TornByLove

by Marilyn Lee

  I stood up.

  She slipped off the bed and gave me a long, cool look before she walked into the bathroom. Over the sound of the water, I could hear her sobbing.

  Oh hell. I hadn’t wanted that. I longed to go comfort her and assure her it hadn’t been all about sex for me, but I didn’t dare. If I saw her nude again, my belated and renewed concern for my relationship with Mark wouldn’t be enough to keep me from taking her again and again.

  Unable to bear the sound of her distress, I left the bedroom and went down to the kitchen. I picked up her clothes and took them upstairs, laying them across the foot of the bed. Then I went down to the living room to pace the carpet.

  She walked into the living room fifteen minutes later. With her face bare of makeup and her hair in a careless braid, she still looked sexy enough to arouse me. “Do you still want me to go, Paul?”

  I sighed and nodded, feeling as if my heart were breaking.

  “I’m going but we need to talk.”

  I shook my head. “There’s nothing to say that I haven’t already said. Sleeping with you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”

  She sucked in her breath and rushed from the room. A few moments later, I heard the kitchen door open and close.

  Filled with guilt and regrets, I walked through the kitchen to the refrigerator. I left the door open while I quickly drank two cans of beer. Then I took a third can back to the living room with me where I sat and drank it.

  I’d met the woman of my dreams, slept with her and then kicked her to the curb. And I’d risked losing my most prized possession—my relationship with Mark. I just could not allow him to find out how I’d betrayed him. I knew I’d hurt Marlena. Of the two of them, I reasoned she was better able to handle my betrayal than Mark would be. He still thought I was a decent man. Marlena now knew differently.

  Mark arrived just after nine that night. I was lying drunk and sleepless in bed, my face buried in the same pillow that Marlena had used, afraid that in hurting her, I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

  “Uncle Paul? Are you all right?” he asked from the door.

  Hell, I’d probably never be all right again. “Yes. I just need to be alone.”

  He glanced at the bed. “You had a friend over?”

  “Who I did or didn’t have over is none of your damned business, Mark. Just fuck off now and let me sleep.”

  He arched a brow but turned and left the room without speaking again.

  I buried my face in the pillow that still bore a trace of her scent and finally drifted to sleep. When I woke in the middle of the night, I was alone in the house so I had another two beers and stumbled back to bed.

  I woke up with a hangover and in a foul mood the next day. I downed two cups of coffee, showered, and went on a five-mile run. I managed to get through the day without resorting to drinking again and lay sleepless for over an hour before I finally fell asleep that night.

  A busier than usual workweek helped me keep from losing myself in thoughts of Marlena. But my nights were spent in a lonely, sleepless quagmire of regret for having hurt Marlena.

  Mark called twice. I allowed each call to go to voicemail but never responded to them. The combination of guilt and anger I felt ensured I was very unpleasant company. Since I’d already screwed him, snapping at him would have been the final insult.

  That was one of the longest weeks of my life. Driving home from work on Friday, I decided I’d earned a weekend of gambling down at A.C. If I were lucky, I’d pick up a woman to spend the weekend with.

  My thoughts on how soon I could shower and change and drive down to A.C., I was annoyed to find Mark seated in the living room with five empty beer cans beside him as he watched a baseball game.

  Shit. Just what I didn’t need or want. But he clearly needed to talk and I had to listen. Swearing softly, I walked into the room.

  He didn’t look up as I sank down on the sofa across from the loveseat where he sat. “Hey sport, a little early for drinking alone, isn’t it?”

  He shrugged. “Not when a man has to wash away his blues.”

  “What blues?”

  “Marlena is cheating on me, Uncle Paul.”

  The blood rushed up the back of my neck so fast and furiously that it felt as if it were on fire. “Cheating on you? What do you mean?”

  “I mean she’s seeing another man!” Mark opened another can and took several gulps from it. “She told me today that she won’t go out with me again.”

