Jag (Pandemic Sorrow #1)

by Stevie J. Cole

  When we got back to my house, I walked to my bedroom and picked up my guitar. I strummed out a few notes and let my eyes travel up her body. Playing the guitar and looking at a chick like that was nothing short of foreplay. A few more strums over those strings, and she’d be so fucking wet it would be dripping down her thigh.

  She was standing at the foot of my bed, tapping that damn foot of hers. “Don’t you have to go back on tour tomorrow?” she asked, flopping down on my bed.

  Invitation accepted.

  I put the guitar down and walked over to the surround sound to search through the music. After choosing a song from our first album, I made my way back to the bed. The heavy beats came through my speakers, and a wide smile pushed Roxy’s lips up.

  She sat up, and I pushed her back. “Oh, no, princess. Where do you think you’re going?” I slammed my lips over hers, parting her mouth with my tongue and wrapping it around hers. I kissed her harder and let a few moans flow from my mouth to hers. Roxy’s fingers dug into my shoulder before grabbing the bottom of my shirt and lifting it over my head.

  I worked my mouth down her neck to her collarbone, and then back up right below her ear as I coaxed her dress from her body. Letting out a low breath, I sang the chorus into her ear; in that same moment, her legs fell wide open. I felt her breath catch underneath me, the bead of her nipples tightening against my chest. A low laugh pressed through my mouth, and my hand slithered down her stomach. I ran my hand over her panties, and the wetness seeped through the thin cotton material onto my hands, making my hard-on fucking rock hard.

  Roxy’s hands scratched through my hair, and she brought her lips to my ear, biting down on my earlobe as she groaned. “Please tell me you’re going to fuck me this time?”

  I rose off of her, rubbing my hands firmly back up her body and squeezing her breasts in my hands. “Oh, princess. I can promise you I’m about to fuck the shit out of you.” I sounded so certain, but I was nervous as hell. I unbuttoned my jeans and stepped out of them.

  Sitting back on my heels, I jerked her panties from her. I lowered myself slowly over her body, snaking my hands up her calves to her thighs and then between her legs. I stretched myself out on the bed and blew a long breath over her cleft. Her legs attempted to close, and I forced them back open with my hands.

  “Nah, you don’t want to do that, I promise.” My tongue skirted over her warmth, then I pressed it harder over her and sucked her clit into my mouth, running my tongue over it and nipping.

  Roxy let out a low, desperate moan and squirmed on my bed, balling up the sheets in her fists. A small smile crept over my lips, and I looked up at her from between her legs, singing just a few of the lyrics. I sank my finger between her cleft, pushing it halfway into her and bending my finger up, pressing against the front wall of her pussy. “And the way that this feels, so flawed and corrupt; I just want to be real, I just need this to hurt,” I sang softly before placing my mouth back over her and rolling my tongue savagely over her, in her, around her. The warm, sweet taste filled my mouth, making my need to fuck her so intense that I was afraid this would be over too soon. I pulled her clit back between my teeth and raked them over it; with that sensation she sat up and scooted away from me, panting. She placed her hands on my hips and shoved my boxers down.

  Her brown eyes pulsed. “Shit,” she breathed, staring at my dick. A short laugh fell from my lips and she grabbed onto me, forcing me back on the bed, my head slamming against the mattress. Her tongue traced up my dick, flicking right underneath the head before she pulled half of it in her mouth. She wrapped her tongue around it, pulling the skin as she moved up and down on me, every so often biting down on the bar wedged through my skin. My fingers dug into her shoulders and I yanked her up toward me.

  Roxy stopped, her hand still gripping my dick like there was no way she was about to let it go. “What?” she asked.

  I didn’t say a word. Staring up from my lowered head, I flipped her around and I grabbed her hands, balling them up into fists on the mattress. Then I jerked her hips up. “Stay just like that.” My breathing was ragged, my entire body lit on fire with the need to be inside her.

