by Izzy Shows
Because the truth was, she could, and we were saving her right now. How had Emily not seen that in her?
She lifted her chin as if she could sense an argument brewing. “Lilith is a demon. There is no recourse for demons, no matter what they might say or try to trick you into believing. You cannot trust a demon, Blair. They will never truly help you.”
Who’d said anything about trusting? I didn’t trust Mal, but I had worked with him, and things had been going well there for a little while. I didn’t trust Lilith, but we were curing her, little by little. She was already so much better than she had been. She’d been the victim of an addiction, one I still wanted to get to the bottom of.
“Can you help me get rid of the mark?” I said at last, wanting to change the subject. We weren’t going to agree on how to treat demons; that much was clear. Emily didn’t think they should be allowed to live, which meant the only reason she had left Mal alone was because of me—because I wanted to believe there was something more to them.
Maybe I was the one in the wrong. Mal had certainly shown me a different side of himself.
“I can try,” she said, smiling at me. “I will always try for you.”
I stood up, because this didn’t feel like a thing you did sitting down. “Let’s go into the basement. I’ll draw a circle. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I figure we should keep it as contained as possible.”
She nodded. “That’s wise.”
She stood and followed me into the basement.
I noticed a crease in her brow as she looked around the room, her gaze settling on the circle inlaid in the floor. There was a minor shake in her hand, which she smoothed out on her knee-length skirt.
“What’s wrong?”
“I was remembering the last time I was in this basement.”
My lips formed an ‘O’. The last time she was in the basement, I had been trapped inside that circle, and she’d had to free me from it. She’d looked like a Gods-damned Joan of Arc, wearing her full regalia and that monster of a sword.
I’d thought I’d died, and she was the angel come to take me away. In some ways, she was the angel who had come for me.
“Everything’s OK, Emily. I’ll be in control of the circle the entire time,” I said.
She nodded. “Of course. I know that. It’s just a little difficult,” she said, the corners of her lips lifting for a second as if she had been trying to smile.
“I understand. Come on.” I took her hand and guided her into the circle. Then I walked around her inside the circle, murmuring the incantation to activate the spell work.
As I took the last step, I pushed a small amount of magic from inside of me into the air and felt the familiar thrum of the column of energy going up.
Emily gasped, turning her head as if she was able to see it all around us.
I grinned. “You can feel it?”
“Of course I can,” she said, her voice little more than a whisper. “I just… You’ve never… Wow.”
A blush stole across my cheeks, and I ducked my head, pleased that I could impress her.
“Now, for the fun stuff,” I said, rolling up my sleeve. I took the cuff off.
There, burned into my skin, was the backwards three that marked me as Mal’s. I glared down at it, but it was suspiciously quiet. If it knew what we intended, it wasn’t making that clear right now.
I didn’t say anything to Emily about that. She might know about the mark, but she didn’t need to know that it talked to me. I didn’t want her to think I was imagining that, that I was some kind of basket case.
She took a deep breath and reached forward, her hand hovering just above my wrist. “Et abierunt,” she said, and placed her fingertips on the mark.
All at once, she was hurled back into the column of energy behind her. She smacked against it with a sickening sound that made me flinch and dropped to the floor.
My eyes went wide. I was paralyzed by shock for a moment before the ability to act returned to me, and I rushed over to kneel in front of her.
“Are you OK?” I wanted to reach out and stroke her hair, touch her cheek, reassure her somehow, but I was afraid to touch her now. Afraid to do more harm.
“I’m…fine…” she said, a little hazy, and then she struggled to stand again. “I don’t think we should push it any further. I don’t want to harm you.”
Disappointment coiled in my gut. “I understand,” I said, kicking my foot back a step to interrupt the circle and bring it down. The energy dissipated instantly.
What was I going to do now?
Twenty Six
After Emily left, I worked with Fred for ages on every spell they could think to throw at me. I felt more prepared than I had been before, but it didn’t solve the issue of the mark on my wrist.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. Emily couldn’t get rid of it, and Mal obviously couldn’t, or he would have done so when we were training to control it. I was stuck with this damned thing on my wrist, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Pushing the thoughts out of my mind, I focused on the road ahead of me. I was driving to Mal’s flat right now, rather mixed on wanting him to be there and wanting him to be gone by the time I got there. Lilith had said she’d make sure he was gone when I came over, but I needed his help. I was still holding out hope that he knew something that could help me, if I could only get him to understand that I needed him now.
“Isn’t that the problem, that you only have time for him when you need him?”
I stiffened, barely avoiding wrenching the steering wheel to the side.
“Oh, so now you choose to wake up. Thanks for fucking me over back there. I really needed to be rid of you.”
“Only one can take me away, and I don’t see that happening. You should learn to embrace me, child.”
“Well, you’re full of bullshit anyway,” I thought. “I don’t only have time for Mal when I need him. He needed my help with Lilith, and I put my shit on hold to help him.”
“Bravo. Should I clap for you? We both know you helped Malphas with Lilith because it benefitted you to have her under control. That was something you needed.”
