Grace Lost (The Grace Series)

by Lewis, M. Lauryl

  “Zoe, it’s been almost a month now. I don’t think that’s going to happen, darlin.’ Try not to worry so much.”

  “’Kay.”

  I watched as he set to work scooping snow into the pan.

  “Gus?” I asked.

  “Yup?”

  “What kind of meat is in the oven?”

  He laughed. “Rabbit.”

  “I guess that’s not so bad,” I said as I chewed on a thumbnail.

  “Tastes just like chicken,” he joked.

  Within an hour the sun had set and the Shepherd’s Pie was ready to eat. Gus had found a stool in the shed and had brought it in as a fifth seat, allowing us to all sit at the table at the same time. The trout was cleaned and on ice inside the fridge. Boggs had said that the ice would help keep the fish from drying out.

  Emilie carried the hot casserole dish to the center of the table using two hot pads. Since she had thrown the recipe together, we all suggested she be served first. Gus was happy to pile the hot food onto her plate, and continued to do so around the table. As good as it smelled, as soon as the food hit my plate my stomach churned in protest and I felt vomit creeping up my throat. I covered my mouth with my hand and stood, knocking my chair over. I ran to the stairs and up to the bathroom. I wasn’t able to make it all the way to the toilet, so vomited into the sink. The sight and smell of what came from my own stomach made me retch again. Tears streamed down my face from the strain of vomiting. I fumbled with a hand towel and washed my hands and face. The room was spinning and I sat on the floor near the toilet with my back against the wall.

  After several minutes, there was a light knock on the still-open door. I looked up. Gus was standing there with a look of concern on his face.

  “Zoe? You ok darlin’?” he asked quietly.

  I shook my head no. “I feel really sick.”

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Where’s Boggs?”

  “They’re all downstairs eating.”

  The thought of the food made me dry heave.

  “Slow down, Zoe,” said Gus. He put a wash cloth under the tap, wrung it out, and placed it on my forehead. He folded a bath towel and set it on my lap. “Just in case you lose more cookies,” he explained. “That’s what my mom used to do for me when I was little. I used to get sick a lot.”

  “Do you really think the olive juice made me sick?” I asked.

  “Nah,” he said. “I was just kidding about that. You’ve eaten the same things the rest of us have, so I doubt it’s food poisoning.” He felt my forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever, so I don’t think the infection is back.” He looked thoughtful for several moments. “Do you feel like you can go lay down for awhile?”

  I shook my head no. “Maybe a hot bath and some tea?”

  “Ok. I’ll have Em come up and help you. Just sit tight for a bit?”

  I nodded. As he left the room, I situated myself over the toilet and threw up again. My stomach empty, it was just bile that left a bitter taste in my mouth. Afterward, I stood and rinsed my mouth using my hands to cup water from the sink faucet. I had started shaking, so sat back down. It took Emilie several minutes to join me in the bathroom. She carried a cup of steaming tea, set it on the counter, and sat across from me.

  “Gus said you’re feeling pretty pukey,” she said quietly.

  “I feel a little better now,”

  “Zo, you’re shaking. When did you eat last?”

  “Lunch. The oatmeal just came back up.”

  “Gus said you want to take a bath.”

  “Ya, I feel kinda gross.”

  “Want me to run the water for you?”

  I nodded. “Ya. Thanks.”

  “Everyone’s pretty worried about you, Zoe. Gus wants me to ask you some personal stuff.”

  I looked up. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he’s worried that with the throwing up, not eating, and being tired it might be something we need to check into. He wants to know how long it’s been since you had a period.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “Nuh-uh, no way.”

  “Zoe?” Gus’ voice interrupted from the hallway. “Sorry to be so personal but we need to know. We’re just trying to help.”

  “God, no.” I shook my head back and forth.

  “Zoe, calm down,” said Gus. “We’ll get it figured out.” He looked at Emilie. “Em, there’s some stuff about myself I haven’t told you yet. I want you to stay while I talk to Zoe, but I don’t want you getting upset.”

