Beneath the Parisian Skies

by Alli Sinclair

  ‘It also shows that I read her diaries.’

  Yves shrugged. ‘You had little choice. I will make sure she understands this.’

  ‘Can’t you go in first?’

  ‘I stand firm in saying no.’ He reached for her hand and his thumb stroked hers. ‘I am not doing this to be mean. You know this, oui?’

  Lily nodded and stared at the police station across the road. ‘Can you at least come in and stand in reception with me?’

  Yves shook his head.

  ‘Please?’

  She was met with another head shake.

  Great. She had no choice other than to tell him the full story. ‘I’m petrified of the French police. I…I had an experience a couple of years ago and it’s traumatised me ever since. I could do with some moral support in there.’

  ‘What did you do? Cross the road illegally?’ Yves gave a light laugh but stopped when he looked at her face. ‘I’m sorry. Was it something serious?’

  Lily stared out the window. She’d just laid her history bare in front of a complete stranger, why couldn’t she open up and tell a man who said—and showed—he cared about her?

  ‘Lily?’

  She turned to face Yves. His concern made her heart melt; it also gave her courage. Taking a deep breath, Lily began. ‘Almost two ago in Paris my fiancé was hit by a car and killed. I was injured but survived—obviously. Actually, I was accused of murder.’ She paused and let that sink in.

  Yves’s eyes were unblinking, his mouth downturned. ‘I am so sorry.’

  Lily shrugged then wondered why she insisted on downplaying the whole incident when it still had a major effect on her life. ‘You don’t need to be sorry, Yves. The thing was, someone said they’d seen me and Aiden fighting—and they were right and I did push him, but we were on the footpath, nowhere near the road, I swear. It was more a shove in his chest out of frustration because he accused…never mind. Look, the point is that a witness saw me push him early on in our fight then disappeared into a shop. When he came out later he saw Aiden on the road and…and me and he’d assumed I must have pushed him again.’ She swallowed hard, willing herself to go on. ‘I was rushed to hospital after the car hit me and the police interrogated me not long after I’d been operated on. The police flat out refused to believe me.’ Hot tears welled up but she kept going, her strength growing. ‘They charged me and just as I’d lost all hope, another witness came forward and disputed what the first person said. The driver who hit Aiden backed them up and they eventually left me alone.’

  ‘How could they get this so wrong?’

  ‘I have no idea. I’m just so grateful that they finally realised their mistake. The whole experience left me scarred and I haven’t been able to move on since then. I quit ballet. My sister blamed me for the death of her brother-in-law to be.’ She contemplated telling him about her little brother but Aiden’s story was enough to deal with right now. Inhaling deeply, she said, ‘My life changed forever that day.’

  She stared out the passenger window at the business people dodging the tourists taking selfies.

  ‘Why does Natalie blame you?’ he asked in a gentle voice. ‘Doesn’t her attitude make you angry? Upset?’

  ‘If I had a friend in my position, I’d tell her to forget about making amends and to move on with life. But she’s my flesh and blood and, despite her unfair behaviour, I love her. I’ve already lost enough people in my life and I don’t want my relationship with Natalie to be another casualty.’

  ‘I can see why you would feel this way.’

  ‘Thanks, Yves. As for me, well…’ She shrugged. ‘There were so many things I could have done differently that day.’

  Yves shifted in his seat. ‘I am sorry.’

  ‘You don’t need to be, none of it’s your fault.’

  ‘I am sorry I pushed you when there was much going on inside your heart and mind.’ Yves squeezed her hand. He glanced at the station across the road. ‘Knowing what you have been through changes things.’

  Her heart sunk. ‘Between us?’

  ‘If anything it makes me want to protect you more but I suspect this is not something you want—or need.’ He leaned over and kissed her lips. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘For?’

  ‘For trusting me. For finding the courage to talk about something that causes you much pain.’ He gently stroked her hair. ‘I hope one day you will see the strength I see in you.’

