by Izzy Shows
I wanted this to be over.
We rode in silence for a good long while. I figured it had probably been half an hour by the time Diego couldn’t take it any longer.
“This trip will go a lot faster if you talk to me,” he said, his southern twang ringing out. It was almost enough to make me smile. This guy sounded so weird. Maybe if I watched the telly, I’d be used to it.
“I’m not feeling very talkative,” I said.
“Well, maybe you could expand on that. What’s got you feeling that way?”
I turned towards his voice and gestured at my head. “For starters, I’ve got a blindfold on that makes me feel like a prisoner.”
Silence settled between us again, though it didn’t last long.
“You can take it off,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“You heard me. Just…let’s keep it between us. You can take it off.”
My eyes went wide behind the blindfold, and I was glad he couldn’t see the shock in them. I hadn’t expected that from him. I hadn’t expected anyone on the Council to treat me like a human being. I hesitated for a moment before I yanked the blindfold off my head. The brightness of the day blinded me for a second before my eyes adjusted.
I sucked in a breath, as if the blindfold had been preventing me from really breathing, and allowed the feeling of freedom to wash through me. I could see the trees we were passing now, could see the empty road ahead of us, could see Diego looking very uncomfortable as he drove.
It was all so beautiful, the ability to see. You never truly appreciate it until it’s been taken away from you.
“How come you’re being so nice to me?”
I didn’t trust it, didn’t trust him, and I fully expected him to turn on me at some unknown point in the future. I didn’t know how, or when, but I knew it was going to come eventually. Everyone always turns on you.
He shrugged. “Maybe because Aidan took an interest in you that he didn’t get to see through. Maybe because you talk to the Chancellor like I would if I had bigger balls.”
I grinned. “At least we can agree that I have bigger balls than you.”
“Hey. Yeah, OK. I guess I did say that,” he said. “Jokes aside, though, I like your edge. Life hasn’t pulverised you into a mess of a human being who can’t function beyond the boring normal bullshit. I like that you don’t accept things at face value, and I like that you don’t always take the obvious route to get to a solution.”
He thought I had edge? That was pretty cool. “All right, don’t get gushy,” I said, jabbing a finger at his forearm.
Diego chuckled at that. “Darling, I do not get gushy. I tell it like I see it.”
“Thank you, I guess. You know, you’re kinda weird.”
“How so?”
“You’re on the High Council, but you don’t seem to have a stick up your arse. And even the other Wizards, in the cafeteria, who aren’t on the Council, they all treated me like I wasn’t worth looking at.”
“I told you, people have heard about you. Rumours have been flying ever since we got notice of you, and it hasn’t been good talk. Everyone’s kind of hoping you won’t pass the trials so you can go back to being someone they don’t have to worry about.”
“But I’d keep doing what I’m doing if I didn’t pass the trials,” I said. It was so obvious—why would anyone think not passing the trials would matter?
“No, you wouldn’t,” he said. “Which is why passing the trials needs to be important to you, Blair. I know you don’t like the Order or the Chancellor or any of it, but getting through these next few days needs to be at the top of your priority list.”
I huffed out a sigh and crossed my arms over my chest.
Diego looked at me for a moment before he returned his gaze to the road. “If you don’t pass the trials, they are without a doubt going to install someone in London you won’t like, and who, more importantly, won’t like you. They’ll make your life hell. Every time you use magic, I reckon they’ll be after you before you can say ‘how do you do,’ waiting for you to break one of the laws and give them an excuse to get rid of you once and for all.”
“But why do they want to get rid of me so much? What the hell did I do to these arseholes, anyway?” I said, staring at the road ahead.
“Because no mage should have as much power as you do,” he said, and he quieted his voice as if someone could overhear us. “It’s unusual, and I wouldn’t put it past them to assign you a mentor who would watch you like a hawk for an excuse to kill you, even if you do pass the trials.”
I groaned, throwing my head back to smack against the car seat. “So, damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
“That’s about the size of it,” he said, grinning.
“Can’t say I’m not used to people hating me,” I said. “I haven’t ever had a whole group of people want to kill me, but I can probably deal with it.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” he said. “You don’t give up. That’s good. You’re going to need to hold on to that.”
I wished I could get him to tell me about the trials that were coming up. I even thought about asking him to mentor me, but I figured if that was something he’d be willing to do, he would have spoken up already.
I was alone in this, but that wasn’t new to me.
I was always alone.
Twenty Five
The sight of my home in the distance was a source of anxiety and comfort all at the same time. I was glad to get home, away from the Order, but it also meant I had to get down to the business that mattered—getting rid of this mark. I was going to call Emily over as soon as I’d put on a clean shirt. Maybe before. I could always throw it on after I made the call.
“Here you are,” Diego said as he pulled up.
“Thanks for the ride. And the conversation. I really do feel better,” I said as I opened the car door.
“Hey, I meant it when I said I was sorry for what happened. That really wasn’t what any of us thought was going to happen.”