  She looked at him in confusion. Their eyes locked before she spoke. “Ok, Gus. Ok.”

  Gus looked back at me. “Zoe, when I was just out of high school I got married. We were only eighteen. Thought we were in love. We had two kids together. Everything was great for awhile until she started fooling around and left me for another guy. She took the kids with her. Anyway, she felt a lot like you’ve been feeling early on both times she was expecting. I might be wrong, but we need to know if it’s a possibility here. Do you understand?” He studied me, his eyes soft and full of caring.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Have you had a period since this all happened?” he asked.

  I knew he meant since the dead had risen and our world was turned upside down. I shook my head no. “I thought I was going to start back at the bed and breakfast, but never did.”

  Gus looked down, deep in thought. “We’ve been here for just over three weeks. Are you on the pill, or using birth control?”

  I shook my head no.

  Gus sighed in obvious disapproval.

  I started crying. “Don’t be mad at me.” I sniffled.

  “No one’s mad,” said Gus. “And if I get mad at anyone, it’ll be at Boggs.”

  Gus stood, leaving me and Emilie alone in the bathroom.

  “Wow,” she said. I looked up at her. “I didn’t know he had kids. Or had been married.”

  “Don’t be too rough on him, Em. It might just be hard for him to talk about. You know he’s in love with you now, and that’s what should matter.”

  “I know,” she said, followed by a heavy breath. “Back at the general store I raided the feminine aisle. I kinda took a little of everything. I think you should take a home pregnancy test, Zo.”

  “I don’t want to know,” I mumbled.

  Emilie stood and rummage beneath the cabinet. “I stocked it all up here since most of it belongs in the bathroom. I should have mentioned there’s condoms, KY, pads, tampons. I even grabbed yeast infection cream.”

  The mention of all the personal products had me beyond just embarrassed. “I just want to hide, Em.”

  “Too bad,” she said as she stood with a small rectangular box in hand. “There’s nowhere to go.”

  She walked to the claw foot tub and turned the faucet off. She handed me the box. I just stared at it. “Zoe, I’m going to give you some privacy. Pee on the stick. There’s directions inside. Set it on the counter and take your bath. If you want I can come in later and sit with you, help you read it?”

  “Kay.”

  She left me alone in the small room. I opened the box and took out the directions. I opened them, flattened them, and stared at them. After about five minutes I picked up the stick that was inside the box, wrapped in a separate foil package. I opened it, and spent another couple of minutes staring at it. I tried not to cry. I took my pants off, sat on the toilet, and held the end of the stick under myself. It took several seconds to force myself to relax enough to pee, but finally did and felt the stream hitting the end of the test. When I was done I put a piece of toilet paper on the counter and set the stick face up on top. I wiped myself, pulled my shirt over my head and flushed the toilet. I climbed into the warm bath. A couple more minutes passed.

  “Hey, kid,” Boggs said as he opened the door. “Can I come in?”

  “Hey. I thought Em was coming back? And yes you can come in.”

  “Gus and Emilie told me what’s going on. They both thought I
should be the one who reads the pregnancy test with you. I’d like to be the one here with you, Zo, if that’s ok?”

  I drew my knees to my chest and laid my head down on them.

  “Of course it’s ok. I just don’t know what to do, Boggs.” I started crying again.

  “Shhhh. Zoe. We’ll get thought this. Either way, we’ll get through this.”

  I barely nodded my head.

  Boggs sat on the floor next to the bathtub. He ran a hand over my head. “Whatever happens, Zoe, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Emilie said if there’s just one line it’s negative. Two it’s positive. You ready for me to look?”

  “No.”

  “Zoe, we have to.”

  He reached over to grab the test lying on the counter and settled back in beside me with it in hand. He looked it over and studied it for several long moments.

  I could sense him looking at me, but didn’t have the courage to look back. I heard him sigh. “Zoe.”

  I ignored him.

  “Zoe. At least look at me. Please.”

  I slid down in the bath, letting my head slide beneath the water. I held my breath as long as I could. It was quiet, and peaceful. My lungs started to burn in need of air, so I sat back up and covered my eyes with my hands.

