Little Eden

by KT King

  ~ * ~

  Back at No.1 Daisy Place, Sophie had been in bed for hours, but the chronic fatigue often meant that sleeping at night was difficult, no matter how exhausted she was. She had palpitations and felt waves of fear running through her. She downed some flower remedy, which helped a little, but she still felt agitated. She pulled her jeans on over her pyjamas and threw on her quilted winter coat. She climbed out of her window onto the roof. She looked over London for a few moments - the tops of the tallest buildings illuminated the dark sky. I need to get away from here, she thought.

  She made her way across the roof terrace and went down the few steps that led her onto Sumona’s balcony above the Tea Emporium. It was lit up with white fairy lights and the usually green topiary now looked like huge snowballs. She headed along the balconies and then went down some narrow stone steps, which brought her to just outside Fudge & Bunnies Ice-cream Parlour.

  Sophie was caught up in a wave of depression, and when it was this strong there seemed no way out. She did not really know where she was going and found herself heading down Lady Well Walk. She made her way through the Abbey cloisters not even noticing how the canary yellow jasmine flowers shone like tiny stars in the lamp light or how the scarlet berries on the conical holly trees peeked through the white snow. Finally, there she stood at the foot of Hilda-Guards Tower.

  Looking up, Sophie could see the 11th Century stone tower looming down over her. The tower, in sunshine and in summer, looks friendly enough. Its four grey walls, making one grey tower, overlook a magnificent garden of flowers. Tonight, it stood silent and still, austere and forbidding in the pale moonlight. The mossy stones were dressed in dusty white frost and no flowers graced the frozen ground, but from a high stained glass window shone rainbows of light onto the flagstones below.

  For those in the know, there is always a key hidden under a stone, that unlocks the solid wooden door into the Tower. The vestibule is always lit by safety lights which constantly give off a soft glow, even when the Tower is deserted. Sophie felt a little apprehensive, all alone, late at night, climbing the shadowy spiral staircase as far as the first floor. She stepped into a large, almost empty room. A beam of bright moonlight flooded through the close casement windows illuminating the bare wooden floor boards and the empty fireplace, blackened with age-old soot.

  All of a sudden, the clang of the church clock took her by surprise! Twelve doleful dongs reverberated around the Tower. A cloud crossed over the moon and plunged her into darkness. She thought she saw someone at the window - but how could it be? Maybe it was just a trick of the light? Sophie felt a crawling sensation over her skin and the aura of an invisible force creep up behind her. She gripped, in terror, the only thing in the room - the long oak table.

  Then she heard someone breathing over her shoulder and she was paralysed with fear. She wanted to scream! To run! She wanted to get away but she could not. Her scream was silent. Her knees weakened, making her cling to the table even tighter. She wanted so desperately to say the Lord’s Prayer - to dispel the dark forces from around her - but she found that she could not even recall the first two lines! Her mind was blank! She struggled to recall any invocation of pure white light to banish the unknown spirit from the room. All she could muster was to call out, in her head, to Aunt Lilly.

  Within seconds, the sensation of dread was gone and a wave of comfort relaxed her body. She could breathe again.

  “Why me?” she whispered. She looked around the room and knew that the spirit had retreated.

  “Life is hard enough!” she said to no one. “Never mind you lot out there, scaring the crap out of me on a regular basis. Honestly, I can’t go anywhere these days!” She sighed with relief that the light had cleared the evil presence and she would have sat down but there were no chairs in the room.

