“I had no idea who you were when the paramedics wheeled you into the emergency room. It wasn’t until that first day the home care agency sent me to you.”
How could he forget? As much as he might like to. “What happened?”
“I quit.”
He remembered. He’d kissed her to scare her away. And it had worked. She had left in a huff. Twenty minutes later she’d come back with some bull about doing no harm. He’d bought into it because he’d wanted to so badly. He hated that. But he’d been hurting, physically and mentally. When she’d returned, it seemed nothing hurt as bad. He hated that, too.
She took a sip of her coffee, then met his gaze. “When I walked out, I ran into Janet. She was coming back to make sure you were all right. She’d been to see you earlier and you had chased her away, too, with your scintillating personality. Mr. Congeniality.”
He ignored the sarcasm, refusing to get sucked in again by her humor and spunk. But he remembered that day clearly. Janet had been to see him and left in a hurry saying she wasn’t through with him. She must have returned as Megan was leaving. Until this moment, it never occurred to him to wonder why she hadn’t stopped by again. Now he knew that she knew he had Megan. He sucked in a breath at the pain.
“So the two of you are in this together.” When she nodded, rage rolled through him, gathering force like a tidal wave. “Whose idea was it to play me for a fool?”
She met his gaze and something flashed in her blue eyes. “It wasn’t like that, Simon. She cares about you. And I—”
He held a hand up. “Don’t even go there. Just tell me why you kept me in the dark.”
“When we sorted out why we were both there, she was excited that you had asked for me personally to be your nurse. She said it was the first time you’d reached out, a positive sign that you were beginning to move forward, to put the accident behind you—”
“I’ll never do that.”
She ignored him. “I wanted to tell you I knew everything. I wanted to thank you for giving Bayleigh a chance at normal. Because of the transplant, she can get her driver’s license, put on makeup, have a favorite color, see the faces of her babies one day. I had to find a way to show my gratitude for the miracle you gave my daughter.”
“It wasn’t my doing,” he ground out.
She nodded. “I know. Janet told me later. After I quit the second time—”
After he’d made love with her. If he wasn’t so staggered, he’d have pointed out that she had a bad habit of running when things got too personal. But he couldn’t feel anything except unrelenting anger.
She leaned back against the counter. “The first time I quit, she convinced me to give it another try.”
“Because you owed me,” he guessed. The look in her eyes confirmed it.
“I planned to tell you everything when I came back, even though Janet begged me not to. She was hopeful that you were reaching out and said it might be your last chance—”
“Isn’t that overly dramatic?”
She shrugged. “I’m just telling you what happened. When I came back inside, I started to thank you and offer my condolences—”
“But you didn’t.” He would have remembered. One of the things he liked best about her was she’d never said she was sorry. Now he didn’t want to like anything about her.
“I didn’t because you cut me off. And I realized she was right. If you knew the truth, you’d have shut down. I decided after your body healed I’d—”
“You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. Why haven’t you?”
“I started to care about you, Simon. Not as a nurse for her patient. It scared me. Confused me.”
“Did it ever occur to you I might care about you? And this was information I had a right to know?” He took a half step toward her.
“I never wanted this to happen. I only wanted to help you get well.” Her hands trembled, spilling coffee. It seeped into the terry cloth covering her, but she didn’t notice. “I—I—”
“I was starting to care about you, Megan. And Bayleigh—” He ran his fingers through his hair. “She’s something else.”
“Yes, she is. And thanks to Marcus—”
“Don’t.” He held up his hand. “I don’t want to hear it. I’m trying to cope with the fact that the little girl of the woman I—” He’d been about to say love, but he couldn’t go there. “She’s been looking at me with my son’s eyes and you didn’t see fit to tell me.”
“Don’t take this out on her, Simon.” For the first time there was fear clouding her eyes. And a protective anger in her voice.
He didn’t blame the child. None of this was her fault. In her own way, Bayleigh had told the truth. Her eyes were broken and the doctor fixed them. Simple. And so very complicated. But the fact was, now that he knew, he could never look into that little girl’s eyes again without thinking about his son. The sight of her would always be a painful reminder.
Without responding, he walked into the bedroom and quickly dressed. He came out with his suit coat slung over his shoulder and went right past Megan, who hadn’t moved from the kitchen.
“Simon?”
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. “What?”
“You have every right to be angry with me. I—I deserve it. I don’t expect you to believe this, but I really did intend to tell you everything.”
He turned and met her gaze. “You’re right. I don’t believe you.”
“I tried to keep you at a distance because I was afraid of this. I did the wrong thing. I admit that. But for the right reason.”
“What’s your point, Megan?”
“I’ve been trying to protect my daughter from being hurt. You pushed your way into our life. You made her love you. But she’s innocent. Don’t be angry at her.”
He couldn’t deny that he was furious—at the whole world. “This isn’t the ER. You can’t tell me what to feel.”
“I can tell you what you said.” She set her coffee cup on the counter beside her. “You promised Bayleigh you would be at her school play.”
