25 Roses

by Stephanie Faris

  Worst of all, I realized as I walked to homeroom, I had to live with this really, really sad feeling that I’d had Alex as a friend for years and now I wouldn’t. I already missed him.

  “You have to help me with my hair.”

  I looked up, suddenly realizing someone was talking to me. It was Trudie, and she was staring at me like I was the answer to all her problems. This was my punishment for sitting with them at lunch. Maybe it would have been better if I’d stuck with the original plan to hang out in the library by myself at lunch. I’d only nixed that idea when I imagined Alex and Sun all snuggled up in the reference section.

  “I can’t do it on my own,” Trudie said, pulling on the end of her short ponytail. “As you can see. I’ve tried deep treatments and every conditioner you can think of—”

  “Have you asked a hairstylist?” I asked.

  She frowned at me. The look on her face told me she hadn’t thought of that. I guess she needed someone to give her a slight shove in the right direction. Maybe if I did that, I wouldn’t have to spend an entire day at the mall with her while she tried on clothes and got her hair done.

  “She’s trying to impress someone,” Karyn said.

  Trudie flashed her a hateful look. “Am not,” she said.

  “Are too,” Karyn argued.

  I looked from Karyn to Trudie and back again, frowning. I was out of the matchmaking business. I was out of the helping-other-people business too. I just wanted to hang out, eat lunch, and talk about shows I liked and music I’d downloaded, like Ashleigh, Alex, and I used to do.

  “I can’t help you,” I said. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  They were all looking at a spot behind me now, and all of a sudden, I was completely forgotten. I turned around. Now what?

  Kaylee was standing directly behind my chair, a hand on each hip.

  “Come sit with us,” she commanded.

  It was an order, not a request. I looked over at Trudie and her friends, all staring straight up at the most popular girl in school with their mouths wide open. I knew that look all too well. It was the same look I’d probably given every time I’d been up close to her since fourth grade.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Just do it,” Trudie whispered. She leaned closer. “She’s Kaylee Hooper.”

  As if Kaylee couldn’t hear that. Seriously. She was standing right here. I did my best to act like it was no big deal as I picked up my tray and followed Kaylee back to her table. But I was well aware that everyone in the cafeteria might be watching at that very moment, including Ashleigh.

  Ha. Served her right.

  “Sit there,” Kaylee ordered, pointing to a spot between Rosalia and Makayla.

  I set my tray down and pulled the chair back. I knew I was supposed to feel lucky to be asked to sit here, but did Kaylee have to be so rude? I took a deep breath and reminded myself I just had to put up with this for a few minutes and I could go back to Trudie, where I didn’t belong either. In fact, it didn’t seem like I belonged much of anywhere these days.

  “I hear you’re a matchmaker,” Kaylee said. “They’re calling you the miracle worker.”

  Everyone was staring at me. Were they serious? Miracle worker?

  “Look what you did with Squirrel Patterson,” Kaylee said. “I mean, Sun Patterson.”

  Everyone giggled. Everyone, that was, but me and Kaylee. I would have defended Sun, but what was the point?

  “Sun isn’t speaking to me anymore,” I said.

  “Why not?” Makayla asked.

  I realized as they all turned to look at me that if I said anything more, I’d just be giving them information they’d share with everyone they knew. They didn’t care about me. They just wanted to find out what they could get from me.

  “Whatever,” Kaylee said, pulling the attention back to her. “The point is, you’ve done a lot with not a lot. If you can do that, you can help me.”

  Before I could voice the next, obvious question—which was, What could I possibly do to help someone like you?—Shonda spoke up. “There’s a guy,” she said.

  Kaylee flashed her a look before turning back to me. “It’s a guy you know,” she said. “I think he’s a good friend of yours.”

  Not Alex. But it had to be. I didn’t have any other guy friends. I didn’t even have that guy friend anymore, actually, since we hardly talked anymore. That was something I’d point out when she told me she liked Alex. I couldn’t help her if he wasn’t my BMFF anymore.