  When she had regained her courage, Sophie wanted to go home, but her feet seemed to want to climb further up the Tower. She wound her way up the stone staircase, passed the next two floors and up into the turret, where the steps became narrower and narrower and the light faded away. Reaching the top, she stepped out onto a flat area of lead roof, which was lit by an old-fashioned coaching lamp, the light from which twinkled across the sheets of unblemished snow, covering the whole roof with a glimmering lustre. There was no sign of human life having been up there, only some tiny, sharply cut, bird footprints scattered randomly around. A stray cat had also padded along the top of the south wall. In the light of a bright moon she looked across the rooftops, which sparkled like millions of tiny diamonds in the moonlight. She could make out the silent shadows of the occasional person walking in the tree-lined streets, and of infrequent cars going slowly by, over on Castle Street. In the distance, the World Peace Centre gave out a cosy, mellow glow from some of its windows, as if lighting the way to sanctuary for a weary traveller.

  Sophie shivered as a jet-black crow flew overhead and landed on the very pinnacle of the witch’s hat turret. Its loud squawking made her cringe. Black magic is about, she thought, but she tried to ignore it.

  Moving to the edge of the roof and looking down to the icy ground far below, her body felt light, empty, cold, sharp and numb all at the same time; yet she was also bristling with energy. The frozen flagstones seemed to invite her to join them. She just gazed at the ground beneath and began to notice the thoughts floating in and out of her mind…there’s nothing to live for. You will never be well enough to work again. There is no cure for what you have. No one believes you are ill, they all just think you are lazy and that it’s all in your head. No one wants you, you’re a burden now. Little Eden is over. You are homeless and penniless. Without the Café, Lucy won’t even be able to support you. Everything is lost. Just go.

  The ground began to look as if it was calling her more and more. It was as if the earth itself was holding out an invisible hand to pull her to her death.

  Suddenly, she felt her mind switch…but what about Lucy and Tambo? What if they found me all mashed up on the pavement? They would be devastated. Lucy would blame herself. What if Tambo was traumatised and needed therapy the rest of this life? What about Robert? What if he could save Little Eden if I helped him?

  But, in an instant, her thoughts switched back to despair again…but, how can you help him? You are useless. You are a burden. Everyone would be better off without you to look after as well. Just go home. Go to Aunt Lilly, you’ll be safe with her on the other side.

  Suddenly, she jumped and let out a piercing scream!

  Chapter 15

  ~ * ~

  “What the F**k!” Sophie cried out loud, holding her hand to her chest. “Robert! You scared the crap out of me!”

  “Sorry!” Robert said, coming over to the parapet. “What are you doing up here?”

  “What are you doing up here?” Sophie responded, her heart still pounding in her ears.

  “I asked first!” Robert laughed. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I came for a walk. I couldn’t sleep!” Sophie said. “You?”

  “Same! I noticed the door was open,” Robert replied. He peered down over the battlements. “Maybe I should chuck myself off?”

  “Don’t joke about that!” Sophie said, in tears.

  “Sorry,” Robert replied, a little taken aback by her reaction. “You okay?”

  “I was actually wondering what it would be like to jump off,” Sophie admitted.

  “Not seriously?” Robert looked shocked and concerned. He quickly put his arm through hers to make sure she didn’t attempt anything further.

  “I have contemplated suicide a thousand times,” Sophie sighed.

  “Have you? No, surely not! Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “But, why?” Robert frowned.

  “Why? Why do you think? I have no life, no career, no future! I’ve struggled for years to hold down a job through pain and constant fatigue. Now, I
can’t seem to keep fighting back. I’m so tired of being tired. I don’t have the youthful optimism anymore. I can’t work enough to earn a living or save for a pension. I’m a waste of space.”

  “No you are not!” Robert told her, and put his arm around her - partly to comfort her and partly to keep a tight hold of her.

  “Really?” Sophie said. “Every day is a struggle, Robert. Chronic fatigue makes even the smallest task a battle! Every morning, when I wake up, I don’t know how I will feel from one minute to the next. Sometimes, I am too tired to lift my arms above my head to wash my hair. My body aches and everything is too loud and harsh around me. It’s like having ‘flu 24/7 but without the snot!”

  Robert grinned at her. “See, you can still make a positive out of a negative! No one wants all that snot as well! Besides, you are getting better,” he said hopefully. “You stay awake for several hours at a time now. You couldn’t even have walked these few hundred yards from the Café to the Tower when you first came back here last November.”

