A Secret Passion

by Sophia Nash

  Clarissa gasped and reached for her worked-muslin cornette. “Sir Thomas, I implore you…” She appeared very self-conscious as her wavy brown hair fell to her waist.

  “It is a crime that so much time has been wasted, Clarissa.” She inhaled as she heard him speak her given name. Her pale blue eyes darted to his face and looked away.

  “You know why I have come, do you not?” Thomas asked. Clarissa hesitated. He pulled her into the shadow behind a large rock embedded in the sand. “Come, come, you mustn’t play the shy maid with me,” he continued, grasping her chin with one hand.

  She looked at him finally, and the wind blew strands of her unconfined hair across her face. “I am sorry. I do not know.”

  Thomas brushed the hair from her face and kissed her cheek as he whispered in her ear, “Because I love you. I still do, you know.”

  He grasped her head between his hands and met her lips with his own. Thomas could feel tendrils of her hair dance between their faces. He sensed her breath on his cheek and felt like crying out for the sheer joy of it. “I’m sorry it has taken me so long to rein in my anger,” he continued. “I’m afraid I said some dreadful things to you.”

  Clarissa reached up to touch his face, “What did you say that was not deserved? I am sorry I did not have the courage to defy my brother, and that I lacked trust in your feelings.”

  “My love, I realize now that it was more a lack of confidence, made worse by an overbearing brother,” Thomas mused with sadness.

  “You know not how closely you guessed what happened. I must tell you all. My brother, feeling all the power of the family title newly bestowed on his questionably sturdy shoulders, deemed the son of a clergyman in a smallish parish to be unworthy of his sister.”

  “As I would have done if you were my sister,” said Thomas with a smile.

  “I pointed out more forcefully than ever in my life that it was unlikely anyone would ask for me again. But he held firm in his belief that the life of a well-provided spinster was better than that of a poor wife disowned by her family. While I would have chosen the latter, my brother offered further argument by insisting you were solely interested in my dowry.”

  “It is as I thought. If you had been in possession of a greater degree of confidence in yourself, perhaps you would have dismissed his word.”

  “Yes. However, eight unsuccessful seasons had rendered me quite unable to muster enough vanity to disagree. I had also seen you waltzing and smiling on several occasions with Lucinda Vandermay, whom everyone knew was an heiress in search of a husband. So, after much insistence by my brother, I agreed to reject your suit with two conditions.”

  “Ah, and what, pray tell, were the conditions, my love?”

  “First, that he would conduct the final audience with you alone, as I could not bear the thought, and second, that I would be allowed to immediately quit London to retire as a spinster and end the painful and fruitless search for a husband. I know Edward wanted to argue the second point, but in deference to my tears he relented to my request. After a long visit to an old childhood acquaintance in Bath, I was to go home to Land’s End in Cornwall. It was while taking the water cure in Bath that I decided to make a life of my own apart from my brother and his family. Hence, the wind had blown in the direction of Littlefield, and I resided there quite simply and peacefully until you arrived!” she explained.

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

  “I didn’t know you had divorced until you mentioned it to Jane the day you arrived. I am so sorry,” Clarissa said with her eyes averted.

  “That is what made me come to see you. Graystock’s grandmother made a comment about Lucinda the day before I left, which made little sense. It came back to me as I rode toward Chichester, and I suddenly realized she didn’t know of my divorce. I turned toward Cornwall when I hit upon the thought that perhaps you did not know as well. I had assumed that everyone in England knew. But I had forgotten the remoteness of the country.” He pulled her further behind the tall rock and kissed her again as he grasped her thin hand in his large palm.

  “With much difficulty, I obtained from the Church and then Parliament a divorce five years after Lucinda departed with a baronet while I was in uniform. It seems her love for me dimmed considerably after she realized a knighthood was not as exalted a position as she had thought. And of course, in her case absence did not make the heart grow fonder,” said Thomas as he gripped her hand. “Her generous and infatuated lover was quite insistent on shouldering the outrageous expenses to legitimate his child by her, and I was the grateful cuckold. It was all quite civilized despite the wording of the petitions.” Thomas kissed Clarissa’s hand before he concluded, “They live in Brussels now, well away from the cold shoulders of British society.”

