Faithful Shadow

by Howard, Kevin J.

  “At least I’m not a slob.” He gave her a wink, pointing to the glob of chocolate sauce just below her left breast. “I can lick that off if you wish.”

  “Oh damn it.” Sonia stood from the table and rushed behind the counter, grabbing a damp rag to dab her uniform. “You’re just lucky I like you,” Sonia threatened with a smile, wishing he could come over and lick it off. She’d become quite attached to Stew. Few people in the park had a set of abs like he did. Her mother would have killed her if she saw her with a black man, but he had the most beautiful skin. She shook her head and got back to cleaning.

  Working in the ice cream parlor had been a great choice. The base rate of pay sucked, but the tips were pretty decent, if and when they ever had customers. Lately it was only employees coming in for a cone, and they all got discounts. Worse than that was being alone all the time with so much ice cream. Sonia looked down at all the flavors, so many of them competing to be her favorite. But at least she had a little self-control—not a whole lot, but enough to limit herself to one cone a day, maybe a sundae or two. She was far too proud of her voluptuous figure to let it turn south. A big-breasted girl has to be careful. It’s too easy to cross over from short and busty to the round fat chick.

  “Hey, y’all.” Kelly gave a cheerful wave as she entered the shop, tying her red apron behind her.

  “Thanks once again for waking me up at the butt crack of dawn.” Sonia tossed the rag into the sink behind her. “Every morning you wake me up.”

  “Maybe I just figure you don’t need any beauty sleep.” Kelly smiled, turning on her Southern charm.

  “Very sweet, but not quite.”

  “What do you think started the fires?” Marco asked Kelly, leaning back to let his ice cream settle. He was probably the only person in the park at the young age of twenty-one to be balding, but he shaved his head every morning to keep the ladies under the impression that this was his choice.

  “Not really sure. Maybe God threw a match from his clouds.” Kelly smiled, unable to keep herself from laughing at the imagery. “Probably just some stupid smoker.”

  “I heard one of the firemen earlier saying it might be lightning,” Stew added, setting his camera gently on the table.

  “Such a shame,” Kelly said sadly, looking out the window. She hoped the fire wouldn’t end their employment before their contract was up. With a heavy sigh, she stepped behind the counter and shook her head at the condition of Sonia’s apron. “Not again.”

  “Look, it’s not always easy having mammoth boobs, okay!”

  “But it sure is nice.” Stew gave a wide grin as he ran from the table and stepped up to the counter, leaning forward for a long kiss. “Now that tastes better than any flavor on the menu.”

  “Maybe you’ve been looking at the wrong menu.” Sonia smiled, enjoying the banter.

  “Okay, you two horn dogs are lucky there are no customers.” Kelly motioned to the empty tables, sad to see yet another long and boring day in the making.

  “Are you coming with us tonight?” Stew asked, taking a seat at the table.

  “Where?”

  “Up to the hotpots.” Marco eyed Kelly’s figure and wished she’d go. “Nothing like relaxing in the warm water under the moonlight.”

  “Can’t go.” Kelly shook her head.

  “Oh come on girl, don’t be a downer.”

  “Someone has to close up, Sonia.”

  Sonia smiled, realizing it was either Kelly or her.

  “Well that sucks.” Stew hopped up from the table and grabbed his camera. He gave Sonia a goodbye smack on the ass and left the room. “See you later.” He gave a single wave and was gone, closely followed by Marco.

  “What exactly do you see in that fool?” Kelly asked as she stepped behind the counter, crossing her arms like a motherly figure.

  “He has a sweet side to him. Plus he’s very artistic.” Sonia smiled, leaning away from Kelly as if shy. “And he’s amazing in bed.”

  “You’re such a ho.”

  “Oh, like Richard isn’t? Remember, Richard is a long version of dick.” Sonia laughed, unable to help it.

