The Hope Jar

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Brad reached across the small table and placed his hand on hers. “Is something bothering you, Sara? I’m a pretty good listener, so if you’d like to talk about it, I’m willing to listen.”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I was thinking about how after you leave for seminary, we’ll probably never see each other again.”

  “Well, you never know. Our paths might cross again someday. Maybe some time when you’re visiting your grandparents, I’ll make a trip to Strasburg, and we’ll reconnect.”

  Michelle’s voice lowered to a near whisper. “That would be nice.”

  As Ezekiel approached the ice-cream store in Lancaster, he decided to stop for a treat. He’d had a busy week helping his parents in the greenhouse and delivering honey to his loyal customers. So this evening, he figured he deserved a break, and it was a good chance to take his truck out for a spin.

  Ezekiel let go of the steering wheel with one hand and swiped his arm across his sweaty forehead. He couldn’t wait for this humidity to break. While he had been talking to one of his customers today, they’d mentioned the news said the hot, sticky weather would finally end on Saturday when storms were expected to come through, leaving a swath of cool, comfortable temperatures for the next several days. Ezekiel sure hoped it was true. He looked forward to taking Sara to the singing Sunday evening and would appreciate good weather.

  When Ezekiel pulled his vehicle into the parking lot, he was surprised to see Brad and Sara there, getting up from a table and heading to Brad’s van. They hugged before stepping up and into the vehicle.

  Ezekiel drew back, feeling like someone had punched him in the stomach. Was this a date they were on? Is this what Sara meant when she said she had plans for the evening?

  He sat hunched over the steering wheel, watching as Brad’s van pulled out of the parking lot. He’d suddenly lost his appetite for ice cream or anything else.

  Ezekiel’s scalp prickled. Of course Sara would rather spend time with Brad. She’s English and so is he. I’ll bet she only accepted my invitation to go to Sunday’s singing so she wouldn’t hurt my feelings. If I were English or she was Amish, maybe something more could develop between Sara and me.

  Even though Ezekiel had often wondered about being English, his feelings weren’t as complicated or as confusing before Sara came along. Spending time with her had caused him to think about being English even more.

  Chapter 28

  Strasburg

  On the way home from church Sunday afternoon, Mary Ruth turned in her seat to look at Sara. “I know we ate after church was dismissed, but it wasn’t a big meal. How would you like to go on a picnic with your grandpa and me?”

  Sara’s pretty blue-green eyes sparkled. “Sounds like fun. Would we have it in your backyard?”

  “Nope,” Willis spoke up. “We’ll go to the pond out beyond our place. Unless you got adventuresome and ventured there on your own, I don’t think you’ve seen it yet.” He glanced back at her and grinned. “The ole’ pond is one of my favorite fishing holes.”

  “I have seen a few ponds in the area, but I don’t believe I’ve been to the one you’re talking about. Are we gonna do some fishing today?” Sara asked.

  He shook his head. “I never fish on Sundays. Besides, you’ll be going to the singing with Ezekiel later today, and we wouldn’t want to hold you up for that.”

  “Okay, but can we go fishing some other time?”

  “Sure thing. We’ll try to make time for that.”

  Mary Ruth smiled. “Your mother enjoyed fishing. But then I guess you knew that, right?”

  Silence.

  Mary Ruth turned to look at Sara again. “Did you hear what I asked?”

  Sara blinked rapidly. “Umm … What was it?”

  “I mentioned that your mother liked to fish and asked if you knew it.”

  Forehead wrinkling, Sara slowly nodded.

  Sara seems kind of off today. I wonder if something’s bothering her. Mary Ruth glanced at Willis to see if he’d also noticed, but his concentration appeared to be on the road.

  “I miss your mother so much,” Mary Ruth murmured, “but I’m thankful to God for bringing you here.”

  Once more, Sara was silent. Perhaps she was also missing her mother. It probably wasn’t a good idea to talk about Rhoda so much, but Mary Ruth couldn’t help it.

