As I finish the song you could literally hear a pin drop. The crowd has given me a standing ovation, I am stunned and a gentle tear falls from my eye. I want to burst out crying. I am so overwhelmed, but I remain professional and ease into the next song.
“Me and my heart we got issues, don’t know if I should hate you or miss you. Damn, I wish that I could resist you. Can’t decide if I should slap you or kiss you. Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues,”
Jonathon is smiling and nodding as that song finishes. The lyrics were aimed at him and he knows it. Me and my heart we do have issues. He keeps trying to break through them, but can I ever let him?
“Sadly we have come to the last song. This one is really special to me. It’s called written in the stars.”
“Stay with me, don’t fall asleep too soon, the angles can’t wait for a moment. Come real close, forget the world outside, tonight we’re alone, its finally you and I. It wasn’t mean to feel like this, not without you. Cause when I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wouldn’t rhyme, without you. When I see how my path seems to end up before your face. The state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars.”
A tear escapes my eye as I stand and take a bow. The crowd is cheering, some are crying and others are kissing and holding on to the one next to them. I thank them and walk off the stage. I am met by, dare I say it, FANS. I take countless pictures and sign mini posters. I am flattered and stunned that people are reacting this way to me. It feels good as teenagers tell me how much they love my music. One even said that I was singing about her life. This is awesome; my dreams are finally coming true. Jonathon pulls me away from the crowd. I wrap my arms around his neck. He inhales my scent and lightly pats my loose hair.
“That was … breath-taking. I’m so proud of you.” he gushes. I know it’s wrong, but I lean in and place my lips onto his. He briefly kisses me back and then pulls away. “Miss Harper, don’t be naughty!” he playfully says. My eyes soften as my mind spins. Sydney is rushing towards us, with Zane and Austin at her side. Jonathon wants to say something before they reach us. “The website has crashed with too many viewers. People love you, they want you. You’re gonna be a star.” I can’t process his words. Surly he’s fucking with me? Sydney and the guys reach us. They take it in turn to hug me, and then they stand amazed in front of me. I feel awkward. It’s as if everything has changed in a heartbeat. I like it, but come on, they’re my friends and there’s no need for this awkwardness. I need to ease the tension.
“What’s wrong? You guys seem… tense,” Austin blushes and Sydney smiles at him. Zane politely smiles at me and then at Jonathon. He says I rocked and then he informs me that he needs to go. I hug him and say goodbye. Jonathon eyes us wickedly and pulls me quickly out of Zane’s skinny arms. I shake my head at him. I can tell that he’s jealous. He needs to know that there’s no need. Zane and I are friends, nothing more. I ignore Jonathon’s jealousy and I pull Zane in for another hug. He squeezes me and then he leaves. Sydney and Austin are still in a state of shock. I shoot Jonathon a darting look. I silently plead with him to ease the tension. He rolls his eyes and breaks the ice.
“C’mon on guys it’s just Ashley. She won’t bite.” We laugh and then Sydney finally looseness her tense position.
“Sorry Ash, it’s just you were like a … star. It’s as if my goofy friend was replaced by Ashley Scott Harper, you know? It just surprised me a little that you changed so much on stage.” I don’t understand. I don’t think that I changed in any sort of way. Maybe I opened up more and let out the real me. Music has a way of compelling me, and maybe I let it take over me. But hey, I was having so much fun up there and at the end of the day, performing and making music, is what this whole trial is about. I don’t know how to approach Sydney. I never thought that it would be this awkward.
“Sid, you’re crazy. It was just me and my music.” Sydney presses her lips into a hard line. Jonathon hisses and moves closer to me. He wraps his arm around me and his breathing deepens as he towers over me.
“It was awesome, don’t get me wrong. But, it felt like the end, you know?” I frown at her.
“The end of what?” I scold her.
“Our friendship and the time we have together.”
“Don’t think like that, you’re crazy.” I insist.
“You’re about to become a star. You have fans and the internet and the radio is buzzing about you. Hell, you’re gonna be playing at the ‘Roxy’ for Christ’s sake. You’re not gonna have time for us.” The Roxy? What the hell is she talking about? I turn to Jonathon; his eyes are narrowed in Sydney’s direction. I can tell that he isn’t her biggest fan right now.
