by Linda Ford
The direction of his thoughts made his stomach burn. Had Missy accused him of being afraid? She’d be surprised to learn he had good reason.
He brought his thoughts back to the children who had already prepared for church. Wade had even braided Annie’s hair.
She’d examined herself in his little mirror. “Looks nice. Thanks, Uncle Wade.”
Silently, he thanked Susan for teaching him this skill. Neither of them could have guessed how and when he’d use it.
“You two go on down and wait for me. No running around. Be sure you stay clean.”
Hand in hand, they sedately walked out of the room. Their footsteps on the stairs were slow and measured. He grinned. They meant to obey him. He washed and shaved, combed his hair back and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Not bad for an old guy.
That thought sobered him. He was twenty-six. Missy was only eighteen. Likely she saw him as a father figure.
He turned from the mirror and descended the stairs, each footstep hard enough to send a jolt clear to the top of his head. As if he could drive away all his foolish thoughts.
The others, including the children, had already left the house. As he stepped outside, he saw them enter the cookhouse. He followed after them, keeping his gaze on the ground ahead. After all, a man must guard his steps if he meant to stay on the trail he’d chosen. He reached his destination, kicked the snow and dirt from his boots and entered.
Cookie grabbed him in a bear hug. “I’ve wondered when you’d visit me.”
His lungs could not work. His heart pounded a protest until she released him, leaving him gasping for breath.
Wade held out his hand to her husband, Bertie, relieved the man settled for a quick handshake.
The children waited for his welcome to end, then Annie raced toward him. He caught her in his arms and pulled Joey to his side. Only then did he allow his gaze to go to Missy.
She smiled and his heart tipped sideways.
“Good morning,” he murmured. He could say nothing more because of the others crowding through the door. Which was probably a good thing, as he felt a sudden, inexplicable urge to tell her the darkest secrets of his heart.
“We’re going to have church.” Annie sounded excited as she took his hand and led him toward a bench.
Joey and Missy followed and then a crowd filled the benches—the cowboys of the ranch, the newly married couples, the Jones family, two families from nearby ranches and the couple and their two little girls from town. Apart from those from the neighboring ranches, he’d already met them.
Somehow, as he and Missy took their places, a child ended up beside each of them, pressing Wade’s shoulder to Missy’s on the crowded bench. And somehow, he didn’t mind. It seemed a perfect way to spend a Sunday morning.
Cookie stood at the front. “So glad to see all of you on this, the last day of 1882. It’s been a good year and next year will be just as good or better because of God’s grace. Let’s sing.”
Beside Wade, Missy’s voice joined the others. He sang along. Today, he could think life was good and full of abundant promises. Promises he could trust.
He corrected that thought. He had faith in God’s promises. It was his own resources and abilities he did not trust.
They sang three hymns, then Bertie stood to speak.
“I’m not a preacher, just an old cowboy who now helps make meals for you and sees you have a full stomach each day. But there’s more to life than food and riding. And that’s found in a loving God. This is the last day of the year, as my good wife said already. I want to tell you all that we can look forward to the New Year with its surprises and disappointments, knowing nothing that happens is out of God’s good hands.”
How could the man so easily say that? Had he not faced things that challenged that belief?
Bertie continued. “Many of you know that I was a prodigal son for many years, wasting my life in reckless living. I made some mistakes I sorely regret. I’ve seen some awful things. I’ll spare your tender ears from hearing what they were. But believe me when I say I had good reason to think God might have given up on me. He didn’t. I thought I had enough reason to give up on myself, but eventually a wonderful truth hit me. If God still cared about me, then maybe I should, too.”
Murmurs of agreement came from many of those present. Wade, for his part, ached to believe instead of having reservations.
Bertie opened his Bible. “Go fearlessly into the New Year knowing that God goes with you, before you and behind you. I want to read you a portion of scripture to encourage you. This is one of my favorite Psalms. Chapter 37.” The man read in a strong, ringing voice.
The words washed over and through Wade.
“‘The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.’”
Bertie continued to read, but Wade’s thoughts stopped at those verses. Did God uphold a man such as him? Wade’s chest filled with hope. With God at his side, perhaps he could face the uncertainties of the future.
Bertie closed the Bible and sat, and Cookie stood again.
“Many of you know the new song ‘It Is Well with My Soul.’ Those of you who don’t, try and follow along. I think this hymn is an encouragement to all of us to trust God for the past and for the future, no matter what has come our way or what comes next.”
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
The words bit deep into Wade’s soul. The events of the past had left him fighting the future, afraid to allow others to be part of his life, lest he fail them. He longed to change that, but he wasn’t willing to risk repeating his failures. They loomed too big, too devastating to ignore. His inadequacies had led to Tomasina’s death. He’d willingly admitted it even without the accusation of her parents.
