Suddenly Last Summer

by Sarah Morgan

  Walter O’Neil couldn’t imagine why anyone would want a life that didn’t involve Snow Crystal. He couldn’t understand why anyone born and bred here would want something more. Something different.

  Despite his grandmother’s attempts to clear the air, the atmosphere was tense and it came as a relief when Alice pronounced she was tired and Walter dutifully offered to escort her home. With Kayla driving them the short distance, and his mother and Jess going to help them settle in, that left the three brothers alone.

  “Holy shit.” Tyler sprawled in the nearest chair and closed his eyes. “Well, that was relaxing. I’d forgotten how much I love family time. When I grow up I want six kids and a hundred grandkids, preferably all with different opinions and expressing them at the same time. Can’t think of anything better.”

  Sean’s phone buzzed again and he glanced at it in frustration and saw Veronica’s name.

  Already right on the edge of control, he closed his eyes. Not now.

  “Is that the hospital again? Answer it, Oh, Great One.” Tyler reached for his beer. “Heal the sick and don’t mind us. We’re cool with the whole God complex you’ve got going here, isn’t that right, Jackson?”

  “We’ll just wait in line while you tend to the injured.” Jackson’s tone was light but his eyes were concerned and Sean knew he was worrying about their grandfather.

  “It isn’t the hospital. It’s a woman.”

  And he didn’t have the energy to deal with that particular woman right now. He had to decide what to do for the best. Staying here would be best for his grandmother, but his grandfather didn’t want him here.

  Tyler grinned. “Is she hot?”

  “Body like Venus.”

  “Then either answer the goddamn phone or give it to me and I’ll answer it.”

  “She thinks she’s the one who will reform my workaholic ways. Last time we spoke she told me she loved me.”

  Tyler recoiled. “On second thoughts, switch your phone off.”

  “She’s in love with you?” Jackson helped himself to another slice of chicken. “I didn’t think you dated women long enough for that to happen. How many times did you go out with her?”

  “Twice.” Sean dropped his phone onto the table. “That turned out to be one time too many.”

  Tyler was helpless with laughter. “Twice and she was ready to have your babies? Where do you find these women?”

  “There was a whole line of them when we were growing up,” Jackson said irritably. “Mostly crying on my shirt. They wanted to know why Sean didn’t love them back.”

  Tyler took another slug of his beer. “Didn’t realize you turned down sex to be here. It explains why you’re in a filthy mood.”

  Sean clenched his jaw and turned his phone off. “I’m not in a filthy mood.”

  “You are borderline dangerous. I recognize the signs.” Tyler suppressed a yawn. “Instead of exploding, you simmer like a pot left on the heat. Same when we were growing up.”

  Jackson stood up and started stacking plates. “Listen, about Gramps—”

  “Forget it. He doesn’t want me here. Enough said.” Sean pushed his food away untouched. “I’ll finish the deck tomorrow morning and be back in Boston by dinnertime. That way everyone will be happy.”

  Including him.

  What had he expected? That his grandfather would suddenly accept who he was and what he wanted? That they’d mend broken fences and sit around the table sharing a drink together?

  Life wasn’t that neat and tidy, was it?

  Tyler tipped his chair back and stuck his feet up on the table. “So you’re leaving again?”

  “Looks that way.” He felt something tug inside him. “I’m the black sheep. The one who got away.”

  “Not for long. No one escapes this place for long. There’s a whole damn herd of black sheep here, munching his grass. But go ahead and leave tomorrow. I’ll win a shit-load of money from Jackson.”

  “You had a bet going?” Despite the emotions churning inside him, Sean gave a faint smile. “How much?”

  “Enough to make it worth goading you. Fortunately Gramps is doing my job for me. All I have to do is sit back, watch and wait.”

  It was almost worth staying, just to annoy his brother. Almost. “I guess you’ll be in the money, then.”

  “Mom would feel better if you stuck around.” Jackson shoved the remains of the chicken into the fridge. “And Grams.”

