by Beth Wiseman
“I believe you have taken something of mine.” Mrs. Schroeder’s eyes blazed as she lowered her arms to her sides, clenching her fists. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“I haven’t taken anything of yours.” Penny spat the words at her mother—which resulted in a hard slap across the face.
McKenna’s jaw dropped as she froze on the bed, unsure whether to excuse herself or run interference. Evan had hit her before, but her mother had never laid a hand on McKenna, except maybe a spanking as a child. She never even told her mother about Evan’s actions for fear things would get worse for her, or for her mother.
Penny’s eyes watered as she reached up and cupped her red cheek. “I promise, Mom. I haven’t taken anything. What exactly do you think I’ve taken?” Her voice trembled as she spoke. McKenna had never seen her friend like this. Penny sported more of an attitude than anything else—an attitude that had now fled the scene and been replaced by fear.
Mrs. Schroeder relaxed her stance, took a deep breath, and looked at McKenna. “I’m sorry about this, McKenna, but Penny has stolen from her father and me before, and we simply won’t tolerate it anymore.”
McKenna couldn’t imagine why Penny would want or need to steal anything. Her parents provided her with everything she wanted or needed. Except maybe love and affection.
Penny’s mother refocused on her daughter, her mouth set in a straight line. She stared at her for a few seconds, then a tight-lipped smile filled her face. “Fine, you can tell that to your father later.” Mrs. Schroeder made an about-face, left the room, and slammed the door behind her.
McKenna rushed to Penny and wrapped her in a hug. “Oh, Penny. I’m so sorry.”
Penny eased away, pulled her purse up on her shoulder, and shrugged. “Not like it’s the first time.” She locked eyes with McKenna as a tear ran down her cheek, which she quickly swiped away. “I’ve never stolen anything from her, I promise. And I have no idea what she’s talking about.” Her lip trembled. “But maybe I should take something since I get accused all the time . . .” She touched her cheek again. “And slapped for things I didn’t do.”
McKenna reached for her own purse. “Come on. I’ll go to the mall with you.”
“No.” Penny shook her head. “No. I just want to be alone.” Without another word, she left, pulling the door shut behind her.
McKenna sighed as she watched her friend leave. She definitely wanted to talk to Penny more about all of this, but it was obvious Penny wasn’t ready. McKenna worried, though— especially because Penny had been drinking. She’d begged her not to drive after partying plenty of times before, but she always did.
Keep her safe, God.
After Penny was gone, McKenna left the house too. Penny’s parents were yelling in the living room, so she left via the back door in the kitchen. It was unlikely Paul would be at the library, but she had another motive for going. Some of those self-help books might be useful now. McKenna needed to start her life over. A new life, one that didn’t depend on her mother or Evan.
Noah trudged up the porch steps to Rebecca’s house. He thought they were behind this whole McKenna incident, but when Gavin told him about his conversation with Rebecca in the lunchroom, Noah was sure he was in hot water again.
Rebecca opened the door before he had a chance to knock. She stepped over the threshold and went to the rocking chair on the porch. Noah obediently followed, sat down in the other rocker, and waited for the lashing that was sure to come. He knew better than to start the conversation. He’d let Rebecca take the lead so he could get a feel for exactly how mad she was. Maybe he should have mentioned the kiss.
Noah cringed and continued to wait.
“We have a problem.” Rebecca said softly, glancing his way, a sober expression on her face. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“It was one kiss on the cheek, Rebecca. I regret it. I’m sorry, but telling you when you were so upset just didn’t make sense at the time.” He took off his hat and set it in his lap. Even though the temperatures were cooler, Noah had sweated buckets all the way here as he wondered if Rebecca was going to call off the marriage again. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t mention it.”
She turned to face him, still not letting her expression give anything away. “When you first started working at the hardware store, I fantasized sometimes about kissing Gavin.”
Noah’s jaw dropped, but he quickly snapped his mouth closed when Rebecca frowned.
