Never Say Goodbye

by Lori Ryan

  Her blue eyes glistened with unshed tears and her cheeks flushed red, something she always did when she was upset.

  “I’m fine, Randall.” Elle spoke softly, a wobble in her voice.

  Emmett slid off his bar stool, glad that Dickhead finally walked a few feet away.

  Somehow, Emmett had gotten sucked into Elle Noble’s vortex again. He was trying to talk to her as though he cared, as though he wanted to know what was going on with her and— Shit. He just couldn’t go there again.

  “Never mind.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Look, I can’t do this.”

  “Do what?” She asked, turning to face him, but looking like she didn’t want the answer to the question she’d asked.

  “I can’t pretend that everything’s okay between us. I can’t work with you without—”

  “Without what?” Elle’s chest stilled and Emmett feared she might not be breathing.

  “Without trust. I don’t trust you, Elle. And you obviously don’t trust me.” Emmett stepped back, putting more distance between them.

  “How can you say that? Of course, I trust you, Emmett.”

  Emmett laughed under his breath. “Yeah, you trust me so much you left me to sit in a hotel room in Manhattan wondering what I’d done wrong. A thank you note, Elle? Really? Thank you?” He looked away and then back just as quickly.

  “Emmett,” she whispered the word as she swiped at a tear on her cheek.

  “I‘ve got to go.” Without another word Emmett stalked toward the front of the restaurant, knowing full well, if she caught up with him, he’d be under her spell again.

  “Emmett,” a man said in front of him.

  He glanced up, surprised to find Warner Noble, Elle’s father, standing toe to toe with him, a huge smile spreading wide across his face. The man wouldn’t be smiling when he heard how Emmett had just treated his daughter. He’d likely want to punch him in the face. Hell, Emmett wanted to beat the crap out of himself.

  Elle’s dad didn’t seem to notice. “I’m so glad I caught you. Megan told me you and Elle were down in the bar meeting. I think you’ll find we’ve come up with some great ideas for—”

  “I don’t think it’s going to happen, Mr. Noble. No offense, but I just can’t work with Elle. If you have ideas, I suggest you contact my mother, or Maggie Lawrence, the lodge’s general manager.”

  Mr. Noble’s brows furrowed and his smile fell. “Emmett, I’m sorry to hear that. I was looking forward to working with you.”

  “Why?”

  His head flinched back. This seemed to stop the man. “Well, you’re a talented writer,” he said, recovering quickly, “and you’ve written some excellent ad copy for your family’s hotel.”

  “You’ve stalked our website?”

  “Of course. It’s market research.” He studied Emmett, as though he really didn’t understand. Damn. The whole freaking family was clueless. What made any of them, including his own mom, think Emmett could do this? How was it hard for them to understand he couldn’t be around Elle like this?

  Instead of addressing the issue of Mr. Noble’s daughter, Emmett went with the business side of things. “Sales and marketing isn’t my specialty.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t show. You boys have done such a remarkable job, moving back home to help your mother. I’m so sorry about your father’s death. It was a blow to the entire community.”

  “What are you talking about?” Emmett was completely baffled. Mr. Noble had always been cordial growing up, but the animosity between the two families had stood for generations.

  “Your father. He was a huge part of this city, this mountain.” Mr. Noble motioned toward the massive windows at the back of the bar. That’s when Emmett noticed Elle walking toward them. He couldn’t see her again.

  “I’ve got to go.” Emmett moved around Warner Noble, ignoring the stunned look on the man’s face.

  “Emmett, please, don’t leave.” Elle said.

  He glanced over his shoulder, a carefully blank look on his face. “You did it first, Elle.” Without another word, he turned and walked straight out of the resort. He wouldn’t be back.

  Emmett was being a complete jerk, he knew it, but somehow, he was unable to stop himself.

  Self-preservation. That’s what it was. That’s the only excuse he would give himself for being a complete jackass to the woman he’d once loved.