  “I thought you married her for her fortune,” admitted Clarissa.

  “Actually, I married her for two reasons. First, because she was desperate for a husband and begged me. She had failed to attract anyone during several seasons, and life with her parents was a misery. And second, I was very angry with you and decided a marriage of convenience would suit me, especially with someone who would be eternally grateful.” He paused and leaned down to pick up a rock. As he hurled it into the sea, he continued, “What I had not counted on was her fickleness and her poor character. As to her fortune, it was considered quite larger than it was, as the reverse is now true with my own.”

  Clarissa did not respond. Instead, she stared down at the sand. A great fear grew in the pit of his stomach as he spied tears form in her eyes.

  Thomas raised her chin again. “What is it, my love? Please don’t cry. Everything will be all right. Don’t you see? You will marry me, won’t you?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Thomas, how can we marry? I am too old for you now. I may never bear you the children… the son you must want.”

  “Tut, tut, Clarissa. Now you are overestimating the size of my estate. There is no need to continue the ‘prestigious’ Gooding line! And while I would welcome any children our union might produce, it is the very last concern I have. What I truly want is you by my side, always.”

  Tears flowed down her face now as she stared at him. With a sudden flinging movement, she boldly embraced him He was overwhelmed that all his dearest, heartfelt wishes had been granted in the space of a very few minutes.

  Clarissa snatched her lace cap from him and threw it into the sea as he laughed.

  “I shall consider that an acceptance to my gauche proposal,” he whispered as he fished out his handkerchief and handed it to her. Clarissa clung to his arm as if she would never let go, and he kissed her once more.

  Clarissa was still glassy-eyed when they returned to the threesome at the top of the cliffs. She and Thomas had spent the last few minutes discussing marriage plans in a cloud of happiness. The larger group appeared behind them a moment later.

  “I must beg for your congratulations,” Thomas directed to the group as they approached the grassy knoll. “Miss Fairchild has made me the happiest of men and consented to become my wife.” He grasped the waist of his beloved possessively.

  Jane jumped to her feet and bounded into her aunt’s arms. “Oh, Aunt Clarissa, I am so very, very happy for you. And Sir Thomas,” she continued as she looked at him over her aunt’s shoulder, “I will be so pleased to have an uncle as kind and good as you! I had hoped and hoped this would happen!” She disengaged from Clarissa and embraced her soon-to-be newest member of the family. “And where is the wedding to take place? It will be from here? Yes?”

  “I think not,” Clarissa said, blushing. “Sir Thomas and I were just discussing the thought of having Reverend Gurcher marry us in the church at Littlefield. My home has been there for so long, and it feels better, the idea of marrying there.”

  Thomas prayed the distance would preclude her brother’s attendance.

  “Then you must have the wedding breakfast at the Hall,” insisted Lord Graystock.

  “You are very kind, G
raystock,” stated Thomas in acceptance after seeing the small nod from the lady at his side. “I had hoped you would do me the great honor of standing up for me.”

  “Of course. It is without question,” Lord Graystock said in his usual dismissive manner.

  During this exchange Mr. Harry Thompson remained seated due to his injury, but he grinned and shook the couple’s hands. “Ha, ha, Miss Fairchild, Cupid’s bow has finally pierced your hardened heart. A feat I had doubted would ever happen,” teased Harry unmercifully.

  “Young man, I do not look kindly on comments meant to ruffle the feathers of my future bride,” Thomas said, smiling.

  Jane laughed and nudged Harry’s backside.

  Miss Dodderidge just giggled and prayed she would be next.

