No Regrets (Live Today #2)

by Savana Jade

  “Yes. Of course.” I lean in and kiss her cheek.

  “Thanks sweets.” Taking her phone, I enter my number in her phone and send myself a text. “This is my number. Send me a text immediately, okay?” I ask before turning to run to the car.

  ~~~

  “Can you drive any slower Drew?”

  “Fuck man, I want to get there alive.” He snaps. “Calm down man. We’ll get there. I have no doubt she’s safe and clean.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, I just hate this shit.” I admit shaking in my seat. “She never does anything alone. Why didn’t she come and get you?”

  “We don’t even know if she’s there. Maybe she’s at home at the beach like you thought.” I look down at my phone waiting for a response.

  “Maybe.” Just when a chime comes in. Looking at it again. “Brennan doesn’t see her.” My chest feels like it weights a thousand pounds.

  “We will find her.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Just keep it together man. We’ve got about three minutes before we get there.” I nod and look down at my phone when two chirps go off.

  “She’s not with Robert or Matt. That leaves Paisley or us and since Patty said she hasn’t seen her, I hope to hell she’s here.” Drew turns the corner and stops at the first parking spot he sees while I send the group the address where we are. We hop out and run toward the building. The door that has a cardboard sign saying “Welcome members” is enough of a sign for us to know we’re running in the right direction. We run through the door and slow our speed when we begin to receive the glares by onlookers. Down the hall to the left, a set of double doors are open. There’s a podium in the middle and semicircular rows of chairs surrounding it. As I scan the room looking for Jenna, Drew taps me on the arm and points to the opposite corner.

  Sitting in the third row is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She sits with a shaky leg as someone steps up to the podium and speaks. Drew drags me to take a seat. “Sit down man. We know she’s safe and clean. It’s good for you to listen to the meeting.” He whispers. We sit and he sends the group a text letting everyone know we have her. Keeping my eyes on her, I take a deep cleansing breath knowing she’s safe and sound.

  “Hello and welcome back. As I look around the room today, I notice a few new faces. I welcome you as well. I would like for everyone to introduce yourselves and let us know how long you’ve been clean.” He offers the first row of people who stand and announce their times. Once the room gets to Jenna, she stands.

  “Hello, my name is Jenna and I’m a drug addict. I would love to say I have been clean for nearly ten months, but it’s been I think twenty three days since I last used.” She hangs her head and sits.

  The room continues until it meets us. Shit. She will find out we’re here. But I’ve noticed Jenna hasn’t even acknowledged anyone. Maybe she won’t bother listening to us. Drew stands.

  “My name’s Drew and it’s been almost eleven months since I last used.” Jenna’s head snaps immediately and her beautiful blue eyes meet mine. I stand.

  “Uh, hi my name’s Gabriel and it’s been two years since I last used.” My eyes remain on hers with my admittance. I’m not sure if Drew knew I used to use, but Jenna knew when my last day was. It was the day she told me she was in love with me. From that point on, I decided not to use ever again. I wanted the love I felt for her to be pure and not inhibited. I begged her to stop using as well. But I never reminded her about her declaration for me. She was under the influence and wouldn’t believe me at that time.

  Immediately, whispering began. Some of the people in the group are fans. And if Jenna wasn’t proof that it was truly her, Drew and I just confirmed it. The guy at the podium coughs to gather the attention back to him. He goes through this spiel about how he’s proud of everyone for attending the meetings and he opens the floor for anyone who wants to share their stories. A few people step up and share their stories. Just when we think everyone is done, to my surprise, Jenna stands and slowly walks to the front of the group. The ones that were whispering continue to whisper and look back from her to us. Yeah, they definitely know who we are.

  “Hello.” She says. Everyone says hello in return and thanks her for sharing. It’s the going thing around here. Her eyes drift over to the chatterers. “I guess some of you know who I am.” A small smile forms on the corner of her mouth. “I can’t say my story hasn’t been exploited all across the country now can I? I guess that’s what happens when you are in the public eye.” She takes a deep breath.

  “But I’m not here to talk about who I am. I am here to tell someone that I have a craving. My sponsor is here with me.” She points to Drew. “But this is something I was trying to do by myself. Sometimes, we don’t know how long our loved ones will stick around. You know?” She wipes a tear from her eye.

  “Um… Today I said goodbye to my mother. I haven’t seen my mother since I was five years old. She died a little bit ago, but today my family finally said goodbye to her and laid her to rest. I didn’t think it would bother me, but it does. My father left us when I was fifteen. That’s when I began smoking pot. I didn’t think anything of it, until pot wasn’t filling the need. Things got carried away a few years after that. Then I found myself mixing all kind of drugs when I went out. A few years ago, we were out at a party and we had used, the whole group of us did. It was what we did after a set. We would drink and use.”

  Her eyes meet mine. “I was strung up the day I first confessed my love for someone.” She tries to hide her smile. My chest just grew twice its size right this very moment. She does remember. “But I was so scared to say it sober, that I never thought I would have the chance to say it again to him. So ironically, he never mentioned it again and neither did I. The only thing he did do, was ask me to stop using. And he vowed to never use again, so he could protect me when I couldn’t protect myself. He knew I wouldn’t stop. He thought if I could tell him I loved him under the influence that I would tell just about anyone. But the truth is, whenever I used, it was to run away from reality as a whole, not just him.”

