“Yes, Claire, we slept. I’m not an animal you know. Taking advantage of sleeping girls is not my style. I want you fully in the moment, when I’m with you like that.” He smiles and kisses my forehead.
I look at the clock. “It’s eleven already? I should really go.” I stand up, looking for my clothes, when it hits me—Lydia has probably left the apartment already. She saw that I wasn’t on the couch. Then I notice my rain boots have been placed by Jason’s door.
“Did you bring my boots in here?”
“No. Lydia must have.”
I turn to look at him and see the apprehension I’m feeling reflected in his eyes. Lydia saw us. Lydia knows.
Chapter Four
I fumble with my rubber boots trying to pull them on while standing. I feel him place his hands on my hips and his lips on my shoulder. His soft touch stops my frenzied rush to leave.
“Relax, Claire. Calm down.”
I turn to face him, take a breath, and look into his perfect face. “Don’t you think this will upset Lydia?”
“Well, it’s not like we did it on purpose. This is just happening, Claire. We’re not trying to deceive her. I’m sure she’ll be fine with it…with us.”
As much as I love the way that sounds, I need to be respectful of Lydia. “I really think she’ll be hurt. She’s my roommate and my friend. I’m not willing to hurt her, and being that she’s your sister, I’d think you’d feel the same.”
He takes a step back from me and looks away. “Give me your cell phone.”
“What?”
“Give me your phone. I’m putting my number in it.”
I hand it to him and he steps toward the window, working to program in his number. He compares my phone to his, and adds my number to his contacts. He’s still in his underwear. I can’t believe I just got out of this gorgeous man’s bed. This is my first opportunity to ogle his perfectly sculpted ass. I’m tempted to get back in his bed with him, but instead, I zip up my sweatshirt. Jason returns to me and places my phone in my palm and folds my fingers over it.
“I want you to call me or text me later.” Intensity sizzles in his eyes.
“Okay, I will.”
He steps closer, places his lips on my forehead, and buries his nose in my hair. I put my hand on his tattooed chest. The scent of his unwashed skin is intoxicating. As much as I want to stay, I have to go.
“Bye, Jason.” I turn and rush out the door.
“Goodbye, Claire.”
I push through the front door of his building. It’s beautiful and I squint at the brightness of the day. This is truly a walk of shame. Rain boots on a sunny day. As I move farther from his apartment, I feel a sense of unease—as if there’s a rubber band attached to me and it wants to snap me back into Jason’s arms again.
I look at my cell. New message from Lydia…
I’m at my studio but call me later. I want to talk to you.
I reply.
Okay.
My savings will only pay rent for one month, so I need to focus on getting a job. I shower and dress, grab my bag and iPod, and head out into the neighborhood. On the way home from the café yesterday I saw a bookstore, so that’s my first stop. The bell chimes when I enter and there’s only one guy working. He looks up and gives me the most heartwarming smile. I recognize him. It’s the fit guy from the pool. He looks different with clothes on, but I notice his muscular figure through his green t-shirt and tan cargo shorts.
“I saw you at the pool yesterday, didn’t I?” he asks.
“Yeah, I remember seeing you. I’m Claire.”
“Good to meet you Claire. I’m Tony.” He shakes my hand.
“Hi, Tony. So, you work here?”
“Yeah. You need help finding something?”
“Yeah. A job.” We start laughing at the same time.
“Okay, well I’m a shift supervisor so I can interview you right now.”
“Great.”
He takes out a pad and a pen. “Do you know anything about books?”
“I was a Lit major in college.”
He nods and taps his chin in a dramatic gesture of thought. “You’re hired.” He flashes me a bright smile. He’s cute in a dorky sort of way. “Can you start right now? Someone called in sick and if I’m stuck here alone all day, I’ll never get a lunch break.”
“Yeah. This is great, Tony. Thanks.”
“Drop your stuff in the back room, and I’ll bring out some stock for you to sort.”
I begin unloading boxes when my phone buzzes. It’s Lydia.
Meet me at the café 5:30?
I reply.
Okay.
Two seconds later, my phone buzzes again, but it’s not Lydia. It’s Jason.
I want to see you later.
It’s only been a few hours and I already miss him, but I’m meeting Lydia after work and I don’t know how she’s going to react to all this.
I’m working now and having coffee with Lydia after, but maybe later. I’ll text you.
I wait for a reply, but it doesn’t come.
After our shift, Tony walks with me. We find that we have a lot in common, and it feels nice to make another friend. He has a really sweet way about him. We say goodbye, and through the front window of the café I see Lydia sitting with a huge cup of coffee in front of her. She has a cute little white sweater on over her blue dress. She’s also wearing clay-smudged Doc Martens.
“Hey,” I say.
She smiles, but it’s not with feeling. “Hey.”
“What’s up?”
“Claire, I got up this morning, and you weren’t on the couch. Your things were there but you weren’t.”
“Lydia, I know. I—”
“Just let me finish what I want to say here, okay?” Her tone is intense and she’s talking with her hands, so I sit back and try not to interrupt. “I was confused for a minute, and then I was worried. You weren’t in the bathroom or the kitchen. I went into my brother’s room and there you were. All wrapped up with each other. I can’t tell you how shocked I was.”
