by Beth Wiseman
“Thank goodness,” Rebecca said as she walked toward him. “I thought you’d been kidnapped by aliens.” After another quick look back at the house, she threw her arms around his neck, pushed up on her toes, and kissed him on the lips. “I’ve missed you.” She stared into Noah’s dark eyes before she tucked his brown hair behind his ears and laughed. “You need a haircut.”
Noah untucked his hair until the long strands were free again. “Ya, I know. I’ll get Mamm to do it.”
Rebecca kept her arms around his neck. “I told you I would cut it.”
Noah rolled his eyes and grinned. “Uh, I was there that day you trimmed Paul’s hair. You snipped his ear and it bled forever.”
Rebecca dropped her arms to her side and sighed. “He moved his head. That’s the only reason that happened.”
Noah put his hands on Rebecca’s arms and pulled her into a hug, and she immediately felt that he was trembling. She eased him away. “What’s wrong?”
Her fiancé lowered his gaze and kicked at the grass before he looked back at her. “You look pretty.”
Rebecca’s stomach churned. Something about the sober expression on Noah’s face made her insides roil. “Noah, is something wrong? And where have you been all week? I didn’t see you Tuesday or Thursday. Have you been sick? Working overtime at the hardware store?”
She took a deep breath and reminded herself not to get worked up, no matter the reason. She’d been guilty of flying off the handle over little things—like Noah being late to places, not calling when he said he would, or forgetting appointments. These were things Noah needed to work on, true. But Rebecca needed to work on her reactions to his shortcomings. She certainly had her own.
He shook his head. “Nee, nee.” He paused, scratching his chin. “I’ve just been thinking about things.”
Alarms rang in Rebecca’s head as worry wrapped around her. But this was the man she planned to marry, and she refused to let unjustified anxiety rise to the surface. “Thinking about what?”
Noah’s bottom lip trembled. Rebecca had never seen that before. She was starting to think this wasn’t idle worry. Something was up. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m not sure I want to be baptized.” Noah was staring at the ground again.
Rebecca swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Then she playfully poked him in the chest. “Well, that’s silly. If you don’t get baptized, we can’t get married.”
Noah was quiet. Rebecca’s insides were now a swirling tornado as she waited for the man she loved to look at her. “Noah?” Her voice cracked as she said his name barely above a whisper. “Noah?” she asked again when he didn’t respond. “What are you saying?”
He finally looked up at her, and the tears in his eyes caused Rebecca’s knees to go weak. “I’m sorry, Rebecca. I’m so sorry.”
Rebecca brought a hand to her chest, hoping to slow the beat of her heart. Tears filled her own eyes. “Just say it, Noah. Whatever it is, I know we can work through it.”
He stood taller and lifted his chin. “I told you. I don’t know if I want to be baptized.”
His voice was more forceful, and Rebecca couldn’t stop the tears from trailing down her cheeks. “Just say it.”
Noah blinked his own watery eyes. “I don’t want to get married.”
Rebecca had been dating Noah for over a year. They’d known each other their entire lives. She thought she knew him. “I-I don’t understand. Don’t you love me?”
Noah blinked his eyes a few more times, obviously trying to control the tears pooling. “Ya, I do. But I’m just not ready to get baptized and married.”
Rebecca took a step backward, glaring at him as she cried.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, although the words barely came out.
Rebecca spun around and ran to the house, waiting for Noah to call after her.
But he didn’t.
CHAPTER 3
McKenna had just finished painting her toenails when Penny walked into her bedroom and folded her arms across her chest, frowning. “Your mom told me to come on in. Do you have something you want to tell me?”
McKenna looked back at her toenails and began fanning them with a file folder. She shrugged, trying to decide if she liked the dark shade of blue. “No. Why?”
Penny flopped into McKenna’s pink beanbag chair and slung her purse on the floor next to her. “It’s exhausting being your friend.” She crossed her legs and kicked her foot into action.
McKenna loved Penny. They’d been friends for years. But Penny’s overly dramatic displays could be annoying. “Then don’t stay friends with me.”
