Nighter

by Magdalena Kozak

  The ISA officer candidate stopped his next sigh. It wasn’t going too well for him, he couldn’t hide that. On top of that, this black-haired lady obviously planned to lead a lecture on vampire camouflage. Which would mean that all of them had received the same assignment, a whole room worked on one problem; all separately, without any order or separating competence areas. Something was definitely off, because this wasn’t an effective divide of roles and duties.

  So then, they were really testing him, his gut hadn’t failed him. They observed him carefully, observing his reactions. What, in the name of God, were they trying to find out this way... that maybe he likes horrors or something?

  “Vampires can calmly walk among us, they have ways to do so,” Maria continued, observing him carefully. “For example, they use sun filters. They put on total sunblock, put in UV filter contacts, and that’s that, they can walk around during the day. Simple, no?” she glanced around at her colleagues, as if looking for confirmation and support.

  The room was silent.

  “Well, what do you think, Jerzy?” she put him on the spot. She was higher in rank, so he had to answer.

  “I think we should look at this matter broader, so we can apply the findings in practice,” he responded with ostentatious conviction. “For example, I think this idea would be useful to our military units in Iraq. Total sunblock should be every soldier’s standard equipment. We should give that info ‘upstairs’ as soon as possible.”

  “Quit playing around,” she growled frostily. “Iraq is not our department. We’re not MIS.” (Footnote 2)

  “Yes ma’am!” he responded dryly, and trained his eyes on the screen.

  He bit his lip. So that idea was a bust. They weren’t checking obedience and loyalty, so that wasn’t it now. He couldn’t bite through what they really wanted. Not one bit.

  His eyes burned from lack of sleep; he had watched all of the recommended movies, but he’d finished at three in the morning. And then he’d dreamt of hordes of vampires, looking into the window, and staring at him asleep curiously. Thankfully none of them had touched him. As if they waited for something, some kind of permission... He’d woken up, feeling his glock under his pillow in fear. His hand found the soothing edged shape, and he breathed freely. Then he withdrawn his hand decisively. Were vampires sensitive to 9mm parabellum bullets? Probably not. He’d have to check the internet.

  ***

  Now, when the pale light came in through milky, non-see-through windows, this information didn’t seem necessary anymore. Yes, he would check, because he was paid to do so, but without panic and hysteria, please. It was just a dream, caused by long hours of stress and a difficult situation. It was just a dream.

  “Listen, Maria...” he started, rubbing his reddened eyes with his hand. “How do you kill these vampires? Did you find anything?”

  She looked at him carefully, and nodded.

  “I even wrote out a report. I have it in Word, I’ll send it to you,” she said and her fingers flew over the keys. “There it goes!”

  Jerzy opened his email, opened the document, and began reading. Maria had done good work with it. She must have studied all available sources to present an analysis of different methods’ effectiveness.

  According to her, vampires’ unusual regeneration ability was one of their main characteristics. So, they could be killed only by action that would damage, in large detail, their vital organs. So that’s why decapitation and heart piercing could be considered effective methods. The effect of extreme temperatures could be deadly as well, as long as it happened fast enough, so the body wouldn’t be able to compensate for the extreme heat energy absorption. Additionally, vampires’ skin sensitivity to UV light was described in many sources. Spreading III and IV degree burns could eventually lead to death.

  Maria was skeptical as to garlic’s effectiveness. She’d proved that the belief of its effectiveness was created based on mistaking vampires for people suffering from late skin porphyria. Paleness, avoiding light, face skin distortion, accompanied with sleeplessness, hallucinations, and paranoia were clinical example of porphyria. Garlic could cause severe digestive issues with porphyriacs. That’s where the mistake came from. Maria also proved that while vampires consume blood, they also could—without any issues—eat any other foods, but didn’t eat them generally out of choice.

  Maria didn’t talk at all about crucifixes or any religious symbols use at all. She only mentioned that parapsychological forces could have as great of an effect as physical forces. Such effectiveness of people with strong faith could be extrapolated, but Maria didn’t write anything about it.

