl. You could, however, be a florist—someone who sells flowers."

  Emily raised her hand. "I'm going to be a princess!"

  "Well, good luck with that," I said. "Anyway…"

  "You can't be the princess!" Betty shouted. "I'm going to be the princess!"

  And explosion of arguing broke out, and I glanced toward the corner. Juliette's lips were curled with glee, and she was frantically writing something on a clipboard. What had I done wrong already?

  I held up the three finger sign for silence. The room quieted down.

  "I happen to know that there's more than one princess in the world. So any of you who can marry into the inbred foreign royalty is welcome to do so in about 11 years. But for now, we have an activity that will help." I signaled Kelly, who started to pass around large squares of poster board and markers.

  I continued, "We're going to break you up into groups of three and four to work on this. Has anyone played the Game of Life?"

  Lauren stood up, "Aren't we all playing the Game of Life right now? Isn't doing it with a board game a bit redundant?"

  Oh, great. A second grade philosopher. I ignored her.

  "How many of you know this game?" I asked. Every girl raised her hand.

  "Working in your group, you will turn this poster board into a board for your own game. Each space you draw will represent five years and what you will be doing at that time."

  Kelly stepped up and showed them the board from the real game and how it worked. More than a few girls looked confused, which made me wonder what they'd thought we were talking about when I asked if they'd played before.

  "You have 20 minutes!" I shouted. "Go!"

  Kelly and I wandered around the room, making sure the girls colored on the paper, not on each other. Every few minutes I'd look at Juliette, who lurked in her corner like Nosferatu in that black and white movie. We didn't make any effort to acknowledge her. Hell, if I could get away with snapping her neck, I would have. But it probably would've been a bad example for the girls.

  "Mrs. Wrath?" one of the Kaitlins asked. "Why is that mean lady here?" She pointed her tiny finger at the corner as if her loud voice hadn't already alerted the viper woman.

  "She's from the Council," I explained. "She just wants to observe us."

  The girl squinted, frowning. "Can't you just shoot her?"

  Yes, I could shoot her. Children don't always make the most reliable witnesses, so I might get away with it. From the corner, I could feel Dowd's eyes burning into my back.

  "I'm not going to shoot anyone…" At least not today. "Now get back to work before the time is up."

  Kelly slid up to me. "Nice save. Did I notice a bit of hesitation?"

  "Was she writing all that down on her clipboard?" I asked without looking at her.

  "Yup. But I think you could take her." Kelly grinned.

  "You think I could take her? I'm offended!"

  "Ahem!" came a growl behind us. We turned to face one angry redhead. I guess she'd heard us.

  "May I speak to you two ladies out in the hall for a moment?" Juliette's face was as red as her hair.

  I gasped. "But we can't leave these children unsupervised! That would be against the rules and could possibly result in a dangerous situation!"

  "Fine," the woman growled between her teeth. "How about over there, then?" She walked toward the wall on the opposite side of the room. I shrugged at Kelly, and the two of us followed her.

  "You see," she hissed, "this is exactly what I was concerned about!" A purple vein popped out on her forehead. "Did I just hear that girl ask if you could shoot me?"

  "All kids talk like that," I said. "They don't mean it."

  "Oh, they don't, do they?" Juliette vibrated with fury. "I think you're a terrible role model, and it's going in my report!" She stormed back to her corner and glared at us.

  I was starting to realize that this wasn't an isolated incident with her. Most likely, Juliette Dowd acted this way a lot. If that was true, the Council probably ignored her outbursts. So I was safe. Probably. Maybe.

  "Time's up!" I called out.

  The girls turned around and faced me as they giggled in their groups.

  "Who wants to go first?" Kelly asked.

  The four Kaitlins raised their hands. Of course they were together. Caitlyn stood up holding the poster board while Kaytlyn
n stood next to her and started speaking.

  "Here's where you graduate high school and marry Zayn from One Direction." She pointed to a square with a bunch of stick figures with heads so hairy they looked like werewolves. What was One Direction? And why did they have hair like that? Was it good to marry this Zayn? Why would you want to marry a werewolf? Fearing the answers, I kept these questions to myself.

  "Or a handsome prince!" Kaitlin called from the floor.

  Kaytlynn nodded. "Oh right. Or a handsome prince." She pointed at the next square. "Here's where you go to Harvard—the only college in the world." A big red building that looked like their school was sitting on the page.

  I didn't correct her comment that Harvard was the only college in the world because everyone knew Kaytlynn's parents were a bit on the helicoptery side. She probably thought that she had to go there or leave the family in disgrace. Who was I to question anyone's parenting skills?

  "When you're out of college," she said pointing to a square that looked like a gray, smooshed building, "you go live in a castle and start your career as a surgeon or lawyer and have two kids, who also become doctors or lawyers."

  Kelly stifled a laugh. But I was more concerned with what was next. Was that a picture of a…

  "And here's when you're 30 and get to kill all the people who piss you off." Kaytlynn grinned, pointing at a picture of a bleeding stick figure with red hair.

  "Oh—okay! Good job!" I said quickly. "You girls can sit down now, and someone else can go."

  Kaytlynn frowned. "But I'm not to 40 years old yet! That's when you die because you're so old."

  Kelly lost it and doubled over with laughter. She was no help whatsoever.

  "How about you guys?" I pointed at Inez and her group.

  Inez and Betty stood up, with Emily holding the poster board.

  "They started too late!" Inez said. "You have to start here, in elementary school, where you join Scouts and learn about grenades and ninja throwing stars and stuff."

  A roar came from the corner, and Juliette stomped over to me. "I'm writing this all down! Consider yourself officially under investigation!" Her eyes were wild, and she was pointing at me over and over. She kind of resembled a deranged hyena with index fingers and a manicure.