  I raked a hand through my hair. “Did she say why?”

  “She said she’s in love with another man.”

  “In love?” My heart thumped. I swallowed twice before I could trust myself to speak again. “Did she actually say she was in love with this other man?”

  He nodded and finished the beer. “How can she be in love with someone else when we were seeing each other exclusively?”

  “Now, Mark, that’s not exactly how it was. You told me yourself the two of you weren’t actually dating.”

  “I know, but I was going to date her exclusively! Even though she knew how I felt about her, she never gave me the chance. Why didn’t she wait for me?” He crushed the empty can in his hand and tossed it across the room. “And anyway, who is this other man? Where’d she meet him? Why does he have to take the one woman I love?”

  I’d never felt so helpless or so torn in my entire life as I felt then. She loved me too! I felt on top of the world and wanted to shout out for the entire neighborhood to hear that I was the lucky bastard Marlena was in love with. I finally admitted to myself that I was in love with her too. But the father in me was devastated at the pain and anguish Mark clearly felt.

  “I know you’re hurt and angry now, Mark, but you’re young, handsome, and you have excellent prospects. You’ll fall in love again.”

  “No. I won’t.”

  “She’s far from the only woman in the world. You—”

  “She’s the only woman for me, Uncle Paul! Can’t you understand that? I love her—just as you loved Brenda. Look at you. You’ve never fallen in love again or remarried. I don’t want some other woman. I want her and she’s cheating on me!”

  I raked both hands through my hair. “If she’s in love with someone else, you have to forget her.”

  “Forget her? Forget the woman I love? Fine. Please tell me how to go about doing that Uncle Paul, and I’ll do it. How do I do it when thoughts of her consume my every waking moment?”

  He had me there. If I knew how to forget her, I’d have done it myself and never come between them as I had. “Mark, listen. I…” I trailed off at the hint of tears I saw in his eyes.

  “I love her, Uncle Paul!”

  Any secret notion I’d been nourishing of seeing Marlena again vanished as I got up and put an arm around his shoulders. He buried his head against my shoulder and I felt my own eyes water.

  After all the frustration of watching Brenda get the house my parents had given to us, I never thought anything else would come close to having such a lasting effect on me. Now I had to choose between the woman I loved and the male who was like my son. Holding him as he sobbed, I knew there really was no question as to which of them deserved my loyalty.

  By the time I left him stretched out and covered on the sofa, I knew I’d spent my one and only night with her. I couldn’t sleep with or see her again—no matter how much I ached to.

  I came home twice during the following week to find messages from her on my phone. As soon as I saw her name on my caller I.D. screen, I quickly erased the messages unheard before I could take note of her number.

  I felt as lost and lonely as Mark did. Actually I felt even more anguish because I knew I was hurting a woman who loved me as much as I loved her. But we could not be together—not at Mark’s expense.

  I had to consign her to my past—as I’d done with Brenda. Nevertheless, trying to forget Marlena was hell. I’d lie awake night after night, unable to sleep for wanting her and reliving every moment of
the time we’d spent together. My feelings ran so much deeper than just physical. My need for her ate at me until I couldn’t think of anything except her.

  Before long, I’d lost my appetite. Then my temper went and I lost interest in everything—including work. Luckily I had a great woman who managed my office. Of course, that just gave me more time to obsess over Marlena. I often wondered if she ever thought of me. If she did, I knew my behavior must have hurt and pissed her off.

  Grandma always said time heals all wounds. But the passing weeks didn’t do much to help either Mark or me. We were both miserable and getting worse with each week. I hated seeing him so hurt. Finally, something had to give.

  Chapter Four

  Two months after our one afternoon together, I woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare where both Mark and Marlena had died in horrible accidents before I could tell either of them how much I loved them. Even though I don’t think I’d actually said the words to him, Mark must have known I loved him. She didn’t and I’d be damned if I didn’t feel the need to tell her I did at least once.