“But I was in love with you, so it was just a passing thing I never would have acted on.” She locked eyes with him. “But I thought about it. And I’m not sure that if Gavin had tried to kiss me that I would have stopped him.”
Noah’s heart pounded against his chest. “So, uh . . .” He scratched his forehead, unsure where she was going with this. Hearing about her attraction to Gavin stung, probably the same way he’d hurt her with his infatuation with McKenna. “What are you saying, that you want to kiss Gavin so we’ll be even?” Noah could hardly bear the thought, but he didn’t want this hanging over them for their entire marriage, which he hoped was still going to happen.
Rebecca rolled her bottom lip under and frowned. “Of course not.” She shook her head as she maintained her look of total disdain. “I’m only telling you this because I’m not perfect either.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes.
“Are we still getting married?” Noah asked, and held his breath.
“We’re not going to talk about that right now.” Noah’s heart sank as Rebecca’s face relaxed, but it was clear to Noah that she had more on her mind. His heart began to hammer in his chest, wondering what else was coming. Maybe she had an entire list of men she’d thought about kissing.
“I’ve met McKenna.”
Noah’s chest tightened even more. This was not going to go well. “When?”
“A few weeks ago.” Rebecca twisted her mouth back and forth as her eyebrows drew together. Noah recognized that look. She was deep in thought.
“Uh-oh.” It was all he could think to say, but he was caught off guard a little when Rebecca smiled.
“Noah, I love you, and I know you love me. We are going to be baptized, and then probably get married. If we do, we’re both going to make mistakes, and your little indiscretion with McKenna isn’t going to stop that from happening.” She paused, crossed one leg over the other, and started to rock, keeping her eyes in front of her. “But I feel like I’m going to be sick to my stomach every time I think about her in your arms.”
Noah was still waiting to hear about Rebecca’s meeting with McKenna and how that had come to be. But he’d given her the lead, and he was going to let her keep the reins.
“McKenna came here looking for Paul.” She glanced at Noah. “She’s very beautiful, and she was a very nice person.” Then Rebecca scowled. “Of course I didn’t know that Paul’s McKenna was your hugging girl.”
Her voice got louder, and Noah felt like he was in quicksand now, but he had to ask. “Why was she looking for Paul?”
“I think they’re in love with each other. But when McKenna came here looking for him, I told her some pretty awful things about my brother. She said they’d been meeting at the library, having lunch, and that she really liked him.” She turned to face Noah. “You know how Paul is, how he dates someone for a short time, then breaks up with her. I was sick and tired of hearing from all the brokenhearted women left in his path, and I thought I was doing McKenna a favor by telling her Paul was basically a womanizer and she should forget about him. McKenna left crying, and she asked me not to mention her visit to Paul. So I didn’t . . . at first. I thought I was doing them both a favor. She said she didn’t want to be Amish, so there was nowhere for their friendship to go.”
Noah thanked God that this conversation had taken a turn, but he felt like something bad was coming, so he took a deep breath and stayed quiet.
“It wasn’t until later I found out how much Paul cared for McKenna, how for the first time h
e seemed really and truly in love. I’d accidentally washed his pants with her phone number in the pocket, so he didn’t know how to get in touch with her. But I remembered her last name, so I encouraged him to go find her.” She blinked back tears. “Especially since he confessed he does not want to be baptized into our faith.”
Noah’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped. He wouldn’t have expected that from Paul, a man who had always seemed grounded in his faith. “Uh, I missed several calls from him, but he left messages and said he was using borrowed phones and would try again. But I didn’t hear from him.”
“I want mei bruder to be happy. I don’t want him leaving us, but I could tell his mind was made up, with or without McKenna.” She swiped at her eyes. Noah wanted to believe he was in the clear, but he couldn’t shed the sense that there was more. “And it gets worse.”
For who?
Noah was happy the focus was off him, but he didn’t like seeing Rebecca so upset.
“Gavin gave me McKenna’s phone number. Apparently she is staying with her friend Penny.” She raised sad eyes to Noah’s. “And I threw it away. I didn’t tell Paul where to find her even though he’s been moping around and so unhappy.”
