beyond the grave 03 - a ghostly demise

by Kappes, Tonya

  “That little shit made fun of me?” Cephus asked Jack Henry.

  “Last time.” I shook my finger at Cephus Hardy. “He. Can. Not. Hear. You.”

  “Good luck with the goats. I’ll see you tonight.” I walked out the door with Jack Henry.

  “Where is he?” Jack Henry put his hand on my arm.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Cephus Hardy.”

  “Right here.” I pointed beside me.

  “No, not the ghost.” Jack Henry shook his head. “The body.”

  “Oh. I don’t know.” I turned to Cephus. “Where’s your body?”

  “That I do not know. But a cold Stroh’s might help me remember.” Cephus smiled from ear to ear.

  “Looks like this one is going to be harder than the last two.” I bit my lip and took a deep breath before I gave Jack Henry the bad news. “He doesn’t know where his body is.”

  My first Betweener client, Ruthie Sue, was a fresh body. And Chicken Teater was a little harder than Ruthie because we had to exhume his body. With both of them, we were able to have the body to examine for clues to determine that they were in fact murdered. Here, I was going on a ghost’s word that he was murdered, making it much harder for Jack Henry to investigate.

  “Houston”—Jack Henry made a megaphone with his hands and called out into the air—“we have a problem.”

  Chapter 3

  Let me tell you how this works. I will do the

  sleuthing. You give me any details. Other than that, I can’t have you talking to the living.” I kept my eyes peeled for anyone looking at me. “And don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to the living. I can’t concentrate on you and them at the same time. It screws my head up.”

  “I’ve never been much of a rule follower,” Cephus warned.

  “Maybe that is a reason you were murdered,” I quipped.

  Cephus harrumphed and folded his arms.

  “I didn’t know Teddy was on the baseball team.” I made small talk. Maybe it made him feel good to talk about his kids. Especially his son. “I knew he did something with fighting or something.”

  “Wrastlin’,” Cephus said proudly, rolling his shoulders forward.

  “Wrastlin’?” I asked. “Is that some sort of country sport?”

  Cephus Hardy and his family lived in the holler on the outskirts of town. Mary Anna and her brother used to have the best parties, or so I heard. I wasn’t the most popular girl in school.

  Jack Henry Ross was an athlete, putting him at the top of the popular list. Me . . . not so much. No one wanted to hang around the creepy, funeral-home girl. But look at me now. I had Jack Henry and a successful business. Not like the popular girls who were barefoot and pregnant, living in the trailer park next to the cemetery.

  “Wrastlin’!” Cephus did some sort of moves with his hands.

  “Wrestling,” I confirmed. “That’s right. I remember now. He was pretty good at that, wasn’t he?”

  I vaguely recalled something about it, but Teddy was younger than me.

  “Made it to the state championship.” Cephus’s eyes lit up as he told me about all the matches and medals Teddy had won.

  “Gosh, I wonder where Teddy is now?” I couldn’t even tell Cephus what his son was doing. As far as I could remember, he left after high school and never come back. “Mary Anna in passing did say that your leaving town affected Teddy the most.”

  “I didn’t leave town.” Cephus jerked back. “I’m telling you, someone killed me.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Who did it?” I asked. “If you tell me, then we can solve this thing easy.”

  It made perfect sense to me. He tells me who the murderer was, I tell Jack Henry, Jack Henry arrested them, Cephus crosses over, and Jack Henry and I have our date.

  “I don’t know. I told you that,” he said loudly.

  “Not where your body is.” His body would not be in good condition after five years. “Who did it.”

  “I do not know.” His brows furrowed in frustration. “Hey, Sleepy Hollow sure does look good.”

  Cephus stared out the passenger window. Even in the last years, Sleepy Hollow had made some big changes.

  “The town council offered a lot of incentives to help bring business to the area. Over the past few years, the economy has taken a boost from the caves being open.” I gestured toward the mountainous backdrop of our little town. “You wouldn’t believe how many tourists we get who want to explore the caves. In fact, there are so many tours there now. And Sanford Brumfield is one of the tour guides.”

  “Is that right?” The look on Cephus’s face made my heart ache. His eyes darted back and forth across Main Street so I made sure I drove slow. He was taking it all in.

