IMPERFECT MONSTER

by Jennifer Bene

  This whole goddamn place needs to burn.

  With the itching rage moving under my skin, I wanted to go cold, to separate and operate like I always did — as if none of this bothered me — but I was finding it harder to do that when it came to Nicky.

  Luis finally spoke again, soft and steady. “You keep saying that Nicky is yours, but, tell me… is that completely true, Andre?”

  Shit.

  He knew. He fucking knew. I could tell in that sly tone to his question, which meant Paulo had talked to him about our arrangement. I couldn’t even begin to contemplate the why, because I had to deal with this shit right fucking now before my claim on her grew shaky. “We all work for jefe, Luis. If he wanted Nicky, he would have her.”

  “So, if jefe took her from you?”

  Something was wrong in my chest. Breathing uneven, and a growing pain under my sternum as I used every trick I knew to keep myself stoic, steady enough to talk with him. I swallowed past the spreading ache in my ribs, and answered. “Then he would take her. I have to admit I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

  Lie. I knew exactly what he was doing, and the momentary smirk that passed over Luis’ mouth told me he was all too aware.

  “It’s a question of loyalty, Andre. Either you are a good soldier, or you are cannon fodder.” Luis shrugged a shoulder at the casual death threat. “She is a pretty girl, gets a lot of attention. If you don’t think that Paulo will expect to benefit from the woman sleeping and eating in his house… you’re wrong, cuadro.”

  “Jefe and I discussed it already.” The worst part of that sentence was that it was true. I had agreed that if he wanted her I would hand her over. But I had never been sure what I would do if he actually did it. It’s not like Paulo didn’t have options, girls that came home with him just to be close to the power and the money and the danger. It didn’t have to be Nicky, but it would be. I knew it. At some point he would want her. I just had to keep her safe until the meeting, and make sure Nathan was ready to move. But if he took her from me before that?

  I could barely stomach the idea of Paulo touching her. The idea of him keeping her was worse by far. Would it be for a night? A week? Forever? What the fuck did it look like if Paulo told me to hand her over and I told him to go fuck himself?

  A body bag, and Nicky with him anyway, or dead in front of me as some kind of lesson.

  It was a no win situation, and any act that even looked like disloyalty would ruin everything. I’d be cut out of the meet with the new Columbian leadership. I’d get shut out of Paulo’s inner circle of trust. Nathan would want my balls on a plate. Swallowing the heartburn creeping up my throat I lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug. “If this is your way of telling me that Paulo wants her, then just spit it out. I’ll bring her to him myself.”

  Was that a lie? I couldn’t tell.

  Luis waved a hand. “No, no, that is not necessary. I just wanted to have a better understanding of the situation with the girl.”

  “And?”

  “And it seems you have the situation well in hand. I just wanted to remind you of where your loyalties lie.” He stood up from the table, his chair squeaking over the tile as he turned on the vaguely friendly persona I’d always encountered.

  “My loyalties are never in question,” I countered, more of a growl to my tone than I meant, because even though I planned on betraying Paulo and all of these evil fucks, I still didn’t like being called a traitor to my face, even if he hadn’t used the word.

  A flash of Francisco’s bloody body slumping to the floor came into my mind. The sight of him curling around the bullet wound, burning a hole through his gut, permanently imprinted on my brain. That could be me if I refused Paulo. Or he might hand her over to every other man in the house and make me watch, just to remind me who was in charge. So many horrible possibilities, so much danger.

  Why the fuck did you come here, belleza?

  “Trust is earned, or lost, with every action, Andre. Remember that.” Luis nodded at everyone as he walked out of the room and I felt the doom settling over me. Not my own, but Nicky’s.

  Paulo was coming for her, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop him. Not without risking her life… and the thought killed me.

  Nineteen

  Nicky

  The house was buzzing with activity, and Andre was distracted and anxious. For two days he’d dragged me around the house for meals, never letting me out of the room unless he had to, and it was his behavior that had me more worried than anything.