  Lily squeezed Yves’s hand and exited the car. Standing on the kerb, she gazed up at the creamy-grey stone building. Once again heaviness grew in her chest and her lungs struggled to fill with air. Her temples thumped and she gripped her handbag. Taking her time to check for a break in traffic, she crossed the road and paused at the door leading into the station.

  Lily forced her shaky legs to take her through the doors and up to the counter where a young woman filled out forms, her hair pulled back in a tight bun, makeup perfectly neutral but stunning.

  A jumble of badly pronounced and grammatically incorrect French words tumbled from Lily’s mouth and the police woman stared at her blankly. Clearing her throat, Lily gave it one more shot. ‘S’il vous plaît, je dois parler avec ma sœur Natalie Johansson.’

  This time, the French rolled off Lily’s tongue like she’d done it all her life. Hmmm. Maybe languages could be learned by osmosis.

  The police woman tapped on the computer, frowned, ran her finger along the screen, and tapped some more. Finally, she looked up and said in heavily accented English, ‘One moment,’ then she disappeared down a hallway and rounded a corner.

  Minutes dragged by and tension raced across the muscles in her neck, pulling them taut. She felt the cool breeze blow in when someone opened the door. The cold air sent a shiver down her spine. Lily concentrated on the counter, willing the police woman to appear with Natalie.

  ‘Have you had luck?’ Yves’s warm breath tickled her neck.

  ‘Oh!’ She turned to face him, sparks of happiness within. ‘Thanks for being here.’

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Coming in here by myself has helped me more than you could ever know.’ Her fingers entwined with his.

  ‘What the hell do you want?’ The agitation in Natalie’s tone was palpable.

  Lily spun to find her sister standing in the doorway. Dark circles framed her sunken eyes.

  ‘Have they dropped the charges?’ asked Lily.

  ‘With conditions of me getting counselling. Pfft.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Like I need any.’ Arching an eyebrow, she said, ‘Nothing’s changed between us so I don’t know why you’ve bothered coming all this way.’

  Natalie strode across the waiting room, grabbed the door handle and pulled on the heavy door.

  ‘Let me.’ Lily reached for the handle.

  ‘I can bloody well do it!’ screamed Natalie and yanked hard, the heavy door flinging against the far wall. Dashing onto the street, she angled a finger at Lily. ‘Back off, or I swear to God I will run on to that road and you’ll have another death on your hands.’

  CHAPTER

  23

  ‘Natalie, please.’ Panic ripped through Lily as her sister moved to the edge of the kerb, poised to jump into the path of the next vehicle that sped down the street. A faint tingling started in her fingers and moved up her arm, turning to pins and needles before a sharp pain zapped through her body. The anguish and trauma of Aiden dashing into traffic smashed her heart again, as Natalie glared at her, the threat hanging in the air.

  ‘Please, Natalie.’ Yves stepped forward but Natalie placed one foot in the gutter.

  ‘Do not come any closer.’ She glanced at the speeding traffic.

  Anger boiled within Lily. ‘Stop being ridiculous.’

  ‘Lily.’ Yves rested his hand on her elbow.

  In a low voice, she said, ‘She’s faking it.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I’m her sister.’ In a louder voice, she said, ‘Natalie, enough with the drama.’

&n
bsp; ‘I mean it, I’m going to—’

  ‘No, you’re not.’ Lily took a tentative step. Her sister didn’t flinch so Lily moved closer again.

  ‘I am, I swear…’ Panic flashed in Natalie’s eyes as she looked around, a thin film of sweat on her forehead.

  ‘You won’t, Natalie. You’ve worked too hard to get this far. You’re now dancing with one of the world’s best ballet companies. Are you seriously going to throw it all away because you have a beef with me? What is that going to prove?’

  ‘You killed him.’

  ‘Jesus, Natalie! Don’t you know I beat myself up every day? That I wake up at night screaming in terror, wishing I could change those few minutes that ripped my world to shreds?’

  ‘My world as well.’

  ‘Goddamn it, Natalie! Not everything is about you! Enough already!’ Lily lurched forward and grabbed her sister’s arm before she had time to react. She dug her fingers in hard, not caring about Natalie shrieking in pain. Yves stood a few feet away, silently observing the mayhem, no doubt aware he would be best to stay out of it. She wished he wasn’t witness to these goings on.

