What Waits in the Woods
Page 21
But, no. Moving on. It’s not healthy to dwell on the past. That’s the one thing they’ve told me in here that I truly believe. When I think back, think about the girl I was on those meds, I want to scream. She was so pathetic, that girl. Following Lissa around as if every move she made was perfection. Acting like it was totally fine for Callie to steal the love of my life out from under me. I actually thought—it’s hilarious to me now—but I actually thought that if I could get through that camping trip with Jeremy and Callie, that would prove that I was fine. That I was over him. That I was strong and could move on.
What a loser I was. Moving on is not being strong. No. Taking what you want. Demanding what’s yours. That’s what strong is. I’m glad my meds fell out of my backpack that day at the river. I’m glad the world got to see who I really am. Sure, it was painful at first, what with the withdrawal headaches and the sweats. I tried to keep my temper in check, but toward the end, when everyone was snapping, that made it a lot easier. It was as if we were all in it together. Even Callie went over the edge a little. Perfect, sweet Callie. Ugh. The thought of her makes me sick.
But, no. There I go again, dwelling on the past. I will not think about how satisfying it was to pull those bungee cords taut around Lissa’s neck. To tighten and tighten and tighten the coil until her tongue lolled out of her mouth and her beautiful eyes rolled back in her beautiful head. I showed her who was in control, didn’t I? I showed her in the end.
And I won’t think about the look on Ted’s face when I shot him. Like he simply couldn’t believe that I could actually pull the trigger. The jerk. I won’t think about how satisfying it was to hurt Zach, either, the guy who had taken such pleasure in taunting us for days, who thought nothing in the world could touch him. Especially not a loser hanger-on like me.
No. I have other, more important things to focus on. Like keeping my shakes in check so the stupid medics won’t realize I haven’t been taking their ridiculous pills. They force me to open my mouth every time, but the little ones are easy to hide between my back teeth and my cheek, and the big ones … well, they’re harder, but if I park them just so on the back of my tongue, just far enough down my throat, I can choke them out once I’m alone again. They don’t understand that I can’t go back to being that girl—that zombie. I can’t and I won’t. I can see everything clearly now. I know who I am, and I like me.
And besides, the thing is … I’m falling in love again. There’s this girl down the hall, Marjorie, whose brother, Mitchell, comes to visit her three times a week. I’ve seen him looking at me. We’ve exchanged a few smiles. And last week, when Marjorie didn’t want the new socks he’d brought for her, he gave them to me.
Clearly he cares about me. We haven’t spoken yet. Not really. But I know he thinks about me the same way I think about him. And when we finally do get to know each other, I want him to know the real me. I want him to love me for who I am.
That was the problem between me and Jeremy. He could never truly love me, because thanks to the doctors and the therapists and my parents and the meds, he could never see the true me.
But Mitchell will see. He’ll see me and he’ll love me.
And if he doesn’t? Well, I happen to know a few things I can do with his sister, make it look like an accident or self-inflicted. There are ways, even inside here.
And now, sadly, it’s time to tear these pages out and flush them, so that Doctor Pea Brain will never see them. The new ones I write will be all tales of sorrow and regret, of repentance and disbelief. How could I have done such things? I wish I could take them back! Because, well, I’m not stupid. I realize I’ll never get out of here unless the doctors think I’ve recovered, that I’m sorry, that I’m reformed. So on these pages, I need to lie. Because if Mitchell and I are going to be together and be happy, I need to be free. I’ll do anything to be free.
And if you don’t understand that, you don’t understand anything.
First and foremost I want to thank Aimee Friedman, who always believed we would work together one day and then did everything in her power to make that belief a reality. It’s been a pleasure and I hope the partnership continues for many moons to come.
I’d also like to thank Abby McAden for similarly championing my work, and the rest of the Scholastic team, too, especially David Levithan and Jen Ung.
Thank you, as always, to my fantastic agent, Sarah Burnes, and her equally fantastic assistant, Logan Garrison, and to the lovely authors who agreed to give this an early read, Margaret Stohl, Melissa de la Cruz, and Micol Ostow. I am not worthy. Finally great big hugs and kisses to my cheerleaders, Jen Calonita, Elizabeth Eulberg, Jennifer E. Smith, Wendy Schwartz, Shira Citron, and the entire Scott-Viola clan, especially Matt, Brady, and Will. One day, I might even let you boys read this one.
Kieran Scott is the author of several acclaimed young adult novels, including the He’s So/She’s So trilogy, the True Love trilogy, and Geek Magnet. She also wrote the New York Times bestselling Private series as well as the Shadowlands trilogy under the pen name Kate Brian for Alloy Entertainment. She lives with her husband and children in New Jersey and enjoys working out, baking, and—until writing this book—camping. Visit her online at www.kieranscott.net.
Also by Kieran Scott:
She’s So Dead to Us
He’s So Not Worth It
This Is So Not Happening
Only Everything
Complete Nothing
Copyright © 2015 by Kieran Viola
All rights reserved. Published by Point, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, POINT, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Scott, Kieran, 1974– author.
What waits in the woods / Kieran Scott. — First edition.
pages cm
Summary: A hiking trip in the woods in upstate New York is out of the comfort zone for sixteen-year-old city girl Callie Valasquez, but she wants to bond with her new friends Lissa and Penelope, not to mention her new boyfriend, Jeremy—however, nothing could have prepared her for the true human darkness that waits for her in the woods.
ISBN 978-0-545-69111-6 (jacketed hardcover) 1. Hiking—New York (State)—Juvenile fiction. 2. Murder—Juvenile fiction. 3. Mental illness—Juvenile fiction. 4. Jealousy—Juvenile fiction. 5. Trust—Juvenile fiction. 6. Friendship—Juvenile fiction. 7. New York (State)—Juvenile fiction. [1. Mystery and detective stories. 2. Hiking—Fiction. 3. Murder—Fiction. 4. Mental illness—Fiction. 5. Jealousy—Fiction. 6. Trust—Fiction. 7. Friendship—Fiction. 8. New York (State)—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.S42643Wh 2015
813.6—dc23
2014021728
First edition, April 2015
Cover illustration © 2015 by Larry Rostant
Cover design by Christopher Stengel
e-ISBN 978-0-545-69112-3
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.