  Jerzy finished reading, then put the papers on his desk, staring at them. A sense of uncertainty grew within him. It was a very elaborate and detailed report, full of references and comments. Maria must have spent many hours to find all that information. Who would put so much time and effort into a stupid joke?

  “Those vampires are total motherfuckers, you know?” Suddenly, the usually quiet Wojtek spoke up. “They need to be destroyed without mercy!”

  Jerzy stared at his colleague carefully, trying to decipher his un-permeable mask. Was he making fun of him, checking something, or setting him up? He nodded, just in case.

  “Sure,” he said “That’s the convention in human-vampire relations. Destroy without any shred of hesitation, with all your might! No other way.”

  He glanced at the papers again, and suddenly thought that Wojtek sounded completely serious. As if he really believed in hunting and killing vampires.

  A cold, unpleasant sweat covered Arlecki’s back, and thoughts swirled in a panicking gallop in his head. Maybe they were all insane here?

  A unit lost in the woods, where professionally unfulfilled officers sat day and night with only one thing on their minds: vampires. They read books, dug info out from the internet, watched movies, and talked about the same thing constantly. It must be that once, some decision makers ‘upstairs’ had come up with a project, any project, to give people work and keep work spaces open. After some time, everyone must have forgotten about this mess over who, why, and what everyone was working on. And the topic began to live its own life and grew into mass insanity. Who knew, maybe his colleagues would come for him one night, slice him up, and lap up his blood?

  He shuddered slightly, even though he realized how absurd the idea was. It was a normal, legal, government institution unit after all...

  “Oy, kid!” Wojtek stood up, holding up a book. “As a former doc... you know Latin?”

  Startled, Jerzy looked at him in surprise, then nodded slowly.

  “That’s good, it will be easier for you.” The colleague tossed an orange-yellow book on his desk. Latin. Higher Education Lecture Textbook. “Start refreshing your info, it could come in handy.”

  Arlecki picked the book up, and began feverishly wondering whether he was better off in his old position, that old rep sales mill. That maybe it would be better to back away before the insanity took him as well.

  He shook his head, remembering the string of larger and smaller dick moves and humiliations he was part of in the pharmaceutical company. And how they’d brainwashed him because of the omnipresent rat race.

  Nothing worse could happen to him here, for sure. He just needed to think logically and not give up, and everything would be okay.

  He decided then. He would stay.

  But in the evening, at the shooting range, when he aimed at silhouettes leaning over him dangerously, he thought he saw frighteningly bright vampire eyes glisten at him.

  ***

  He slept through the next night in a deep sleep. He wasn’t bothered by any light tricks, and woke up in a rather good mood.

  But as soon as Morawski got to him, his positive outlook on life passed, as if brushed away. The captain wiped the courtyard with the new recruit, enjoying every minute of it, quoting military movies now and then. He’d obviously gone through all the horror movies and had moved to an advanced movie level.r />
  Dragging himself up with difficulty after each pushup, Jerzy saw something move in the corner of his eye. He moved his head slightly. Several black-clad people emerged from the woods, passed by the courtyard in a flash, disappearing around the building corner. He wouldn’t have even noticed them if it wasn’t for that slight, nearly accidental move of his head.

  We have to fucking go around on foot because of that damn new dog, an angry thought appeared in his mind. What a night, fuck me, what a day...

  The world swirled before his eyes slightly and he blinked rapidly, falling back down on the wet, cold concrete. He stayed down on the ground for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly just happened.

  “What the fuck, dog!” Morawski yelled at him. “Push, sir, push! Bond girls wait in line for you, and all have big boobs and nice ass, and you just lay here?” Arlecki clenched his teeth and forced himself to do another pushup.

  ***

  “The captain says you shoot well,” Staszek said as soon as he saw him in the door. “That’s great, kid! If you try hard enough, maybe they’ll put you in the field.” He stopped talking suddenly, as if trumped by Maria and Wojtek’s eyes. “What? What?” he added after a moment, but much less confidently. “You never know...”