Noah looked down. This felt like a trap. Was Rebecca trying to find out if he had McKenna’s phone number? And, if so, would it be for Paul, or to pull the noose tighter around Noah’s neck?
“If you feel bad and want Paul to have her number, just ask Gavin again.” Noah hoped he’d dodged the hanging.
“For all I know, you have it.” Rebecca sniffled again. “But I don’t even want to know.”
Sure you do. Noah did have McKenna’s number, and his silence surely solidified Rebecca’s suspicions. He waited for her to pounce.
“So, here is the problem . . .” Rebecca took a deep breath.
Noah’s stomach churned. It sounded like there was more than one problem, but he was overly anxious to hear what was on the top of Rebecca’s list.
She stared at him long and hard. “I want mei bruder happy, but what if they are meant to be together and she sticks around for a while?” She threw her hands in the air. “What if they even get married?”
Noah reminded himself to breathe. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing. “Uh . . .”
Rebecca sighed. “Then I would be forced to be around McKenna, possibly forever, and all I would ever see is her lips on yours, a constant reminder that you kissed her.”
“It was just one kiss, kinda on the cheek.” From her expression, Noah was sure that was not the thing to say. He had to do something, and he was down to his last option. On an exhale, he stood up, then reached for Rebecca’s hand. “Come on.”
She let him help her from the rocker, still sniffling, but she walked down the porch steps with him. “Where are we going?”
Noah sighed. “To fix things.”
CHAPTER 13
McKenna walked to the self-help aisle at the library, and for the first time, she was interested in some of the titles. She was nineteen, on her own, living at a friend’s house, which was far from ideal, even though McKenna was grateful. She needed a full-time job, and she didn’t want to abandon all her hopes and dreams about college. But she wondered if she would end up like her mother. McKenna had loved her grandmother, but she’d probably been an alcoholic. McKenna just hadn’t realized it when she was younger. The signs were there, and even as a preteen, she’d recognized alcohol abuse. And now her mother was battling substance abuse. McKenna didn’t want to go down that road.
She chose a book about breaking the chains of a dysfunctional family, then leaned against the shelf and held the book to her chest. She closed her eyes and prayed that God would show her the way.
“McKenna.”
That voice was so familiar.
Fearful she’d imagined it, she slowly opened her eyes. She fought the urge to jump into Paul’s arms and instead smiled.
He stepped closer and stared at her with an intensity McKenna had been feeling since the day she met him. But had his sister been correct, that he dated women and discarded them after only a short time? Was she setting herself up for disappointment?
Neither of them said anything, and McKenna wondered if he could hear her heart pounding against her chest. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, tipped back the rim of his hat, and gazed into her eyes. She tried to imagine what was on his mind. Was this a courtesy visit to tell her he cared about her, but things would never work out because they lived in two different worlds? Would he just apologize for not ending their friendship in a more civil manner, as opposed to just disappearing? She could stand there all day long analyzing, or she could just tell him the truth.
“I missed you,” she whispered, glancing to her left where two older women were scanning the shelves. She momentarily wondered what kind of book they were searching for.
Paul inched closer to her until the familiar smell of the lavender soap his mother made wafted around her. “I’m sorry.”
McKenna swallowed the lump in her throat. This was it, the courtesy breakup of a relationship that had never really gotten off the ground. They’d never even kissed. She waited for Paul to elaborate on the apology, to say he couldn’t see her anymore because she wasn’t Amish, or because he’d already found someone else, someone more suited to his way of life, one of his own people.
“I think I mistook a hug between you and Noah as something more, and I decided you were looking for an Amish husband.”
McKenna sucked in a breath so hard she almost choked. “Why in the world would you think I would intentionally pursue an Amish man?”
Paul shrugged. “Ach, well, you were seeing me, and I’m Amish. Then I saw you with Noah.” He lowered his gaze and shook his head, starting to grin. “It sounds silly now.” He looked back at her. “But, believe it or not, there are people out there who are running—from something or someone—and they think all of their problems will be solved if they convert to our way of life. So by the time I found out you didn’t want to be Amish, your phone number had gone through the wash, and I didn’t know how to reach you. My sister finally told me you came to our house looking for me. I’ve been trying to find you ever since.”