Penny rolled her eyes. “We’ll always be friends. I’m sure of that. But the Amish are different from us. Yeah, they get to run around and pretend they’re normal for a while, until they get baptized and choose someone to marry.” She paused, sighing. “We’ve lived in Paradise, Pennsylvania, all our lives. And the Amish guys almost always choose a good Amish girl to marry. You know that. You were just supposed to entertain Noah so Gavin and I could be alone for a while. Now Gavin told me Noah called off his wedding. I’m sure he’s just a play toy for you, but you messed up his life.”
McKenna tossed the file folder on the bed as she scowled at her friend. “Play toy? That’s just mean, Penny. I’m not sure exactly what you’re accusing me of, but I assure you, nothing happened.”
“Nothing?” Penny glared at her. “Then why did Noah call off his wedding less than a week after the party?” She pointed a finger at McKenna. “Something must have happened.”
McKenna’s chest tightened as she considered the accusation. She didn’t want to be responsible for anyone’s breakup. As she recalled her conversation with Noah, she was sure she hadn’t led him on. “Nothing happened. I promise. If Noah decided to break up with his girlfriend, it had nothing to do with me.”
Penny lifted an eyebrow, her leg kicking the air harder as she twisted her mouth from side to side.
“We talked for the two hours you were off doing whatever with Gavin,” McKenna continued.
“Talked about what?”
McKenna glowered at her friend, at the accusing tone digging further underneath her skin. “Lots of things. He said I was easy to talk to, although he did most of the talking. He’s a super nice guy. But we didn’t do anything—not even get into your dad’s liquor cabinet. We’d both had a couple beers and decided that was enough.”
Thinking about that, McKenna frowned, wishing she had avoided alcohol completely that night. It wasn’t her thing. Again, she tried to remember if she might have been flirty with Noah. No, I wasn’t.
“You should be thanking me for keeping him company instead of accusing me of seducing him or something. I didn’t even want to go to the party.” She cringed when Penny’s expression fell. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t in the mood, but since it was at your house, and you wanted me to go, and . . .”
Penny uncrossed her legs, stood up, and folded her arms across her chest. “My second cousin is Amish, so I’ve probably been to more Amish events than you have. They are simple people and quite sheltered. Did you kiss him?”
McKenna stood up and faced off with her friend. “No!”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“I hugged him good-bye, kissed him on the cheek, and told him it had been great talking with him.” She threw her hands in the air. “I made a new friend, that’s all. You know I hug everyone, and sometimes I kiss people on the cheek.” She shrugged. “It’s like a handshake to me when I like a person.” McKenna hadn’t received many hugs growing up. Showing warmth was important to her.
“Well, apparently for an Amish guy that little show of affection was enough for him to call off his wedding. You need to get ahold of him and tell him the hug and kiss didn’t mean anything so he’ll come to his senses and go back to his fiancée.”
McKenna was quiet, but she finally looked at Penny. “Quit being so mean. I’ll talk to him.” She tucked her hair behind
her ears. “But if one simple peck on the cheek and a hug were enough to make Noah ditch his girlfriend, maybe he was just looking for a way out.”
Still, McKenna was going to be more careful about whom she hugged from now on.
Penny shook her head. “I don’t know, but Gavin made it sound like the breakup was your fault, and apparently Gavin works with Noah and they’re pretty good friends. And I don’t want Gavin holding me even partly responsible for your boo-boo, because you know I really like him.” She chuckled, then sighed. “I doubted you were pursuing an Amish guy. They have those funky haircuts. They’re super religious, and . . .” She frowned, shaking her head. “Can you imagine life without a car, air-conditioning, makeup, and blow dryers? Not to mention the sack dresses they wear.”
McKenna wasn’t about to tell her friend that she could imagine all those things and even longed for them some days. “It was just a little peck, Penny. I’ll talk to Noah to make sure he didn’t misunderstand anything. So, how’d it go with you and Gavin?”