  “Mmmhmm.” I left it at that.

  Main Street had really been cleaned up by the Beautification Committee over the past few years and looked somewhat different from five years ago.

  They put in a new streetscape with gas lanterns and hooks for hanging plants. There was even a spot on them for banners with the Sleepy Hollow logo, which was a backdrop of the mountains and caves.

  I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to be stuck between worlds and come back to your home and find out everything had changed.

  “What’s that?”

  “Higher Grounds Café. A coffee shop.” I sure could use a jolt of coffee from there. “Do you remember the Doyles? Mary Anna’s friend, Cheryl Lynne Doyle?”

  “Naw.” He shook his head. Not a hair on his head even moved.

  “Anyway, Cheryl Lynne owns the coffee shop,” I said.

  Something in the rearview mirror caught my eye. A white flag was waving in the wind. I pushed the hearse’s gas pedal when I saw that it was Granny whizzing out of the parking lot of the Sleepy Hollow Inn.

  I hadn’t answered her call and I was positive Doc Clyde or Beulah had gotten to her. Instead of driving on the street, she took a shortcut across the town square, not paying a bit of attention to anyone who might be in her way. Including the traveling carnival that was in town.

  The carnival was a small affair that went from small town to small town all over the state. It came in on a few buses, along with a few games like the water-balloon game and the dunk tank, carnival rides like the tilt-a-whirl, and pitched a tent right in the middle of towns. Luckily, the square was a great spot for them.

  The town square was a piece of land in the middle of the town, with four of the main streets of Sleepy Hollow going around it. It was where all the fun festivities were held. There was a gazebo in the middle of the nice park. On beautiful days like today, many people enjoyed their lunch in the square or rested in the sun. But this weekend, the carnival took up the space.

  Beep, beep. A small horn came from the square.

  “Move it!” Granny screamed.

  She tried to steady the wobbly moped with one hand and used the other to wave people out of her way, using her sweet Southern charm.

  She yelled over the buzz of the scooter motor, “Vote for Zula Fae for mayor.” She pumped her fist in the air. “I appreciate your support.”

  Granny left no opportunity untaken.

  Her moped was getting closer and I pushed the gas more. She looked between me and the funeral home, gauging her distance to determine how fast she needed to go to make sure we made it there at the same time.

  “She went to college in New York City and all of these fancy coffee shops were there. She decided to open one . . . with her daddy’s money,” I added.

  I zipped around the square into Eternal Slumber’s parking lot, trying to beat Granny’s shortcut.

  I jumped out as fast as I could. The whiz of Granny and her moped were getting closer. Fast wasn’t good enough. Granny was on a mission. Me.

  I didn’t even make it to the top step of the front porch of the funeral home before I heard her yelling my name.

  “Emma Lee,” Granny screamed over the buzz of her moped. “Emma Lee! I know you aren’t ignoring me!” />
  I stopped, took a deep breath and closed my eyes before I turned toward her screeching. She wasn’t going to give up until I answered her.

  Mentally, I prepared myself for the tongue-lashing she was about to give me.

  “Didn’t you hear me way back there?” She came to a sliding stop. The flag on the back of her moped waved in the slight breeze.

  One side had a big picture of Granny on it, the other side was printed with ZULA FAE FOR MAYOR! It was her best advertisement yet.

  “Yes, I heard you.”

  “Then why didn’t you stop?” Granny’s eyes were magnified under her black-leather motorcycle touring half helmet and aviator goggles. Wisps of red hair stuck out from underneath her tight leather helmet.

  “I have to go to work.” I poked my keys toward the front door of the funeral home.

  “Dang”—Cephus stood next to Granny—“Zula Fae is looking better than ever.”

  Ahem. I cleared my throat in hopes Cephus would shut up like I had asked him to earlier.

  “You will do no such thing,” Granny warned. “You will take you and your crazy right over to Doc Clyde’s to get checked out, then go back to bed.”

  “I’m not crazy or tired.”

  Granny steadied the moped by planting her new black-leather-motorcycle-booted feet on each side.