  “I can do it today, but I may not be able to do it tomorrow,” Sophie explained. “That’s the point! It comes and goes. It feels like a life sentence.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t…I can’t understand,” Robert said, genuinely concerned. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like. You were really going over the edge?” Robert asked, looking down to the ground which seemed so far below.

  Sophie shook her head. “Sometimes I stare at the pills, or the knife, or the edge and then I remember Lucy and Tambo, and I used to think of Aunt Lilly too, and all the pain and sorrow it would cause them; and then I can’t do it. At that moment something switches in me and I start to come alive again, a fire ignites somewhere inside me, and I think: I won’t let the bastards win! Whoever they are! And I live to see another day. Tonight, I was thinking about you and if I can help you save Little Eden perhaps I might stay a while longer. That’s if you want to save it?”

  “What I told you about losing Little Eden, that didn’t that push you closer to the edge did it?” Robert asked.

  “Yes, it did,” Sophie admitted. “But it wasn’t your fault. You had to tell us. And it’s not your fault what’s happening.”

  “I shouldn’t have told you or anyone else,” Robert replied. He was mad at himself for having upset those he loved. “We must keep the potential sale a secret from everyone else. You might not be the only one that the news sends over the edge. This is a serious business. I don’t think I realised it at first. I think I thought it would all blow over somehow.”

  “Don’t look directly at it and it’s not there?” Sophie smiled sadly.

  “Dr G says we shouldn’t focus on the negative and that we have a choice to see the positive in all things,” Robert said.

  “Dr G lives in a buddhist centre and before that he lived in a cave in India for twenty years. He gets his food and clothes provided and can spend several hours a day in meditation. Other people do all the practical work for him. Everyone he meets defers to him, worships him even. He doesn’t know what it is to live an ordinary Western life. Plus, he has been taught from being a child how to train his mind to cope with emotions, with death, with a simple life. We cannot all give up our lives and become monks…and even if I wanted to, even if I could, the buddhist centre is not a hospital, you have to be able to work for them to live there.”

  “I suppose you are right.” Robert frowned. “But even his way of life is going to end if we sell. There will be no World Peace Centre anymore. I don’t want to think about it!”

  “To ignore your mother or brother and hope that they will change their minds is the easy option.” She looked at him and could see he was reluctant to really face the truth. “You always take the easy route - you know you do! This time, don’t you dare put it into one of your ‘man’ boxes! You have to face your fears, Robert! Too many people are counting on you. You have to be courageous. You must use your sword, as Alienor said.”

  “A sword these days is not much use,” Robert replied. “If I was Richard III, I’d put them both in the bloody Tower.”

  “King Richard didn’t put the princes in the Tower,” Sophie remarked. “He tried to stop the Woodvilles from stealing the country’s money and they framed him. Ironic really, that you have to do the same for Little Eden now and stop Collins and Lucas running off with the coffers.” Sophie thought for a moment and added, “Richard lost the battle in the end, mind you.”

  “I’m not sure I will win either,” Robert replied, looking down and shuffling his feet in the snow.

  “Look!” Sophie said to him. “Look at Little Eden! From the north to the south, from the east to the west, this is your land Robert! This is unique! Not in the whole of the world is there a place like this left! It’s a true sanctuary, with a true and good leader! This is worth saving, isn’t it?”

  “Is it?” Robert said, gazing out over the walled town - his eyes hardly noticing anything now. He was starting to feel dazed and numb.

  “Don’t you want to save it?” Sophie asked.

  Robert paused and absentmindedly made a snowball.

  “Well? Don’t you want to save it?” she repeated.

  “It’s not relevant any more, though, is it?” Robert moaned, throwing the snowball off the roof.

  “What do you mean?”