  I turned around and laid down on the bed, holding onto her hips as I slid underneath her. My hands felt over her plump ass, spreading her cheeks apart as I stared up the part of her I wanted. Fuck. Me. I let a growl slip out of me before I placed my mouth over her again, lapping up the sloppy mess she’d become and swallowing back the perfectly pleasing and feminine taste. Lowering her head, her lips slowly fell around my dick, working over it like it was her fucking job. I’d never had my dick sucked like that. She kept flicking her tongue underneath the ridge as she pulled up, twisting the skin with her hand and sucking hard with her mouth. Every once in a while she’d stop to tense up and let out a whimper from the bliss of my mouth devouring her. Between her moans, the way she tasted, and the fact that I hadn’t had sex in over two weeks, I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  Letting out another long groan against her pussy, I slipped out from under her and sat her down on my dick. Her back was to me and she started grinding over me, arching her back so that my tip would rise up under her and barely push into her before she’d move back on it, just to slip over it. I couldn’t handle being teased like that. I wanted in.

  I growled and pushed myself up and out from underneath her. I grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to twist around, and I slammed her down onto the bed. I climbed on top of her, grabbing one of her legs with my hand and pushing it up against her chest. I took the other hand and, staring at her with a glare that couldn’t have looked anything but raw, animalistic, I shoved myself into her. I’d intended to be gentle, but I was way too turned on to be anything but rough. My dick only got halfway inside her before it met resistance. Roxy squirmed under me, sucking in a painful breath.

  “Too much?” I asked, one side of my mouth curling up as I stared down at her.

  A noticeable swallow made its way down her throat, and she shook her head. I pushed into her with more force and her eyes squeezed shut, her hands flying up beside her head to grip at the sheets. I felt her muscles give way, granting me access to that fucking feeling of absolute ecstasy. Her warmth surrounded me, and she gripped me so fucking tight I couldn’t help but pant, “Shit. Fuck,” followed by a deep groan. I had to stop for a second. It felt that damn good that I almost couldn’t take it. I felt her legs jerk up by my sides, and then relax as I worked my way inside of her.

  Each time I thrust my hips into her, her tits bounced. They fucking bounced! I’d forgotten what real damn tits looked like. I watched them jiggle and couldn’t stop my mouth from diving onto the left one, sucking her nipple into my mouth and biting down on it. Hard.

  Roxy’s hand grabbed onto my hair and she yanked it. “Fuck, Jagger. That –”

  I quickly pressed my lips over hers, massaging her tongue with mine, and I pressed my dick into her as hard as I could. A moan transferred from her mouth to mine. The way she felt underneath me, the fucking want I had for this woman was unreal. I just wanted to grab her, slam her around on things; I wanted to break things from fucking her so hard. My pace picked up, causing her head to tilt back with each push, and every time those fucking breasts would bounce.

  “I just want to…” I couldn’t finish my thought, so I covered her mouth with mine. In desperation to slow my orgasm, I tried to do math in my head. I shoved myself in her as hard as I could, my legs straightening out and my ass tightening. I could feel the hard end of her press against the tip of my head. “I could fucking do this all damn day. Fuck you. God. I could fuck you for-fucking-ever.”

  I lost all control and viciously grabbed onto her shoulders, gripping them as I moved in her. I felt her clenching around me, and her moans only intensified the possessing lust coursing through me. Crashing into her, my hips banged against hers, and we fell from the bed into the floor.

  I scrambled to fit myself back inside her. She was gasping like she’d been running up hil
l for her life. Both our bodies were slick with sweat, my hair was sticking to my forehead, and her pulse was visibly throbbing in her neck.

  Roxy dug her nails into my ass and let out a cry. “Oh – fuck!” she panted. “Fu –” she couldn’t even finish that simple word before it was swallowed by heavy breathing. Her pants turned into a long moan, and her body trembled beneath me. Several more gasps and curse words flew from her mouth as her nails embedded themselves into my flesh. Roxy tried to scoot out from underneath me, slapping her hands down onto the cold marble floors of my bedroom in an effort to surrender.

  “Oh, hell no. I’m not finished.”

  Between deep breaths, she managed to say, “I – I… can’t take it.” She swallowed, wiggling her hips under me. “You –” Her hands fell back beside her face, her fingers curling into her palms as she bit down on her lower lip.

  “That good, princess?” I asked through a clenched jaw as I continued to brutally fuck her.