  Chapter Five

  Elle sat on the deck outside the resort in a wide oak rocker that was big enough to fit three people. She gazed out at the breathtaking one-hundred-and-eighty-degree view of the Canyon Creek Mountain. This side of the mountain had been in her family since the town was established generations ago. Since the time of their families’ first feud.

  Pops had never liked the Sumners, but he’d tolerated Emmett. Probably because Elle was so shy when she was younger and Emmett had been the only kid in first grade to befriend her. It had been a friendship that stood the test of time, until she’d stupidly thrown it away.

  Elle drew in a breath, soaking in the crisp mountain air. She’d always found solace in the outdoors. She credited Emmett with her love for nature. They’d spent so much of their time outdoors, running wild around the mountain, skiing the approved slopes, and a few secret spots her dad would kill her for if he knew she’d skied down.

  She and Emmett had climbed the face of his family’s side of the mountain and camped at the creek the town was named after, which was more like a small river in the late spring thanks to melting snow. She had been carefree and wild with Emmett. A completely different person.

  It struck her that she’d lost the ability to be lighthearted and careless anymore. She might be a survivor, but that victory had come at a price.

  Elle had stayed in New York almost a year after her surgery, unable to leave behind the life for which she’d worked so hard. She’d been part of an elite dance company. Thankfully, Tanner had stayed with her through the treatment, using the money he had left from his short snowboarding career. He’d paid hefty fines for breaking his contracts with sponsors. Something Elle still felt guilty about.

  The department head at New York University, where she’d graduated, had saved a teaching spot for her at Tisch, their performing arts school and Elle’s alma mater. She’d done some choreographing and a little dancing, but it hadn’t taken long for her to realize she didn’t have the stamina for that kind of life anymore. When Tanner left New York to return to snowboarding, Elle had chosen to move back to Canyon Creek.

  She’d been home four years now and she only admitted to herself how much she missed dancing. It was a part of her, like breathing. But she’d left behind that life and settled in to helping her family run the resort. The sales and marketing department had fallen into her lap by chance more than anything.

  That wasn’t precisely true. The small dance company she performed with in New York had quite a following, thanks in large part to her being a quick study in social media. She’d brought those skills home with her to the resort.

  “You all right, Elly Belly?”

  Elle glanced up at her brother, Brody, and laughed at the ridiculous nickname as she studied him.

  He stood tall, staring at her for a moment before handing her a mug of hot chocolate.

  She accepted it, wrapping her fingers around its warmth and leaning in to alternate between breathing in the heavenly scent and blowing lightly to cool it off.

  Elle and all three of her brothers had inherited their father’s height, but Tanner and Brody had their mother’s dark blonde hair. She had no memory of her mother. She’d died giving birth to Elle. All she had were stories from her family and pictures she wished she’d been a part of.

  Brody placed his helmet on the far end of the bench before sliding in next to her. His tinted goggles hung loose around his neck, pinning down his long hair. He pushed the unruly strands back from his face and Elle watched as pieces fell to his shoulders. Elle was jealous of her oldest brother’s thick hair. Hers had
been long and wavy once, before the cancer.

  Brody looked up at the ever-changing Colorado sky, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath. He wore his red ski jacket with the symbolic Red Cross which marked him as ski patrol. His radio hung on the clip at his shoulder and crackled with gibberish. He adjusted the control at his waist, lowering the volume before opening his eyes and staring at her.

  “I’m fine, Brody,” she sighed, her breath coming out as plumes of smoke in the cold winter air. The temperatures were warmer than normal but still cold enough that she’d bundled up with layers after changing out of work clothes earlier in the afternoon.

  “You don’t look fine,” he said. “Drink.” He nodded at the mug in her hand. “Chocolate helps everything.”

  The resort’s hot chocolate was famous, often cited by guests in online reviews as one of the perks of staying on the mountain.