  “Zo.” Boggs arms were around me, and I clung to him.

  “I can’t, Boggs. I can’t do it. Not now, not in this horrible world.”

  “Shhhh. It’s going to be ok. We’ll get through this, together.”

  Boggs rocked me until my sobbing slowed. He helped me up and wrapped me in a towel. “Let’s get some sleep, Zo.”

  He walked me across the hall to our room. I slipped under the covers, nude, and let him tuck me in.

  “You’ll stay with me?” I sounded near panic.

  “Absolutely.”

  Boggs crawled in behind me, and wrapped a strong arm around me. He let his hand rest low on my abdomen like he might be able to somehow feel the baby that was growing within me.

  “Will you tell them?” I asked him in a hushed whisper.

  “I’m sure they’ll go in and look at the test, Zoe. Just sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day, and we’ll face it together.”

  About the Author

  M. Lauryl Lewis was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest. She lives in the Cascade

  Foothills with her husband and their three sons. The family is completed by a pack of

  dogs, a flock of chickens, and two cats. She is a labor & delivery nurse who loves

  camping, reading, and writing!

  M. Lauryl is a fan of horror, the paranormal, and sci-fi.

  Zombies hold a special place in her heart.

  Blog: www.mlauryllewis.com

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/MLaurylLewis

  Twitter: @MLaurylLewis

  #GraceLost

  #MLaurylLewis

  #TaintedGrace

  A Preview of TAINTED GRACE, the sequel to GRACE LOST, due to be released Spring of 2013!

  TAINTED GRACE

  Copyright 2012 M. Lauryl Lewis

  Nights seemed long and sleeping late was always tempting. I’m not sure what caused me to climb out of bed so early in the morning. By the time my feet hit the cold floor in our bedroom, I knew something was wrong. The air seemed heavy. It was perhaps only a split second before I began choking on the smoke that was collecting at the peak of our sloped ceiling. We were in the habit of leaving the doors to our rooms open at night in case we needed the others in a hurry. It seemed safest, and had become comfortable.

  “Boggs!” I shouted. “Boggs!”

  The urgency in my voice immediately woke the man with whom I shared a bed. He sat bolt upright.

  “Emilie! Gus! Fire!” I screamed. “Susan! Oh my God!” I shouted. I flew out of bed, nearly tripping on the blankets.

  “Zoe!” shouted Boggs as he tumbled out of the bed. “Stay with me!”

  “Emilie!” I heard Gus yell from across the hall.

  The next moments were filled with chaos and confusion as we all began to gather in the smoke-filled hallway. The smell of soot was becoming sickening. I could feel heat coming from the floor below our feet.

  “It’s downstairs,” said Boggs between coughs.

  Susan was grabbing onto Boggs, who clung to me.

  “We have to get out, now,” said Gus in his usual tone of authority. “It’s no good trying to go down the stairs. Into Susan’s room, quick!”

  Voices became mixed in a panic as we all fumbled through the heavy smoke toward Susan’s room. It became so incredibly difficult to breathe.

  “On the ground!” said Boggs. “The air will be clearer on the ground!”

  I felt my best friend and lover pull on my arm until I was on my knees. “Zoe, go with Susan and Emilie. I’ll be right behind you,” he said to me.

  I heard glass breaking from downstairs. It sounded as if the fire was alive and ravenous. The smell of burning fabric and plastic stung my nose and my lungs felt as if they too were on fire.

  “Boggs, we need to get the guns,” choked out Gus.

  One of the girls pulled me forward. I wasn’t sure which one. Our crawl to Susan’s room was a flurry of confusion in the dark. I reached back several times hoping to feel Boggs or Gus, but didn’t. The sound of metal bending under the pressure of the heat downstairs deafened us for a moment.

  “We have to get out,” cried Susan. “We have to get out!”

  “The window,” said Emilie, barely able to speak.