  I managed to wrangle her address from an unsuspecting Mark and showed up at her apartment door one Friday night after work.

  She opened the door and stared at me in silence for several moments, a cool look in her dark eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  So much for the warm welcome I’d hoped for. “How are you?”

  “Fine. Now what are you doing here?”

  I sighed. “We need to talk, Marlena.”

  “We?” She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything you have to say I want to hear, Paul.”

  “Fine. Then please just listen to me because I need to talk to you.”

  “Why should I? When I wanted and needed to talk to you, you didn’t give a shit and now I don’t either.”

  I detected a hint of pain under her anger. “I need to talk to you and I’m hoping you’re much more gracious and forgiving than I’ll ever be.”

  “I’m not feeling particularly gracious or forgiving at the moment.”

  “Please, Marlena. I know I have no right to expect anything from you but I need you to hear me out.”

  She hesitated and then shrugged. “Fine. Make it quick.”

  Being so close to her brought all the longing I’d tried so hard to ignore over the past weeks back to the surfaced with a vengeance. I was in danger of making a complete fool of myself by dropping to my knees and begging her to forgive me and to let me be her man.

  My heart ached, my throat tightened, and I had to blink rapidly to hold tears at bay. “Marlena.” I whispered her name in an anguished, barely controlled voice.

  She bit back a sob before she reached out, caught my hand and pulled me into the apartment. She had to reach past me to close the door.

  As she did, her breasts brushed against my arm and I lost it. I snatched her into my arms. Curling my fingers in her hair, I crushed her lips under mine.

  At first she held herself stiff with her hands pushing against my chest while she tried to drag her mouth away from mine.

  I knew I should have stopped then, but I couldn’t. The taste of her lips and the feel of her body pressed against mine made that impossible. “Please,” I whispered. “Please.”

  She moaned and pressed closer.

  Satisfied that she wasn’t resisting anymore, I kissed her with a relentless intensity until I felt her lips soften and part under mine. By that time I was hard and so hungry for her I could barely contain my need to slide into her pussy and brand it and her as my own. All my noble ideas for coming vanished and I was just a man who needed to fuck the woman he loved.

  Her lips, warm and moist, clung to mine. She reached down and guided my hands from her waist to her firm, rounded ass. I cupped my hands there and ground my groin against her, allowing her to feel the length and hardness of my cock.

  “Paul.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed into me. “Oh, Paul, darling! I’m so glad you came! I need and want to feel you inside me again.”

  I gasped as I felt her breasts pressing against my chest. For several long, heady moments, the apartment was filled with the sounds of our deep, hungry kisses before I forced my body away from hers, and put several feet between us.

  “Paul? What’s wrong?”

  “I…wait a minute, Marlena. That’s not why I came.”

  Her dark hair hung loose around her beautiful face. She pushed it behind her ears and gave me a cool look. “Oh hell no, Paul. Don’t you stand there and hand me that shit.”

  “That’s not why I came.”

  “You snatched me into your arms and practically kissed the color off my lips. When I respond, you jerk away and tell me that’s not why you came. Who the hell do you think you are coming here jerking me around like my feelings don’t matter? I have had about enough of your shit!”

  I shook my head. “Marlena—”

  “I do not want to talk, Paul.”

  “Then what do you want?” But I could see the answer in her dark gaze.

  “Take your clothes off and take me to bed or get the hell out of my face and my life!”

  I swear I had noble reasons for going there. But when offered an ultimatum by the woman I loved and adored, what could I do? “Marlena, we need—”

  “You need to give me what I want or get out of my life for good!”

  Stick with the program. You cannot sleep with her again. I stared at her in silence, taking slow deep breaths.

  “What’s the matter? You need help making a decision?”

  “No. I came to ask you to consider giving Mark a chance…” My voice trailed off as she unbuttoned her blouse and opened her front fastening bra. Oh, God. I’d forgotten how lovely her breasts were.