  She laughed into her mug. “Chocolate is your answer for everything. I swear, sometimes I think if you eat one more ounce of chocolate, you’re going to turn into a Hershey’s bar.”

  “Don’t change the subject.” He bumped her shoulder.

  “Did I?” She steadied her mug and slurped a sip, allowing the heat to wash over her. “What was the subject again?” she asked, staring at the mug to avoid his scrutiny.

  Brody was quiet, but he knew her better than almost anyone. Where Tanner was goofy and happy almost all the time, Brody was dark and brooding, a quiet giant. At least, that’s what most people thought. She knew better. She knew he was watching. Observing. Taking everything in.

  Brody shook his head, but he was smiling. “Okay, I’ll take a guess.”

  She snuck a peek at her brother but didn’t answer.

  Her silence didn’t stop him. “I believe you’re not all right, and it has something to do with a certain Sumner who visited the resort earlier today.”

  She took another small sip of her hot chocolate, making sure she didn’t drink too much. It was really too hot, but she’d never been one to be patient.

  “You never could wait for it to cool.” Brody laughed.

  “It’s just so good,” she said, laughing at herself as she said it.

  “I know. That’s why I brought it out to you. That, and because you’re clearly not all right.”

  “What makes you think I’m not all right? How did you know I was here anyway?” Elle asked.

  “The reason I know you’re not all right is because you’re out here.”

  Elle turned to face her brother.

  “This is where you always go to think,” he said.

  Had she? She murmured a noncommittal response and blew on her chocolate.

  “Elly Belly.” Brody nudged her arm. “You met with Emmett today, didn’t you?”

  When she didn’t answer, Brody waited. He wasn’t judging her, he never did. He was being patient, a skill she’d never developed. Brody never rushed an answer, knowing Elle would eventually talk. She did.

  “I saw him in New York,” she blurted out.

  Brody’s brows rose.

  “Just before my surgery,” she continued.

  “Does anyone else know this?”

  She shook her head, knowing she didn’t need to explain. Brody understood the gravity of her admission. She trusted him to keep her secrets. The whole family had been keeping the secret of her cancer for her for so long.

  “What happened in New York?” he asked.

  Elle’s gaze met his and she raised her brows in an unspoken answer to his question.

  “Oh.” Brody nodded, a look on his face that said he didn’t want her to expand on the evening’s details. “And he didn’t stick around for your surgery?” The threatening tone in his voice was hard to miss, even if it was something that rarely showed in her brother. He had always been the most even-keeled person she knew. He was the opposite of Tanner and Wyatt, who were both much easier to rile up.

  “I didn’t tell him,” she whispered.

  “Of course, you didn’t.” His words weren’t meant cruelly. They were said with a sigh of resignation. When Elle had moved back to Canyon Creek, she’d asked her family not to reveal her illness to anyone. Her decision had been hard for them to accept, but they’d respected her wishes.

  Brody was the one person who could understand why Elle wanted to keep it a secret. He knew what it was like to have people look at you differently, pity on their faces, all because of one single event in your life. Brody had a before and after date, just like her. Her life before cancer and her life now, after.

  Brody sat back, his arm dropping away so he could look at her face. “Do you want to tell him now?”

  Elle’s head fell and she gripped the mug tighter as she pulled her knees up to her chest. Her eyes burned with tears but she wouldn’t succumb to them. She shook her head in answer.

  “Hey.” Brody’s deep voice made her raise her head. “Talk to me, Elle.”

  “It’s probably hard for anyone who hasn’t gone through treatment like that to understand,” Elle said softly. “I just needed to be with someone who didn’t see me as a cancer victim. Just for one more day before the surgery, you know?” She looked at Brody. “It was kismet that we met in Manhattan that day.”

  Emmett had been in town for a book signing and Elle had known as soon as she saw the flyer for it at her neighborhood book store, it was meant to be.

  “Kismet?” Brody’s lip curled and his brow furrowed in question.

  “Kismet,” she repeated. “Fate. Destiny.”