  As Michelle rode in Ezekiel’s open buggy on the way to the singing that evening, all she could think about were Mary Ruth’s questions this afternoon—first on the way home from church and again during their picnic lunch. Previously, Michelle had managed to make things up when either Mary Ruth or Willis asked about their daughter. At first she’d been quiet and unresponsive when Mary Ruth began questioning her today, but as time went on and more questions were asked, she’d given the best answers she could. Apparently, whatever she’d said must have been satisfactory, because Mary Ruth finally quit asking and talked about other things. In fact, by the time they’d arrived back at the Lapps’, Michelle’s pretend grandma wore a peaceful expression.

  Too bad I didn’t feel a sense of peace, Michelle thought with regret. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel any tranquility or sense of harmony in my life. She shifted on her seat. Is it wrong to want happiness? The Lapps have said many times that having me here has brought them joy. So is my lie really such a horrible thing?

  Michelle knew the answer, but it was hard to acknowledge, even to herself. If she’d never come here in the first place—never pretended to be Sara Murray—she wouldn’t be in this predicament. She would be living on her own, who knew where, and the Lapps would have been reunited with their rightful granddaughter.

  When they finally do meet the real Sara, they’ll probably like her better than me anyway. I bet she’s a decent person who would never take advantage of two sweet old people the way I have.

  “We’re here.” Ezekiel startled Michelle out of her gloomy introspections. “Welcome to Emmanuel Fisher’s home.”

  Michelle rubbed her forehead, trying to collect her thoughts.

  “You okay, Sara?” Ezekiel touched her arm. “You were quiet most of the way here.”

  “I’m fine. Just doing a lot of thinking, that’s all.”

  When Michelle stepped down from Ezekiel’s buggy, she was greeted by Lenore.

  “Hello, Cousin.” Lenore clasped Michelle’s hand. “You just missed a rousing game of volleyball, but I’m glad you could join us for the meal and our time of singing.”

  Michelle smiled. “Thank you. I have never attended a singing before, so I’m anxious to find out what it’s like.”

  Lenore linked arms with Michelle. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure they’re getting the food set out by now.”

  Michelle looked back at Ezekiel. “Aren’t you coming?”

  “I’ll be in as soon as I get my horse put away.”

  “Oh, yeah, of course.” Michelle hesitated a moment, but at Lenore’s prompting, she followed her into their host’s enormous barn. One would never know any animals had ever been housed here. The entire building looked as clean as Mary Ruth’s kitchen, and it smelled good too, with none of the usual barn odors. Someone had done a good job cleaning.

  Inside, several long tables with backless wooden benches had been set up. Another table held platters with plenty of sandwiches, chips, and other snack foods. On one side of the room a group of young men had gathered, and the women seemed to be staying by themselves. Michelle assumed once the festivities got started, the men and women would integrate. She was disappointed, however, when Ezekiel entered the building and headed straight for the men. Since he had brought her to this function, she figured it was sort of a date and that he would spend the evening with her. Was it normal for the men and women to segregate at a singing, or only when they first got here?

  Michelle didn’t have to wait long for her answer. After everyone gathered for silent prayer, the men dished up their plates and took seats at one long table together. When it was time for the women to get
their food, they sat at an opposite table.

  Michelle looked at Ezekiel, but engrossed in eating, he seemed not to notice. She went through the line with the other young women, then took a seat at the table with them, making sure to sit next to Lenore. Most everyone made Michelle feel welcome, but a few kept their distance, eyeing her with questioning looks. Michelle couldn’t blame them. She didn’t feel like she belonged here either.

  She looked down at the simple blue dress she wore. It was one Mary Ruth had made for her. Although not as plain as what the Amish women dressed in, it made her feel more a part of this community.

  Michelle leaned closer to Lenore and whispered, “When will we start singing?

  “As soon as we finish eating.”