  Chapter Ten

  JANE tethered her horse to the shrubbery separating the field from the side of the manse the next morning, determined to have a private word with Harry. It was quite early. Even the purple morning glories had not bothered to open their faces toward the hazy sun yet. Jane crept up to the manse and counted the fourth upper window on the right. She picked up a small stone and threw it at the glass, as she had done so many times in her youth. It had been their custom to head off on fishing or butterfly expeditions in this way. William’s head appeared at the window, his hair sticking up in a comical fashion.

  “Whatever do you want at this hour in the morning?” asked William, none too pleased.

  “Please tell Harry I’m here,” whispered Jane loudly.

  William yawned and shook his head as he disappeared.

  Harry’s head appeared moments later, and Jane noticed he seemed to be fully dressed. “Hello, Duck. Thought you would sneak by. Be right down,” he said, wearing the same cheerful, open countenance of his youth. She doubted he would ever grow up.

  Jane walked and Harry hobbled on his rude crutch to the other side of the thick hedge, which afforded a view of Pembroke’s more lovely acreage.

  They sat on the large trunk of the fallen chestnut tree as they had so many times while planning their expeditions years ago. Harry plucked a long stem of grass gone to seed and put the end in his mouth as Jane remarked on a new tear on his shabby brown coat. She examined it and shook her head.

  “Oh, Harry. I feel so discouraged. What are we to do now?”

  Harry took her hand in his warm one and rubbed it. “Come now, Duck. I told you it will be all right.”

  “No, it won’t. It will take days to reach Scotland, and we haven’t the means to hire a coach, and it will be too painful for you to drive with your foot pressing on the dash all the way.”

  Harry just stared into the distance.

  “Although I guess I could drive most of the way, when there would be few people on the roads to notice,” Jane added, pleased to have thought of a possible solution.

  “As we figured before, it will probably take at least a week to reach Gretna Green,” noted Harry.

  “But with any luck the return trip to London will only be a few days,” Jane said. “After a bit of rest there, we can go on to university.”

  Harry still stared into the fields. Jane studied his profile. He squinted at the sun as he chewed on the grass stem.

  “All right,” he said. “I think I can manage in two days’ time. Would that suit?”

  Jane’s dual concerns waged war within her. She was made uneasy by Harry’s injury, but she was also alarmed that Harry’s father might have sent a letter to her father informing him of their desire to wed. She knew all too well how fast her father would find his way to her.

  “Are you certain, Harry?” she asked. Before he could respond, Jane changed the subject. “At least I shan’t have to worry about my aunt any longer. I know Sir Thomas will make her happy. They waited even longer than us to find happiness.”

  “Then there is hope for us yet,” said Harry with a grin. “Now, I say we go about this in a hugger-mugger fashion.”

  “I just hope everyone at the manse hasn’t guessed our plans yet,” she said.

  Harry looked away.

  Jane sighed. “Whom did you tell?”

  “Just William. I will need help with the carriage and horses and my bags, of course.”

  “Of course. Now let me think—a plan. A simple plan always works best.”

  “Middle-of-the-night escape?”

  Jane laughed. “No, no. I say we plan a trip north to Lizard with the whole pack of us day after tomorrow. That way you can bring your carriage to Pembroke and no one will notice if I slip a trunk in along with a picnic and blankets and everything. That’s it. And Lord Graystock asked about going on an explore there just yesterday.”

  “And we’ll just wave to the group when we all stop there and then say, ‘Tallyho, we’re off to Gretna Green’?” asked Harry, laughing.

  “No, of course not, you simpleton. We can be the last to leave on the return trip, and we can say we want to have the wheel checked in town because we fear a crack or something.”

  “Or something,” Harry replied, rolling his eyes.

  “Do you have a better idea?”

  “No. But do you really think someone like Graystock is just going to leave us stranded?”

  “Don’t worry about that gentleman. He will understand.”

  “He knows, doesn’t he, Jane?”

  “Yes,” she said, avoiding his eye.

  “Did he somehow guess, or did you tell him?”

  “I’d rather not discuss this,” she replied. “We have so many more things to arrange.” Searching for another topic, she rushed on. “Have you received any news from university?”