  “If it was fated, then why didn’t you tell him? You could have told him after…” he cleared his throat, “after your one night with someone who didn’t know about your cancer, I mean.”

  She shrugged a shoulder. “He had just released a new book. That’s why he’d been in New York. I knew his novel would be a success, he’s such a talented writer, even if he doesn’t think so.” She remembered the countless times she’d pleaded with Emmett to let her read one of his short stories in middle school. He’d always refuse at first, but would eventually succumb to her nagging. Each time, she’d been riveted to his story, thinking his writing couldn’t get better. With each new book he released, she realized she’d always been wrong.

  “And?” Brody asked.

  “And,” Elle paused not wanting to say the words out loud.

  “You thought you were going to die?”

  She nodded. “That was part of it. I also couldn’t do that to him.”

  He tilted his head. “Do what?”

  “Do you remember when I came home after my diagnosis? When I told you guys about the cancer and the treatment the doctors wanted to do?”

  Brody gave a curt nod. It had been a hard time for all of them. Easily the hardest thing they’d been through as a family, other than losing her mom. Elle had come back for a visit and gathered all her brothers and her father and grandfather together to tell them the news. She flinched now, even at the memory.

  “When I told you guys,” she paused, her chest tightening, “I felt like it crushed you. Dad …” She shook her head, unable to find the words to explain. “He looked like he had lost me already, like the cancer had already taken me.”

  Brody nodded. “We thought it was a death sentence. It sounded like it.” She could hear the fear in his voice and watched as he swallowed back his emotions, as if protecting her. He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “You beat it, though, Elle. You were so strong.”

  Elle nodded. “I did, but Brody, you have to understand, seeing what my diagnosis did to all of you, it hurt so much to know I was the one doing that.”

  His eyes darkened. “It wasn’t you that did it to us, Els. That was cancer. The cancer brought that pain to you, to us. But you survived.”

  She looked away, watching the soothing sweep of mountain before them. “I know,” she said quietly. “I do, but here’s the thing, Brody. After seeing the pain you all went through, I couldn’t do that to Emmett. I just couldn’t. When I asked you guys to keep my
secret here in Canyon Creek, it was to avoid the pitying stares and questions. But where Emmett was concerned, it was the pain I couldn’t bring myself to put him through.”

  Brody didn’t answer so she continued. “He was in New York for a book signing.” She’d said it already but she wanted him to understand. “His book was taking off and he was signed for two more. I didn’t want to derail his success.” She didn’t have to say more. Brody understood.

  Tanner had taken time off from his career as a professional snowboarder to care for Elle in New York after her surgery and subsequent treatments. He was there for her every minute of every painful event. When Tanner finally returned to snowboarding, everything was different. He’d lost his sponsors, broken contracts to be with her. Tanner’s career had never recovered from the absence her disease had caused. Eventually, one injury after another had taken his dream career from him. Despite Tanner’s words to the contrary, Elle felt completely responsible and still carried a huge amount of guilt.

  “You don’t know that he would have stayed with you,” Brody said. When Elle gave him a weak smile in response, he nodded. They both knew Emmett would have stayed. It’s who he was, the kind of man who would have sacrificed anything to be with her if he knew she was sick.

  Brody looped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to kiss the top of her head. “So, what did you say to Emmett in the morning? After the, um…”

  He didn’t finish and Elle would have laughed at the fact her brother couldn’t bring himself to say she’d slept with a man, but she couldn’t find any humor in the conversation. She pulled away from his grasp. “I left him a note. I didn’t see him the next morning.”

  There had been hundreds of times Elle had picked up the phone to call Emmett, beg his forgiveness, tell him the truth. Even as recently as a few months ago when his father passed away and he stayed in town. But as always, she’d chickened out. Until she’d pretty much had no choice.

  Brody remained silent for several moments and Elle wasn’t shocked. “Have you told him you’re sorry?” Brody asked.