  Pushing her sister against the wall, Lily leaned in, her face inches from Natalie’s. ‘Enough with the blame. I carry an abundant supply to last five lifetimes, okay? You need to get your arse back to Paris and live out our dream.’

  ‘My dream.’

  Lily let go and stepped away. ‘There’s no point, is there?’

  ‘What?’ Natalie continually balled her fists then relaxed them.

  ‘I’ve travelled from the other side of the world so I could understand what’s going on with you and I’ve clung to the hope that we could rectify our relationship, yet you won’t have a bar of it. All you’ve done is slam doors in my face—literally. We are flesh and blood, for God’s sake, we should be sticking together, not ripping each other apart.’

  ‘You’re the one who wants to make amends, not me.’

  ‘Oh for fuck’s sake!’ Lily didn’t dare look at Yves. ‘You’re an adult, Natalie, so frigging act like one and take responsibility for your actions! This is not all my fault!’

  ‘Lily…’ Yves stepped towards her, his hand outstretched.

  ‘Sorry, Yves, but she’s being bloody ridiculous. I love her because she’s my sister but it doesn’t mean I have to put up with her childish bullshit. I am so done.’

  She crossed the road to the car then cursed when she realised she hadn’t grabbed the keys from Yves. Turning around, she found him deep in conversation with Natalie. Lily wished she knew what he was saying but whatever it was, it seemed to have a calming effect on her sister. Natalie’s stiff stance softened a little, and the barbed-wire attitude she’d flung about seemed to be fading. With a quick glance in Lily’s direction, Natalie picked up her bag, squeezed Yves’s arm and took off around the corner and out of sight. Yves’s long legs brought him across the road to Lily, where she stood impatiently.

  ‘What did you say to her?’

  ‘I gave her my observations,’ said Yves.

  ‘About?’

  ‘I told her that I have seen you suffer when she rejects you and that she should be grateful that you care enough to try to fix things as most people would have given up by now.’

  ‘I just told her I was done.’

  ‘But you did not mean it.’

  ‘At the time I did.’

  ‘And now?’ His lips twitched into a gentle smile.

  ‘Not so much.’

  ‘I thought this may be the case,’ he said. ‘The other thing I said is that she should go and think about how she would feel if one day she woke up and discovered you were no longer alive.’

  ‘Jesus, Yves. That’s horrible.’

  ‘Yes, I am aware of this but your sister does not understand subtle hints. I asked her to think about what it would mean to her if she knew she could no longer talk to you; that you were not on this earth.’ Yves rubbed his forefinger on his chin. ‘Right now she knows you will persist, regardless of how many times she pushes you away.’

  ‘So she thinks she can say what she likes and I’ll just keep returning like a puppy dog?’ Of course Yves was right. Why hadn’t she realised this before?

  ‘Exactly. I told her to think about losing you forever and that if she wished to make amends, to meet us at the train station in three hours.’

  Lily rested her back against the car. ‘Oh, Yves, you are so lovely to try to help but as much as I want things to change, I’m not so sure they will.’

  * * *

  Lily accompanied Yves as he returned the car to his friend who lived near Gare de Lille Flandres. The walk from the house to the station had been silent; Yves held her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze every so often, as they made their way onto the platform. Lily collapsed on a bench while Yves stood nearby.

  Lily checked her phone then shoved it in her bag. She let out a long sigh and stretched her legs in front of her, crossing them at the ankles.

  ‘What is the saying about kettles and clocks?’ Yves asked.

  ‘A watched kettle never boils.’

  ‘Ah.’ Yves sat beside her and pulled her close. ‘She will come.’

  ‘I don’t think she will.’

  ‘Natalie is one for drama, no? So there is every chance she is waiting until the last minute to arrive.’

  Lily forced a small smile but in her heart she knew Natalie would be a no-show. For once, she wished her instincts were wrong.

  The train pulled into the station and Yves and Lily entered the carriage. She sat next to the window and studied the empty platform.