  All that came from her was a whimper of absolute pleasure.

  Moments later my entire body jerked, and all the blood that had pooled in my groin shot back through my veins with a force only comparable to a hit of heroin scorching its way through you. My abdomen flexed, my toes drew back, and my neck popped. Blowing a breath from my lips, I fell onto her, our wet skin slapping together.

  “Your pussy should be fucking illegal.”

  By the end of the night I’d lost count of how many times we’d fucked. I just know it was enough that the last orgasm I had was painful and absolutely dry. Laying down on my bed, Roxy scooted over next to me, then cautiously laid her head on my chest.

  Bending my chin down, I said, “You scared?”

  “No. I just,” her finger traced over the tribal tattoo of a phoenix twisting down my sides, “don’t know how to act.”

  I stretched and adjusted her on my chest, stroking through her thick, sweaty hair. “Don’t know why not.” I paused. “What? You want to know what we are now?” A blank stare blinked across her face. “Let me put it this way. I’ve been thinking about that whole monogamous relationship thing people do, and I think it may innately be part of who I am after all, at least with you. I think that’s what I want with you. No. I know that’s what I want with you.”

  Her fingertip immediately ceased its seductive weave up my side. “You what? Are you kidding me?”

  I swallowed and my nerves bundled up. The thought that I was about to get rejected swam through my head and I was at a complete loss. If there was ever going to be a woman to reject me, it would absolutely be this one. “Wrong thing to say? Damn. I thought –” I stumbled over my words, my heart shooting up into my throat. I’d forgotten what it was like to worry about a girl turning me down, and the thought of having Roxy tell me this wasn’t like that, well it sucked.

  “No, no. It wasn’t the wrong thing to say. I’m – I’m shocked. Flattered. Stunned.” Roxy sighed and resumed tracing her finger up and down my side to my chest, walking her fingers over my neck and chin to my lips.

  “I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to claim you as mine for the past fucking week. You’ve just been in denial.”

  “Jag, this is so not me. This is so…so not me.” She sat up and bit down on her lip while her eyes searched my face. “I don’t – I shouldn’t let myself get in situations like this. With guys like you.”

  Staring at her, I blew out an agitated breath and rubbed my hand over my face. The whole “guys like you” thing was starting to get really old.

  “I like you, Jag. I tried not to. Every damn day I’ve tried to talk myself out of answering your calls, out of going out with you, but I just can’t.”

  I shrugged and tapped my finger up her arm. “And that’s a problem why?”

  “I can’t take any more hurt in my life. I’m full. There’s no more room for it. I told you I was broken. Parts of you remind me of some of the worst parts of my life. You can understand that, I know you can. And that’s why I avoid guys like you like a damn flesh-eating virus.”

  I sat up and leaned against my headboard. “The worst parts of your life? I remind you of that, really? That’s fucked up, Roxy!”

  Roxy hopped up from the bed and frantically searched the room for her underwear. “I can’t be close with anybody. It’s better that way. I can’t control what others do, but I sure as hell can control myself.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I – I just – I should go.”

  I jumped out of the bed and made my way toward her, snatching up her dress on my way and balling it up in my fist. She couldn’t leave me if she didn’t have any clothes to put on.

  “No, princess. You don’t need to go anywhere. You can’t just fuck me and leave me. Not allowed.”

  A quick smile winced across her lips. “Jag, I just – guys like you…”

  “Oh, yes. Guys that take you to designer stores and splurge on you; that take you out to dinner, almost get sacrificed by a demonic horse; guys that wait for two damn weeks to fuck you; that say they want to be with only you when they could have damn near any fucking girl out there. So horrible, right?” My skin was beginning to heat. Not from anger with her, but more from embarrassment at having admitted I liked her so damn much.

  “Two weeks? That’s waiting? Holy fuck! That’s not –”

  My arms tightened by my sides. “When you’re used to five minutes tops, yeah, I would say two fucking weeks is waiting!”