  “You saw the way he was. He was pushing his blood pressure up just thinking about me staying. The objective is for him to relax and recover, not blow a fuse. I bring out the worst in him. And anyway, your fridge is empty.” He didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Walter anymore. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and a sense of failure.

  “Thanks to you my wardrobe is empty, too.” Jackson closed the fridge and frowned at him. “Isn’t that my shirt? Kayla bought it for me.”

  “That explains why I like it. She has good taste.”

  “Which is why I want it back.” Jackson gave Tyler’s legs a shove with his foot. “Those muscular thighs might do it for women but get them off the damn table.”

  Tyler cursed as he lost his balance and beer sloshed onto his thigh. “You never used to be this fussy. I blame Kayla.”

  “It wouldn’t kill you to clear up once in a while. You’re responsible for a teenage daughter. What sort of example are you setting?”

  “I’m a supercool dad. And the easiest way to clear up food is to eat it.” Tyler heaped the remains of the potato salad onto his plate and Sean stood up.

  “I need to get some air.”

  Tyler waved his fork. “Why not just lose your temper right here? That’s what everyone else in this family does. Just let it out. Don’t mind us.”

  Sean looked at his brothers. They didn’t know the whole story.

  They didn’t know just how unhappy their father had been.

  They didn’t know about the rift that existed between him and his grandfather.

  His head exploding with it, he strode to the door and scooped up his jacket. “I’ll finish the deck before I leave tomorrow.”

  “Temper, temper.” Tyler speared a potato with his fork. “You can pay up anytime you like, Jackson. Cash works for me.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  SEAN BREATHED IN the night air, trying to walk off the anger. Anger that made no sense. Had he really expected everything to change just because his grandfather was ill and he’d dropped everything to rush to his side?

  Had he really anticipated an emotional reunion, gratitude and a shift to a new level of mutual understanding?

  No, but he’d hoped for it.

  He wanted to heal the rift. His grandfather wanted him gone.

  And he wanted to go. This whole damn place just made him think of his father.

  Sean strode along the path to the lake, a hollow ache in his gut. Instead of turning left to go to Jackson’s house, he turned right and walked toward the boathouse.

  The sun was setting over the lake, sending flashes of dark gold over the still surface. An owl hooted in the darkness, a familiar sound from his childhood.

  The sudden rush of emotion caught him low in the gut.

  How many hours had he spent here? How many facts had he soaked up while listening to the beelike buzz of the blue-winged warbler in the trees nearby? There’d been no better place to learn about Galileo than here, sitting, looking up at the stars.

  Sean bent to examine the unfinished section of the deck. If he started work at dawn he’d be finished by lunchtime. That way he could fulfill his promise to Élise, help Jackson and still be gone before his grandfather showed up.

  Frustration overflowing, he picked up a stone and sent it skimming across the darkened surface of the water into the black of the night.

  “You could jump in,” a voice said from behind him. “That would cool you down.”

  He turned and saw Élise leaning against the boathouse, arms folded, watching him.
“My brothers have thrown me in the lake often enough for me not to want to do it voluntarily. How long have you been there?”

  “Long enough to see you boiling with anger.” She pushed away from the side of the boathouse and walked toward him, her eyes glinting in the moonlight. “You are like a little boy, throwing things and having a tantrum because things aren’t going your way. Instead of thinking of yourself, you need to think about your grandfather.” Her accent was more pronounced than usual, her voice velvet-soft. “He is the one who is suffering.”

  Anger collided with exasperation. “What the hell do you think I’m doing here? I’ve done nothing but think about my grandfather. I dropped everything the moment I got Jackson’s call. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days, pulled in a million favors from colleagues and slept in Jackson’s spare room, and all I’ve done is made things worse. Gramps doesn’t want me here. Fortunately that’s easily fixed.”

  “What makes you think he doesn’t want you here?”

  “You were there. You heard him.”