I winced, because the mark had a point. Why was I wasting my time talking with it? I pushed back at the intrusion in my mind, wanting it to go away.
“No, you don’t, or I wouldn’t be here.”
“I don’t see why Mal would care about any of that, anyway. He’s made it very clear that I’m just a human to him. He doesn’t care what happens to me.”
The mark was silent, and I counted that as a victory on my side. I’d got it to shut up, anyway.
I drove on in silence until I reached Mal’s building, then pulled into the car park.
Once out of the car, I took a second to stare up at the building. He wasn’t there. I didn’t need to go up to know; I could feel it. Disappointment swamped me, and I had to push it down to keep it from consuming me.
I shouldn’t be disappointed that he wasn’t there. I should be relieved that I wouldn’t have to run into him again. He’d been a grade-A jackass the last time I saw him. He didn’t care that I was going to die.
That’s what mortals do. You die.
His words resonated inside my head, reminding me what he really thought of me. He didn’t see me as an equal, in spite of the flowery things he’d told me a week or so ago. A week, maybe two? I couldn’t remember. The timeline was foggy in my head, with all that had been going on and my lack of any real sleep. It hadn’t been too long, anyway, since he’d told me that he didn’t mean any of the things he’d said in front of Jakub, the incubus, but it was clear to me now that he’d been lying to me.
Just to toy with me, I guessed.
Gritting my teeth together, I stalked into the building and chose to go up the stairs. The lift would, of course, be much faster, but I wasn’t feeling in control of myself.
I paused as I walked past the spot on the stairs where I’d stopped to bawl my eyes out, a l
ittle twinge of sadness drifting through my mind. A wave of all the emotions I’d felt in that moment threatened to swamp me, but I clenched my jaw tightly shut and walked on, refusing to give in to weakness.
Everything would be OK. I would make it be OK.
I knocked on the fire escape door, and Lilith opened it a second later.
She looked good—healthy, even. Her long blonde hair was streaming down to her waist in waves, her tanned skin didn’t have that sickly pallor to it anymore, and her eyes were bright with life and laughter.
“Blair!” She enveloped me in a hug. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Oof.” That sound was the only thing I could get out, with the way she was squeezing the life out of me. “Can’t. Breathe.” I gasped for air.
“Hee-hee. Sorry,” she said, taking a step back. She looked me up and down, then frowned. “Blair, you don’t look so good.”
“Thanks,” I said wryly, walking into the flat. “I’ve been through a lot, the past few days.”
I wasn’t going to tell her about the Order or the trials. I might trust Emily, but I didn’t trust Lilith.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But we should get started.”
“I’m honestly a little surprised that you’re so willing to get this done,” I said as I walked towards Lilith’s room, where the chains would be. Whether she was willing or not, she would still need to be chained. For my own protection.
She followed without any urging. “I realise it must seem weird to be willing to go through all that pain, but I want to get better. I want to be myself again, and I still feel the urges.”
I nodded. “It’s a good thing you want to get better. That’s what’s going to make the difference.”
She sat down in front of the chains and allowed me to chain her up without any fuss. I didn’t know when Mal had first allowed her to go unchained, and I wished he had allowed me to be a part of that decision, but she seemed to be in control of herself for the most part. She’d said she still felt the urges, but apparently, she was in control of them.
That was all that mattered, really.
“Are you ready?”
She drew in a shuddering breath but nodded. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Sicco.” I held my hand out in front of me, forming a fist as I drew the energy out of her. It flooded into me without much urging, fleeing from one owner into another as if it didn’t care who held it so long as it had a vessel to live in. Still, she screamed bloody murder.
I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through, how much it had to hurt to have bits of your soul pulled away. No matter how much I tried to focus on pulling the taint from her, her soul had to come with it too. Thank the Gods that a soul was a flexible thing, capable of regrowing itself over time.
That was why I had to be careful not to ask too much of her, not to overdo it. I couldn’t take too much from her in one go.
With narrowed eyes, I watched blood bead on her forehead—she was actually sweating blood—and had to fight the urge to lay a hand on her shoulder and comfort her. I couldn’t touch her while she was like this, since there was no knowing how rabid she would become.
When I was satisfied that enough of the taint had been removed, I opened my hand and ended the spell.
She had been straining against her chains, and now she fell back against the wall. Her back, which had been bowed unnaturally, now curved in the opposite direction to allow her to fold in on herself.
I allowed her the moment she needed to cry before I crouched in front of her.
She shook her head, turning away from me. She didn’t think she was ready. I understood her hesitancy, but there was no time for that. I had to test her while the pain was still raw.
Inhaling, I reached into the centre of myself for my magic and called it forth. It hurt like hell, prickling every one of my nerves and leaving me feeling like I was on fire, but it emanated out of me. I took another breath and exhaled it, and magic floated in the air between the two of us.
Lilith turned her head to stare at me, pain and anguish in her eyes as she focused on me. What truly surprised me was that there was no hunger in her eyes—just the pain of what she’d been through, possibly the pain of resisting.