“Lydia…”
“Was this the first time Claire? When were you going to tell me?”
“Um…I kissed him at the show. At Alexa’s. It just happened. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I know what it was—it was Jason the Hot Rock Star. You’re not his first victim you know, he’s been around the fucking block.”
“Listen, I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you’d be mad.”
“Well, I am. I am mad. I thought you were my friend. How could you fuck my brother?”
“Jesus, we did not do that. I just…I don’t know what we’re doing. You’re really important to me. You’re my only friend here, and I don’t want to do anything that will upset you.”
“I can’t tell you how many girls have pretended to be my friend to get with my brother. It’s the story of my life. They’ve all turned out to be evil, skanky bitches. I thought you were different. I was starting to feel close to you, Claire.” She puts her head in her hands.
“I can assure you, I am not an evil skank.”
She lifts her head and laughs out loud. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“No. It’s fine. I get it. I’m happy to have met you and you’ve been good to me. I would never want to do anything to violate that.”
“Okay. Good. I don’t think I could take it if my roommate got involved with Jason. I’ve lost enough friends because of his womanizing. My brother’s great…I mean, he’s amazing—he just can’t keep it in his pants.”
“We didn’t have sex. We just hooked up.”
“Okay, all right, please. Too much information. Just promise me it won’t happen again?”
The prospect of that kills me, even though I barely know him. I feel as if I’ve been stabbed with a syringe, and it’s shooting ice water into my veins. How can I make this promise? How can I stay away from him? I feel so much for him already. We’ve shared so much—it’s physical, but it’s mor
e than that, too. Lydia’s eyes are pleading. I’m torn.
“Okay. I promise. It’s over.”
She finishes her coffee and seems satisfied with the conversation. “I have to get back to the studio, but thanks for being so understanding. I hope things aren’t gonna be weird now?”
“Of course not.” I force a smile onto my face.
“Good. So, there’s a party tonight on the roof of the Pen building. You want to come?” she asks.
“Sure…what’s the Pen building?”
“It’s an abandoned pen factory by the east river. Cops never go out there, so sometimes people throw parties. It’ll be fun. We can pre-game before we go over, okay?”
“Yeah, sounds great. I’ll see you at home later.”
Once she’s gone, I drop my head to the table. My phone buzzes in my pocket with a new text.
Where are you?
It’s Jason. I stare at my phone. Should I write him back? Should I ignore him? Am I even capable of that?
I feel a tap on my shoulder. “Hey, Claire.” I look up, and towering over me is Ben.
“Hi. What’s up?”
“Not much. I’m heading toward your place. Want to take a walk with me?” He looks concerned, which may be due to my current pathetic posture.
“Sure.” I grab my stuff and he opens the door for me.
“I saw you talkin’ to Lydia. You don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but it looked like she was upset about something.”
“Yeah, I think she was a little upset.”
He’s quiet for a moment, as if he’s thinking of what to say next. “I’ve known Lydia and Jason for a long time. They’re really close and very protective of each other. But sometimes their protective instincts can cloud their judgment.”
I stop walking. “What do you mean?”
Ben turns to face me. “I think you know exactly what I mean.”
My shoes have suddenly become very interesting. I stare at my feet.
“I think I’m breaking guy code by talking to you about this or whatever, but Alana and I stopped by Alexa’s last night after the movie. Jason’s no stranger to brooding, but he was in overdrive. I didn’t press him to talk, but I think he really likes you. I’ve never seen him like this. I think it’s complicated for him, and for Lydia…and for you.”
“I really like him. I can’t explain how this happened, but it’s happening. Lydia has been a good friend to me, and I think I’m breaking girl code, or whatever, by getting involved with her brother.”
“See, this is what I mean about her judgment being clouded. I think it’s pretty obvious that there’s something between you two, and Lydia should see it, too.”
“I don’t know how to explain how I feel to her.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t tell her what you feel. Maybe you and Jason should show her. No one can resist seeing two people who belong together actually being together. That shit doesn’t happen every day, you know.” He puts his hand on my shoulder.
Ben has totally blown me away with his ability to not only understand my situation, but to talk to me about it, the way my daddy would when I was little. On an impulse I stand up on my tiptoes and hug him.
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, no doubt.”
We go our separate ways in front of my place and I light a cigarette. I feel better after talking to Ben, but I still don’t know how I’m going to make this work. Not to mention that Lydia has probably given Jason the same talk she gave to me. He may not want to pursue this after she tells him she knows and doesn’t approve. I feel someone watching me, and turn to see Tony approaching.
“Hey, long time no see,” he says.
“Hey Tony, where you headin’?”
“I live here. You?”
“You live in this building? Me too. Second floor.”
“First.”
“That’s crazy. We’re neighbors! Hey, I got invited to a party tonight, if you’re not doing anything.”
“At the Pen building?” he asks.
“Yeah, are you going?”
“Yeah, me and my friend Kai were planning on it.”
“Well, Lydia and I were gonna drink in our apartment before we go over. Do you want to join us?”