“Now I think that’s enough for one night. You must be tired baby; you wanna get out of here?” I frown at him. He has just brushed off the fact that Sydney has said that I am going to be playing at the ‘Roxy’. Jonathon excuses us and he walks me out of the small room. The crowded hallway is buzzing with people wanting pictures and autographs. Jonathon orders me to pose and sign, so I do as he says. Ten minutes later he grabs onto my arm and leads me out of the club. More people are waiting to greet us. This time we don’t stop. He leads me to his car, pushes me inside and then speeds off into the dark, steamy night of LA.
Fifteen
We reach the lot of my building. Jonathon turns off the engine and rests his hands onto the steering wheel. He sighs and I wait for his silence to break. My heart is pounding and I don’t know why. He rushed me out of the club for no apparent reason. I am terrified of what he’ll say. I don’t think he’s mad at me. But why would he be mad at me. I haven’t done anything to deserve his anger, have I? I feel super paranoid and it’s unhealthy to feel this way. I can’t breathe. He affects me so much. What is he going to say?
“Ashley,” he says, broken and defeated. “I needed to get you away from that girl. I’m sorry if I was pushy and bossy, but I couldn’t stand to listen to her putting you down like that.” He reaches out and places his hand onto my thigh. His head slightly falls and his hair is in touching distance. It’s so glossy and he smells incredible. I can’t resist him. I slide my hand through his hair and his breathing quickens. It’s hot tonight and the windows of the car are slightly steamed. His head rises, my fingers are still intertwined with his thick, dark wavy hair. His eyes are lightly glossed over. Yet he doesn’t look sad. He looks happy and dare I say it, IN LOVE. My heart rate increases. What if he is about to say those words that I have dreamt to hear him say? What will I say back, if he does? A lump is forming in my throat. My eyes are heavy and exhaustion is about to kick in.
“John,” he looks directly at me.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that word.” I bite my lip and stare at him. I lean in towards him and I rest my head on his shoulder. My hand is still in his hair, as I whisper.
“John,” he shocks into action. He pulls my hand out of his hair and he places those lips onto mine. He explores my mouth and runs his fingers through my loose hair. I begin to sweat and I push him away. He grunts and bites his lips at my actions.
“It’s too hot in here, let’s go upstairs.” I say, shocking him. He wickedly smiles and then he surprises me by refusing my offer. I stare blankly at him. I can’t help but feel rejected. What’s with him? My cheeks burst into flames and I jump out of the car. He slams his fist into the steering wheel of the car and the sound vibrates through the calm parking lot. My heels click against the road. I run towards the door of the building and Jonathon runs after me. I franticly grab the key out of my skirt pocket, and I open the door. Jonathon reaches me and grabs the door, holding it firmly so that I can’t enter the building. I hiss and turn to look at him. My look is cold and embarrassed. Why did he refuse me? Do I repulse him? That’s it, he’s not attracted to me anymore. I am a mess and he’s perfect. Then there’s my past and everything with Brandon. I shouldn’t blame him for flaking out on me. After all, I am damaged goods.
/> “Ashley, don’t run away from me. You didn’t give me a chance to explain.” he tries to sooth me.
“Explain what, that I repulse you?” he laughs at me.
“Are you fucking with me? You know you’re gorgeous and it kills me. You’re a perfect ten.” I blush at his words. “How could you ever think that? I want you Ashley.”
“Then what’s stopping you?” I scream. He exhales.
“I’m scared … you happy now?” he confesses.
“Scared of what?” I persist. He sighs and drops his free hand into his jeans pocket. He bites his full, lower lip as he thinks. I have figured out his little things. The actions he takes when his emotions change. He narrows his eyes when’s he angry or mad at me. He bites his lip and runs his fingers through his hair when he’s in deep thought. His eyebrows press together and his jaw clenches when he’s stressed. I have him figured out. I wonder if he has noticed my little things.
“I’m scared of ruining … this. I have never really done the girlfriend thing.” My eyes widen. Did he just call me his girlfriend? I don’t know if I am comfortable with that title, at least not yet anyway. We haven’t talked, or stated what we want to happen between us. I don’t know how he feels, and he has no idea of what’s going on in my head. He’s senses that I have a secret. How can I fully be with him, if I don’t tell him about my past? I have to be honest with him. Isn’t honesty what relationships are built on? However, I am selfish and I don’t want to tell him. I fear what he’ll think of me, and I don’t want to lose him. Crap and crap, what am I going to do?