  “Yes. Mr. Melure sent me a very jovial reply. He asked who my ‘intended’ was and when he could expect us.”

  “Oh, that is wonderful news. We will be rather short of funds after our journey. Cutty’s solicitor informed me in a letter that the funds he forwarded were the last of my husband’s gifts held in trust for me. We won’t be able to linger in London for more than a day or two. Only long enough to rest.”

  “And enjoy our honeymoon,” added Harry, smiling.

  Jane looked at him and inhaled sharply. She hadn’t thought at all about a honeymoon. “Oh, Harry, will this work? Please take me in your arms. I am nervous about all of this deception.”

  Harry stood awkwardly and gathered Jane and his crutch in his arms. He kissed her on the forehead. “Duck, this is for the best. We’ll make it work.”

  Jane felt little comfort. She shivered for a moment in the cool morning air. She wondered why she was not more relieved. With the problem of her aunt solved, she should feel much less guilty than ever before. Instead she felt high-strung, more nervous and unsure than at any other time in her life.

  Jane returned to her family’s house and found Lord Graystock alone in the dining room. He rose from his seat and bowed as she nodded slightly. She observed he was wearing impeccable, darkly conservative riding attire, which complemented his omnipresent aura of assurance and command. She helped herself to the sideboard’s offerings of scones and sausages and accepted tea from the maid just arriving from the kitchen.

  “You are late rising this morning, my lord,” Jane teased with a smile.

  “Yes. You know how I detest the morning air. Bad for the lungs,” he replied.

  Jane spied a bit of tracked mud on the carpet. “I guess it is not bad for the horse you rode this morning.”

  “That, I suppose, is also true,” the earl responded. She bit into her scone as he continued, “I am to relay to you that your father, brother, and the rest of your family’s household in London will be returning this evening to Cornwall. Your aunt had a letter from your father this morning.”

  Jane choked and tried to retain a measure of dignity.

  “I also have decided to depart,” he added.

  Jane’s mind raced with the news. “Oh?”

  “I must settle some affairs in London,” said Lord Graystock as he put aside an old newspaper. She noticed the faint smudges under his
eyes, signaling lack of sleep.

  Jane was so unsure of what to say, she held her tongue. She felt Lord Graystock’s gaze move over every feature of her face, waiting for her reply. In agitation, she pushed aside her plate, and her hands arranged and rearranged the knife and fork on the white-and-blue-patterned china.

  “I shall take my leave day after tomorrow. That is, if it is convenient for you. If you would prefer that I depart prior to your father’s arrival, I can of course arrange for my removal by this afternoon.”

  Jane found her voice. “Oh, no, my lord! Please, do not leave so soon, I beg of you. Your original plan suits. In fact, several of the people at the manse, as well as you yourself, indicated a desire to visit Lizard Peninsula. Perhaps, if you agree, we could all go the morning of the day of your departure. After nuncheon there, you could continue northward to London.”

  The earl gave Jane a measured glance. She looked away. “How delightful,” the earl answered, one eyebrow raised with hauteur. “Your plan seems most providential.” He accepted another cup of coffee from the maid. When she had departed, the earl continued. “Jane, surely you have not forgotten your dear father. How do you propose to settle our betrothal with him?”

  “I do not want to quarrel with you or him again, my lord. My family really is no concern of yours, except for the large debt we owe you. My father will have to repay any and all monies you directed to him. Obviously, this may take some time. I only wish I had had the chance to stop you before you gave a farthing to him. My father has the uncanny ability of allowing our fortune to slip through his fingers at an alarming rate.”

  The earl narrowed his eyes. “Have you never wondered why?”

  “Of course I have. I have argued with him till I am blue in the face. Our stables are some of the finest in England, and yet…” She stopped. “If I had been left to manage our estate, it would not be in the hubble-bubble fashion it currently is. However, it is a woman’s great misfortune to have been born into her sex. I daresay servants have more control over their destiny than a mere female born of a nobleman.”