  Locking her gaze with mine, she removed her blouse and bra, leaving her topless.

  I took a slow, painful breath when she unzipped her pants and quickly stepped out of them. The tiny thong she wore was quickly tossed aside.

  She stood naked in front of me. “Why are you here? To talk? Or to make love to me as only you can?”

  I couldn’t hold out against her any longer. I ripped off my clothes and pushed her against the wall. And then paused. You can’t do this again. You can’t.

  She stared at me. “What are you doing, Paul? I know you must feel some of what I do. You can’t have come here just to tell me you don’t want a relationship with me. That would have just been too cruel for words.” She extended a hand. “Love me. Please?”

  I stepped close to her, touching my forehead against hers.

  She reached down to close her fingers around my cock.

  I shuddered as she rubbed the head of my shaft along her slit before she slowly pushed it just inside her. “Paul?”

  I opened my eyes and look at her.

  “I’m yours, darling. Take me. Please.”

  I had to have her. I pushed my hips forward, slowly driving my cock into her.

  “Oh, God!” She grabbed my ass and jerked me closer. “It’s been so long…so long…so long.”

  I bent my head and brushed my lips against hers.

  She moaned against my mouth. “Paul…oh, Paul. I’m yours. All yours. Take me. Fuck me!”

  “Oh, God, Marlena. I need you.”

  She licked my lips. “Then take me.”

  Pressing my hands against the wall beside her body, I fucked her hard and fast. As I did, I fought hard to hold onto my control. I was determined not to come before she did. I gritted my teeth and held on until I felt the countless detonations in her tight, warm pussy and I knew she was coming. Only then did I slide my hands over her ass and roughly stab my cock into her creamy pussy until I exploded inside her.

  After I stopped coming, I kept my groin pressed close to her, sucking the side of her neck and feeling as if I’d died and gone to heaven.

  She ran her hands over my back, her lips nibbling at my shoulder. “Paul…do me again.”

  How could I resist such a heady invitation? I
pulled out of her, drew her down to the carpet, sprawled between her legs, and ate her pussy until she lay moaning and shuddering under me. By that time, I was hard again. I slid up her shapely body and thrust my cock into her pussy.

  She wrapped her long legs around me and we shared a long, greedy fuck that turned my emotions inside out and left me gasping for breath in her arms.

  We lay on the floor in a tangle of limbs for a long time after I stopped coming inside her. I wanted to keep the outside world at bay, but with my lust and physical need for her satisfied, the reason I’d come resurfaced and I knew I’d just committed another unforgivable act.

  I dragged myself away from her and lifted us both to our feet. I looked around for my clothes and dressed quickly. She donned her clothes much slower, staring at me with an uncertain look in her lovely, dark eyes. “Paul?”

  I closed my eyes briefly. “We need to talk.”

  She leaned back against the wall behind her. “About what?”

  “I…I need you to do something for me.”

  She shrugged. “Anything, Paul. Just name it and it’s yours.”

  “I…Marlena, this is difficult to say, but I have to.”

  “Then say it. After what we’ve shared, surely you know you can say anything to me you need to.”

  She gave me a sweet, secret smile that tore at my heart and almost made me regret why I’d come. Almost, but not quite. There was one thing more important to me than my own need for her. “Marlena, I hope you know how much I…care for you.”

  She touched my arm. “Care? What’s the matter, Paul? Having trouble pronouncing the L word?”

  “The L word? You mean—”

  “Yes, Paul. I mean love.”

  I’d never wanted to admit that I was hopelessly in love with a woman more in my life. But that admission would only have led to more selfish desires. It was time I stopped thinking with my cock and heart and thought with my head.

  I shook my head. “This is not about love or either of us, Marlena.”

  “Really? Then who is it about?”

  “Mark.”

  “Mark? What’s he got to do with this?”

  “He’s miserable. He’s in love with you.”