  “Field?” Jerzy repeated with interest, sitting behind his desk. He hissed in pain, and blushed slightly with shame. There he goes, superman Arlecki, who moans after a slight workout. He would have to defend the Motherland? He was the one in need of defense, hah.

  “Staszek is talking nonsense” Maria said quickly. “He’s dreaming of Five. The Detention Department. Forget it, only tigers get in.”

  Jerzy nodded. There are several waterholes for tigers on Poland: GROM, Lubliniec and Formoza (Footnote 3) for soldiers, then the police’s ATOM (Footnote 4), meaning anti-terrorist unit, and Department V in ISA. Oh and COI (Footnote 5)—Central Office of Intelligence, and the Border Patrol and Military Gendarmerie had some special units, but never mind. There was no chance of getting into any of those organizations. Maybe if he trained something... starting twenty years ago.

  He turned the computer on. This he could do very well. The Motherland could use this too, why not?

  “Vampires have to be destroyed!” Wojtek enlightened him, picking up the omnipresent topic. “Ruthlessly!”

  Jerzy nodded, not in the mood for discussion. He wouldn’t let anyone trick him, no he wouldn’t. He would wait and see what happened next. Something would clear up sooner or later.

  He stared, disappointed, at the screen displaying the Târgovişte data. Neither Ceauşescu, nor his wife, had anything to do with vampirism, unless metaphorically speaking. So it must have been a dead end.

  “And recently they came up with the idea to drink artificial blood!” Wojtek’s excitement didn’t loosen up. “Can you imagine? A vampire walks among people and nobody suspects anything. Because since he doesn’t have to attack anyone to eat, he is virtually undetectable! How to catch something like that?”

  “Terrible,” Jerzy agreed mechanically. “Bastard doesn’t attack anyone. He should be killed for it, slaughtered immediately.” Only after he finished the sentence did he realized how mockingly it sounded.

  Maria stood up and straightened behind her desk. Her face assumed a particularly unpleasant expression.

  “Private Arlecki!” she barked shortly, military style. “To tell the truth, we get the impression you aren’t too involved in our common cause...” she moved away from her desk and walked toward him.

  He stood up as well. He looked at her, feigning calm, even though he was tensed for confrontation. Finally, Maria stood right in front of him. They stared each other down for a moment.

  “Vampires exist,” she hissed. “And we are here to dig out everything people might know about them. And you, sir, don’t seem to be set against them in any way. Am I wrong?” she pierced him with her searching eyes.

  He didn’t respond.

  Wojtek and Staszek stood up from behind their desks, and joined Maria. All three stood in front of him, flashing him angry looks. He felt hot. The atmosphere thickened, something dangerous, untouchable crouched within it...

  “Give me some time,” he tried to explain himself. “I’ve been here for two days. It’s hard to get used to thoughts like this right away. You didn’t believe it immediately either, did you?”

  They all nodded together, like by a command. They smiled lightly, the tension evaporating a bit.

  “Sometimes, to believe, you have to see,” Maria sighed, walking back to her desk.

  “Or experience,” Staszek muttered, walking back as well.

  Wojtek stayed, face-to-face with Jerzy.

  “You don’t have much time to declare yourself. A day, maybe two,” he said seriously. “Unfortunately, not everything depends on us. Higher powers come into play, and their time is very—and I mean very—precious, and our ability to use them is extremely limited.”

  He nodded, then went back to his desk.

  “Study Latin,” he added stared at the screen again. “Disce, puer, Latinae,” he whispered under his breath. “Dominus tecum loquetur.”

  Did he say, ‘Master will speak with you?’ he thought worriedly. Oh damn, they were all nuts! Time to get out from here.

  He trained his eyes on the screen, forcing himself to calm down.

  Suddenly he clenched his teeth and shook his head.

  Sure, he should run far, far away. Because they showed him some vampire movies, the captain forced him to work out, and his colleagues act a bit weird. And him? Tail down, running home, yeah sure. What a hero, really.