She panted for a few seconds, then shook her head. “I won’t,” she said, narrowing her eyes and lifting her chin. “I won’t feed.”
I held on to the magic for another minute before I let it drop, a triumphant grin on my lips. “Well done! You’ve never resisted before.”
She smiled jubilantly at me. “I did it, Blair! I did it!” Tears were leaking out of her eyes, but she was laughing. “I did it!”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I looked away to blink until they were gone. “You did. I’m so proud of you,” I said, looking back at her.
“Thank you,” she said, quieting now. “Thank you for all of this. I know we’re not done, but…”
“But this was a breakthrough,” I said, finishing the thought for her. “Don’t let go of this feeling of triumph, Lilith. You’ve earned it. You deserve to be happy.” I reached out, still cautious, and undid her chains. She remaining sagging against the wall, catching her breath, but there was no hiding the victory written into her face.
I hesitated before standing up. “You should go into the other room. I need to get rid of the energy I took in, and I don’t want you to be tempted to touch it again.”
Worry replaced the happiness. “It hurts you, doesn’t it?”
I shrugged. “Only if I keep it longer than I should. I took it home with me once, and it was beating at my insides, warring with my soul. I don’t want to let it get that far again. Go on into the other room, Lilith.”
She nodded and stood up, scurried away, and shut the door. Victorious though she might be, there was no telling that she wouldn’t be called by the taint if she saw it in its natural form again. I braced myself against the wall, hanging my head, preparing for the onslaught of agony that would come for me as soon as I started this. “Tergus succubus,” I said. Then the boiling inside my gut began, and the force of it came pouring out of my mouth, scorching my throat along the way.
The blackness poured out, swirling against the floor and wall before me.
It tasted like sulphur and death, and my knees buckled with the weight of the energy I was using to push this out of me, but I refused to kneel. Refused to give in to it.
I will not throw up this time. My will was iron, and I wouldn’t allow that to happen. I was going to be stronger than the previous times. I had to be.
After what felt like an age, nothing more came out of my throat, and I allowed myself the collapse I needed. I hit the floor hard and became aware of the fact that I was crying. Tears had coated my face. I swiped at them, but there was nothing I could do to keep more from coming out.
I took in a few slow breaths before I inhaled sharply and lifted my head. “Mundus," I said, gesturing at the blackness in front of me. It crackled as it lit on fire, and the smoke burned into nothingness against the marble floor. I let out a sigh of relief and leaned back on my haunches.
All in a day’s work, eh?
Twenty Seven
I stumbled out into the living room, clutching my stomach, which was still burning from the purge. Lilith had been seated on the couch when I entered, but now she jumped up, concern etched into her features.
“Are you all right?” She stepped forward, her hand hovering in the air between us for a heartbeat before she put it back down at her side.
“Fine enough. I could do with a good scotch,” I said, grimacing.
She grinned. “Well, we can make that happen.” She walked over to Mal’s drinks cabinet and began fixing me a drink.
“I probably shouldn’t stay,” I said, darting my gaze to the corridor where the lift was. Mal could step out at any minute, and I had already done what I’d come here to do. Granted, it might be in my best interests to run into Mal, but based on our last interaction, I didn�
��t think he’d be too excited to see me.
Did he even know I was here right now?
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Mal is going to be out for quite a while. Stay, please. We can have a girls’ night.” She turned to me with two glasses in her hands and her eyes sparkling. “I haven’t had a good, fun night in quite some time.”
“You looked like you were having fun with Mal,” I said, trying not to sound bitter. I might have failed at that.
She quirked an eyebrow, walked to me and handed me the drink. I swallowed a gulp larger than was necessary, welcoming the familiar burn that replaced the scorched and ashen feeling in my throat.
“That wasn’t fun, darling. That was… Oh, I don’t know what that was. For me, it was a fight against temptation. For Mal—well, I don’t know why he threw the party to begin with. He certainly wasn’t enjoying himself.”
“He wasn’t?”
“Did he look happy when you came in? Hm?”
I thought about that as I took another drink, a more appropriate sip this time. No, Mal hadn’t looked happy when I arrived, but I’d chalked that up to him sensing my arrival. He certainly hadn’t been pleased to see me. He’d all but physically thrown me out.
A moment passed, and I realised I was gripping the necklace Aidan had given me, a source of comfort. It was the first focus I’d ever used, one that he had crafted. I hadn’t been able to replenish it because of that. Maybe I should have replaced it with something I could use, but I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. It was a reminder that he’d cared about me, something I could carry with me always.
I dropped my hand from it now, not wanting to appear like a child clutching her comfort blanket.
“No, he didn’t look happy.”
“It was, overall, a rather miserable evening. And I want something more…fun! Let’s watch movies and eat ice cream. If we were at my place, I could do your nails, but alas, Mal does not have the proper tools.” She heaved out a great sigh, as if this was some horrid injustice.
I was glad to be spared the mortification of having her do my nails. They were, more often than not, broken by whatever I’d been fighting this day or that. A manicure wouldn’t last a day on my nails.