  “I think I can stop you right there,” I said, holding up a hand.

  Kaylee blinked in surprise. Nobody stopped her. Nobody held a hand up to dismiss something she was saying. Nobody but me. I was stopping her.

  “Alex and I aren’t friends anymore,” I said. “And besides, I think he’s with Sun.”

  “Really?” Faith asked.

  “Who cares?” Kaylee snapped. She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m talking about Kurt Barnes.”

  Kurt Barnes? It took me a second to backtrack over our conversation and figure out what she was saying. Wait … Kaylee Hooper liked Kurt Barnes?

  “He’s definitely cute-ified himself lately,” Shonda said, nodding and smiling broadly.

  “Hey,” Kaylee said, glaring at Shonda. “Back off.” She turned back to me. “So what do you say?”

  “To what?” I asked.

  “Have you been paying attention? Me and Kurt,” Kaylee snapped. “Make it happen.”

  I opened my mouth to answer, but the bell rang and people began to scatter. I looked down at my tray. All this and I hadn’t even had a chance to eat lunch.

  By the time I put my tray up and turned around, Kaylee and her group were gone. Fine by me. I was walking toward the door, my mind trying to process what Kaylee wanted me to do, when I saw Ashleigh and Alex. They were waiting for me near the door.

  “You were sitting with Kaylee,” Ashleigh said. “Why?”

  I came to a stop in front of them. I hadn’t prepared for this question, especially since we still weren’t speaking. I might have been able to come up with something overnight, once it all made a little more sense to me. So instead of making up some fancy story, I just told the truth.

  “She likes someone. She wants me to help.”

  I shrugged at the end of that and waited for them to speak. They looked at each other, and Alex turned back to me.

  “Who?” he asked.

  “Nobody important,” I said, and that was the truth. Neither one of them had paid a bit of attention to Kurt over the years, so what difference did it make?

  “He’ll be important once Kaylee gets her hands on him,” Ashleigh said. She crossed her arms over her chest. “But I don’t get why she needs your help. She’s Kaylee Hooper.”

  “I have no idea,” I said.

  “Mia helps people,” Alex said. “That’s what she does now.”

  I looked at him. It was hard to make eye contact with him now, especially after everything Ashleigh had said about us liking each other. I knew he didn’t like me, but just now, when he was staring at me, he had this look like he wanted to say something he would never have the nerve to say.

  Of course, I knew he only wanted to say that he missed me as a friend. Something like that. He didn’t like me that way. He liked Sun. And now it looked like they were an official couple, so if I wanted to be around Alex at all, I had to suck up whatever feelings I was having and be his friend again. That was how it worked.

  “I’m not helping people anymore,” I said. Then, realizing how that sounded, I rushed to add to it. “I mean, I’ll help people, like if they’re hurt or something, but I’m not going to work all that hard to help everyone else. It was upsetting certain people too much.”

  I looked directly at Ashleigh as I said that last part. Her expression changed then. Softened a little. I knew right then I’d said the right thing. I’d finally gotten through to her. Maybe this was our reconciliation. I hoped so.

  Surprisingly, though, Alex was t
he one who spoke. “She just wants you to spend more time with us,” he said. “We want you to spend more time with us,” he added. “We miss you.”

  “I miss you guys too,” I said. My voice caught a little when I said it.

  “I’m sorry,” Ashleigh said. “I know I was way out of line with the whole thing with Sun.”

  “What thing with Sun?” Alex asked.

  We’d stopped in front of my locker, and I turned to face them. Ashleigh and I shared a look. The “Sun thing” had been when Ashleigh had told me and Sun that we both liked Alex. I’d assumed Ashleigh had already told Alex about it, but maybe not.

  “Nothing,” Ashleigh and I said at the same time.

  “That’s okay,” I told Ashleigh, rushing to change the subject. “I’m sorry I’ve been so weird lately. I got caught up in things, I guess.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry too,” Alex said.