  “I didn’t feel wanted. I didn’t feel loved. He would remind me how much he loved me and would always be my best friend. But it was something inside of me that would lock him out. I watched him as he would date other women, but never had the courage to tell him how much it bothered me. So I turned to drugs. Using made me feel good. Made me feel loved. Made me feel wanted.” I don’t realize I’m shaking my head until she begins to nod in return.

  “That’s how I felt. I never shared my feelings before now. It took speaking to my baby sister today to realize how much I was still keeping stuff in. I want to get it out once and for all. And what better time to do so in front a bunch of strangers?”

  “When did you hit rock bottom?” The leader asks. She turns to him and thinks.

  “When I personally did, or when I thought I did?”

  “Well, both?” She turns to the crowd to answer.

  “I thought I hit rock bottom when a dear family friend, my brother William, made me promise to get help just before he passed away from a car accident we were involved in while they were saving me one night I had used. So, after that, I spent ninety days in a rehab facility getting myself straightened up. I met my sponsor there, and he has become my best friend.” She smiles looking at Drew. He winks at her. The pride on his face is priceless. I now know that he sees her as nothing more than a sister.

  “When I truly hit rock bottom was about three weeks ago when something crucial happened to my family.” Her glossy eyes meet mine. “I have a habit of running away when something bad happens. That day, I turned to speed. Lots of it too. I didn’t even want to use that day, but it was my way of feeling wanted and loved when all I was truly feeling was betrayed.” A deceitful tear falls from my face. I’ve done this to her, I caused her to hit rock bottom.

  “When I woke up that day from passing out, I thought I wanted more. But my sponsor wouldn’t let me. He knew what I wanted. H
e knew how I felt. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be… wanted. He knew that I was loved and wanted, but was going about it the wrong way. So he took me away from where I wanted to be the most. He took me away from my family. He took me away from the one person I wanted to be with more than anything in the world. But he also knew how ugly it was going to be. I had to leave to get better. And the look on my loved ones faces will forever mark my brain. Especially with the one that hurt me the most. I realized in that moment that I didn’t need drugs to get what I truly wanted. All I had to do was open up and let the love in.”

  “And that’s what I did. We detoxed and I got better. Then I began to open up. But I was keeping some things to myself. I realize that now.” She looks down to her hands. “I promised my fiancé that I would let him know when I had a craving, and I have let him down again. I didn’t tell him I was coming here. I didn’t tell anyone. But I didn’t lie. I don’t have a craving.” She shakes her head in confidence. “I only thought I did.”

  “I wanted to prove that I can do something for myself. I want to be the woman he wants me to be. I want to be the sister my brother deserves to have. But what I want most…” She looks around the room before stopping on us. “I want to be Jenna. I want to be myself, and to be myself means, I need to be all those things. Because that’s what I want. I’ve realized that I did rehab for Will, I did it for Brennan, and I even did it for Gabe. But I wasn’t doing it for me. I can at least begin doing this for me. Right?”

  “Well, I know I sound scatterbrained right now. Thank you for listening to me. If there’s anyone in here that feels the same way as I do, I hope I’ve helped you at least a little.” She steps around the podium and people stand to applaud her. I notice that some are crying, myself included as she makes her way to the back row where Drew and I sit. He steps in front of her and tells her how proud he is of her. She kisses his cheek and hugs him in thanks before turning to me.

  “Hi.” I whisper. The group is still just finishing up, but we remain standing.

  “Hi.” She replies smiling. “I’m sorry I bolted. I…” I place my finger on her lips.

  “Shhh. You don’t have to ever apologize for anything. Of course it would have been nice to know where you were.” I smile pulling her into my arms. “I didn’t know you remembered that day.” She sniffs and nods. “I love you more than anything in this world Jenna. And I will make it my life’s goal to make sure you feel wanted and loved until our very last breath.”

  Her lips meet mine. “I love you too. And I know I will always feel wanted and loved as long as I’m by your side.”

  “Damn straight you’ll be by my side. Like I said before, I’m never letting you go, ever.”

  “Jenna?” Brennan’s voice calls from behind me. Shit, I had no clue they were here. We turn to see the entire group along the wall watching.

  “How long?” I ask. She hugs me before kissing my neck and releasing me.

  “They showed up just when I was beginning to start.” She steps into Brennan’s arms, Robert hugs them both from behind.

  “Jems, I don’t ever want you to think you were ever unloved or unwanted.” Brennan scolds.

  “I’m so sorry for being the cause of all this.” Her father says crying.

  “I made myself feel this way. No one did anything wrong. It was something I had to do for myself.” She admits.

  “C’mon, let’s go home.” Robert hugs her once more.

  “What about the reception.” He turns and places his hands on her shoulders. Bending down to look directly into her eyes.

  “Jenna Lynn Munson. Family comes first. Always. We just said goodbye to your mother. Something that I am still not sure I am ready to do. What I want right now is to bring my kids home and spend some time relaxing with them like I used to.” She smiles up at him.

  “I think I would love that.”