“I understand. We need to talk about … everything. I get that you’re scared. I’m terrified and hopeless when it comes down to you. We’ll talk in the morning.” Jonathon sighs and relishes my understanding. He kisses me goodbye and I watch as he drives off into the distance. I climb the stairs with the sound of the busy club still ringing in my ears. I push my way into my apartment and I rush towards the bathroom. I brush my teeth and pile my hair on top of my head in a messy knot. I scramble over to the bed and I slip off my skirt. I don’t bother looking for my pyjamas. Instead, I sleep in my tank top and underwear. I crawl under the light covers and I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. An image of John is rushing through my head, as I drift into a deep sleep.
My alarm buzzes loudly and wakes me at six-thirty. Fuck, I forgot to reset it for eight. I’m drowsy and my head hurts, as I push the snooze button. My throat is dry and my nose is blocked. I let out a cough and crap, I have a cold. My head is pounding as I rest it back down onto the pillow. I am exhausted and I fall back asleep.
I wake at eight and my pounding head is no better. My throat is sore and I am full of phlegm. I manage to pull myself out of bed. I reach the bathroom and I use a whole packet of tissues. My appearance in the mirror is shocking. My eyes are blotchy and red. My lips are chapped and small beads of cold sweat are forming on my forehead. I slowly walk into the kitchen and I take a bottle of water from the fridge. I make my way back into the bathroom and I grab some cough syrup. I glug down a mouthful, and then I hit the light, and head back in the direction of my bed. I climb inside and my phone rings. No surprise, it’s John.
“Hey,” he says brightly. I clear my throat as I reply.
“Hi,” I am surprised at how husky my voice is. Jonathon is also surprised.
“What’s wrong, are you okay?”
“I have a cold,” he’s silent on the other end of the phone.
“I see,” he doesn’t sound impressed. What if he thinks that I am faking it due to our conversation last night? What if he thinks that I am avoiding him? “So I guess you won’t be coming into work today, then?” he asks firmly. Now I know that he that he doesn’t believe me.
“I guess not,” my voice is throaty.
“Well feel well soon, babe.” he hangs up and I crash against the pillow once again. My head starts to spin and in a worse way than before, I’m battered with images of Sydney, John and the crowd at the club. I still can’t believe Sydney’s reaction. I mean come on it was just one show. For all I know I could have had my fifteen minutes of fame. Never to be noticed or loved again by those adoring people. As for that whole performing at the ‘Roxy’ thing, I still haven’t asked John about it. I don’t know what the hell Sydney was talking about, but there must be something behind it. I know that she wouldn’t just make something like that up. The ‘Roxy’ is such a massive and iconic venue. I would be shell shocked to even think about performing there. Surly John wouldn’t keep such an important piece of information like that from me. Put all that aside, I still need to talk to Sydney. How dare she think that I would just dump my friends? I would never do anything like that. Sydney means the world to me and I am offended by her opinion of me. This won’t suit. I have to speak to her. I dial her number and wait as the phone rings. She answers and she’s concerned about my rough voice. I reassure her that I have a slight cold and that there’s no need to worry. Then we move onto the events of the last night.
“Sydney about what you said last night, you don’t actually believe that, do you?”
“I don’t know. I guess I do… on some level.”
“I gotta say that I’m totally offended by your opinion of me. You know that I’m not like that. I don’t ditch friends.”
“Ashley, I know that you’re not like that, but it’s inevitable. Your life is gonna change and I am happy for you, I am, but it’s hard to know that I’m gonna lose my friend.”
“You’re not gonna lose me.”
“I already have,”
“No you haven’t, we’re friends and nothing is gonna change that. Say that you believe me.”
“Okay Ashley, if it makes you happy, then I believe you.”