  Kelly wasn’t going to lie about it; Richard was incredibly gifted in the sack. One of the numerous things she really liked about him, but not one of the highest on her list. She smiled at the last thing he’d told her after their walk, right after a very long and passionate goodbye kiss. He told her he’d be counting the hours until he could see her tonight. It made her feel good to know someone cared about her so much. Her last boyfriend had been such an ass, only interested in sex and drugs. She was tired of that scene, and luckily Richard was only a social pot smoker. She too enjoyed the occasional toke, just chilling with friends while passing some herb.

  “He’s hot.”

  Kelly broke free from her daze and followed Sonia’s stare out the shop and down the hall toward the Inn’s lobby. A fireman was talking with Gretchen, the hotel’s manager. He was wearing a filthy white T-shirt and bright yellow pants, held up by thick black straps over his shoulders.

  “Kind of strange they’re letting some of them stay here.”

  “Aren’t you a peach, Sonia? They are fighting hard to save this Inn from the fire; least they could do is offer them a place to rest.”

  “They could always stay in my bed.” Sonia smiled, biting her bottom lip with a deviant laugh.

  “Damn girl, you are a slut.” Kelly poked Sonia in the boob and they both shared a laugh.

  6

  Marco and Stew came out of the gift shop with a bag full of condoms, chocolate bars, and Pez. Stew opened the first Pez dispenser and went to town, one rectangular candy piece after the other, flipping them into his mouth like a pro. He and Marco walked over to the grand fireplace dead center in the lobby and took a seat, waiting impatiently for Gretchen, the bitchiest manager in the park, to finish up with the fireman. Stew hated women like Gretchen. The kind that dress up nice, stand straight, follow the rules because it’s their job. But he could see the person behind those eyes, the woman she wanted to be, but wouldn’t unleash. Gretchen was only twenty-five, three years older than he was. But until she learned how to kick back and let loose, she’d remain a bitch in his eyes.

  “What’s the deal with Kelly?” Marco asked, thinking back to how nice she looked in her uniform and how much nicer she’d look skinny-dipping in the hot-pots. “Wish she’d come with, man.”

  “Give it up, she’s Richard’s chick and that boy is hella cool.” Stew saw Gretchen and the fireman heading down the hall toward the rooms. “Okay, let’s go.”

  Stew and Marco rushed across the wide open lobby to the front desk. Rowena looked up as Marco bumped into the counter, knocking a jar of pins onto her book. She picked them up and cocked an eyebrow.

  “Hey, what are you and Janice doing tonight?” Stew asked.

  “Janice and I are heading out to join you guys at the hot-pots. That’s still on, isn’t it?” Rowena lowered her head, letting her thick glasses slide down her nose a bit. She called this her “questioning glance.”

  “Janice is coming?” Marco clasped his hands together. “You’re damn straight we’re still on.”

  “Easy boy.” Rowena raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to bug the hell out of us, are you?”

  “No, promise.” Marco raised his hand in a Boy Scout promise of three fingers.

  “Okay, we’ll see you there then.” Rowena smiled, returning to her book as they walked off.

  “You’re going tonight too?” Doug asked, walking up from behind her as he always did.

  Rowena had often thought that for such a fat man he sure was silent on his feet. “Yeah, Janice and I are heading out after work.” Rowena didn’t want to go on, but she knew Doug wasn’t going to leave her alone. “So, you’re going to the hot-pots?”
/>   “Well, I’m not getting in or nothing. I’ll just hang out and drink some beers.” Doug could tell she was losing interest, sad to see her turning back to her book. He knew he couldn’t compete with the guys here when it came to physical appearance and he wasn’t rich. But he did have one thing that was in short supply. “If you want, I could give you a ride out there. I’d be happy to do it.” Doug hated his piece of shit car beyond belief, but he loved it now for perhaps the first time since it had been given to him by his father.

  “I really appreciate the offer, but I have a truck. Janice and I are riding out together.” Rowena never looked up from her book.

  “Oh. That’s cool.” Doug took a subconscious step back, sensing the tension. He lingered a moment longer, watching her read her book without looking up to acknowledge his presence. He wanted so badly to reach out and move a strand of hair from her vision, just a small touch. “Well, I’ll see you there then.”

  “Cool.”

