by Beth Wiseman
Gideon had hugged Hannah and Rachel before over the years. Funerals, baptisms, or maybe a quick congratulatory hug for a winning shot over the volleyball net. But this hug felt different, especially the way Hannah nuzzled her cheek against his shirt. He put his arms around her so as not to be rude, then gave her a cautious pat on the back. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Over his shoulder, Rachel opened the front door and stepped onto the porch. Gideon dropped his arms to his sides, but Hannah only held on tighter. He gently latched onto Hannah’s arms and finally eased her away, although she frowned once she was facing him.
But Gideon’s attention quickly shifted to Rachel. His date stomped across the yard swinging her arms back and forth, taking long strides toward them. Rachel squinted her eyes, but Gideon didn’t think it was from the sun. Her lips were pressed together, and it looked like she might be gritting her teeth.
“Let’s go,” she said as she walked around Hannah and grabbed Gideon’s hand, pulling him to go with her, so hard he almost lost his footing.
“Bye, Hannah.” Gideon forced a smile, but Rachel yanked him along even harder.
“Hey.” He jerked his hand out of hers when they reached the buggy. He looked behind them, but Hannah had already turned to go back in the house. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing.” Rachel walked to the passenger side of the buggy and got inside. Gideon untethered the horse.
“It didn’t look like nothing,” he said as he backed up the buggy, then flicked the reins once he was ready to head down the driveway.
“Well, it’s nothing to worry about.” Rachel folded her hands in her lap atop her small black purse and looked straight ahead.
“Why are you and Hannah fighting?”
Rachel turned her head and glowered at Gideon. “Now that Hannah isn’t dating Abraham, maybe you’d prefer to date her instead?”
Gideon narrowed his eyes. She hadn’t called it pretend dating, so that was a good thing. But although the apparent jealousy was flattering, it was unbecoming just the same. “I don’t have any interest in dating Hannah.”
She lifted one shoulder, then lowered it slowly. “It didn’t look that way.”
“Hannah hugged me as a thank-you for getting her safely home after what happened with Abraham.” He glanced at Rachel, but she was staring straight ahead again. And if Gideon was being truthful with himself, Hannah’s hug had felt more intimate than any other time they’d hugged.
“It would be just like Hannah to go after someone I’m dating, or someone I like, the way she did with . . .” She bit her lip but cut her eyes slightly in Gideon’s direction.
Gideon coaxed his horse to pick up speed as they crossed the highway, and then settled him into a steady trot, trying to calm the irritation funneling around him. “First of all, we aren’t really dating, so if you want to go out with a jerk like Abraham, we can end this charade and break up. My mudder was happy to hear we were going out, but I don’t think she’s going to fall apart if we stop seeing each other. Her friends—your mamm included—forced their way back into her life, and she’s leaning on them a lot. She’s even baking again and learning how to cook a different way, without sugar.”
Rachel raised her chin and didn’t look at Gideon. “Abraham came to our house last Saturday night to explain what happened between him and Hannah, and his version of the story is very different from my schweschder’s.”
Gideon had expected Rachel to comment on his mother’s improvement, but she’d stuck with the part of the conversation about Abraham. “I hope you didn’t believe Abraham over your schweschder.”
“I don’t know what to believe.” She turned to Gideon. “Hannah has always gotten what she wanted, and if Abraham broke up with her, she might try to twist things around.”
Gideon wanted to tell her that was unlikely, but the more he thought about the way Hannah had hugged him, the more confused he was. “That doesn’t sound like Hannah.”
“You don’t know her the way I do.”
Gideon glanced at Rachel, unable to keep from scowling. “I think I know her pretty well since we all grew up together.”
“So, you don’t think Hannah would lie to save herself from the embarrassment of a breakup?”
“Nee, I don’t. You saw how upset she was when we found her that night.”
Rachel huffed. “Abraham said she was upset because he broke up with her and that she ran off before he could get the horse tethered. He looked for her, but when he couldn’t find her, he showed up at our house to make sure she was okay.”