“I didn’t—”
She walked closer and stopped in front of him, eyes blazing like a mother lion protecting her young. “Don’t give me that. In this very room, you told her to count on you. You were going to see her in her costume. This isn’t about you and me. This is about a child who’s been let down too many times in her short life.”
“You should have thought about that before keeping me in the dark.”
“To quote you—take me out back and beat the crap out of me. I don’t expect you to understand why I did what I did. But I do expect you to be a grown-up. Don’t take my sin out on an innocent child.”
“How can I get past the fact that your child sees with my child’s eyes?”
She ran shaking fingers through her hair. “Using his corneas didn’t take his life. And Bayleigh being blind won’t bring Marcus back. It’s not wrong for me to be grateful for a miracle.” Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Bayleigh’s father left because she couldn’t see. You’re leaving because she can. Don’t cheapen your son’s sacrifice by hanging on to the grieving side of the miracle.”
“Don’t talk to me about miracles. From where I’m standing it’s damn hard to see it that way.”
“I know you’re angry with me and you’ve got every right. I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. I know it’s a shock. But it doesn’t change what happened. You’ve started to live again. You need to move forward with your life.”
He opened the door. “I can’t, Megan. I’m—”
“Sorry?” she snapped. “How ironic is that coming from you?” She tugged on his arm and made him face her. “The man who doesn’t want to hear it.”
“Do you have a point?” he asked, sealing his heart off from the anger and pain in her face.
He was being a bastard, and he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Megan had made him feel again, and he wished he coul
d stop. It hurt so damned much. All he wanted was to get out of there.
“Yeah,” she said, “I’ve got a point. I’m telling you I’m sorry. Sorry I ever met you. And sorry I fell in love with you.”
He took one last look, then walked out and closed the door behind him. In spite of everything he’d done to prevent it, he cared again—for Megan. For Bayleigh. He’d begun to think about the idea of being a family.
Thanks to Megan—her deceit, dishonesty, deception—it wasn’t going to happen. He felt as if he’d been flattened, like the earth had just caved in.
He’d been living on the edge for two years. Megan had just pushed him over.
Chapter Sixteen
Simon groaned at the knock on his door. He despised himself when hope jumped into his heart that it might be Megan. He couldn’t help himself. But it didn’t matter who was there. He didn’t want to see anyone. He had started downstairs when another loud and agitated round of knocking commenced.
This time it was accompanied by the words, “Simon, open up. I know you’re in there.”
Janet. He could have ignored anyone else, but not her.
He turned the dead bolt and opened the door. “Make it quick.”
“My sentiments exactly,” she snapped.
She breezed past him and went inside. Stopping in the center of his living room, she turned to face him. Her short blond hair was tucked behind her ears. He wondered how anyone could look tailored in low-heeled shoes, jeans and a bright yellow sweater set, but Janet managed. She left her purse slung over her shoulder, a hopeful sign this would be quick.
“You look terrible.”
“Thank you very much.” He rubbed his hand over his chin and winced when the stubble scraped. But there was no reason to shave. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“What you mean is you have no excuse to pull yourself together.”
“Megan tattled on me.”
“I wouldn’t call it tattling. She said you finally know the truth. And you’re upset with her.”
“I’m mad at you, too.”
“Simon, you’ve been mad at me for the past two years. I didn’t give up on you then. And like I said before, I’m not giving up on you now.”
“What if I’ve given up on me?”
She lifted her chin and stared at him. “Then you’re not the man I thought. You’re a coward.”
“I can live with that.”
Janet nodded, but her brown eyes shimmered with anger. “Living is good. But it’s not for the faint of heart.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s best that Megan knows up front who you are. She doesn’t need to learn to trust you, then get left in the dust again.”
Megan’s words came back to him as they had a thousand times in the last week. He left because she can’t see; you’re leaving because she can. Each time he’d remembered, it had taken every ounce of his willpower to keep from going to her. He was angry because he couldn’t get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.
“Don’t you dare lump me with that guy,” he said, lashing out at Janet.
“Why? You’re cut from the same cloth. You walked out on her and Bayleigh.” She shrugged. “But don’t worry about it. She’s hurt right now, but I’m sure she’ll get over it. She wants a family for her child, and she’ll find a man worthy of her who shares the same dream.”
Simon wasn’t so sure he would get over Megan. He hadn’t seen her for seven days and the pain got worse with every one that passed. How could she get past it and go on with someone else? The thought of her with another man was like a knife slicing through his gut.
“If she’d told me up front who she was—”
“You would have shut down faster than Miami under a hurricane warning.”
“We’ll never know for sure, will we?”
“I know,” she said, tapping her chest with a finger.
“You don’t know what I’m feeling.”
“I know you didn’t agree with the decision I made to donate Donna’s and Marcus’s organs to help others. I’m sorry I robbed you of the opportunity to take the first steps in healing. I deeply regret that. But you were too far away. The window of time for viable transplant is too small. And I will never regret helping others live. I hope they’re as blessed as we were by their lives.”
“My son is dead.”