  The warning bell rang, and they took off toward their own lockers. I opened my own locker. I was still running the conversation we’d just had over in my head when something fell, smacking me against the forehead before dropping to my feet. Another rose. And it had a card attached.

  To: Mia

  From: Your Secret Admirer

  Soon everyone will know the truth. Get ready for fireworks!

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  To: Alex

  From: Mia

  You look really cute tonight.

  Kaylee was calling again. I saw the number and quickly pressed a button to silence the phone before Ashleigh heard it. We had thirty minutes until we had to leave Ashleigh’s house for the lock-in, and I didn’t want to deal with Kaylee right now.

  Not that Kaylee and I were BFFs or anything. In fact, I’d pretty much been avoiding her at school. Every time she saw me she asked the same, annoying question.

  Have you talked to him yet?

  No, I hadn’t talked to Kurt. I wasn’t going to talk to Kurt. It was none of my business.

  “Who was that?” Ashleigh asked, looking at my phone.

  “Nobody,” I said.

  “Can you do my eye makeup?” Ashleigh said, waving me toward her. That was her thing now. She’d assumed I was an expert with hair and makeup, even though I knew nothing about any of it. I walked over to where she sat and did my best, though.

  “So, what about you and Alex?” Ashleigh asked as I painted shades of pink and purple on her eyelids. I messed up and rubbed it in, then added more.

  “What about us?” I asked.

  “What’s the update?” she asked.

  The odd thing about that question was, Ashleigh had been hanging out with him far more than I had lately. She should know what was going on with Alex more than I did. But I decided to enlighten her, since she didn’t seem to know.

  “Alex likes Sun now,” I said.

  Ashleigh’s eyes popped open—not a good thing to do when someone is working on your eye shadow. Luckily, I pulled the eye makeup applicator back in time or I might have poked her right in the pupil.

  “No,” she said. She sat up straighter in her seat. “How do you know?”

  “I saw them together,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t want her to know how big a deal this was to me.

  “When?” she asked.

  I thought back. When was that? “Wednesday?”

  I moved the applicator back toward her eye, but she brushed my hand away. “You’re telling me Alex Hood is going out with Sun Patterson and nobody told me?”

  I stepped back to look at her. “He didn’t tell you?”

  “Not a word,” she said.

  No surprise. “Alex doesn’t like to talk about stuff like that.”

  Alex could talk for hours about the latest World of Warcraft, but ask him one question about his thoughts on a girl—even me or Ashleigh—and he’d freeze up like someone had cut his vocal cords. It didn’t surprise me at all that Alex hadn’t mentioned going out with Sun. Everyone in school would probably know before we would.

  “I guess you’ll find out soon enough,” I said, glancing at the clock next to Ashleigh’s bed. “They’ll be at the lock-in together.”

  “We’re picking him up,” Ashleigh reminded me. “I’m going to ask him.”

  “Yeah, that should go well.” I could imagine the conversation now. The two of them, sitting in the backseat with me squished between them. Ashleigh would ask him about Sun, and he would curl up in the corner in a little ball and refuse to talk the rest of the ride there.

  “Let me see.”

  Ashleigh leaned forward to look in the mirror. I couldn’t tell right away if she liked what I’d done. Even if she didn’t love it, she smiled and said, “Thanks.”

  By the time Ashleigh’s mom announced it was time to go, Ashleigh had wiped all her eye makeup off and redone it. That was fine with me. It gave me a chance to do my own makeup. It would have been silly to spend a lot of time trying to look good, since all I’d be doing was watching Alex and Sun make goo-goo eyes at each other all night, but if I didn’t try, Ashleigh would give me a hard time about it. It was just easier to put makeup on and wear my nicest pencil skirt and dress top.

  “Look at you,” Ashleigh said when she finally stopped staring at herself in the mirror long enough to look at me. “You look awesome.”

  I was standing in front of the full-length mirror on the back of Ashleigh’s closet. I hadn’t worn this skirt for months, and the last time, it had hung off the sides of my hips with gaps so big I could have put my hands in them. I’d grown into it since then, and now it fit exactly as it should. Plus, the light-pink blouse I wore brought out the color in my cheeks, giving me a certain glow.