Gideon shook his head. “I don’t believe that.” He glowered at Rachel. “And you shouldn’t either. Hannah is your schweschder, and—”
“Don’t tell me sisterhood is a gift. Because it’s not. Hannah takes what she wants.”
Gideon was quiet. This wasn’t a pretty side of Rachel. But he was trying to figure out what she was most upset about—if it was about Abraham or the way Hannah had hugged Gideon.
“You and Hannah have always been close. It’s a shame that Abraham is getting between you.”
“That’s Hannah’s fault. She knew I liked him, but she sank her hooks into him. Of course I didn’t stand a chance after that.” She grabbed both strings of her kapp and held them in one hand. A topless spring buggy was a better choice than a closed buggy since the heat was brutal, but in such cases ladies often had a time keeping their hair beneath their prayer coverings.
“Why would you say that you didn’t have a chance?” Gideon’s heart was taking a beating. He wondered if he should just tell Rachel that he’d always wanted to date her. But if it was Abraham she wanted, even after hearing what he’d done, maybe Gideon didn’t know Rachel as well as he thought he did.
Rachel snapped her head in his direction. “Everyone, including me, knows that Hannah is the prettier schweschder.”
Gideon sighed. “I’m sorry you see it that way. It isn’t true, but it shouldn’t matter. You know we don’t pride ourselves on looks. I know that attraction either comes naturally or not, but it doesn’t define a person’s feelings, and sometimes a person becomes even more attractive based on what’s inside.”
He turned to her in time to see her roll her eyes.
“You would think that’s how it should be, but even in our community Hannah has always outshined the other girls, and it’s impossible not to notice.”
Gideon pondered the thought. It was true that Hannah’s looks didn’t go unnoticed, but for her own sister to be degrading her in such a way felt wrong. Rachel’s ugly comments were fueled by hurt, so he tried to think of something to soften her tone. “Did you notice that I chose you to have these pretend dates with, and not Hannah?”
She chuckled as she rolled her eyes again. “Our mothers paired us up a long time ago, and it didn’t have anything to do with whether or not we were attracted to each other. They think we have a lot in common.”
Gideon wanted to tell her that wasn’t true, that Rachel had always been his first choice. But he stayed quiet, thinking this date was turning out worse than the first one. He looked for a way to change their present course. “We do have a lot in common, in case you haven’t noticed that over the years.” He smiled, still hoping to cheer her up and move the conversation away from anything to do with Hannah and Abraham.
She turned toward him and smiled back. It didn’t look friendly. “Ya, I know. And I know you’re a gut man. Hannah reminded me of that last night when she was telling me she forbids me to date Abraham.”
Gideon’s temperature rose. Rachel’s hostility stemmed from the fact that she wanted to go out with Abraham. Through gritted teeth, he asked for confirmation of this. “Do you want to date Abraham?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. If he asked.”
“Well, he’s not going to ask you out if he thinks you and I are dating, so let’s break up.” He pulled back on the reins, slowed the horse’s gait, and guided the buggy onto a side road that would lead them b
ack to her house.
Her eyes locked with his. “What about supper and a movie?”
“I don’t think this is a gut idea. It was a dumb idea to cheer up mei mudder, but I think she just needed time to get used to her health issues. I’ll tell her it isn’t working out with us.” He paused. “You know, like we planned, ya? You can tell your mudder the same thing. They’ll get over it.” His jaw clenched as he took in a deep breath. “Then you can go after Abraham the way you want to.”
Rachel stared at him. “I never said I would definitely date him. But Hannah can’t make those decisions for me. I should be able to choose. You and I don’t have to stop dating though.”
Gideon wanted to find hope in her comment, but his own hurt bubbled to the surface. “We aren’t really dating, remember?”
“Then we aren’t really breaking up either.”
He swallowed hard. “Ya, I think we are.” He glanced at Rachel, surprised to see her blinking back tears.
“Are we still going to be friends? You’re acting like we aren’t.” Her voice cracked, which caused Gideon’s chest to tighten.