  Doug nodded and crossed the lobby to the restaurant’s entrance, standing just inside the door. Work had become more of a joke really, just standing there in the restaurant’s entrance like some kind of guard, only he was guarding an empty restaurant. They’d only had three guests in the restaurant for breakfast and that was one more than they had yesterday. Doug wondered how many guests were left. Yesterday he’d overheard Rowena speaking with Gretchen, telling her they had six more cancellations and three early checkouts. As far as he could tell, the entire first floor was vacant, probably the second floor as well. Didn’t matter, not as long as they signed his paycheck. Doug sighed, already feeling the extreme boredom starting to settle in. He pulled up a chair and took a seat, knowing this would piss off his manager, but his legs were sore. Standing in one spot all day made his feet ache; besides, this low vantage point offered a much better view of Rowena. Sure, at times he felt like a stalker. Watching her from across the way for hours on end, looking through the leaves of the fern between them. But he loved her. He’d liked many women before, but this was different. She had replaced the faces of all the women from his past. All those nights behind the bathroom door masturbating to magazines or fantasies, were now all replaced with his lovely Rowena.

  7

  Joe turned off the main road and headed toward Fairy Falls, pulling into the parking lot to watch a handful of tourists walk the wooden boardwalks around the Grand Prismatic. Joe looked up at the sky, the sun now well past the middle of the day. The clouds were black and the air smelled of fire but the scene was still lovely. Joe opened his brown paper bag and pulled out the tuna sandwich he’d made yesterday. The best part about being a ranger was his freedom; driving through the park every day, pulling over wherever he pleased to have lunch while looking out over the valley, or watching the waterfall in the canyon. Joe took a bite of his sandwich. He was barely three chews in before the radio cracked.

  “Yeah, go ahead Rita,” Joe said through a mouthful of bread and tuna.

  “Andy wanted me to let you know that there’s no sign of those hikers. No sign in at the trailhead.”

  “Okay, thank you Rita.” Joe thought for a moment. “Did Andy post that warning about the rogue bear near the Inn?”

  “I believe so. Did you want me to do a drive around?”

  “No, the notice is fine. Thank you, Rita.”

  Joe turned off the radio, letting the receiver fall to the floor. He didn’t want to deal with any more calls or see any more dead animals. Too much blood on his hands lately; the thought put a sour taste in his mouth that overpowered the tuna. He set his sandwich down and closed his eyes, feeling the headache beginning to creep toward the front of his head. A child’s laughter drifted in through the open window, startling him from the light slumber he’d slipped into. He turned his head toward the boardwalk and watched a family of four; a mother, father, a boy about six, and a girl about three. The perfect, picturesque family. Joe smiled, watching them walk the last of the boardwalk, pausing briefly to look down at the steaming pools of water with wonder. But this normal display of family bliss began to turn sour, like an allergic reaction tightening his throat. It became hard to breathe. His heart rate rose as the truck’s interior went from a comfortable warmth to a sweltering inferno; all mental of course.

  Joe started the truck and put it in reverse, backing up without looking into the rearview, peeling out as soon as he had room. He was succumbing to another panic attack, moving recklessly down the road at speeds well beyond the posted limit. A cool sweat had broken out across his brow. It felt as if he couldn’t pull in a deep enough breath no matter how deep he sucked in. He pulled onto the shoulder and slammed on his brakes, pressing his forehead to the wheel. Slow breaths in and out; over and over again until his racing heart faded into the background. A fresh batch of tears poured from his eyes, cascading down his cheeks like an uncontrollable river. The small boy’s face from a few moments ago had been replaced with his son’s. A younger version of his boy from when he’d been little, an innocent face that was always smiling. Where that child had gone, that innocent nature, was beyond him.

  Joe took a sip from his flask, closing his eyes as he let the booze work its magic. He held the cold glass to his forehead. How long until it would numb the pain? However long, it was too long. Joe took another long swig, lowering his head back to the wheel. The interior of his truck faded, dissolving into the memory of his last contact with Ryan. He’d driven out to see Joe, reaching his small cabin a few minutes before midnight. He’d been driving a very long time, almost a straight shot from his small, shitty apartment in Southern California. Joe hadn’t wanted him to come alone, but he said he needed to get away. Had to get away. A heavy desperation had clung to his tone.