Penny smiled, practically glowed. “It was awesome. He’s not just handsome. He’s truly such a nice guy.” She held up her first finger. “And he’s a gentleman.”
They were both quiet for a few seconds. McKenna watched as Penny burrowed herself into the beanbag chair and closed her eyes. She always wanted to come to McKenna’s house, which was probably a fifth the size of the mansion Penny’s family lived in. Penny said her house was good for parties and that was about it. Her parents fought a lot, and McKenna had seen some of the arguments, so she sort of understood. Her own house was quiet, just her and her mom. And they barely spoke to each other.
McKenna sighed, frowning. “I’m glad things went well with Gavin, but now I’m feeling kind of bad. I still can’t believe that simple gesture was enough for Noah to call off his wedding.” McKenna only had eyes for one guy, and she hadn’t even told Penny about him. She thought a moment. “Noah’s Amish, but does he have a cell phone? Or how do I talk to him?”
Penny smiled, reached into her purse, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Gavin gave me his number. He has a cell, like half the Amish do.” She frowned. “So many gray areas with those people. Sometimes I think they make up the rules as they go along.” She unfolded the paper and handed it to McKenna. Then, her mission accomplished, she stood and slung her purse over her shoulder. “Obviously, your interest in Noah—or the interest he thinks you have in him—was enough to make him question his relationship with his fiancée. But I’m glad to hear that you’ll talk to him.”
McKenna suspected that Penny’s intentions were more about not upsetting Gavin than about repairing Noah’s love life.
Penny grabbed her purse from the floor and bit her bottom lip. Then she pointed to McKenna’s nightstand. “Do you actually read that?”
McKenna zoned in on what Penny was looking at. “The Bible? Yes, I do sometimes, especially when . . .” She shrugged. “It just helps me.”
Penny tapped a finger to her chin. “Helps you how?”
McKenna couldn’t recall ever having a conversation like this with Penny. “It helps me feel closer to God.”
Penny stared at the book for a while.
“Do you want to borrow it?” McKenna had notes written inside, but if it would offer some comfort to her friend, she’d part with it temporarily.
“I don’t know.” Penny finally looked at McKenna, more sullen than she’d ever seen her.
“You can take it, Penny. If you want,” McKenna added carefully. She knew better than to push anything on Penny. Her friend was a bit of a rebel sometimes.
Penny offered a weak smile. “I’ll think about it.”
McKenna waited until after Penny was gone before she changed from her worn T-shirt and shorts into jeans and a light-blue sweater. She wasn’t sure how to interpret her quick exchange with Penny about the Bible, but the fact that she’d shown even a slight interest was promising. McKenna had asked Penny to go to church with her in the past, and she had declined every time. Of course, McKenna didn’t get to go every Sunday herself. It depended on the situation with her mother that day.
She ran a brush through her hair and put on some lip gloss, then found her car keys and purse. After she’d slipped into her sandals, she went down the hallway and stopped at her mother’s bedroom. “Mom, I’m going out.” She spoke loud enough for her mother to hear her through the closed door.
“Okay.”
McKenna stood at the door a few seconds, her hand on the knob. She already felt bad about any misconceptions Noah had perceived at the party. If she walked into her mother’s bedroom right now, she was pretty sure what she saw would make her feel even worse. So she took off down the hallway.
She suspected Noah worked at the hardware store on Saturdays, like Penny said Gavin did, and she decided she’d forgo the phone call and talk to him in person. She might not be able to do anything to help her mother, but if she’d played any role, even if unintentionally, in Noah breaking up with his fiancée, McKenna wanted to fix it now.
Rebecca’s emotions had gone full circle in less than twenty-four hours. For the rest of the day Friday, she’d cried and begged her parents and Paul to just leave her alone for a while. Saturday morning she’d woken up crying, but by midafternoon, anger found its way into her heart, and she wanted to unleash it on someone. Her parents had left after lunch to go to an auction in Bird-in-Hand. She shuffled down the stairs and straight to a plate of cinnamon rolls in the middle of the kitchen counter. She’d barely sat down when she heard footsteps.