  ~~~

  “You sure you’re okay?” I take her hand in mine and kiss it gently. We’re cuddled on the couch together waiting for the rest of the group to finish getting their pajama’s on. She turns to me and kisses my nose. God I love this woman.

  “I couldn’t feel better.” I raise an eyebrow in a challenging way.

  “Really? I bet I could make you feel better.” I chuckle when she smacks my chest.

  “Mind above the navel Gabe.” I wiggle both eyebrows and she giggles.

  “What’s wrong with oral? That’s above the navel. Well your navel anyways.” She laughs. Finally a true laugh comes from her core.

  “You’re bad, you know that?” I lean down and kiss her. When she returns the kiss, I deepen it. “Gabe?”

  “Hmmm?” I mutter against her lips.

  “Think we could make it a quickie?” Immediately, my dick begins to rise. She giggles.

  “What’s so funny?” Matt asks, walking hand in hand with Willow. “Ooh Wilz, I think we interrupted something.” He laughs when I lift Jenna on my lap to hide my erection. “Down boy. This is a family night remember?” He laughs.

  “Fuck off Matty.” I argue. “Where the hell were you ten minutes ago?” I try to shift to make myself more comfortable. It doesn’t help that Jenna is secretly grinding her ass against me. “You’re not helping Angel.”

  “I was balls deep in my girl. We’ve had a lot of catching up to do.” He drapes his arm around Willow’s neck. “Right babe?” She blushes and hides in his chest. He laughs.

  “Leave her alone. Poor thing.” Jenna tries to hide her amusement. She turns and pulls me up off the couch. “Matty, save our spot on the couch. We’ll be back in a few.”