  “I have one more question.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Will we sit with the guys during the singing?”

  Lenore shook her head. “They sit on one side of the room, and we sit on the other. It’s pretty similar to the way it is during our church services.”

  “You mean there’ll be preaching and Bible reading?”

  “No, just singing, but we sit separate from the men.”

  “I see.” Michelle sipped some lemonade. I wish Ezekiel had explained all this to me ahead of time. When he invited me to attend the singing, I might have said no.

  “How’d you like the singing? Did you enjoy yourself this evening?” Ezekiel asked as they headed for the Lapps’.

  “It was okay, I guess, but I would have enjoyed it more if you hadn’t been on the opposite side of the room.” Sara gave an undignified huff. “What was the point in asking me to go with you if we weren’t gonna be together?”

  He swallowed hard. “I thought you knew how it would be.”

  “How could I? I’ve never been to a singing till this one.”

  “I’m sorry, Sara. You’re right. I should have explained things before we got there.”

  She shrugged. “It’s okay. Guess it’s no big deal, since I won’t be here much longer anyway.”

  Ezekiel jerked his head. “What do you mean?”

  “Come on, Ezekiel. You must realize I can’t stay here forever. I need to get back to my own life soon.”

  “But you’ll come back for visits, right?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He glanced at her, then back at the road again. “Your grandparents would be awful disappointed if you didn’t come back to see them.” And so would I.

  “Them and me both.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  Sara stared down at the small black purse she clutched in her lap. “I guess there is none. Can we please talk about something else?”

  “Sure. Actually there is another thing I’d like to ask you.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s about Brad.” Ezekiel pulled back on the reins a bit, to slow Big Red. He didn’t want to get to the Lapps’ before he had a chance to find out what he wanted to know.

  “What about Brad?” she asked.

  “I saw the two of you together at the ice-cream store in Lancaster Friday evening.”

  Her eyes widened a bit. “You did?”

  “Yeah. I went there in my truck to get some ice cream and saw you and Brad hug each other before you got in his van.”

  She nodded. “I was thanking him for the ice cream he treated me to.”

  “So you were on a date.” Ezekiel phrased it as a statement, not a question. It was fairly obvious Brad had taken Sara there on a date.

  “I wouldn’t call it a date exactly.”

  “Then what would you call it?”

  Sara reached into her purse and withdrew a pair of nail clippers. “Just two friends getting together for what could be the last time.” She opened the clippers and snipped a jagged nail. “Brad will be leaving for seminary in a month, and if he keeps busy driving some of the Amish in the area, plus odd jobs, there might not be another opportunity for us to see each other again before he goes.”

  “I see.” Ezekiel rolled his tongue around in his mouth. He wanted to say more on the subject, but didn’t want Sara to think he was being pushy. And if he wasn’t careful, he might say something stupid and blurt out that he’d come to care for her and wished she felt the same way.

  As Mary Ruth and Willis got ready for bed that night, she brought up the subject of Sara. “Do you think our granddaughter had a good time with us today?”

  “Jah, I believe so.” Willis rubbed the back of his neck. “Why do you ask?”

  “Didn’t you notice how quiet she was during the picnic, and also on the buggy ride there and back home?”

  The wrinkles in his forehead deepened. “Now that you mentioned it, she was quieter than usual. But I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Maybe she was tired.”

  “You’re probably right. Sara seems kind of moody at times. It’s hard not to be concerned.” Mary Ruth took a seat on the end of bed and pulled the pins from her thinning hair. “Talking about Rhoda today made me miss her all the more.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t talk about her so much then.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re kidding, right? There’s no way I could ever forget about Rhoda or our precious little Jake either.”

  Willis put both hands on his hips as he moved closer to the bed. “I am not suggesting we should forget about our deceased kinner. But talking about them all the time is a constant reminder of the pain we endured losing them.” He sat beside Mary Ruth and took hold of her hand. “I say we focus on our son, Ivan, his family, and the newest member of our family—sweet Sara.”