I regarded him carefully for a moment, looking for the telltale sign that would let me know he was lying, but I couldn’t see anything of the sort on his face. I sighed. “All right. I believe you.”
His face relaxed into a grin. “Good. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You got it.” I got out of the car and shut the door.
It was a short walk up to my house, and I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I was safely inside. I leaned against the door after I shut it, closing my eyes and soaking up the feeling of genuine safety here.
I didn’t see Fred anywhere in the living room and figured he was downstairs in the basement. I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and punched in Emily’s number.
“Hello!”
“Hey, Emily, it’s Blair.”
“I know, silly. Caller ID.”
“Right,” I said, grinning. “Silly me. Can you come over? Do you have time?”
“Hmm.” I heard papers shuffling around at her end of the line. “Yeah, I can probably get out of here early. They can’t get mad at me with all the overtime I pull. Is everything OK?”
“Not exactly,” I said.
“Then I’ll be right there.”
She hung up without another word, and I couldn’t help but grin—Emily knew me so well. I hated saying goodbye on the phone, because it always felt like the most awkward thing in the world. It used to be that Finn was the only one who understood that about me, but apparently, my inner circle was expanding without my even being aware of it.
I liked the idea of Emily being in my inner circle. She was precious to me in ways I couldn’t quite put into words. Maybe I was afraid to.
I shook off the thought and pushed away from the door, then walked into my bedroom. I stripped off the jackets, threw them onto my bed, and pulled out a black long-sleeved shirt from my dresser. It felt good to slide into a shirt again. Wearing just the jacket had been a little weird, not an experience I wanted to repeat.
“Miss Blair? Is you home?” Fred’s voice came from the hallway.
“Sure am,” I said as I walked out of my bedroom, taking my hair out of its ponytail and shaking it out. “Damned good to be home, too.”
He grinned up at me, relief written all over his face. “You has survived another day! You is doing so well.”
“I don’t know about that. I almost got turned into a marshmallow today. That wouldn’t have been particularly good for me.”
His eyes widened. “How did you almost turn into a marshmallow?”
“I’ll tell you more about it when Emily gets here. I want to tell her everything.”
Fred fidgeted with his ears, looking down at the floor. “Miss Blair, is that the wisestest thing you cans be doing?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why? I don’t want to keep anything from her.”
“But she is keeping things from you,” he said, dragging out the last word.
“And I intend to ask her about that. But I’m not going to keep secrets just because she did. That’s something Old Blair would have done, and I’m…trying to be more trusting.” I huffed out a frustrated sigh. It was true: the old me would have retaliated by keeping a thousand and one things to herself, would have pushed Emily away without another thought. But I didn’t want Emily to go away, and that meant offering up something without getting anything in return.
I was going to have to trust her.
“I’m going to have a smoke while I wait for her,” I said.
Fred nodded and headed into the living room with me, though he didn’t follow me outside. I kept wanting to ask him why he never went outside—it was something I had noticed little by little over the past two years, but it felt like such a random question that I had never given voice to it. Maybe I should have asked when I first met him, and now the opportunity had passed.
I sat down on the concrete steps, lit a cigarette, and took in a drag of nicotine and smoke, letting it calm some of the nervousness that had come over me just now. I was about to tell Emily a bunch of stuff about the Order that I had been sworn to secrecy on, something that could very well get me killed. I was quite literally putting my life in her hands, in more ways than one. I was going to ask her to get rid of the demon mark I bore, and I wasn’t sure exactly what that would entail.
All I could hope was that it wouldn’t kill me in the process. I didn’t know how deeply entrenched in my soul the magic was at this point. I didn’t know if bearing it for two years had made it an intrinsic part of my being or if it would be easy enough to separate. There was no sense in overthinking it, though. We were going to find out one way or the other, soon enough.
I took another drag off the cigarette as I saw Emily’s car pull up behind mine. Hers was much nicer than my junker, and kept in much better condition. Just like her and me. We were a study in contrasts—her dark skin, my pale skin, her business suits and my torn jeans, her calm demeanour and my rag. Yet, for some reason, she had chosen me as a friend. She had to have her own network of friends—she certainly would have her pick of friends if she went looking for them—but for some reason she had decided to settle for me.
I wanted to ask why, but I was afraid that if I did, it would end with her leaving me. I didn’t think I could survive that at this point, and it terrified me. I should never have become as attached to another person as I was to Emily.
She got out of her car and flashed a dazzling smile my way as she walked up to me with a bounce in her step.
“Smoking kills, you know,” she said as soon as she was in range.
“So do demons, vampires, and necromancers,” I said with a smirk, then took another drag off the cigarette. “I doubt I’ll make it long enough to die from lung cancer.”
“Don’t talk like that,” she said, frowning. “I don’t want you to die at all.”
“Wanting things doesn’t make them come true.” I didn’t know why, but I was sour for some reason, and I was taking it out on her. Maybe it was all the stress from the Order’s trials and almost being burnt to a crisp.