  Over her shoulder, I could see Doc Clyde giving us the eyeball from the gazebo in the middle of the square. That’s when I knew.

  “I see.” I swallowed. “Doc Clyde has used my little hiccup as an excuse to come pay you a little social call.”

  Granny straightened her shoulders and put her chin in the air. “Emma Lee,” she gasped, “I might be old, but I’m a good Southern woman. And what you did inside and outside at Artie’s, I might add, was not a little hiccup.”

  “Oh, hodgepodge.” My lips puckered. “I was teasing Doc Clyde when he was giving me the eye. You know I knew he was trying to assess me.”

  After a few more minutes of looking me over and lecturing me about how serious Funeral Trauma was, she seemed to realize I wasn’t going to give in.

  “Then come over to Higher Grounds and get a cup of coffee with me.”

  I gave her my best narrow-eyed look. “Then you will believe me?”

  I could definitely use a cup of coffee.

  She crossed her heart, kissed her finger, and held it up in the air to the Great Beyond.

  “I’m not riding on that.” I pointed to the moped.

  In a flash, Granny whipped out a steel chain from the saddlebag attached to the side of her moped and some ZULA FOR MAYOR buttons. She chained the moped up to the tree in the front yard of Eternal Slumber.

  Chapter 4

  Higher Grounds Café was located on the front side of the square near the courthouse and several other small shops. Eternal Slumber was on the side of the square near Pose and Relax yoga studio.

  It was a beautiful morning to take a stroll. The sun was already out and had burned off the morning fog that was always nestled in the mountainous backdrop. The smell of fresh air was good for the soul and the mind. I definitely needed some fresh air for my head.

  Cephus had it all jumbled up. Questions kept darting in and I needed the mental power to process the questions. So a cup of coffee was definitely welcome, to burn away my brain fog.

  “Wait. I don’t want a coffee. I want an ice-cold Stroh’s!” Cephus shouted from behind me and Granny as we crossed over Main Street toward Higher Grounds. “You have to get me to the other side. Chitchatting with Zula Fae isn’t going to get me there.”

  Granny rambled on about her campaign and how she wanted John Howard to stick a sign in the front yard of the funeral home.

  “Sure,” I agreed to keep the peace.

  Having her talk about the campaign kept her from talking about my little episode this morning at Artie’s. Plus, there was no harm in sticking a small yard sign in the front. O’Dell had one in the lawn of Burns Funeral Home. As Granny saw it, tit for tat.

  “I’ll be a sonofabitch.” Cephus rushed ahead of us, catching my attention.

  There was a beat-up, pale blue Buick parked in front of Higher Grounds Café that I didn’t recognize. He did. He eased around the old junker, looking in all the windows.

  “Where the hell is he?” he demanded to know. He marched up and down the street in front of the café, looking for whoever he was. “Where the hell is she?”

  My eyes grew big. I swallowed hard. I had no idea whom he was talking about and I couldn’t ask him. At least not right this minute, with Granny sticking to my side like glue. And people walking around.

  “Looks like something’s going on in there.” Granny pushed her way through the door into the crowd.

  Some of the Auxiliary women—Mable Claire, Beulah Paige, and Hettie Bell—were standing in a circle around one of the small café tables. I couldn’t see who was sitting down. Who were they talking to?

  “Good morning!” Cheryl Lynne hollered above the crowd. “Two?” She made an air cup with her hand and put it to her lips.

  I nodded. “I like the new shirts.”

  I couldn’t help but notice the tight brown T-shirt with the yellow coffee cup, strategically placed right on top of her very endowed chest and showing off her perfect size-six frame. Her long blond hair lay perfectly over her shoulders.

  “Thank you.” The words oozed out of her red lips in the slow Southern drawl that drew men in like a bar did a drunk.

  “Vote for Zula Fae Raines Payne.” Granny handed a button to Dottie Kramer, who was dropping off her fresh carrots to Cheryl Lynne. “You let me take care of your loved ones, let me take care of you.” Granny winked.

  Sometimes a wink spoke louder than words. This was the case with Granny.

  Cheryl Lynne used the carrots to make the best homemade carrot bran muffins.