  He was twitchy, tense, and had snapped at me more than once… but the sex was still amazing. It was the only time I felt normal, as fucked up as that was, because with him I forgot everything else. I forgot about the threats of the other men, the fact that I was still a prisoner. And last night he’d whispered against my hair, ‘It’s almost over, belleza. Just hold on.’ He had probably thought I was asleep, hazy and relaxed in post-orgasmic bliss, but I had heard him. I’d clung to the words, awake long after his soft snores rumbled behind me.

  I wasn’t crazy, I knew it deep down. Andre was actually trying to help me, to save me from this nightmare. I just wished he would be straight with me, but he never was. His wild swings from hot to cold, from violent to gentle, made it fucking impossible to read him.

  When I’d dug through my duffel bag and found my blue slippers from the house, I had hugged him. They had been my mother’s, and when I felt the tears sting my eyes I’d held on tighter so he wouldn’t see them. Then, with a quiet voice, I’d explained what they were, and even though he hadn’t hugged me back, I’d felt his big, warm hand on the small of my back.

  It was a perfect moment in this fucked up place.

  When he tried, Andre could be so thoughtful, so damn sweet when he kissed me in the night, when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against all of that hard muscle. When he did that, I felt safe, protected… almost happy, as wrong as that was. But he could also be terrifying, violent, and unpredictable. He could hurt me, and I knew he enjoyed it. Hell, he’d even admitted that he liked to hear me scream, but even at his worst I kind of enjoyed it too. Not like I’d ever admit it when I wasn’t approaching an orgasm and desperate for anything to push me over the edge.

  The real problem was that I never knew which version of him I was going to get.

  Lying back on his bed, I blew out a breath, wishing he’d snagged a bottle of liquor last night before he’d dragged me upstairs and told me to lock the doors. Or he could have at least brought one when he showed up buzzed and aggressive and fucked me into oblivion. At least then I’d have something to drink in my boredom. I’d read almost every book he had, and was now a quarter of the way into the Louis L’Amour book, somewhat irritated at myself for even enjoying the ancient western.

  But what else was there to do?

  If Andre wasn’t fucking me, or sitting in the room with me in awkward silence, then all I could do was read. I’d managed to pry a few conversations out of him, but hadn’t learned a single fucking thing about him. All I knew was that he wanted to keep me for himself, to protect me from everyone else. It was almost like Andre hated the other men in the house. I caught little hints of irritation, or disgust, whenever the others spoke during meals, although he mostly kept that empty, scary expression on his face that I’d seen the first day. But it didn’t make sense why he was here then. Why work for Paulo? Why surround himself with people he didn’t like? Or, was it possible that he’d liked them until I arrived, and now they were just competition?

  I shook my head and sat up, burying my face in my hands. I was losing it, spending too much time in my head and spinning up ideas about something more than just sex between us. Yes, he protected me, but it was just because he didn’t want to share me. Something that I agreed with, but how long could I live like this? I still had trouble believing it had only been five days. It felt like more, a lot more, but he’d told me the date and he had no reason to lie about it.

  Just ho
ld on.

  His words echoed in my head, and I wanted to ask him about it. Wanted to ask what I was holding on for, because if it was more of this tense and terrifying existence, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. More than once I’d thought about running out the front door. When the house sounded quiet with my ear pressed against his door, knowing all I had to do was undo all of those locks and creep down the stairs and then outside. I’d even opened his bedroom door a few times, but panic had always gripped me and made me shut it.

  I didn’t feel safe without Andre beside me. Not in this house. And there were too many men here now, too many guns, to risk it. They’d kill me if they caught me trying to run, just to keep my mouth shut. No, the only time I felt safe leaving the room was when Andre walked with me. All that muscle, all that dark ink on his tan skin, all that potential violence coiled tight. His knuckles were still scabbed and bruised from the day he’d killed someone. The same day he’d hit Diego for threatening me.