I finished up my cigarette and stubbed it out on the step before I stood up and opened the door for both of us to go in. I shut the door and re-set my wards, feeling the familiar sense of safety as soon as they went up.
I didn’t ever take safety for granted, especially in my line of work.
“So, what’s going on? You don’t seem in danger for your life,” she said, taking a seat on the couch beside Fred, smiling warmly at him as she did so.
“You want a drink?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen.
I heard her sigh. “What do you have?”
“Booze,” I said, knowing how unhelpful that was. “Whiskey, vodka, and cheap box wine. And water or Coke if you don’t want to drink. But I need a drink after today.”
“I’ll take a glass of wine, thank you.”
I poured her wine and a glass of whiskey for myself, then carried both of them out and handed her wine to her.
Have I mentioned how bloody pleased I was to have the use of both of my hands again? Things were fucking difficult without both of my hands.
I sat down in the chair beside the couch and cradled my drink in one hand.
“Are you going to tell me why you called me over here?” Emily asked.
“Let’s start with the trials I’ve gone through and what I know about what’s ahead of me. That’ll help put it all in some perspective.”
I wanted to start with asking her about the Seven, but I reminded myself that this was about trusting her. Giving her something freely, without requiring her to tell me something first. She could tell me about the Seven if she wanted to.
I filled her in on the trials, not leaving anything out, including my almost being turned into a marshmallow. To their credit, neither she nor Fred laughed when I told them about it, which I appreciated.
“There’s one other thing,” I said.
“There’s more?” Emily frowned. “I’m so sorry you had to go through any of that. I can’t believe they’re trying to kill you.”
“Well…” I hesitated before sharing something I wasn’t sure of. “I don’t know that they are. I’ve got this feeling, like a prickling at the back of my neck, that they don’t know why things are going the way they are. They dismissed me early today, which doesn’t feel like a thing they’d do without good reason. I think they may be investigating why all the trials are ending with me narrowly avoiding death.”
Emily nodded slowly, her lips pursed. “If this isn’t their doing, it means something is wrong with the Order.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Are we even surprised about that? I’m a bad-luck magnet. Trouble follows me everywhere. Of course there’ll be something wrong with them as soon as I show up.”
“Oh, Blair, don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re not a bad-luck magnet. That doesn’t even exist.”
“I’d be surprised if you were right about that, honestly.”
“You said there was more?” She leaned forward.
“Yes. Diego mentioned an aura reading.”
She frowned again, and I could see that she didn’t see the problem there.
“If they read me, they’ll be able to see the taint in me.”
Compassion creased the lines of her forehead, and she put her hand on my leg. “Blair, you are not tainted.”
I grimaced, pushing her hand away though I wanted to hold on to it for the comfort she provided. “Pretty words, Emily, but we both know that isn’t true. I have a demon mark on my skin and power I shouldn’t have access to. I’m tainted. That’s just a fact of life right now. But that’s where you come in.”
Understanding formed in her eyes as she nodded, then bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can do what you want me to.”
“But you can try, can’t you? I know it’s not your problem, but… I mean, come on. You’re ‘one of the Seven?’ What does that mean, anyway? Surely, you can try this.”
“I was wondering when you
were going to ask about that.”
I fumbled with a string on my ratty jeans. I’d forgot to change out of them. I’d been too focused on my shirt. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the mark?” Her voice was soft, with no judgment in it.
“I was afraid you’d leave.”
“Perhaps, so was I. I know how you feel about religion, Blair, and I know that you put up with my beliefs. How could I expect you to understand that I’m more than someone who fights in the name of God, that I was chosen by Him? I’m one of Seven Holy Warriors. Each of us bears a sword born from the light of the first days. Do you recall the light I created when Lilith found us at Malphas’ party? She could not stand before God-given light. I have many talents, all given to me by God, and all of which can be taken away if I fight for a cause that is not just.”
I kept staring down at my jeans, not sure what to say to any of that. She was right: I had a hard time believing in any God—which was part of the reason that I chose to swear by Gods, plural—much less that she had been chosen by one of them. If there were Gods, what the hell were they doing leaving all this pain and suffering in the world?
“You’ve mentioned before that you can’t fight when you aren’t called,” I said, frowning. “Does He talk to you?”
She sighed. “It’s more than that, but that’s the simplest way to put it. Sometimes, yes, I am literally called to a fight. More often than not, I have to use my own morality to decide if a cause is just.”
“You didn’t help me with the vampires! How was that not just?” I snapped my head up to stare at her, feeling betrayed.
“Because I don’t see vampires as monsters that have no recourse,” she said, shrugging. “I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me, but I do believe vampires can be saved. I believe most anyone can be saved, and I’m afraid that if I lift my sword, I’ll create a situation in which there is no going back. So, more often than not, I do not lift my sword.”
“What about Lilith? You didn’t think she could be saved?”