He turned on the street to Rachel’s house. “I’m tired of being your friend, Rachel. Don’t you see that? I like you. I’ve always liked you. You’ve always been number one to me. I thought that maybe by pretending to date, you’d see my feelings for you. But . . .” Sighing, he pulled the horse to a stop. “I think your feelings are for someone else.”
Rachel stared at Gideon for several long moments. “I saw the way you looked at Hannah today. I can’t be number two to you or anyone else.” She climbed down from the buggy, then paused and looked up at him. “Maybe I need to move far away so that people see me for the person I am, not the other schweschder who isn’t as pretty.”
“You are the only person who doesn’t see you as you are.” Gideon lowered his eyes. “Bye, Rachel.”
CHAPTER 10
Rachel and Hannah sat side by side at worship service, along with their mother. Their father was on the other side of the room with the men. Gideon and Abraham were also with the men but sitting on opposite sides of the room from each other.
Church service was being held in the Millers’ barn, and despite the misting water fans, Rachel’s clothes stuck to her, and sweat pooled at her temples. She could barely hear the bishop over the hum of the generators fueling the fans. She couldn’t focus anyway. Gideon’s good-bye the night before was like a bee in her bonnet, words trapped inside her head, stinging over and over again.
“You are the only person who doesn’t see you as you are.” Was it really true? Had she truly spent all her time worrying about an issue she’d created in her own mind? Was she destroying her relationships and possibilities over nothing?
The thought exhausted her.
She glanced at Hannah, but her sister was fidgeting with the hem of her white apron. Hannah had bitten her fingernails to the quick, something she’d always done when she was upset. They still hadn’t spoken to each other in days, and Rachel wondered if any guy was worth this. She’d been jealous of Hannah all her life, but she loved her sibling with all her heart. That had to be more important, right?
She closed her eyes and once again asked that God would show her a way not to be envious of Hannah. She felt like she’d prayed it a thousand times. Jealousy was a sin, and Rachel was drowning in it, like quicksand slowly taking her under.
When she looked up, her eyes darted back and forth between Gideon and Abraham, landing on Abraham. He smiled and winked at her.
It was an inappropriate gesture for worship service, but Rachel returned the smile as she again considered whether he’d told the truth about him and Hannah.
By the time worship was over, everyone in the barn was dripping wet, and as Rachel exited the barn with everyone else, she was glad it was cloudy and breezy. The women headed straight for the Millers’ kitchen to start carrying trays of food out to the tables that were already set up beneath the trees in the yard.
After all the children and men were served, the women began to seat themselves. Abraham motioned at the empty chair to his left, grinning. Rachel considered sitting by him, but she didn’t want to stir things up with Hannah, so she headed off in another direction—until she saw Hannah sitting down next to Gideon. Rachel did an about-face and hurried to the empty chair by Abraham.
“What about your boyfriend?” Abraham whispered in her ear.
Rachel swallowed hard, but she was unable to take her eyes off Gideon and Hannah. “We broke up,” she finally said, still staring at her sister and her friend. Abraham was talking, but she wasn’t really paying attention. Gideon leaned closer to Hannah, said something to her, and she laughed.
Despite everything, seeing Hannah smile warmed Rachel’s heart. Hannah hadn’t shown much joy lately. Still, Rachel’s chest ached when she thought about Hannah and Gideon dating. She turned it all over in her mind as she reached for a piece of buttered bread. This was different from her hostility about Hannah dating Abraham. This hurt far worse. But as Rachel watched them talking and laughing, she decided right then and there that no matter her feelings for Gideon, no matter her own pain, she was not going to interfere with what might be brewing. She was going to fight the bitterness she’d let dictate her decisions.
I will at least try.
“Hello? Did you hear me?”
Rachel turned to Abraham. “Uh, sorry. Um. What did you say?”
He flashed his smile at her. “I was asking you out, for next Saturday.”
Rachel had waited a long time for Abraham to show an interest in her, and it should have lit up her life. But her eyes kept drifting to Hannah and Gideon.
