Bringing Up Bébé

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Bringing Up Bébé Page 36

by Pamela Druckerman


  Melmed, Matthew. Statement submitted to the Committee on Education and Labor, U.S. House of Representatives, Hearing on Investing in Early Education: Improving Children’s Success. Washington, D.C., January 23, 2008.

  Merle, Sandra. Interview with the author, September 20, 2012.

  Military.com. “Military Child Care.” http://www.military.com/benefits/resources/family-support/child-care.

  Mindell, Jodi, et al. “Behavioral Treatment of Bedtime Problems and Night Wakings in Young Children: AASM Standards of Practice.” Sleep 29 (2006): 1263–76.

  Mischel, Walter. A History of Psychology in Autobiography. Edited by G. Lindzey and W. M. Runyan. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association, 2007.

  ———. Interview with the author, July 20, 2010.

  Mogel, Wendy. The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. New York: Scribner, 2001.

  Mon Enfant à l’école maternelle. http://cache.media.education.gouv.fr/file/Espace_parent/35/9/Guide_pratique_des_parents_ecole_maternelle_227359.pdf.

  Murkoff, Heidi, Arlene Eisenberg, and Sandee E. Hathaway. What to Expect When You’re Expecting. New York: Workman, 2002.

  National Institutes of Health. “Child Care Linked to Assertive, Noncompliant, and Aggressive Behaviors: Vast Majority of Children Within Normal Range.” July 16, 2003.

  Ochs, Elinor, and Carolina Izquierdo. “Responsibility in Childhood: Three Developmental Trajectories.” Ethos 37, no. 4 (2009): 391–413.

  Ollivier, Debra. What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind. New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 2009.

  Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. “Éducation et Accueil des Jeunes Enfants.” May 2003.

  Parker, Kim. “The Harried Life of the Working Mother.” Pew Research Center. October 1, 2009. http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1360/working-women-conflicted-but-few-favor-return-to-traditional-roles.

  Pernoud, Laurence. J’élève mon enfant. Paris: Editions Horay, 2007.

  Pew Global Attitudes Project. “Men’s Lives Often Seen as Better: Gender Equality Universally Embraced, but Inequalities Acknowledged.” July 1, 2010.

  Pinella, Teresa, and Leann L. Birch. “Help Me Make It Through the Night: Behavioral Entrainment of Breast-Fed Infants’ Sleep Patterns.” Pediatrics 91, 2 (1993): 436–43.

  Pleux, Didier. “Enfants tyrans: Un peu de bon sens!” Interview by Doctissimo.fr. http://www.doctissimo.fr/html/psychologie/mag_2003/mag1024/ps_7167_enfants_tyrans_bon_sens_itw.htm.

  Prochner, Larry. “The American Creche: ‘Let’s Do What the French Do, but Do It Our Way.’” Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood 4, 3 (2003): 267–85.

  Programme National Nutrition Santé. La santé vient en mangeant et en bougeant. 2004.

  Richardin, Sophie. “Surfez sur les vagues du désir!” Neuf Mois, February 2009, 49–53.

  Rossant, Lyonel, and Jacqueline Rossant-Lumbroso. Votre Enfant: Guide à l’usage des parents. Paris: Robert Laffont, 2006.

  Rousseau, Jean-Jacques. Émile, or On Education. Translated by Allan Bloom. New York: Basic Books, 1979.

  ———. Emile, or On Education. Sioux Falls, S.D.: NuVision Publications LLC, 2007. http://www.nuvisionpublications.com/Print_Books.asp?ISBN=159547840X.

  Sawica, Leslie, coordinator. Le guide des nouvelles mamans. Free booklet prepared with support from the French health ministry. 2009.

  Senior, Jennifer. “All Joy and No Fun.” New York, July 12, 2010.