  “No thank you. I’m a Burns voter.” Dottie Kramer pushed back Granny’s hand and gave Granny a big, long, theatrical wink.

  Dottie didn’t bother getting dressed for her public appearances. She always seemed to wear the same thing. Housecoat, hairnet and white nurse’s shoes.

  “I dee-clare.” Granny drew her hand to her chest and huffed on over to the crowded table. I followed behind, but not without staring down Dottie Kramer.

  I averted my evil glance to Beulah Paige to let her know that she better not mention the little episode this morning.

  Ahem. Beulah Paige cleared her throat and skittered out of the way, making room for me and Granny to see what all of the hubbub was about.

  There sat a woman with frizzy hair pulled up in a topknot right on the top of her head. She gave a great big lopsided smile when she saw Granny. Her front tooth was missing. Next to the woman was Leotta Hardy, Cephus’s widow. Someone I hadn’t seen in quite a long time.

  Granny gave Leotta a polite nod, as did I. But not Cephus.

  “Ah’m fixin’ ta kick some ass!” he warned.

  He crouched with his arms to his side and swayed back and forth like he was ready for a throw-down.

  “Zula Fae Raines.” The frizzy-headed woman stood up and put her arms out to greet Granny. Her six-foot frame towered over little five-foot-four Granny, but that didn’t stop her from giving out a big bear hug. “I mean Payne. Or whatever it is nowadays.” She pulled back, giving Granny a wink. I wasn’t sure, but I think she gave Granny a subtle dig. Granny took it in stride with a little laugh.

  “How the hell are ya?” The woman gave Granny a pat on the back, only it was a little harder than a normal pat.

  “I reckon I’m doing just fine.” Granny never did say much beyond that. She considered it bragging. “How are you, Bea Allen?”

  “Finer than frog hair.” She pushed back a chair and patted it. “Sit down.” Bea Allen gave a little toodles to Beulah Paige and her gang, sending them away and sitting back down in her chair. “I’ll catch up with you girls later.” She turned her attention to Granny by crossing her legs. Her long dress rose up a little, exposin
g her feet.

  Not the prettiest of sights. In fact, I had to turn away as her big toe was popped right out of the front of her sandals. Not a good look for Bea Allen, whoever she was.

  “This here must be Emma Lee.” She patted the other seat. “I hear you have been creating a lot of stir around here lately.”

  Not sure what to say, I eased into the chair and sat between her and Granny.

  “But don’t you worry about old Beulah Paige Bellefry. She’s always thought she was hotter than Satan’s housecoat.” Bea Allen patted my knee before she turned her attention toward Granny. “What is this I hear about you running for mayor against my brother?”

  Brother? I had always heard stories about Bea Allen Burns but had never personally gotten to meet her. She’d been long gone from Sleepy Hollow before I had even cared who lived there. I was a kid when she left. It wasn’t like I kept up on the town gossip. Though when you lived in the funeral home, you learned that at a funeral, the vestibule was the best spot to be to find out anything you wanted to know about what was going on in the town. As kids, many times Charlotte Rae and I hid behind the thick, red-velvet drapes just so we could get a glimpse of the Auxiliary women in their fancy hats and clothes.

  Funerals were a social gathering around these parts and everyone always looked their finest. Since Charlotte Rae and I didn’t have many friends, we had to play by ourselves and we would reenact the conversations we would overhear. Granny or Momma would always tell us to hush up and mind our own business. Spreading idle gossip wasn’t pretty and wasn’t nice.

  Pretty is as pretty does, Granny used to say.

  Still, Charlotte always got to play Beulah Paige’s part because Beulah always dressed to the hilt and never left home without her pearls. Me . . . I was Mable Claire.

  “It was good seeing you.” Mable Claire softly spoke over Granny’s shoulder. She had her hair pulled into a bun on the top of her head. Her mouth turned into a full smile, causing the balls on her cheeks to rise and her eyes to squint. “Leotta, I’ll call you later.”

  Leotta nodded. Still silent.

  Beulah tugged at Mable Claire’s arm, sending Mable Claire’s fuller hips into a giddyup. She jingled her way through the crowd stopping at each child, pulling a dime from her pocket and handing them one as she patted them on the head.