“I guess we are trading.” Abraham nodded toward Rachel’s sister and Gideon.
Rachel stared at them. “I guess so,” she said softly.
“So, that means you’ll go out with me?” Still grinning, Abraham passed her the bowl of chowchow when she reached for it.
“Sure,” she whispered as she waited for feelings of euphoria to wash over her. But instead she found herself wondering if this was a bad trade.
Or was Rachel just programmed to want anything Hannah had? She’d accused her sister of exactly that, but now Rachel wondered if she was guilty instead. “I’m not going to the beekeeper’s cemetery,” she added, still whispering.
“Of course not. I’d never take you there.”
But you took my schweschder. Because she’s prettier?
Rachel could feel God’s disappointment in her. Again. She glanced at Hannah and Gideon, still smiling and enjoying each other’s company. She wasn’t hungry anymore.
Hannah gave Gideon the last of her turkey. It wasn’t something they’d normally have at a meal following church service, but John Zook had found one of his turkeys badly injured in a barbwire fence, and he’d had to put the bird out of its misery the night before. Hannah loved turkey, but she’d served herself way too much.
“Danki for sitting with me and staying close to me today, Gideon.” Hannah glanced at Rachel sitting next to Abraham. The thought of him being around her sister made Hannah’s stomach queasy. “I just don’t want Abraham to confront me.” She sighed. “Although I’m sure Rachel is fit to be tied that I’m sitting here with you.”
Gideon shook his head. “I doubt it. I told Rachel how I feel about her, but it was clear to me that she prefers Abraham.”
“She doesn’t know him.” Hannah picked up her napkin and dabbed the sweat on her forehead. “It upsets my stomach to think about Rachel getting involved with Abraham.”
“Maybe she’ll have to find out for herself.”
Gideon forked the last bite of turkey Hannah had given him while she thought about all she’d done to keep Abraham and Rachel apart. Hannah was tired of all the competition over boys. She just wanted her sister back.
“Um . . .” Gideon wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I probably won’t be at your birthday party next week. Mei mamm said your parents are having a small gathering to c
elebrate.” He shook his head. “But things are already awkward with Rachel and me.”
Hannah wondered what kind of celebration it would be since the two birthday girls weren’t even speaking to each other. “I understand.”
“But I do want to get Rachel a gift.” He grinned. “You, too, of course. But do you have any ideas for Rachel? Is there something she might want?” He looked over at Abraham and Rachel. “I’m choosing to believe in Rachel, that she’ll see through Abraham’s charms and see the real guy. So even if I’m not at the party, I want to give her something.”
Hannah smiled weakly. Rachel had told Hannah repeatedly what she wanted for her birthday. So Hannah told him.
Rachel brushed by Hannah with an empty pitcher and two glasses. They barely made eye contact, much less said anything to each other. As the women cleaned the tables, older children gathered up the younger ones. Everyone would be heading home soon, and Rachel tried again to capture any sense of joy that she should be feeling about Abraham. But there was an emptiness inside her that she couldn’t get rid of, as if a part of her were missing.
By the time they’d cleaned things up, Rachel had made up her mind that she wasn’t going to go out with Abraham. It was her and Hannah’s birthday on Saturday, and even if the date was in the evening after the party, Rachel didn’t want to go. That would make it a horrible birthday, worse than she already anticipated it would be. She still wasn’t convinced about who broke up with whom, but if she had to choose between them, Rachel was going to choose her sister.
She scanned the area and looked for Gideon and Hannah but didn’t see them. Maybe they were off holding hands or sneaking a kiss behind the house. Rachel took a deep and determined breath and again promised herself and God that she was not going to interfere with Gideon and Hannah if things were moving in a romantic direction. Rachel didn’t like the person she’d become, and this time she was going to pray for Hannah’s happiness before her own.
Only a few folks were left when Rachel finally spotted Abraham. He was talking with the Lapp brothers, Isaac and Paul, and they walked along the side of the house before disappearing into the backyard. Rachel feared this might be the only chance she’d have to tell Abraham she couldn’t go out with him Saturday.