“Definitely. What time?”
“Uh, I guess around…”
I halt my speech when I see Jason walking toward us. He walks up to me, takes my hand and pulls me next to him. He looks at Tony and back to me.
“Claire, can I talk to you for a minute please?”
“Yeah. Tony, I’ll see you later. Around nine?”
“Okay…bye.” He walks into our building, looking as if he’s a little scared of Jason and, frankly, so am I.
“You didn’t text me back.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was with Lydia.”
“It looks to me like you were with that guy. Who was that?” He’s jealous. His overreaction flattering, even though it shouldn’t be.
“That’s my neighbor. You need to let go of me and calm down. I’m sorry I didn’t text you. Come upstairs with me and we can talk.”
The sea green fire in his eyes dies down and he lets go of my arm. “I’m sorry. I just…I didn’t hear from you.” He runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. He flashes me a smile and walks beside me up to my apartment. When we get inside, he sits on my bed. I sit at the desk.
He looks confused. “Come sit with me.”
“No. Listen, I had coffee with Lydia. She’s upset. She saw us together. She thinks I’m using her to be with you.”
“Well, that’s not true. You’re her roommate. You were friends with her before you even met me.”
“I know, but she said it’s happened before. She looked really hurt. I don’t want to make her feel like that.”
“Claire, Lydia is sensitive. She’s fiercely protective and fiercely loyal. I love my sister, but she can’t tell us what to do.” He walks over to me, takes my hand, and lifts me from my seat. “I’m sorry for being a dick outside.”
I’m trying to resist him, but it’s pointless. He leans in and kisses me. I’m filled with his scent, his soft mouth; the short whiskers on his face softly prickle my skin. I kiss him back and feel my heart beat faster.
“Jason, wait a minute…”
He kisses my neck. “What?”
“Lydia made me promise not to see you anymore.”
He steps back. “And what did you tell her?”
“I promised I wouldn’t.”
His face falls and anger creeps into his face. “Is that what you want? You don’t want to see me?”
“No. That’s not what I want. I’m confused. I don’t want to cause a problem in your family. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I didn’t know what else to say.”
“Well, I know what I’m going to say to her.” He stalks toward the door and I grab his hand to stop him.
“Wait.”
“Claire, I feel like I’ve been very clear here, but perhaps not. I often think others know what I’m feeling when they don’t. Let me clarify things for you. I want you.” He steps toward me again and places his hands on my face. “And I thought that you wanted me, too. Tell me now if you don’t, and I’ll go.”
It takes me a moment to compose myself after his declaration. “No, Jason, don’t go. It’s crazy for me to feel like this, but I do. I want you too.” I feel myself choke on the last syllable because it is so true. I want him. I’ve never felt this way about a guy. Not in high school or college. I’ve had boyfriends, but I’ve never felt anything like this.
He kisses me again and I feel my legs become weak. I want him to take me to the bed. I want him to take my clothes off and touch me everywhere. He reads my mind and pushes my hips, moving me backward toward the bed. His lips never leave mine. The back of my calves hit the frame of my bed and Jason guides me as I relax back onto it. It squeaks a bit when he places his weight on it and I let out a giggle.
He smiles. �
�That’s a beautiful sound.” He rests against me and kisses my neck. I feel his hardness pressing into me, right between my legs. The bulge in his jeans feels huge. I slide my hands to his sculpted ass and squeeze it. He stops kissing my neck and looks up at me. “Do you like the way that feels?”
“Yes, I do.” As the words leave my mouth he presses his hips into me, sending a wave of pleasure through my body. He kisses me hard. I hear a knock and my door opens.
“Oops. Sorry.”
I look over Jason’s shoulder, and see Kat standing in the doorway with an apologetic look on her face.
“It’s okay, Kat.” He sits up on the bed, clears his throat, then stands up and looks down at me. Our eyes lock and a current courses between us. He touches his fingers to my hair. “I’m gonna go have a talk with Lydia. I’ll find you later.”
“Okay,” I say. I’m helpless to stop him, or to try to be rational anymore.
* * * *
~Jason~
I push through the front door and walk out into the sun. The crotch of my pants is tight on my now blue balls. I want to run back into her room but the same time, I can’t wait to deal with Lydia. I don’t know who she thinks she is getting involved in my shit. I take a deep breath and blow it out in a vain attempt to calm down. My mind is swimming. I’m totally perplexed as to why Claire is affecting me this way. I mean, her body is tight, but it’s more than that. My mind swims with images of her. The first time I saw her standing in my doorway I wanted her. Her big, almond eyes under wispy lashes, gazing up at me. She was so fidgety and nervous, her awkward behavior mismatched with her sexy personality.
When we walked to the bar and I caught her as she almost fell, I felt a jolt shoot through me. I have never felt anything like that, and I’ve touched my fair share of girls. At my show, she took the shot I bought for her like a champ. When she found me out in the alley, she didn’t run screaming, she fucking kissed me and she tasted so good—like honey and cinnamon. This gorgeous creature understood my pain, without even speaking.
A Flawed Heart Page 5