  “I heard him snapping at everyone as he always does when he’s stressed. I didn’t hear anything that made me think he wanted you to leave.”

  “Then maybe you weren’t concentrating. He told me to go. Ordered me. And if it’s stress that caused his heart attack, then I’m adding to that stress by being here. The best way I can help him is by leaving.”

  Her foot tapped on the deck. “You are going back to Boston?”

  “Tomorrow.” He saw her eyes narrow dangerously and assumed she was worried about her party. “Don’t worry. I’ll finish your deck first.”

  “Putain.” She spat out a swearword and those eyes blazed, her anger matching his. “So you’ll leave them? When your family needs you most? That is not what O’Neils do!”

  “Don’t throw guilt on me. I’m already drowning in it.” Sean came right back at her, his temper fueled by an evening of holding back. “I’m doing what Gramps wants.”

  “You are supposed to be so intelligent but sometimes I think you are a great big stupid person. Today I chopped liver that has more brain than you. It isn’t because he doesn’t want you here. The two of you, you are both so stubborn, neither of you will back down. I could smash your stupide heads together were it not for the fact that Walter is already enough injured.”

  “Injured enough.”

  “Are you correcting my English?” Élise’s tone was dangerous but for some reason her words shattered the tension and made him want to smile.

  “No.”

  “Yes, you were. Well let me tell you this, Dr. O’Neil—” it was clear that her emphasis on the Dr. wasn’t supposed to be complimentary “—I may have my words the wrong way around, but my thinking is straight which is more than can be said for you.”

  “Gramps is recovering just fine. He doesn’t need me here.”

  An owl hooted in the darkness but neither of them heard it.

  “Look beneath the surface! Sometimes people don’t always tell the truth about their feelings. You are a doctor! You should know that. And what about dear Alice? She ’as not slept since her beloved Walter was taken into hospital and now she will not sleep because he is at home and she is worried.” Her accent grew thicker as her temper rose. “And what about your mother? She is worrying about Walter and Alice and now also she is worrying about you because she sees you are hurt by this rift with your grandfather and you are her baby.”

  Sean lifted his eyebrows. “Do I look like a baby?”

  “I am not talking about your height or your muscles. To a mother, her child is always a baby. She is divided, no? She is being pulled by Walter and pulled by you and—” She gave up on English entirely and switched to French but he understood her perfectly so the change in language offered him no respite from the fierce burn of her temper. “And what about Jackson? He is working so hard already, you think he has time to watch over Walter, too, while you storm off in a sulk?”

  “I am not sulking.” Sean’s own temper sparked. “And if Jackson wants me here, he can say so.”

  “But he won’t. Because he is your brother and he loves you and he knows how hard it is for you to be here.” Muttering to herself, she turned away and paced across the finished portion of the deck and back again. “Think, Sean. Think. Ignore your bruised feelings and use your brain.”

  “This isn’t about my feelings.”

  “You’re hurt because you think your grandfather doesn’t want you here, but that isn’t what is going on!”

  “You don’t understand what is going on.” His own emotions dangerously close to the surface, he dragged his hand through his hair. “There was a row. We had a row.” It was the first time he’d told anyone and he saw her frown.

  “With Walter there will always be rows. It is in his nature to provoke.”

  “This was different.” His mouth was dry. Why the hell was he telling her this? “It was at my father’s funeral. I said things—”

  “What things?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Remembering it still made him feel sick. The ocean of grief, the agony of missing his father, the desperate need to wind back time and do things differently, and the blame. Always the blame. “But I can tell you that is the reason he doesn’t want me here. He’s angry with me. And he has reason to be.” And he was still angry with his grandfather.

  He knew he should let it go, but he couldn’t.

  It simmered. Festered. The surgeon in him wanted to cut it out but because that wasn’t possible he’d learned to live with it.

  Élise frowned and shook her head. “I am glad you told me because now I understand a little bit more, but the reason he wants you to leave has nothing to do with your argument.”