  Shaking her head, she plastered her hands over her face. “No. No! It’s not the sex thing. Not that, Jag. The drugs. I can’t take the drugs. It’s too much of a reminder of Sean. And I just can’t let myself get any closer to you because I – I just can’t go through that again. I can’t get close to something I could – I will lose. With drugs it’s not a question of if it’ll happen, but when. I know that. I fucking know that, and I can’t let myself get any closer to you knowing…I can’t take another call like that. I just can’t!”

  I rubbed my hand over my neck, staring down at the floor before my eyes shot over to the drawer in my dresser. “I don’t need the drugs. I mean, well, maybe just when I’m on tour because I can’t fucking sleep and, you know, I just need it to keep me going – keep me going for the fans and all. I don’t need it. It’s just for fun. I’m not an addict. I’ve been through rehab. I got this shit under control. I swear.” My eyes met hers. “It’s just part of the job. I – I can’t handle the stress without them. It’s not any different than taking anxiety meds. Really. It’s…”

  “No,” Roxy shook her head vehemently and her voice rose to a soft shout. “No, Jag. You’ve got a problem. Don’t try to fucking fool me just because I haven’t seen you do it. I still know that you do. You go to the bathroom way too much. You’re constantly grinding your teeth, rubbing under your nose and sniffing. And even if it wasn’t the drugs, let’s not forget you’re a fucking rock star! People like you can’t have relationships. There’s too much temptation. Too many nights away, too much of an image to uphold. It just – it just can’t work between us. Being Jag Steele, your world’s so far removed from mine. We’re two totally different people. I don’t want anything to do with fame. And that’s all you are!”

  She was wrong. I was more like her than anyone else. We both had issues, personal wounds that had sliced their way into our bones. Scars. We had the same damn scars. I stood there glaring at her. I’d just let her hurt me. I’d allowed myself to fucking feel. I’d tried my damnedest to not fuck something up with my actions. But who I was, that was enough to fuck anything up.

  “Give me my dress. Please. This was a mistake. You –” she cut her eyes down to the floor, “you were a mistake. I’m sorry.” I watched her swallow. Then I watched her big, round eyes water up.

  “Fine.” I hurled her dress at her and it hit her in the chest. “Just fine. Leave then.” Leaning over my dresser, I stared at my reflection and couldn’t help but notice the blurry image of her slipping her dress on out of the corner of my eye. I
shut my eyes. Are you really just gonna let her leave? Not even try. Grow the fuck up.

  Why not? She’s a hassle. Monogamous? Did I really say that? Fuck. I didn’t need that shit. She was right, fame was my job…not love, not a girl. Those normal things in life people take for granted, I don’t deserve those. Drugs or her, bliss or pain; which one would I rather have?

  I continued my internal argument with myself and heard Roxy sniff as she grabbed her shoes from the floor. My chest constricted. She wasn’t pulling the usual bullshit women do when they just want attention. She was actually about to fucking leave!

  Just as she made her way out of my room, I yelled at her, “What do you want me to do? Huh, princess?” I hurried out and blocked her path. “We’re both broken. But that’s what I need, I need someone to be broken with me. You can’t just walk out like that. You came into my life and knocked me off my fucking diamond-encrusted pedestal. You’re angry and perfect and, God, just…you don’t give a fuck who I am! This shit,” I waved my hand around my house, “it doesn’t faze you. You are the first person who likes me, who likes Jagger. Fuck Jag Steele. You know me.”

  I watched her eyes grow heavier with tears and noticed her lip tremble just a little. “Roxy. You –” My shoulders dropped and my voice grew softer, “you make me feel like a real fucking person. All this – the fame, the money, that’s my reality. You. Well, I guess that makes you my fucking dream. Don’t take my dreams away from me, because my reality’s shit.”

  She closed her eyes tightly and sucked a deep breath in through her nose. Then that hip of hers popped out to the side, and her foot knocked against the floor. She rolled her lips in and then opened her eyes.

  “Look.” I ran back to my room and slung open my drawer. I grabbed as many of the pills and other drugs as I could and walked out into the living room, dropping it all in the middle of the floor. “Yeah, okay. I got something like a problem. But I can fix that. I can.” I watched as several pill bottles rolled across the floor and a tiny puff of dust settled from the coke that had dumped out of the bag.