  My heart started racing as soon as we made the right turn onto Alex’s street. And then I saw him. He looked so cute. It hit me as he stepped out onto his front porch, wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and jeans without rips in them. I was so used to seeing him in T-shirts and torn-up jeans, I had to blink to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

  “Ooh, he dressed up!” Ashleigh said as he neared the car.

  I could feel myself blushing, even though Alex couldn’t hear us. In a few seconds he’d be in the car, and there would be that weird silence as Ashleigh and her mom thought about what Ashleigh had just said. So I rushed to keep that from happening.

  “He dressed up for Sun,” I said. “They’re together now.”

  It still bothered me to say that. I guess I should have been okay with it. I was the one trying to get everyone together, after all. If I hadn’t wanted Alex to find a crush, I shouldn’t have given him that rose, right?

  “Then why isn’t he going to the lock-in with her?” Ashleigh asked.

  I bit my lip. Good question. Liking boys was so confusing.

  Alex climbed into the car on my side. Once I saw him reaching for the door handle, I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and started sliding across the backseat. He was watching by then, though, so I was super nervous as I scooted over.

  I don’t like him. I don’t like him. I don’t like him.

  I kept chanting those three words as Alex fastened his seat belt. Ashleigh’s mom started making small talk about silly things. “You excited about tonight? Is everyone going to be dressed up? Will there be food at the lock-in?” Meanwhile, I was staring out the window, my hands clenched in my lap. If I thought hard enough, I was sure I could go back to just being Alex’s friend and nothing more.

  “Wow,” Ashleigh said as we pulled into the parking lot of the city’s only family Sportsplex, which was just a few blocks from Alex’s house. A big sign advertised ice-skating, bowling, basketball, and swimming. There was a line going all the way back to the street, where people were dropping kids off.

  “We can get out here,” Alex said.

  “Yeah, let’s walk,” Ashleigh agreed.

  Alex was staring at me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at him.

  “You up for walking?” he asked.

  He was asking just me? For a long second, I
felt good about that.

  Then Ashleigh spoke up, spoiling the moment. “Let’s go,” she said. “We can walk it.”

  Alex took off after her, leaving me no choice but to hurry to catch up with the two of them. I couldn’t believe how silly I’d been. Of course Alex wasn’t talking to just me about doing something romantic. They just wanted to walk toward the door rather than sitting in traffic for the next ten minutes.

  I didn’t like this. Not at all. I thought back to the last day of the chocolate rose sale, how I’d just wanted to be more like Kellie and Kaylee. I wanted people to look at me and think I mattered. But now, remembering what it was like to be invisible and ignored, I realized I wanted that back. I wanted to just hang out with my friends and have fun without all this other stuff.

  I caught up with Ashleigh and Alex around the time they reached the rest of the crowd. Everyone was trying to push through the four front doors to the place at once. I ended up next to Alex, with the crowd pushing us up against each other. I couldn’t even look at him as our arms smushed together.

  “Mia!” I heard someone call as we passed through the door and came out into the huge lobby.

  “Hi, Kaylee,” Ashleigh said.

  Ignoring Ashleigh, Kaylee looked at me. “Come here.”

  No, I hadn’t talked to him yet. She wouldn’t like that answer. The only answer she wanted to hear was that I’d talked to Kurt and he knew she liked him. Oh, and that he liked her, too.

  “Go,” Ashleigh whispered, giving me a big nudge in the arm. When I didn’t go, she actually gave me a little shove in Kaylee’s direction.

  Great. Now there was no way to avoid talking to her.

  It would have been easier for me just to tell Kurt that Kaylee liked him. I knew that. But every time I started to walk over to Kurt and tell him she liked him, something stopped me. I guess part of me still hoped Sun and Kurt would get together, leaving Alex single. But I knew that was wrong of me, so I didn’t really admit it to myself.

  “Did you talk to Kurt?” Kaylee asked for what must have been the millionth time that week.