  Andre was confusing, a constant contradiction, and I was stuck with him — which really should have bothered me more than it did. I should hate him, I should hate the things he did to me, but for some insane reason I didn’t. Instead, I was hopelessly convinced he was protecting me. In some twisted way doing whatever he could to keep me safe, even when he was the one to hurt me. And I still looked forward to that moment just before sleep took me, when I felt his strong arm around my ribs pulling me tight to his chest. That moment when the world melted away and I sank into sleep beside him.

  But this place wasn’t safe, and things seemed to only be getting more dangerous.

  There was no way in hell he’d tell me what was going on, no matter what I said. I’d overheard talk of a big meeting, something that Andre would be attending to help Paulo, but he wouldn’t answer me when I asked about it. Still, whatever it was had every asshole in the house on edge. Even the new guys, who were apparently a pair of brothers, had calmed down their joking at breakfast this morning.

  Tomorrow.

  Whatever the fuck it was, it was tomorrow. I just didn’t know if that was what Andre was asking me to hold on for, or if I was just kidding myself. I could be completely wrong about all of it. Wrong about Andre’s intentions, wrong about my future, wrong for hoping for anything less than a swift, painless death… because if I was wrong, if Andre wasn’t trying to help me, wasn’t trying to protect me, then death was all I had waiting for me at the end of this.

  * * *

  Andre

  Planning was in full swing. Luis had told me, José, Samuel, and Nicolás about the location as we’d sat around the poker table, pouring rum into glasses of coke before ten o’clock in the morning. I had to admit that I was glad that Diego wasn’t included in this little circle of trust, and I felt that urge to smile when I imagined Diego’s bruised ego as he was sent on yet another errand for Paulo.

  Fetch, cabrón.

  “Anything could happen, and that is why you must be prepared to respond. If this is some attempt to replace Paulo here in Florida, then we will kill them, because if Paulo goes down we all go down with him.” Luis was intense, focused, like a general directing his troops, and I found myself nodding with the others. Shit, even Nicolás and Samuel seemed serious. “Are there any questions?”

  “I’ll need to look into some routes if we need to get out fast, I haven’t been to that area of the city in a while,” José answered, and I nodded.

  “I agree. If we’re going to a location they chose, it’s more likely that it could be a setup. We just need to be prepared.” Bullshit.

  I’d been spewing bullshit for days, playing my part as the concerned muscle for the bastard who paid me, but all I’d been able to actually focus on was Nicky. I’d been waiting for Paulo to make his move, keeping Nicky shut in the room as much as possible to limit their contact, but I wasn’t stupid. Paulo had wanted her since the first time she’d shouted at him in this fucking room. He wanted to hurt her, wanted to break all of that fiery spirit that I liked so much. It wasn’t just the way she responded to me, or the inherent light and strength in her, it was her stupid fucking bravery. The way she’d come barging in on her brother’s behalf to demand Paulo settle a debt he would never have cleared once he saw her. Who could walk away from a woman like Nicky?

  Brash, beautiful, brazen, and so fucking strong. It was like a challenge, and every time she gave in with me felt like another win. A sensation I was getting addicted to.

  “Do we know who they’re bringing with? There should be some kind of agreement so that we don’t show up and be so out-gunned that pulling our weapons is fucking stupid.” Nicolás was toying with his glass as he spoke, tilting it back and forth, and then he clapped it down on the table. “I don’t even know this Márquez family, and Sam and I have spent more than enough time in South America to know the players.”

  “That’s what I have questions about. How sure are we that these guys have even taken out jefe’s current suppliers?” Samuel asked.

  “Paulo has confirmed the Santiago’s deaths, and the fact that there was a coup of their properties. Both their coca fields and their processing facilities.” Luis glanced at the doorway, and then took a drink. “Look, I do believe that they just want to maintain a relationship with Paulo for distribution purposes here in the US, but there is always a risk that they want to put their own man in position.”