  ‘How long does it wait here?’ she asked.

  ‘Not long.’

  A moment later the train’s engine cranked into full gear and it slowly pulled out. A blonde woman in a red coat dashed through the gate and Lily lurched forward, banging her head on the glass.

  ‘Is that her?’ Yves asked.

  The woman turned around and Lily slumped against the seat and rubbed her head. ‘No.’

  * * *

  Yves had fallen asleep on the trip back to Paris while Lily had stared out the window at the blurry trees and towns. Every time the train stopped at a station, she couldn’t help scanning the platform in case Natalie made a miraculous appearance. And every time the train pulled out, Lily’s heart grew heavier.

  When the train arrived at the station in Paris, Yves woke with a start.

  ‘We’re here?’ He rubbed his eyes and blinked rapidly.

  ‘Yes.’ Disappointment lined her voice and she was so tired she couldn’t mask her real emotions.

  They alighted from the train and Yves hailed a cab and opened the door for her. She got in, not caring where they were headed. In rapid French, Yves gave the driver instructions and she settled against the creaky leather seat. When he put his arm around her, she snuggled in, happy to be in a place she felt safe.

  Yves placed his lips on her forehead and said quietly, ‘I’m so very sorry.’ He moved away so she could see his face. ‘It was my mistake to tell her to go away.’

  ‘It was the right thing to do. Things were getting out of control and both of us had to cool off. I just…’ Her voice caught in the back of her throat.

  ‘I wished she’d turned up, also,’ Yves said softly.

  The taxi wove through the streets and delivered them to her place. She exited then stopped when she noticed Yves hadn’t got out.

  ‘You’re not coming in?’

  His large blue eyes looked up at her and she realised how vulnerable she felt right now, how much she needed him.

  ‘I really want to, Lily, but I think you need some time alone.’

  ‘That’s the last thing I want.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked.

  ‘Sure as sure.’

  ‘Then your wish is my command.’ Yves handed over the money to the taxi driver before Lily could get her hand in her purse and as the taxi sped off, he turned to her and said, ‘A hot bath with bubbles and a nice wine,
maybe an Australian shiraz, is what you need.’

  She smiled at his effort to cheer her up and they entered the lift in the foyer and made their way up to her short-term apartment. Resisting the temptation to check her phone again, Lily dumped her bag on the couch and went over to the double doors that led to the balcony. She opened them and a cool breeze blew the organza curtains against her. The smooth material brushed her bare arms and she closed her eyes, enjoying the silkiness dancing across her skin.

  In the bathroom she could hear the tap running and a moment later Yves appeared, his gorgeous tall frame in the doorway. His slow smile sent her into an emotional spin. How, when the time came, would she ever say goodbye to this man?

  ‘Your bath is ready. I will go and find us some wine and food.’

  He turned to leave but she rushed towards him and grabbed his hand.

  ‘Yes?’ he asked.

  She pulled him close and placed her lips on his. Closing her eyes, she let herself get lost in the moment, feeling like she’d found her anchor in the stormy waters she’d been desperately trying to navigate. She ran her fingers along his chest, her kisses growing more frantic, her body burning. With one quick movement she unbuttoned his jeans but he gently caught her wrist.

  ‘No,’ he rasped.

  ‘Why not?’ Lily stepped away, not sure if she was annoyed or embarrassed. Perhaps both.

  ‘It doesn’t feel right.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You are upset and—’

  ‘My sister has nothing to do with this. With us.’

  ‘It is not just that.’ Yves shoved his hands in his pockets and looked into the far corner.

  ‘Is it because of what I told you before?’ So much for Yves being understanding. Somehow she must have misread what she’d thought were his caring actions. ‘If that’s the case then—’

  Yves held up his hand. ‘Please, do not be angry. I am saying no to sex with you right now because I care for you.’

  ‘How does that even make sense?’

  ‘Using sex to push away problems or mute painful memories only works for a short time. Believe me, I have tried and it does not last.’ He paused. ‘I think it is better for you to relax in the bath and later, we will talk.’