  Sethi, Anita, Walter Mischel, J. Lawrence Aber, Yuichi Shoda, and Monica Larrea Rodriguez. “The Role of Strategic Attention Deployment in Development of Self-Regulation: Predicting Preschoolers’ Delay of Gratification from Mother-Toddler Interactions.” Developmental Psychology 36, 6 (November 2000): 767–77.

  Skenazy, Lenore. Free-Range Kids. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2009.

  Steingarten, Jeffrey. The Man Who Ate Everything. New York: Vintage Books, 1997.

  Suizzo, Marie-Anne. “French and American Mothers’ Childrearing Beliefs: Stimulating, Responding, and Long-Term Goals.” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 35, 5 (September 2004): 606–26.

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  Suizzo, Marie-Anne, and Marc H. Bornstein. “French and European American Child-Mother Play: Culture and Gender Considerations.” International Journal of Behavioral Development 30, 6 (2006): 498–508.

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  Thirion, Marie, and Marie-Josèphe Challamel. Le sommeil, le rêve et l’enfant: De la naissance à l’adolescence. Paris: Albin Michel, 2002.

  Thompson, Caroline. Interview with the author, April 20, 2010.

  Turkle, Sherry. Psychoanalytic Politics: Jacques Lacan and Freud’s French Revolution. New York: The Guilford Press, 1992.

  ———. “Tough Love.” Introduction. In Françoise Dolto, When Parents Separate. Boston: David R. Godine, 1995.

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  UNICEF. “Child Poverty in Perspective: An Overview of Childhood Well-Being in Rich Countries.” Innocenti Report Card 7, 2007. UNICEF Innocenti Research Center, Florence, Italy.

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  Vaineau, Anne-Laure. 5 conseils pour éviter le baby-clash. http://www.psychologies.com/Famille/Etre-parent/Equilibre-du-couple/Articles-et-Dossiers/5-conseils-pour-eviter-le-baby-clash.

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  Zigler, Edward, Katherine Marsland, and Heather Lord. The Tragedy of Child Care in America. New Haven and London: Yale University Press, 2009.

  index

  The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. To find the corresponding locations in the text of this digital version, please use the “search” function on your e-reader. Note that not all terms may be searchable.

  adult time, 9, 189–90, 196, 225, 351

  American Academy of Pediatrics, 125–26

  American Baby magazine, 127

  attend, xvii, 62

  authority of parents, 355–60

  absence of, 70–72, 227–28

  allowance of bêtises, xvii, 163–64, 236–37, 359

  authoritative versus authoritarian, 234–35, 238–39

  the big eyes, xix, 223, 234–35, 359

  building cadre, 230–32, 239, 330–31

  caprices, xviii, 74–75

  child-king syndrome, xix, 7, 225, 230, 321

  child’s security and happiness, 55, 86, 88, 223

  complicité, xviii, 234, 239–42

  dedramatizing, 358

  éducation versus discipline, xix, 9, 222, 235–36, 358–59

  expla
nations, 356–57

  fear of stifling creativity, 72–73, 226–27

  leadership in family hierarchy, 228–30

  punishment, 242, 360

  saying “no,” 73–76, 222–23, 242–43, 355–56, 357

  saying “yes,” 356

  shouting, 235

  strictness, 236–37

  autonomy, 329–35

  arguing, 332

  as child’s need, 248, 258–59, 330, 335

  child’s time alone, 55, 68–69, 146–47, 335

  classe verte, xviii, 248

  colonies de vacances, xviii, 245–46

  cursing, xvii, 168, 331

  dealings with other children, 250–52

  déclic, 334

  overprotection and smothering, 148, 247, 252, 333

  praise, 253–58, 333–34

  school vacations, 245–46, 248–49

  self-reliance, autonomie, xvii, 246

  tantrums, 324

  tattling, rapporter, xx, 251–52

  time away from parents, 331–32

  trust and respect for children, 249–50, 259

  awakening and discovery, 313

  within cadre, 239

  éveillé/e, xix, 84

  exploratory play, 314

  independent play, 55, 68–69, 85, 146–47, 314

  as natural developmental process, 80–86, 112, 246

  for pleasure, 86

  Baby and Child Care (Spock), 94, 188–89

  BabyCenter Web site, 19, 58

  baby weight:

  gain, 21, 28–30

  loss, 126–30, 341

  baked apple with cinnamon, 372

  bedtime. See sleep

  bêtises, xvii, 163–64, 236–37, 359

  the big eyes, xix, 223, 234–35, 359

  birthday parties, 341

  birthing. See childbirth

  Bitoun, Pierre, 124, 126

  Blessing of a Skinned Knee, The (Mogel), 247

  Bloom, Paul, 97–98

  bonjour, xvii, 156–60, 313

  boundaries and limits:

  for child’s happiness, 86, 223

  permissiveness, 70–72

  protection of child from own desires, 76–77, 239

  stifling of creativity, 72–73, 226–27

  See also cadre

  braised broccoli, 365

  breastfeeding:

  American recommendation on, 125–26

  as competition, 121

  French disinterest in, 121–24, 286

  lack of correlation with baby’s sleep pattern, 41–42, 53

  brocoli braisé, 365

  Bronson, Po, 256–57

  Bruckner, Pascal, 195

  caca boudin, xvii, 151–52, 168–69, 331

  cadre, 330–31

  allowance of bêtises, xvii, 163–64, 236–37

  child’s blossoming within, 239

  child’s predictable and coherent world, 86–87

  in consumption of sweets, 215–17

  definition, xviii

  flexibility within firm limits, 70, 111–13, 212–13, 330–31

  talking with child about, 230–32

  See also boundaries and limits

  caprices, xviii, 74–75

  career. See work, return to

  carnet de santé, 37

  carottes râpées à l’orange, 363

  Carroll, Raymonde, 254

  Child and His Sleep, The (De Leersnyder), 44–45, 55

  childbirth:

  epidurals, 32, 36, 279

  hospital experiences, 35–37, 175–77

  plans and customization, 31, 33–34

  child care, freedom from:

  équilibre, xix, 149, 339

  mother’s separation and independent identity, 131–34, 149

  mother’s time to herself, 108, 131–32, 144–46, 148–49

  parents’ adult time, 9, 189–90, 196

  child-care facilities. See crèche; day care, American

  child development, 283–87, 311

  awakening and discovery, 55, 68–69, 80–86, 112, 146–47, 246

  competitive parenting, 6, 82, 85, 141–44

  extracurricular activities, 315

  intensive supervision and concerted cultivation, 141–44, 183

  moment privilégiés, 316

  not rushing in, 311, 312

  Piaget on, 81–82

  quality of parenting, 117

  reading, 312

  child king, xix, 7, 225, 230, 321

  chocolat chaud recipe, 220

  chocolate cake, 373

  chores, 329–30

  classe verte, xviii, 248

  cognitive development. See child development

  Cohen, Michel, 46–49, 54–55, 141

  colonies de vacances, xviii, 245–46

  Commission Menus, 205–8

  competitive parenting, 6, 82, 85, 141–44

  complete-meal lentil soup, 366–67

  complicité, xviii, 234, 239–42

  concerted cultivation, 142–44, 183

  cosleeping, 347–48

  creamy artichoke soup, 364

  creativity, 72–73, 226–27

  crèche:

  caregivers, 110, 112, 115

  definition, xviii

  dining experience, 113–14, 205–8, 231–32

  enrollment process, 108–9

  French enthusiasm for, 103–4, 107–8

  government control, 102, 115

  history, 100–103

  mother’s time off from child care, 108, 132

  parenting model and enforcement of cadre, 111–13

  recipes from, 361–73

  sample weekly lunch menu, 376–77

  as social experience, 103, 107–8

  crying it out, 40–41, 53–54, 56, 291, 293, 295

  curse words, xvii, 151–52, 168–69, 331

  Daily Mail, 39

  Dati, Rachida, 149

  day care, American, 99–100, 105–6, 117

  day care, French. See crèche

  déclic, 334

  delayed gratification. See patience

  Denisot, Michel, 136–37

  discipline versus éducation, xix, 9, 222, 235–36, 358–59

  See also authority of parents

  discovery. See awakening and discovery

  Dolto, Françoise:

  on autonomy of children, 146, 236, 248, 259, 335

  on children as rational beings, 90–91, 92–94, 284

  influence on French parenting, 89–90

  Major Stages of Childhood, The, 146, 236, 248

  own childhood ambitions, 91–92

  on parents’ ability to solve problems, 95

  respect for children, 92, 95, 259, 284

  doucement, xviii, 96–97

  Dusoulier, Clotilde, 67, 235

  eating. See meals

  école maternelle, xix, 152–55, 158

  éducation versus discipline, xix, 9, 222, 235–36, 358–59

  Elle magazine, 145–46, 149

  Emile, or On Education (Rousseau), 83–84, 243

  Enfant Magazine, 123

  enfant roi (child-king), xix, 7, 225, 230, 321

  epidurals, 32, 36, 279

  Epstein, Jean, 188

  équilibre, xix, 149, 339

  éveillé/e, xix, 84

  feeding schedules for infants, 52–53, 54–55, 58, 285–86

  female bonding, 17, 119–21

  Ferber, Richard, 43

  Ferrari, Laurence, 195

  Fischler, Claude, 212

  flans de courgettes, 368–
69

  food. See meals

  French Women Don’t Get Fat (Guiliano), 30, 129

  frustration:

  benefits of, 55, 73–74, 77, 271

  coping with, 63–64, 75, 212–13, 322, 323

  hearing “no,” 73–76, 222–23, 242–43

  gâteau au yaourt, 66, 79

  gâteau chocolat, 373

  Gerber, Magda, 271

  gourmand/e, xix, 219

  Goutard, Audrey, 159–60, 251

  goûter:

  chocolat chaud recipe, 220

  chocolate, 216–17, 300, 307–8

  definition, xix, 300

  gâteau au yaourt recipe, 79

  official time for, 59, 66

  saving treats for, 66–67, 307

  Grand Journal, Le, television show, 135–37

  Grand Livre de la Famille, Le (Goutard), 159–60

  Granju, Katie Allison, 141

  grated carrots with orange, 363

  les gros yeux, xix, 223, 234–35

  Guidebook for Mothers to Be, 30

  Guide for New Mothers, The (French health ministry), 28

  Guiliano, Mireille, 30, 129

  guilt:

  bottle feeding, 126

  eating during pregnancy, 30

  focus on marital relationship, 189–90

  herself, 132–33, 148–49, 339–40

  imperfection as mother, 147–50

  use of day care, 100, 116

  valorization of, 147–48

  Happy Child, A (Pleux), 74

  health measures and comparisons, 28, 32, 124

  hospitalization for childbirth, 35–37, 175–77

  independence, child’s. See autonomy

  independence of parents:

  adult time together, 9, 189–90, 196

  équilibre, xix, 149, 339

  mother’s time to herself, 108, 131–32, 144–46, 148–49

  relation fusionnelle, 148, 347

  separation and own identity, 131–34, 149

  intensive supervision, 140–44

  It Is Permissible to Obey (Marcelli), 238, 240–41

  James, William, 88

  J’élève mon enfant (Pernoud), 204–5

  Kamerman, Sheila, 106, 116

  la Fressange, Inès de, 149–50

  Lareau, Annette, 142, 253

  Leersnyder, Hélène De, 44–45, 50–51, 55–56, 189

  lentil soup, complete-meal, 366–67

  limits. See boundaries and limits; cadre

  Major Stages of Childhood, The (Dolto), 146, 236, 248

 

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