Thankful For Her

by Alexa Riley

  “You look just like my mother,” he says. It takes me a moment to understand what he’s really saying. I stand there shocked. I know who he is without him having to say it. “God, I’ve been looking for you for so long. Once I found out you existed I stopped at nothing to find you.”

  He steps toward me and pulls me into his arms, wrapping them around me in a hug. I don’t hug him back. Instead I stand stock still, speechless.

  He pulls back and I see his eyes are watering. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, this must be overwhelming for you. I’m Ben Crawford. Your father.”

  “I don’t have a father,” I tell him. It’s the only thing I can think to say.

  He lets out a deep breath. “Will you sit with me?” He holds his hand out toward a table. I nod and walk over and sit down. He sits across from me.

  “Autumn, I swear I didn't learn about you until a few months ago. I was at an event and your mother's name came up and someone said she had a daughter. They mentioned your age, and I did the math in my head. I got curious and started digging after that.”

  I study him for a moment, trying to gauge the truth of his words, but he looks sincere.

  “My mother told me my father ran out when he found out she was pregnant.” I look down at my hands. It was something my mother threw in my face over the years. That he’d left because of me.

  “I see Porsha hasn’t changed much if she’s feeding you that lie, but lying is what she’s best at.”

  I look up at Ben. The anger is clear in his face. I merely shrug. She’s a good liar, but she’s also good at laying down a guilt trip, too.

  The silence grows for a minute. I study his face and I can see why I don’t look like my mother or anyone on her side of the family. Well, at least from the pictures I’ve seen of them. I can already tell by looking at this man that I come from his side of the family. From our eyes to our hair color, and even our lips. They are all the same.

  “I want you in my life,” he says, breaking the silence that was lingering between us. He cocks his head to the side like he’s the one studying me now. “I know you have time off from school right now.”

  “How—”

  “I told you. When I found out about you I wanted to know everything. I’ve been waiting days for you to leave that house so I could finally approach you. Your mother’s been stonewalling me these past few weeks.”

  “Wait, she knows you’re looking for me?”

  He nods and reaches out, taking my hands in his.

  “Autumn, I want to get to know you. I’ve missed so much already. I’ll take any time you give me.” He gives my hands a squeeze. “I have a home in Aspen I’d love for you to come to. It’s beautiful there right now. Christmas there is perfect.” I see a hopeful glint in his eyes.

  “I can’t just leave with you. I don’t even know you. Plus, I promised Neil I’d be here for Christmas.”

  “Your stepfather?” he asks, but I feel like he already knows the answer to that if he knows my school schedule. I nod. “I notice you didn't mention your mother.”

  I let out a humorless laugh. I watch more pain flash in his eyes.

  “I wish I knew about you from the beginning. I know how she can be. It’s why I left her, but I guess she got in the final blow. I know now that she kept you from me to hurt me.”

  “I’m not saying no because I won’t go to Aspen or that I don’t want to get to know you. Maybe when you get back?” I offer. I want to get to know him and I believe what he is saying. It sounds like something my mother would do.

  “I’ll stay here then. I have a home here, too.”

  “You’re going to stay here because I am? Cancel your trip?” This makes me melt a little. My mother would never do anything like that for me. It makes me mad that my mother kept my father from me. He clearly would have wanted to be in my life.

  “My wife and I will do whatever you like. We just want some of your time and to get to know you.”

  “You’re married?” That makes me uneasy. What if she’s like my mother.

  “Yes, and she’s dying to meet you. I think she’s made you your own room in every house we have.” He chuckles at that. “She and I want you to feel welcome so you’ll want to spend time with us. Maybe get to know your little brother and sister.”

  “I have siblings?” I almost shout. I scoot farther off my seat and more toward Ben, desperate to know about them.

  “One brother and one sister. Twins, actually.” He smiles while he talks about them and I can’t help but smile, too.

  “How old?”

  “Four, but they have a birthday coming up right before Christmas. We’d love for you to come to their party.”

  “Yes, of course,” I say instantly. How is this possible? It’s all so crazy.

  “You can bring anyone you like with you. If you have someone special, that is.”

  My face warms and I know he’s asking if I have a boyfriend. I don’t know how to answer him. I’m not sure what Hunter and I are or if what my mother said this morning is true about him. I just can’t believe it.

  “Maybe I will.” I bite my lip and he gives me a knowing smile. “You know my mother isn't going to like this,” I tell him. She’s probably going to throw a fit.

  “You’re eighteen, Autumn. You can do as you wish, and if it’s financial things she is holding over you such as school and a place to live, you don’t have to worry about that. I would never let you go without. In fact, I have years of spoiling you to make up for.”

  “It’s not just that,” I admit. “She’s all I know. She might be cruel at times, but it’s really just been the two of us. I don’t have much else.” Even if she wasn't there most of the time because I was moved from school to school, but I don’t add that part. I already feel pathetic. I think I like to cling to things too fast. I already want to jump on board with Ben and go full family mode with his family. Then look at Hunter. I was stuck to him after seeing one picture of him. I lay in bed this morning dreaming of babies and a wedding.