  Mary Ruth sniffed, leaning her head on his shoulder. “You’re right, Willis. I am grateful for your good advice. Just knowing we’ve been given the chance to meet and get to know Rhoda’s daughter gives me a sense of joy and peace.”

  Willis puts his arm around Mary Ruth and gave her a tender squeeze. “My heart feels at peace too.”

  Chapter 29

  Newark

  Sara woke up with a headache, but she wouldn’t skip work this morning or her afternoon class. Both were important to her future. She hurried to get dressed, then went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.

  Sara picked up her planner and took it with her to the table. In two months she would be going to Strasburg to see her grandparents. Sara had hoped to receive another letter from them, but she’d heard nothing since the last one, asking her to wait until October.

  “Maybe they don’t want to meet me after all,” she murmured. “I’ll write them again in a few weeks to be sure. As much as it will hurt, I don’t want to go barging in there if I’m not wanted.”

  Sara had already determined that if she wasn’t welcome, she would accept their wishes and not go, but oh how she hoped the Lapps wouldn’t say no. She so desperately wanted to meet them and learn about her mother’s life before she’d left home. A link to my mother’s past will be a connection to my future.

  A knock sounded on the back door, interrupting Sara’s musings. She rose from her seat to see who it was.

  “I saw your car in the driveway and figured you hadn’t left for work yet.” Her stepfather’s dark brows lifted. “Or are you having car problems again? Because if you are, and you need a lift …”

  Sara shook her head. “For the moment, the little beast is running, but who knows for how long.” She gestured for him to come inside. “I got paid last Friday for the few hours I worked at the dental clinic that week, and the week before, so I can pay this month’s rent now.”

  “Are you sure? Don’t want you to cut yourself short.”

  “No, it’s okay.” Sara couldn’t help wondering why Dean was being so nice. Normally, he wanted the rent money on the first of every month, without question. Why the sudden change? He must have some sort of agenda.

  She opened her purse and handed him the cash. “Here you go. Don’t spend it all in one place.” Sara gave a small laugh, hoping to diffuse any tension she may have created by r
epeating a line he used to say when she was a girl. She’d never really known how to take anything Dean said back then. Sometimes when he said something and she thought he was kidding, she would say something back and then be accused of having a smart mouth. There were other times when Sara thought her mother’s husband was being serious, and it turned out he was only teasing. Or at least, that’s what he said. Dean was a hard person to figure out, and she’d given up trying.

  Sara often wondered what it was about Dean Murray that had appealed to her mother. Did Mama think he was good looking, witty, smart, or would make a good provider? He’d done a fair job of providing for them over the years, but Sara didn’t care much for the man. And the fact that Dean favored his biological son, Kenny, had done nothing to put him in Sara’s good graces.

  “Well, I need to get to work myself,” Dean announced. “Is there anything you need before I go?”

  She shook her head. “But thanks for asking.”

  “No problem.” Dean stuck the rent money in his shirt pocket and went out the door.

  Inhaling a deep breath, Sara returned to her chair and the now-lukewarm coffee. I wonder what my real father is like. Is he nice looking? Kind? Caring? Does he even know about me? If so, has he tried looking for me all these years? Hopefully, all my many other questions will be answered once I meet the Lapps.

  Strasburg

  “What on earth happened in here?” Ezekiel frowned as he and his parents entered the greenhouse. Someone, or something, had knocked over several potted plants, spilling dirt and containers onto the floor.

  Dad’s forehead wrinkled as he surveyed the situation. “Maybe Henry left the door open when I asked him to close up Saturday evening. Shoulda followed behind him I guess.”

  “Well, nothing seems to be broken, at least,” Mom said. “If Henry did leave the door open, I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose.”

  Ezekiel rolled his eyes. His twelve-year-old brother could do no wrong in their mother’s eyes. I never got away with something like that when I was Henry’s age.