  “This old-fashioned way of going about things - community spirit and aristocratic benefactors - it’s not fashionable. It’s not politically correct to lead anymore. Aristos are out of fashion. Enough of us get a bad press and we all go down with the ship. Those days are gone. No one wants a king anymore.”

  “Nonsense!” Sophie replied with passion. “That’s what the media say to whip up fear! And, it’s what people say when they don’t get what they want! History shows us that people want a leader, and in the absence of a good leader - any leader will do. They will put up with tyranny and evil, as long as they are promised personal security and prosperity.”

  “Don’t you think Little Eden is too old-fashioned though?” Robert asked.

  “No, I don’t!” Sophie replied emphatically. “It’s a beautiful sanctuary in a very bad world.”

  “You make it sound rather grand and noble.” Robert sighed.

  “Okay then, it’s just a village in the middle of London where people still give a shit about each other, the environment, justice and peace!” Sophie responded.

  Robert threw another snowball off the roof and it nearly hit the unsuspecting crow, which flew off with a loud squawk. He wanted to drop Little Eden like a grenade before it went off in his hand. “I can’t do it!” he suddenly exclaimed. “I can’t stop Lucas and Collins from going to court and the judge is likely to let them vote against me.”

  “Are you giving up before you’ve even tried?” Sophie asked him.

  “I’m tired of being the leader, Sophie, so tired,” Robert said in a depressed voice. “I don’t even know if I want to save Little Eden. My whole body feels weighted down by the thought of it. If I’m honest - I just can’t be bothered!”

  They stood for while in silence. They both felt oppressed by the colossal internal weight in their hearts, and Robert felt as if he had been dragged through a hedge backwards. “I feel strange! Suddenly, really, really depressed,” Robert admitted.

  “I feel as if all hope is lost and we will just walk back down those steps tonight, and you will hand over Little Eden to Collins and Lucas in the morning and that will be that!” Sophie sighed.

  They stood together looking out over Little Eden, but they didn’t really focus on anything. They felt as if their eyes were clouding over and everything around them felt surreal. Even the strong stone walls around them did not seem tangible any more.

  A delicate, white, ring-tailed dove flew by and perched across the street on the top of the old brick dovecote. Then another, and then another, appeared out of the grey sky, as if
flying out of the ether, followed by several more. The doves flocked together on the little window perches, their feathers gleaming in the moonlight. Sophie looked up and over to where they were cooing. She felt too tired to speak but found herself saying out loud, “There are no doves in the cote are there?”

  “No, not since after the war,” Robert said, without looking up.

  “Well, there are now! Look!”

  “Oh!” Robert exclaimed. But, he could not feel his surprise and he felt unamazed.

  “I can hear Elvis singing!” Robert suddenly said. “In my head I mean - not really here on the roof. That song he used to sing, ‘If I can Dream’*.”

  “Oh my god, so can I!” Sophie exclaimed. Turning to Robert, her eyes wide and her heart beating faster, she said, “Robert! You’re not depressed or sick of being a leader! We are under psychic attack!”

  “Psychic attack?” Robert asked.

  “Yes!” Sophie replied. She was already starting to feel the energy returning to her brain, and she felt as if the deep depression was lifting a little. “There was an evil presence in the Tower room just before you arrived. Then that crow came, and it was bringing me a warning, but I dismissed it. I couldn’t be bothered to look at what it may be trying to alert me to! That’s the nature of a psychic attack! It’s sent us both to rock bottom, but now, can you feel it’s lifting?”

  Robert felt his heart racing although he was standing still. He began to feel his courage rising and his resolve returning.

  “Oh! I hate psychic attacks!” Sophie lamented. “The trouble is, you never realise you are being attacked. You think it’s your own emotions that are getting you down. Lucy always eats too much when she is being attacked by someone, and I always feel as if suicide is my only option. Most people just think it’s their own fault, but sometimes it’s a work colleague, an ex-lover, or false friend, who is sending them nasty thoughts, which in turn, trigger their inner fears.”