  He laughs uncontrollably. “A few? Damn Gabe, I thought you would have more stamina than that.” He cries before Willow hits him in the chest with a pillow. But right now, I don’t care. I have this aching deep inside me and if my woman is willing to release it, who am I to complain? I turn just before closing the door and flipping him off.

  “Just remember jackass. She loves my kisses better than yours.” I laugh and lock the door behind me.

  Let it Go

  Jenna

  “Shh, Angel.” Gabe covers my mouth with his in attempt to silence my orgasm with a chuckle. I moan in his mouth as my body shakes vigorously. His thrusts become deeper and harder telling me he’s almost at the brink. “Fuck!” He grunts with his last final thrust in me.

  “Wow.” I thread my fingers through his hair, resting on the nape of his neck.

  “Jesus.” He rests his forehead against mine. “That was…”

  “I know.” I giggle, kissing him softly.

  “You have to learn to control yourself.” He slowly pulls out of me.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” I roll over and watch him as he makes his way to the bathroom to get a washcloth. “Was I really that loud?”

  “I guess we’ll find out shortly, wont we?” He chuckles. “Let me clean you up.” He places the washcloth between my legs.

  “I’m pretty sure I know how to do that, you know?” I reach down to grab it for myself only to have my hand swatted.

  “Stop it. I’m well aware you know how to dodo it. I rather enjoy reminding myself where I’ve been.” He smiles and winks at me. I plop back down on the bed, half-dressed from the waist up. We were too impatient to get completely naked.

  “Do you think it will always be like this?” I sit up when he finishes.

  “Like what?” His brows scrunch in confusion.

  “Amazing.” I blush at my admittance. He lifts my chin between his fingers and thumb forcing our eyes to meet.

  “You better believe it will be like this, every time Angel.” He kisses me tenderly. “Even as a quickie, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. Thank you for that.”

  “Thank you.” I return the compliment and lift off the bed to reach for my bottoms. “Ouch! What was that for?” I rub the sudden sting on my ass.

  “I couldn’t help myself. You bent down right in front of me.” He laughs rubbing my ass. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s ok
ay. I kind of liked it.” I wiggle underneath his hand causing him to growl.

  “Think they would mind if we didn’t go back out there?” He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.

  “I think we have to go back out there. My dad’s coming too. Remember, it was his idea?” His head drops on my shoulder.

  “Shit, I forgot.” He presses his lips to my neck. “Raincheck for tonight?”

  “Maybe if you behave yourself.” He hurries to grab his shorts.

  “Well, let’s go then. The sooner we get done with this, the sooner I can lay you down and have my evil way with you.”

  ~~~

  “Good morning Jenna.” Paisley says.

  “Mornin’ Paisley.” I pat her shoulder as I make my way to the coffee pot. “Where’s everyone at?”

  “Outside. Patty decided to make breakfast out by the pool. Todd is helping her set things up. The rest are floating around somewhere if they aren’t out there helping her.” I nod as I pour myself a cup.

  “Look, about last night.” I sit across from her. “I wanted to tell you I was sorry for not being clear about where I was going. I know everyone was worried.”

  As I look at her features, I notice how much she looks a lot like both Brennan and myself. Her eyes are a little deeper blue than mine. Other than that, she is literally a spitting image of my brother. “It’s okay, I get it. Sometimes we need to do things on our own.” She reaches over and rests her hand on mine. “That’s why I sent Justin and the guys away for a while.” She carries a genuine smile.

  “You know you didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but I wanted to. He wanted to see his twin brother anyways. This way, he can visit his family, and I can learn more about mine.” I rest my free hand on hers.

  “Well, that’s a great idea.” I smile softly at her. “So, I assume you’ll be going to California with us?”

  “I would like to, if that’s okay with you and Brennan. I don’t have to if you don’t want me to though. I already have a trust fund set up for me, I’m free and clear with my money. But it would give me a chance to get to know you two a little better.” Her nose twitches and I can’t help but laugh. “What?”