  “And that’s why he called us in,” Nicolás finished.

  “Yes,” Luis answered, and I glanced at José to see a serious look on his face. This was deep shit, and if it went sideways the whole goddamn situation could explode. Nathan knew the date and the time, and now I had the address. As soon as this little meeting concluded, I’d give him the information and then whatever the fuck the Columbians had planned wouldn’t matter because the assault team would show up — and I’d be out. Finally fucking free.

  Still, Nathan had been reticent to even put Nicky’s name on the list of people to protect, but he’d promised her name was there. Someone had filed a missing persons report with her name, and for now Nathan had been able to shut down a full investigation into her disappearance, but at least he finally believed me. Nicky was innocent in all of this, a beautiful blonde warrior caught among devils because of one love-fueled, stupid decision. And as dumb as walking into Paulo García’s house had been, she didn’t deserve to die for it.

  I’d die before I let someone kill her.

  “How heavy can we carry? I’ve got an AK-47 if we want to make an impression—”

  “No.” Luis cut José off, raising a hand as he shook his head. “Handguns only, but be ready if things go south. I don’t want to appear like a threat, this could be good for all of us, but I don’t want us to be unprepared.”

  “I understand,” José answered, always the good little soldier.

  “And the explosives?” Samuel asked, and my ears perked up, all thoughts of my golden Valkyrie vanishing.

  “Paulo already explained what he wanted done with those. They may be watching the location right now, so we can’t do it ahead of time, but I want you to make sure to place them once we’re there. Use the excuse of checking the perimeter, alright?” Luis waited for Nicolás and Samuel to nod, and I catalogued the information because this was something Nathan definitely wanted to know for once.

  “We won’t make a mistake, Luis. You know us better than that,” Nicolás answered with a smile, and his brother nudged him, laughing as he grinned broad.

  “That’s why you are coming with us.” Luis turned to me, expression unreadable even though he was sporting a smile. “Any questions, Andre?”

  “No.” I stared at him after I answered, irritated that he’d called me out.

  “Bueno. Then I want you all to get a good night’s sleep. We will not have drinks tonight, Paulo wants everyone sharp tomorrow morning.” He shrugged. “What you do for the rest of today, I don’t care.”

  “Sounds good to me! José, you still want to show us where to find some girls?” Samuel a
sked, grinning broadly.

  “Claro, I know where to get some good pussy,” José answered and as the others stood up I did as well, but Luis waved at me to stay behind.

  When they walked out, I continued standing for a moment until Luis tilted his head toward my chair and I sat back down. My skin was fucking itching with the urge to get Nathan the new information. I needed to know they were ready, prepared. I just had to be in this hellhole one more day. Just one more, and then it would be over.

  “Is there a problem?” Luis asked, and I felt my muscles tense.

  “What do you mean?”

  “When we were going over the meeting you seemed… concerned.” Leaning forward, Luis put the cap back on the rum. “So, is there a problem?”

  Fuck. I’d been focused on Nicky, thinking of her and everything I needed to tell Nathan. Had I really slipped so much? Upending my glass, I finished my drink, searching for something to say that would make sense, wouldn’t make Luis question my loyalty, and wouldn’t make me look like I’d been obsessively thinking about Nicky. Think, motherfucker, think. “I… look, Luis, I don’t like these others choosing the location. It’s in an area we’re not familiar with, and there only seems to be one reason they’d insist on choosing it.”

  “Because it’s a setup,” Luis finished the thought, and I nodded. “Jefe and I have discussed it and we have the same concerns, but it is why we have planned. Prepared.”

  “And my job is to kill any threats to jefe.”

  “Yes.” For a moment it seemed like Luis was going to say something else, but then he leaned back in the chair, expression flattening out once more. “You are a good soldier, Andre. Serve jefe and all will be fine.”