  I had no idea where the window was. I wasn’t even confident that we were in Susan’s room. My orientation was thoroughly mixed up from the smoky haze. I began to panic as my thoughts shifted from Boggs being missing from my side to the baby growing inside of me. My instinct to escape went into overdrive and I somehow crawled to a wall, hoping it would be the one that housed the window. I started to stand to feel for the glass with my hands when I heard someone shout “Where’s Zoe?” My arm was grabbed and I was pulled sideways. More than anything, I needed to breathe. The next moments were a blur. I was hoisted to the window and arms were there to pull me through. The cold air that hit my face was refreshing. I fought to catch my breath, but smoke continued to twist its way deep into my lungs. I could see orange flames lapping at the far end of the roof, almost like the Devil’s fingers caressing a prized pet. The heat was searing against my face. The fire growled with anger as if taunting us.

  “Get them down, Boggs!” shouted Gus loudly. “Hurry!”

  I watched as Gus swung Emile down from the rooftop where we huddled. I assumed Boggs was below to ease her way. I knew this corner of the cabin was closest to the ground, and was glad that Gus had the good sense to direct us here.

  “Zoe!” yelled Gus. “Come on Zoe, you’re next!” He grabbed me around the waist and swung me over. I fell into Boggs’ waiting arms and without warning was on my feet and being pulled away from the burning cabin.

  “Gus!” I yelled back. “Gus!”

  “I’m here,” he yelled between hacking fits. “Just keep running!”

  And run I did. As fast as my stinging lungs and bare feet would allow. Boggs kept hold of my hand and before long we joined Susan and Emilie. Both girls were collapsed on the ground. Susan was crying, creating streaks of tears and soot. Gus was right behind us and pulled Em to her feet.

  “We need to get farther away! Fast!” Gus shouted. “Go!”

  Boggs reached a hand out for Susan, who took it and stood. The step van was too close to the inferno for us to even attempt to get to it. The flames were consuming the exterior walls of our cabin and I could see the windshield had shattered from the heat. Its tires were melted.

  We ran to the tree line, but could still feel the heat from the fire chasing us. Without warning the cabin exploded behind us. While it didn’t knock us over, I could feel my legs give out, causing me to stumble. Boggs held me upright. We all turned and watched as the small cabin that had become our home continued to go up in flames. Breathing be
came easier as clean air flushed our lungs. The smell of charred wood and soot clung to us. My eyes burned. My nose burned. My lungs burned. My heart was broken.

  “What now?” I whispered.

  No one seemed anxious to answer.

  “I need to think,” said Gus. He had his hands laced together at the back of his head. “Zoe, are we alone?” I knew he wanted to know if I sensed any of the living dead nearby.

  “Ya,” I said. “All clear.” I began coughing again.

  “Gus, we need to move,” said Boggs.

  “What about the Explorer?” asked Emilie.

  “None of us have shoes on, darlin’. It’d be a long, cold walk,” answered Gus.

  “The raft?” I asked.

  “No good,” said Boggs. “It’s been losing air, Zo. With five of us it’d likely sink.”

  I sighed heavily. I was feeling hopeless. “We can’t stay here,” I said, tears starting to fall.

  I felt Boggs wrap an arm around me. It was then that we saw headlights coming down the drive. A large camouflaged military truck came to a stop well away from the burning cabin. Thick black smoke was rising to meet the clouds above and morning light was starting to fill the sky.

  Gus held his arms out to his sides signaling the other girls to stay behind him.

  Three men exited the vehicle and surveyed the fire. They seemed unaware of us.

  Boggs said to me very clearly, “stay here.” He chambered a round in his Kahr and tucked the pistol into the back waistband of his jeans, then stepped out of the tree line. The other girls and I stayed concealed amongst the trees.

  Gus followed Boggs. The men in the driveway took notice of them and raised their rifles.

  “Stop!” yelled one of them.

  Gus and Boggs both put their arms out, Gus holding his shotgun off to one side. The strangers proceeded forward slowly.

  “Stop there!” said the smallest of the three men. He spoke in a slight accent. I thought it might be Russian but wasn’t sure. “Proceed no further.”

  “Who are you?” called Gus.

  “Friends,” answered the man. “We were out scouting and saw the flames from the highway.”