“If I could change that, don’t you think I would? But I found a way to make sense of something I couldn’t change. Every year, nearly five thousand people die while waiting on transplant lists for organs that could save their lives. We didn’t get a choice about whether or not Donna and Marcus lived. But we did get a choice about helping some of those people not to die. Or giving children like Bayleigh a better quality of life.”
“But her life wasn’t in danger—”
“Would she have died without the surgery? No. If I’d withheld consent to donate Marcus’s corneas would it have saved him? No. It was the only way to make some sense of it, to find a positive, something good to come out of an unimaginably horrific situation.”
“And you think it’s a wonder?”
“I think it’s a miracle.”
Megan had said the same thing. “I understand what you’re saying intellectually. But I can’t help thinking—”
“Megan’s daughter can see and you begrudge that.”
“No. Megan lied to me about the fact that her daughter can see with my son’s eyes. She should have told me up front—”
“I told her not to.”
He blinked. “She said that. But I didn’t believe—” Because he’d opened up, accepted her. Fallen for her. Now it hurt like hell. “How could you do this to me?”
“How could I not?” She held out her hands. “For the first time in two years, I had a smidgeon of hope for you. I had to take a chance. And, for the record, she didn’t want to do it. I’m still not sure why she went along with the program. But it worked. You’ve joined the living again. You’re in love with her.”
“That’s crazy.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t care—”
“Baloney. You care too much. About Bayleigh. And Megan.”
“I care that she lied to me.”
“The truth is you’re relieved that she didn’t tell you up front.”
“Now you’re scaring me.”
“Come on, Simon. It’s as clear as the fact that you’re in love with her. You call it lying, but she didn’t misrepresent anything. At most she left out details. In reality she did you a favor.”
“A favor?”
“If you can convince yourself she’s a dishonorable person, you’ve got an excuse to feel superior when you turn your back on her and Bayleigh. That makes you better than the man who walked out on her and his child. He split because he couldn’t deal with the problems of an imperfect child. You’re running away because you love them both. And you’re scared to care about someone that much again.”
He couldn’t deny what she was saying. “What about the fact that every time I look at Bayleigh, I’ll see Marcus? I’ll remember—”
“That a business trip came up on a weekend you were supposed to spend with him?”
He winced. “Not a day has passed in two years that I didn’t wish I could go back and do it over.”
“And when you look at Bayleigh you’ll see that? Instead of her beautiful little face? Or her sweet smile? Or the sound of her laughter? Or her contagious enthusiasm?”
“How can I not think about Marcus?” he said, desperate for her to give him the answer.
“We’ll never forget Marcus. He was a wonderful, bright little boy. We’ll always think about him and love him.”
Simon felt tears burn his eyes. “Will it ever stop hurting?”
“No.” She shook her head. “But it will become bearable.” She moved toward him and put her hand on his arm. “You wouldn’t be the man I admire if you didn’t feel things so deeply. But the sadness will ease and you’ll reme
mber only the good times. You should think about your son and be grateful a part of him lives on in this child. You should think about him and, instead of the guilt, remind yourself that if not for Marcus, Bayleigh wouldn’t be able to see how much you love her mother.”
He felt as if she’d whacked him over the head with a two-by-four. But his gut told him she was right. About everything. “Oh, God—”
Janet smiled then hugged him. “Now stop this nonsense. Quit wallowing in guilt and go tell Megan how much you love her and that adorable child of hers.”
“You don’t pull punches, do you?” he asked, one corner of his mouth lifting.
She just smiled. “Go shave. You look dreadful, and I won’t have Bayleigh frightened.”
Then she kissed his cheek and walked out the front door.
He loved Megan. He’d known from the first, and part of him had been running from the truth ever since. Because he was afraid of caring again. That was no excuse for letting down the two most important ladies in his life. He’d made mistakes, but he could only try to do better in the future. Bravery wasn’t the absence of fear. Heroes moved forward in spite of it. He was no hero, but he refused to be a coward any longer.
He was finally at peace with the past. He could live with it now. What he couldn’t live with was the way he’d hurt Megan. Somehow, he had to make things right—with her and her child. She and Bayleigh were a package deal.
They were his future.
“Mommy, where’s Simon?”
Bayleigh glanced past Megan to the doorway of her classroom, looking for a man who wasn’t going to be there. He hadn’t come right out and said so, but she knew. The little girl had asked about him every day, a hundred times a day, ever since he’d walked out of their lives forever.
“Sweetie, I don’t think he’s coming.”
“But he promised,” she said, her mouth trembling. “He wanted to see me in my costume. It’s not bad luck now.”
It’s bad luck your mother is an idiot, she wanted to say.
The kindergarten holiday production was just about to start. Only parents were allowed in the classroom to help with last-minute costume adjustments. Scaled-down desks and child-sized chairs filled the center area and kiddie artwork decorated the walls. The room was bustling with adorable children dressed as angels and other characters for the play about a long-ago miracle. It would take a modern miracle to fix Bayleigh’s broken heart.
Midnight, Moonlight & Miracles Page 20