“Wie bischt, Becky.” Paul reached for a pastry. “I’m sorry about you and Noah.”
Rebecca could feel the venom at the tip of her tongue, ready to spew. “I hate being called Becky. Why do you keep calling me that when you know I don’t like it? Everyone else calls me Rebecca.” She glared at him. “Why can’t you call me Rebecca? Do you do it just to make me mad?”
Paul stared at her, finished chewing, then said, “I’m going to let that go because I know you’re hurt, Rebecca.”
She covered her face with her hands. She’d already had her own private temper tantrum upstairs—the kind she’d sworn off in her attempt to be calmer and more levelheaded—but she was pretty sure this situation had warranted her fit.
Her brother sighed, then pulled out the chair next to her at the kitchen table and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Maybe Noah just has cold feet. Remember Katie and Jake? Jake broke up with her because he thought he wanted to live like the Englisch, but a week later he’d changed his mind and they were back together.”
Rebecca uncovered her face and sniffled. “I remember that. But I thought I knew Noah so well. I just don’t understand. We’ve been planning a life together, and . . .” She covered her face again, glad Paul was the only person seeing her like this.
“Becky . . .” Paul touched her shoulder again. “Sorry. Rebecca. If Noah doesn’t change his mind, then it’s just not God’s plan for you. It just means there is someone better out there for you.”
Rebecca lowered her hands again and reached into her apron pocket for a tissue, then blew her nose. “Nee, there isn’t anyone else for me. I can’t imagine being with anyone but Noah.”
“You can’t imagine it now, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else.” Paul stood up, went to the refrigerator, and poured himself a glass of milk. “But I am a little mad at him for hurting you like this.”
Rebecca stared at her brother as he downed the milk. She thought about all the hearts he had broken since his rumschpringe started six years ago. Most folks in their community were baptized and married within a couple of years of their running around period. At twenty-two, Paul seemed to fall in and out of love faster than anyone she’d ever known and had yet to settle down. He was the last person who should be giving her advice about anything related to love and loss. And the last person who should be mad at Noah. But she didn’t say anything.
“Maybe he slept on it and realized he made a ter
rible mistake.” Paul reached for another cinnamon roll. “I have to go to town. Daed asked if I could go look at Abram Troyer’s two mules he wants to sell. Why don’t you ride along? It’s Saturday, so Noah is working. I can drop you at the hardware store to talk to him.”
Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t know. I can’t make him love me.” She started to cry again.
“People don’t just fall in and out of love overnight. There has to be something else going on.” Paul grabbed another roll and took his hat from where he’d hung it on the back of the kitchen chair.
Rebecca dropped her jaw, unable to keep quiet any longer. “You fall in and out of love more than anyone I’ve ever known.”
Paul scowled. “I’ve dated a lot of women, and I loved some of them. But there were things missing in the relationships that led me to know it wasn’t right for either of us.”
Rebecca raised her chin as she sniffled. “Hearts were broken just the same.”
Paul shrugged. “And those girls went on to find someone else. Everyone I ever dated is married now.”
Rebecca thought about the girls Paul had gone out with, or at least the ones she knew about. “I guess they are all married now.”
Her brother smiled. “Ya, see . . . all part of God’s perfect plan.” He reached for the doorknob that opened to the front porch. “You can either sit here and cry all day, or you can talk to Noah and try to find out why he changed his mind.”
Rebecca dabbed at her eyes and stood up. “I guess you’re right. What do I have to lose? I just need to get cleaned up.”
Paul nodded as he took his hand from the doorknob. “Be quick.”
She took a deep breath and trudged to the stairs, then picked up the pace when Paul cleared his throat. She hoped this wasn’t a mistake.
CHAPTER 4
Paul pulled his buggy into the parking lot of the hardware store, happy to see a hitching post available. Merchants had learned a long time ago that if they didn’t have a place for buggies to park, most folks would find somewhere that did. Paul hoped this didn’t take too long so he could go see about the mules, then get to the library.