  “Didn’t you stop?” Joe asked as his son stepped onto the porch. This had been four months ago.

  “No, I didn’t want to stay on the road any longer than I had to.” Ryan scratched his arms repeatedly, looking agitated. “Can I come in?” He looked back over his shoulder.

  “Please.” Joe gave his son a strong hug, squeezing him tight. He felt ill from the overpowering aroma of cigarettes and beer. “You look like you’ve seen some better days.” Joe took hold of his twenty-four year old son’s hands and held him out at arm’s length. His clothes were ratty and stained.

  “Don’t start with me, Dad.” Ryan grumbled as he pushed past him, entering the cabin. He took a seat at the table, leaning back with a heavy sigh. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his coat and tossed them down. “I didn’t come here to be insulted.” Ryan shook his head, scratching his arms harshly. He twitched his head to the right, breathing heavy. “Why do you always make me feel unwanted? I swear to God!”

  “Why did you come here?” Joe shut the door and took a small step into the room, not wanting to crowd him.

  “So I’m not welcome? This is how you greet me?” Ryan crossed his arms in front of his chest in a defensive stance. He looked over his shoulder at the door, dragging his uneven fingernails over his arm compulsively. Long red lines ran up his arm, blending with the red needle marks in the crook of his elbow. A long strand of hair fell over his eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “I didn’t say that.” Joe kept his voice calm.

  “You’ll never change. Job first and family second. That’s why Mom left your sorry ass!” Ryan spit in his face.

  Joe slapped his son hard across the face, immediately regretting it. His mouth dropped in shock, complete disbelief that he’d raised a hand to his son.

  “Fuck this. I’m out of here.” Ryan grabbed his cigarettes and pushed past his father. “I came here for help and you turn me away. I knew this was a mistake.”

  “Please don’t leave.” Joe ran after him down the steps, gripping his arm.

  “Get off of me.” Ryan yanked his arm free and got into his car, starting the engine. “I knew this was going to be a hassle.
”

  “Don’t leave. I’m sorry.” Joe ran alongside his son’s car as he began to back away. “I didn’t mean to get angry. Just come inside and I’ll help you. Whatever it is you’ve gotten yourself into, we can fix it.” Joe stood and watched his son turn down the driveway. “Please don’t go,” Joe yelled, but Ryan took off.

  Three weeks went by without word from Ryan. He’d finally built up the courage to call, hoping he hadn’t completely driven his son away. So he called his son’s apartment and heard from his scumbag of a roommate that he’d been killed in a car accident. He’d made the trip home, but a few days later he’d been shooting up with some lowlifes and decided to take a drive along the coast. Police reports said he’d plowed into the guardrail at more than eighty miles an hour and was killed on impact. At least he hadn’t suffered. That was something Joe had to hang onto.

  Joe lifted his head from the steering wheel, indents from the wheel imbedded across his forehead. The sun had traveled across the sky, moving behind the hills to the west. He must have been a sight to see; a National Park ranger with a flask in his hand weeping with his head down while God knows how many tourists, families in their campers, drove by seeing him sitting there in such a state. But it didn’t really matter to Joe anymore. His own life meant nothing. All he had left was this park. And like everything else in his life, the park was burning down to cinders.

  8

  Stew was the first to pull up, driving the jeep he’d been given for his sixteenth birthday. He’d had some good times behind the wheel of his “Muff Monster” as he called it. He and the Monster drove up and down the Oregon coast, picking up women with little effort. It had been his ride to the prom, his transportation to Yellowstone, and now his little party wagon around the park. Being one of the few employees at the park with a vehicle made him a valuable commodity. Someone the ladies wanted to have around. Most of the other employees were either bused in or driven by family members. And, as always, Stew was the life of the party. He looked at Sonia in the passenger seat and gave her a wink.