  Ben sits back in his chair, releasing a deep breath. “I don’t want to make your life harder. We just want to be a part of it. Your grandmother—”

  “I have a grandmother?!”

  He smiles. “You two look so much alike. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

  “How do you know I’m not like my mother? How do you—”

  “Autumn. I know you’re nothing like your mother. I’ve read and reread everything I could find out about you. I know for a fact you’re nothing like her.”

  “Do you think if I were more like her she would have loved me?” I still at my own words, shocked that I said them out loud, and worse, to someone I don’t even know. Or maybe I said it because I feel like he’s the only person I’ve ever met who really knows what my mother is like.

  Ben’s head falls and I watch him take a few breaths. “Autumn.” He says my name almost like he’s in pain.

  “I should go.” I stand and Ben follows suit.

  “Take this.” He hands me a card. It has all his business information on it. “Other side,” he tells me. I flip it over and written on the back are a few phone numbers and a house address.

  “You call me anytime.” I reach into my bag and find a piece of paper and pen and scribble down my cell phone number then hand it to him.

  “I promise I’ll call you. This is just a lot to take in. I do want to get to know you and your family,” I tell him.

  “Our family,” he corrects, making me smile. I turn to walk out, but he grabs me, pulling me into a hug. “I can't change the past, but I can make the future for us if you let me.” I nod against his chest. He lets me go and I walk out of the coffee shop. The driver pulls up and I slip inside the car before he can get out to open the door for me.

  “Home?” he asks.

  “Yes, please.” He pulls away from the curb and I take a deep breath. I have to face my mother…and see if Hunter is still there. I wasn't really gone that long. I need to talk to him. Ask
him about last night. Ask him if what my mother said is true.

  All too soon I’m standing in the entryway of our home. I don’t see or hear anything. I start to head for Hunter’s room to see if he’s still asleep but pause when I hear his voice. I follow it to Neil’s office. The door is standing open.

  “Knock it off, Dad. I told you I didn't want to meet the gold digger’s mini-me. Drop it. Besides, I’m seeing someone.”

  I feel all the blood drain from my face. I stand there feeling paralyzed.

  “Are you still drunk?” I hear Neil ask Hunter. My stomach turns. He was drunk? Oh my god, maybe I made him cheat on his girlfriend. He’s going to hate me. My eyes water. This is all a train wreck.

  I take off toward my room, then shut the door and lock it behind me. It’s then I notice I still have Ben’s card in my hand. I look down at it.

  I dig through my bag and find my phone. It barely rings one time before Ben’s voice is filling my ear.

  “I changed my mind. I want to come with you, but I have to be back for Christmas. I promised Neil I’d be here.”

  “I’ll make sure you’re back. When do you want to leave?”

  “Now.”

  Chapter Six

  Hunter

  I rub my hands over my eyes, trying to clear the sleep out of them and trying to clear my mind. My father ran from the room a moment ago when his wife yelled from down the hall. I rolled my eyes. She’s always dramatic and I’m not playing into it. Because my mind has other places it wanted to be.

  Like on the angel that entered my dreams last night. My cock grows hard thinking about it. “Fuck,” I growl, leaning back in my chair. I swear I can smell her on me. It felt so fucking real. I’d even woken up naked and I could see cum all over my dick. I must have had a wet dream. Jesus, I haven’t done that since I was thirteen.

  When I leave here the first thing I’m doing is going back to bed. I want to see her again. I clench my hands, feeling like I’m in withdrawal. It felt so real.

  My dad comes back into the office. His shoulders are slumped. “What?” I ask. I don’t like the defeated look on his face.

  “She’s gone,” he says simply.

  “Really? I swore I heard her screaming.” I roll my eyes.

  My dad could only be so lucky if Porsha left him, but I don’t think she will. I made sure that prenup was perfect. She’d walk away with almost nothing. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I should have given her a nice payout instead. Maybe she would have been long gone by now and onto the next poor sap. I think it would be husband number seven or eight.

  “Autumn,” he snaps at me. The look he sends me isn't one I’ve seen before. “Leave, Hunter.” I stare at him for a moment, not quite sure if I heard him right. Maybe my brain is still a little foggy.

  “Dad?” I stand.

  “I don’t have time for this. Get your shit together before you come back here again. I won’t have you acting the way you do when Autumn is around.”

  “You just said she’s gone,” I throw back at him. Is he really picking his stepdaughter over me?

  Dad slams his hand down on the desk. I’ve never seen an act of anger from him before. My stomach turns. I don’t know if it’s from all the alcohol from the night before or the way my dad is acting.

  “I’m sure she’s fine, Dad. She’s eighteen, isn't she?”

  I try to dampen the disdain in my voice now that I see how much she means to him. These women have their claws in him.

  “Hunter, I have some things I need to look into,” he says, dismissing me. I begin to say something but stop myself. I nod instead and head for the door.

  “I love you, son,” I hear him say.

  “Love you too, Dad,” I respond before pushing open his office door.

  I call my driver and slip into the car as soon as he pulls up. My mind goes back to my dream and I play it over and over in my head. The little sounds she made, the sweet scent of her. I swear I can still taste her on my lips. It felt real, but perfection like that doesn’t exist in the real world.