He wrapped an arm about Annie on one side and leaned ever so slightly toward Missy on the other. These two, and Joey, were far too precious for him to risk their happiness by letting them grow dependent on him. If he should fail them as he had Tomasina...
A cruel hand seemed to reach into his chest and squeeze the blood from his heart. He must surely have gasped with the pain, for Missy glanced sideways at him. Perhaps she saw more than he cared for her to see, for she laid her hand on his arm. He felt her touch all the way to his aching heart.
The service ended in a prayer of blessing, and slowly, mercifully, life returned to Wade’s limbs.
The tables were pushed back into place and the adults crowded around them. Annie and Joey went to join the other youngsters, but Missy stayed at Wade’s side, as if she thought he needed her comfort.
He wanted to deny it but he couldn’t. Having her there was a joy. It made him feel bold and courageous. Almost enough for him to throw away all his caution and go boldly and fearlessly into the future, as Bertie said.
Almost but not quite.
Cookie served coffee and set out big plates of cinnamon rolls. She waited while Wade took his first bite. He realized she expected a comment.
“Umm. Best rolls I ever tasted.” And he wasn’t exaggerating.
Cookie beamed with pleasure.
He settled back, content to listen to the hum of conversation around him. But it was not to be.
Brand speared him with a question. “How was the courtin’ hill?”
If Wade wasn’t mistaken, every eye around the table looked at him. He dared not glance at Missy to see how she reacted to the question. If she seemed offended by it, he would be hard-pressed to hide his disappointment. But if she blushed and looked embarrassed he would surely blurt out something stupid, such as an invitation for her to accompany him on a walk in that direction.
“We didn’t go there,” he managed to reply. At lea
st not the time Brand meant.
How come everyone looked either disappointed or disbelieving? It wasn’t as if he was courting Missy. Nothing could be further from his plans.
“Is that so?” Brand shook his head. “Sooner or later, I guess.”
Sybil placed her hand over Brand’s. “Don’t you go turning into a matchmaker. Let them work out things for themselves.”
At her word, thankfully, the conversation returned to general things.
Wade wanted to inform them all there was no need for a matchmaker. He and Missy both understood the limits on this friendship. It would come to an end as soon as he heard from the Bauers regarding the children.
He couldn’t deny he welcomed the delay. It gave him time to spend with the children and to give them a special Christmas. Plus, he would never regret the joy of knowing Missy, even though he’d miss her terribly when he was gone.
Soon, one by one the cowboys drifted away from the table, but the others lingered until Linette said she must attend to the meal. Immediately everyone rose. Wade had expected the couples to each go to their own homes, but they followed the Gardiners up the hill.
“Everyone comes for Sunday dinner,” Linette explained. “It’s one of our traditions.”
“Sounds like fun.” But he couldn’t decide if he welcomed the crowd, making private conversation with Missy impossible, or if he wished it could be otherwise. He would have liked to ask her what she thought of Bertie’s talk. Had she been challenged to go after what she really wanted? Because Wade was certain being a secretary was only a means of running from the risk of following her heart.
He managed to repress a heavy sigh. Seemed they weren’t all that different. Both were doing their best to avoid a repeat of past sorrows.
But she was young and attractive. She shouldn’t deprive herself of the family she truly wanted.
Unless he was mistaken in his assessment of her.
Thankfully the men gathered in the sitting room, while the women helped with meal preparations. Wade turned his attention to the conversation around him, glad that for now he would ignore the questions and wishes in his heart.
* * *
Missy kept herself busy all afternoon. She helped prepare and serve a meal to the crowd, insisting that Linette should sit and enjoy visiting with her friends.
“Thank you. You’re such a blessing.” Linette’s words fell like raindrops in Missy’s heart. It was pleasant to realize she wasn’t a burden to anyone here even if she’d landed uninvited on their doorstep, running from Vic. Thankfully, no one had mentioned the man today. Perhaps they accepted that he had been captured.
She helped with the dishes and then set about amusing all the children. “Let’s go upstairs where we won’t bother the adults.” She traipsed down the hall and, as she passed, glanced into the room where the grown-ups were gathered.
Her gaze connected with Wade’s and her heart skipped a beat. He looked as if he wanted her to stay, to spend time with him. She knew it was only her imagination. Her own longing. Ever since the trip home from town yesterday she’d been wanting to ask him what he meant by his question, Are you brave enough to step into a future that offers no guarantees, yet is full of hope? Did he think her a coward simply because she meant to take steps to be self-sufficient? He’d surely understand if he considered for a moment. If she was self-reliant, no one would have to be responsible for her. No one would consider her a burden or be forced to find ways to make her feel useful.