Sydney’s words are drumming through my mind. We ended our conversation twenty minutes ago, but her voice is still ringing in my ears. She accepted that she wasn’t going to lose me, but I fear that her acceptance was ill hearted and only for my benefit. My thoughts are interrupted when the front door opens. My heart flips and I panic. I quietly get out of the bed and I shuffle towards the door. My mind erupts with a vision from my past. I have a familiar feeling. I have done this before, so many times. Brandon would come home without warning. I would sneak out of bed and rush towards the living room. If I didn’t greet him, then there would be hell to pay. He would always be stinking drunk and very hands on. If I flinched, then he would get violent. A cold shiver runs through me as I remember his cruel blows. I try to shake off the image of him as I tip-toe out of the bedroom. My heart slows is neurotic blast, when I see Jonathon standing in the doorway. He’s carrying a paper bag, dressed in a white shirt and dark blue trousers, he’s mesmerising. He smiles when he sees me. He walks over and lightly kisses the top of my head. He licks his lips as his eyes fall onto my bottom half. Shit. I am only wearing a tank top and my panties. I blush and excuse myself. I slowly through on a pair of shorts and re-adjust my messy bun. My throat feels scratchy and my head is pounding again. I can hear Jonathon shuffling in the kitchen. The paper bag screeches against its self as he takes out whatever’s inside. Hi voice fills the apartment as I walk out of the bedroom.
“Babe, c’mon I brought stuff to make you feel better.” I let out a smile as he comes into my vision. He’s plating up breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon and pancakes. He’s made some coffee and set the table. He looks up at me as he lifts the plates from the counter. Those eyes compel me.
“Could you be any more … perfect?” I ask following him to the table. We sit and I can barely see straight. My head is thumping and I feel dizzy, but Jonathon has gone to all of this trouble, and I feel bad about last night. Therefore, I must put my sickness to one side and bask in this moment with him. He tucks into his food, and I tiredly lift the fork and begin to pick at a piece of egg. I only manage a few bites and then I have to give up. Jonathon has wolfed down the entire plate of food. We haven’t said much. If I am honest, I am too sick to talk. My head feels heavy and my eyes are
sore and itchy. I feel dizzy and Jonathon senses that I need to rest. He swiftly gets out of his chair and slides over to me. He wraps his arms around me and he lifts me into the air. He holds me close to him as he carries me over to the sofa. He sets me down and I lie flat against the soft couch. I shiver and Jonathon grabs the throw from the chair. He drapes it around my body and he lightly pats the top of my head.
“Rest,” he orders. I press my lips into a line as he attempts to walk away from me. I reach out and grab onto his arm. I pull him back towards me, and he looks annoyed. “What are you doing? I said rest,” he instructs. I shake my head at him.
“Don’t go, we need to … talk.” I say through a coughing spell. He sighs and gives in to my demand. He sits at the bottom of the sofa. My legs are stretched out across his lap, and his hand is placed onto the throw that covers me. He runs his free hand through his hair and then he meets my stare. His eyes are jumpy as is his manner. I know he’s nervous. So am I, but we need to talk. There’s no avoiding it. We need to embrace each other and tell the other how we feel. It won’t be easy, and I am debating on whether or not I should confess my past to him. I don’t want to scare him off, but can I really keep it from him?
“What do you wanna talk about Ashley?” I consider a few things. I decide to talk about my music and that whole ‘Roxy’ situation first.
“Let’s start with the music and then work our way into the personal stuff.” Jonathon nods in agreement and he clears his throat.
“So last night was a major success. Everyone loved you. The net was buzzing. The radio stations were playing your song, and I have arranged a bunch of promotion work for you. The next two weeks are gonna be hectic. You’ll have interviews, singings and a highly anticipated performance at the ‘Roxy’. We also need to work on a follow-up single. That won’t be easy. I have Tony and Alex scouring the country for a good song. But they’re like gold-dust and almost impossible to find. The truth of the matter is that you’re gonna make it. Don loves you and I have no worries about him signing you full-time.” As if my head wasn’t sore enough, now I have to deal with all that information. Sydney was right, I am going to perform at the ‘Roxy’ that is unbelievable. I could never have imagined something as wonderful as performing at that iconic venue. I am nervous, excited and totally gob-smacked about the news. As for the promotion and follow-up single, I can’t wait to get stuck in. I feel like a real musician. I am buzzing. Now for the last thing Jonathon said, Don is going to sign me full-time. Wow. Shit. Holy cow. Is my reaction to that news?
Wilde Velvet Page 18