  When I finally get home I go to bed and close my eyes. I’m not tired, I just want to see her again. When I finally drift off, nothing comes. It’s so frustrating.

  I try to sleep most of the weekend away with no luck. I even try drinking, thinking maybe that’s what will do it, but still nothing.

  As the days go by a pit grows deeper and deeper in my stomach. It’s eating away at me and I feel more lost than I ever have in my life. How can I miss something so much if it isn't even real?

  “Sir, we need to go over your schedule.” I look up to see Peggy standing in front of my desk. She looks pissy.

  “Cancel whatever it is,” I tell her, looking back at my computer. I’m staring at a blank screen. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here doing this.

  “Sir,” she barks with frustration.

  Everyone is annoyed with me, but I can’t seem to give a flying fuck. I look up at her and give her a hard look. I’m normally pretty laid-back, but I feel strung out. At any moment I feel like I might lose it. I clench my hands into fists and try to cool the anger that’s been festering within me.

  “Peggy.” I growl her name. Her face softens a bit and she moves around the desk toward me.

  “You’re so tense lately. Maybe I should help you with that.” I push back from my chair as she gets closer. I stand right at the moment she drops to her knees in front of me. She reaches for me and I jump back, nearly tripping over my chair in my haste to get away from her.

  “I’m seeing someone,” I snap at her.

  The anger I was feeling moments ago comes back full force. My dream girl flashes through my mind. Her body against mine. Her hair falling all around me as I make love to her. She took away all the sadness and made me feel whole once again. She made me feel like I had found home again.

  “You’re hard,” she says, breaking my reverie.

  I look down at Peggy on her knees. Her eyes are on the outline of my cock, which is hard but only because I was just thinking about my dream girl. I put my hands over myself and glare down at her. My hard-on quickly slips away.

  “Not for you. Get the fuck up.”

  My hands start to shake. She stumbles to her feet and runs out of my office as fast as she can in heels. I pick up the glass paperweight on my desk and throw it as hard as I can. It hits the mirror across the room and glass shatters everywhere.

  “Fuck.” I run my hands through my hair. Her face flashes through my mind again. I swear I can feel her hands on my chest. Her fingers digging into me as I grip her hips. The smell of sex filling the air.

  It’s too real.

  I pick up my phone and text my driver. When I walk out of my office I see Peggy sitting at her desk typing away.

  “You’re fired,” I tell her as I move toward the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. I step on and look at her. She’s staring at me, anger clear on her face. “Security is on the way.”

  The doors slide closed and I email human resources about her no longer fitting with the company. I also tell them to change her passwords and make sure she gets out of the building within the next twenty minutes.

  I have a feeling she might cause a stir. The woman always gets what she wants, which normally didn't bother me before today because we worked together. She was always getting me what I wanted when it came to business. But I should have thought further ahead and about what would happen if I ever had to let her go. I can’t think about that right now.

  The driver gets me to my dad’s in record time. As I push open the front door, I come up short when I see Porsha sitting in the front sitting area with Sarah by her side.

  “Girl. Long brown hair. Gray eyes. Who is she?” I say without even greeting Porsha.

  She has to be real. There isn't any other explanation. I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m slowly dying. She feels too much a part of me to not be real. I can sense it deep in my soul. “She was at your Thanksgiving party,” I ad
d. “I spent the night with her in my room.” I grit out the last part.

  I don’t want to share that intimate detail with Porsha, but I have to know. I’m going insane.

  Sarah looks down at her feet for a moment before she looks back up and meets my eyes. “I have blonde hair and brown eyes. We spent that night together.” She stands, taking a step toward me.

  I reel back in horror. “Liar,” I spit at her. I wouldn't touch her if my life depended on it.

  “Who is she?” I try again, looking past Sarah to Porsha.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about, Hunter. You spent the night with Sarah, then didn't even have the decency to call her after. I mean, it’s been weeks. I thought you were a gentleman.”

  I turn to walk away from them. I don’t have time for this bullshit. I head toward my dad's office, and I hear the click of her heels behind me.

  “Don’t fucking follow me!” I shout. The clicks stop for a moment.

  “This is my home, Hunter,” Porsha says defiantly.

  I pause and turn around to face her. “This is my mother’s home and if I were you I’d watch your tongue. Or you and that daughter of yours will be out on your asses,” I throw back, then resume walking.

  When I push into the doors of my dad’s office he isn't there. I look over at the bar and debate making myself a drink, but I know it won’t help. It doesn't make me dream of her. It doesn't lessen the pain that’s been building. If anything, it makes it worse. I walk behind my dad’s desk and sit down.

  I let my head drop to my hands.

  “Son?” I look up at my dad’s voice but freeze when I see the framed picture on his desk.

  I stand up and grab it with both hands, staring down at it. “It’s her!” I yell, and all the air leaves my lungs.

  Chapter Seven

  Autumn

  I lean over the toilet and all my breakfast comes back up. This is the fourth morning in a row this has happened.

  “Autumn, I really think we should go see a doctor,” my stepmother June says as she holds my hair back. I take the washcloth she hands me and wipe my mouth with it.