  “Of course it does.”

  She advanced on him and stabbed him in the chest with her finger. “One day, Sean O’Neil, I will roll you in poison ivy and maybe then you will wake up. You are—you are—” she said something in French and he raised his eyebrows.

  “Are you calling me an idiot?” He decided this wasn’t the moment to tell her she was sexy when she was angry.

  “Yes, because you are. The reason your grandfather wants you to leave is not about you at all! It isn’t because he is stubborn, or because he doesn’t want you here, or because he is dwelling on the row you had, but because he is very afraid. He is afraid. And you would see that if you weren’t so focused on your own feelings.”

  Silence settled between them.

  The only sound in the night air was the soft slap of water against the deck.

  “Afraid?” It was an explanation that hadn’t occurred to him. He thought of his grandfather, the strongest person he knew, and shook his head. “You’re wrong. Gramps is the toughest guy you will ever meet. I’ve never seen him afraid. Not when Tyler fell in the river as a toddler, not even when we came face-to-face with a bear in the middle of a trail on a camping trip in Wyoming when we were young.”

  She waved a hand dismissively. “None of that is scary compared to this.”

  “Compared to what exactly?”

  “Sean, wake up! With a bear you can punch it on the nose or whatever, but with this—this heart attack, this silent scary thing that came at him from nowhere, this he cannot punch on the nose. Do you not understand that? He has no control over this. He cannot shout at it, hit it on the head or blind it with pepper spray. He cannot even see it.” Palms raised, Élise looked at him with exasperation. “What has happened has terrified him. Snow Crystal is his life. He is afraid that this will slow him down and change things and what is the first thing that happens when he walks back through the door of his own home? Everyone is telling him to sit down and not do anything. For Walter that is like telling him to just be dead already. He isn’t the sort of man who would relish living his life in a chair. He wants to be active. And so he is terrified. And the more terrified he is, the more aggressive and snappy he becomes.”

  Afraid?

  “I deal with people who are afraid
all the time. I know what fear looks like. He isn’t behaving like a man who is afraid.”

  “You think because he doesn’t say it he doesn’t feel it? Maybe you are used to dealing with people who are afraid, but with Walter you switch off being a doctor and become his grandson. Instead of thinking about how you know so much because you’re this great big important doctor, instead of feeling guilty about the row, you should think about him and what he needs.”

  “So if your theory is right and he’s scared, why is he sending me away?”

  Her eyes were bright with exasperation. “Because having you here makes him feel more vulnerable.”

  “More vulnerable? The idea of staying is that having me here will make him feel less vulnerable. It’s supposed to reassure him.”

  “As far as Walter is concerned, you have been home once since Christmas and that was a fleeting visit. You do not spend chunks of time here.”

  Guilt stabbed. “That’s true, but—”

  “The fact is you don’t usually do this and suddenly you are doing it. So for Walter, he thinks you are agreeing to stay because you are worried about him. Instead of reassuring him, he is taking the fact that you are staying as a sign that he is going to have another heart attack. That you think he is going to drop dead. That everyone is waiting for him to drop dead. They are all hovering like blackfly. He is very afraid. He needs everything to be normal.”

  Confronted by the very real possibility that he’d misread everything, Sean stood still. Why hadn’t that interpretation occurred to him?

  What the hell sort of doctor was he?

  “It’s possible that you’re right.”

  “I am right. Now forget your stupid pride, admit that you messed up and let’s move on for Walter’s sake.”

  He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. He’d been so busy managing his own complex emotions he hadn’t analyzed the possible psychology behind his grandfather’s response. “If you’re right and my being here is making him more afraid, then I am in an impossible position. I should stay, but that will just make him worse.” Battling with the options, Sean tilted his head back and stared up at the sky, wondering if Galileo had found physics easier than human relations. “So I have to find another reason to stay. A reason that doesn’t involve him. A reason he’ll believe.”