“I guess I should have assumed you might know Noah, but he’s just a sweet guy who was confused about his commitment to the church and upcoming marriage to a girl named Rebecca.” McKenna tipped her head to one side. “You saw us at the hardware store? Why didn’t you come in? I could have explained.”
“I had Becky with me.” McKenna wasn’t following, and he must have tuned in to the confused expression on her face. “My sister is Rebecca. I think I’m the only one who calls her Becky.”
McKenna put a hand over her mouth and stared at him a few seconds, her eyes wide. “Your Becky is Noah’s Rebecca?”
“Ya. And when I saw you, uh . . . in Noah’s arms, I didn’t want her to see that, even though I told her about it.”
“It was just a friendly hug and kiss on the cheek.” McKenna lowered her gaze, but Paul gently cupped her chin and lifted her eyes to his.
“I don’t care about that, and I think that Beck—Rebecca—and Noah are working things out. But I have to know . . .” His brown eyes twinkled amber in the bright lights of the library, and McKenna saw fear in them. “Did I imagine things between us?”
She shook her head. “No.”
His expression became even more pained, the lines on his forehead deepening. “Sometimes the Englisch idolize our way of life, and it doesn’t turn out to be what they expected. Becky told me you don’t think you could ever convert to our faith. Is it true, that you don’t want to be Amish?”
Tears filled McKenna’s eyes. This would likely be the last time she’d see Paul Fisher. “I don’t want to be Amish.” Paul smiled a little. And now McKenna had questions as well. “Is it true that you’ve dated a lot of women and broken their hearts?”
He nodded. “Most women in our district are baptized by the time they are my ag
e, twenty-two. Those women, mei parents, and even mei sister should have at least suspected I wasn’t going to be baptized into the faith, ever. I love God. I like to think I’m a good Christian. But I feel God calling me in another direction. At first I thought you were wanting to get involved with someone mostly because they were Amish, and then when I saw you with Noah, I thought for sure you were. But once things were straightened out, I started looking for you. I had to know if our long talks, the things I felt—if they were real.”
McKenna nodded. “They were for me.”
“I found your house, and I went by, but you weren’t there. A lady said you and your mudder were gone.”
McKenna took the book from where she still had it pressed against her chest, and she turned it toward Paul. “My mother is in a rehab facility. It’s the one thing I never told you. My time with you was an escape from that situation, and I didn’t want it muddied up with my baggage.”
Paul glanced at the books on the aisle, then grinned. “Do you want to go somewhere else? Maybe coffee and a whoopie pie?”
McKenna smiled. “I would love that.” Her phone buzzed in her purse. “I need to see who this is. It might be about my mom.” She found the phone, read the text message, and put a hand to her chest. “Oh no. I have to go.”
Paul touched her arm. “Is everything okay?”
McKenna shook her head, grabbed his hand, and hurried him out of the library. “No, everything is not okay.”
Rebecca wasn’t sure why they were at the hardware store, but whatever Noah had on his mind about fixing things was quickly forgotten when they entered the store.
“We gotta go.” Gavin’s eyes were red, almost like he might have been crying.
“What’s wrong?” Noah and Rebecca both asked at the same time.
“Can you get me to the clinic up the road in your buggy? My car won’t start. I’ve tried three times. I think it’s my battery.” Gavin was turning off lights as he hurried around the store, then practically pushed Noah and Rebecca out onto the sidewalk while he flipped the sign on the door to Closed and locked up. “It’s Penny. She overdosed, and her parents took her to the nearest place, which is the Stoltzfus Clinic. The only reason I even know is because her mother found my number on Penny’s phone and called to yell at me, accusing me of supplying her with pills.” He grunted. “I’m guessing Penny’s mother has enough pills in her medicine cabinet to overdose a horse, so maybe she should have checked her own prescriptions.”