  It’s obvious they were checking if he was a coward and whether he would pack his bags. But honestly, nothing had really happened yet. Nothing at all.

  He smiled to himself. Well, a point for them. They’d scared him a bit, yes. Twisted him a bit. But that’s normal... new dogs just get that treatment. Besides, let’s be honest, it’s nothing horrible yet. They could have been more brutal, and gifted him with a welcome whooping. And then what? He would cry or something? Like back in good old play park days...

  He shook his head again and started tapping the keys in a determined rush.

  He would know everything that’s necessary about those damn vampires. More than them, more than anyone in this sector. He would be the fucking vampire expert since there was no other way.

  And then, at the right time, maybe he would get them back.

  No, not ‘maybe’. For sure.

  ***

  That evening he shot his glock at black silhouettes until has hands hurt and eyes teared up. The shooting noise deafened him so much, that when he went to bed, the whole world seemed swathed in a heavy, stuffy fog. But he didn’t dream of anything, as if he had fallen into a bottomless well.

  On the third morning, he threw up after second mile.

  Morawski ran few steps with the momentum, then turned around and stopped by his subordinate.

  “I haven’t seen anyone so pathetic in my life,” he sighed and scrunched his brows. “Who directed you here, to us?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he replied, catching his breath and wiping his mouth with his hand. “He definitely wasn’t right.”

  “You never practiced anything besides diving, huh?” the captain tossed out mercilessly. “And friends at the playground whooped you regularly?”

  None of your damn business, Jerzy thought, straightening up.

  “Yes sir!” he told the officer. He run ahead, stumbling at nearly every step.

  “It’s pointless,” Morawski said, trotting easily right next to him. “Why do you do it? You’re just humiliating yourself here.” He glanced at him from under his brows and hissed quietly, “Go back home, little girl.”

  He just bit his lip. He pretended not to hear the last comment. He kept on running, desperately forcing himself to take each step.

  “It’s not your fault you have such pitiful body,” the captain sighed and shook his head with mock pity. “Running
was never your forte, right? Well, you could have done something about that...”

  “I’m trying to, now” Jerzy barely had the strength to choke that out.

  The road along which they ran suddenly thudded with multiple, rhythmic steps. A unit of black-clad men passed them swiftly. Jerzy stared after them, barely able to count them, before they disappeared around the bend.

  Ten.

  “Who are they?” he asked, gasping for air.

  He would love to run like that, lightly and effortlessly. Not in this lifetime though. He would have to die, and be reborn anew. And get a whole different starter kit than the one he was currently stuck with.

  “Fielders,” Morawski said shortly.

  “Five?” Jerzy’s eyes lit up by unhidden liveliness mixed with jealousy.

  “Nooo...” the other man shook his head. “Our guys, The Nighters.”

  “The whats?” the private didn’t understand.

  “Special, vampire-destroying unit” Morawski said, stopping. “So you are in deep shit, all the way up to your ears, kid.” He abandoned all ‘sirs’ now. “You’ve seen nighters, you know they exist. You will never leave here, unless it’s in a casket. Congrats.”

  Arlecki stopped as well. He observed his superior carefully.

  “They hunt vampires, yes?” he asked calmly. “We look for information for them.”

  Captain stared at him mockingly.

  “So how do you like that story?” the captain spat out, and began to run ahead. “Get a fucking move on, Mr. Bond!” he rushed him, calling him Mr. now; it seemed especially humiliating in this contest. “You sir, will be late for breakfast again, and the Motherland will look for you, fainted from hunger in the shitter. It’s just so inappropriate, just inappropriate, especially in a candidate for an ISA officer rank...”

  “You got the wrong recruit, Captain” Jerzy said coolly, following him. “I’ve never fainted of hunger. I have an ostrich stomach, and I eat anything.”

  “Good,” Morawski muttered. “You’ll need it. If you pass, of course,” he added quietly, in casual form again. “If you pass.”

  The recruit was silent while running beside him. He didn’t ask questions for now.