Louise, to her credit, had done her best in that regard and Missy was grateful. Just as she was happy that Louise could now live her own life and not have to worry about her little sister-in-law.
But Missy would not dwell on regrets from the past. They were about to embark on a new year and she meant to make the most of it. She’d take the secretarial course and she’d take care of herself.
She spent a couple hours organizing games for the children. Neil and Daisy seemed a little bored with the activities, so she suggested they join the adults. After all, the two of them worked side by side with their parents on a daily basis.
“I should help watch the little ones,” Daisy protested.
“Nonsense. I can manage. You deserve a little break today.”
Daisy smiled in appreciation. “Thank you. You’re a very kind lady. I hope...” She ducked her head.
“What is it? You can say what you want. I won’t be offended.”
Daisy slowly brought her head up again. “I hope you and Wade fall in love and get married and adopt Joey and Annie just like Cassie and Roper did for us.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “I am so grateful they did.”
For several seconds Missy couldn’t find words. Why would Daisy wish for such a thing? “I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she said gently. “But I pray the children will be happy in the future...as happy as you and your sister and brothers are.”
The girl nodded. “I hope so, too.” She left with a backward look at her little sister, who was playing happily with Annie, rocking her dolls.
Some time later the mothers came up to get their children. Cassie shepherded away her two younger ones. “Come on down now,” she told Missy. “Linette says the party is about to begin.”
Missy nodded. “I thought I heard wagons approach.”
“Claude and Bonnie Morton came from town. People have arrived from the OK Ranch, as well as a few others from town.”
Missy hurried down the stairs after Cassie. A New Year’s party for the adults. How exciting.
She stepped into the room. Chairs crowded every corner and almost every chair had been filled. The only available one was next to Wade. Had he saved it especially for her or was it only happenstance?
Either way, she was glad enough to sit beside him, though she was squeezed in so tightly she could barely move her arms. She sat back, and he leaned forward slightly so his bent arm half crossed in front of her. It gave her the most delicious feeling of being cared for.
It took a moment for the thought to register. Hadn’t she determined she didn’t want to be cared for? That it made her feel like a burden?
Only it could also make her feel valued. She’d almost forgotten that feeling. Perhaps she had even closed her mind to it after her parents’ deaths and Gordie’s constant complaining about being stuck with her.
Maybe tonight was a good time to remember the blessings of the past and forget, for the moment, the things that had caused her pain and regrets.
A party was a perfect place to do exactly that.
Linette had organized parlor games. With each, Missy grew more giddy, laughing for the slightest reason, which left her totally unfit to play the game Do As I Do. Louise was “it” and had to point at someone and say “do as I do.” She would proceed to do something silly, such as sneeze or cough, and the person she indicated was supposed to repeat the motion without laughing.
Oh, please, Missy silently begged. Don’t pick me. I am almost out of control with the joy of the evening. A joy, she freely admitted, that had a lot to do with Wade at her side.
Louise pointed at Eddie, who didn’t show any emotion as he wiped his eyebrows. Then she pointed to Nate and gave a naughty wink. How Nate managed to return the wink without a hint of smile was beyond Missy, as she covered her mouth to hide her amusement.
Louise turned, spied Missy trying to tame her smile, and pointed at her. Louise poked her finger in her ear.
Missy sucked in air, managed to stifle a smile and poked her finger in her ear. And burst out laughing.
She was “it.”
But she wouldn’t pick Wade. Someone was sure to misinterpret such a move. So she pointed toward Daisy, who widened her eyes and, even before Missy had finished wiping her finger across her nose, laughed and traded places with her.
Missy sat down, but now she was se
veral people to the right of Wade. She looked at him. He raised his eyebrows and gave a slanted glance toward the chair now occupied by Louise. Missy shrugged. There wasn’t much she could do about the situation, but she missed being next to him.
Several games and much hilarity later, Linette had them count off from one to five around the circle to draw up teams for Charades.
Missy tried not to be disappointed when her number wasn’t the same as Wade’s.
Louise watched them glance at each other and smiled knowingly. She whispered something to Wade and he grinned and nodded. Quickly they traded places and he gave Missy a look of such victory that warmth rushed up her neck.
If she wasn’t mistaken, he was flirting with her. And she was enjoying it.
They continued playing games for some time, then Linette clapped her hands and drew their attention.
“I’ve prepared refreshments. They’re set out in the kitchen. Eddie will ask a blessing on our food and our gathering, then help yourselves.”
Missy felt a pang of guilt. She’d been enjoying herself so much she hadn’t noticed several of the ladies had slipped away to help Linette with the refreshments.
Her guilt was short-lived, though, as Wade caught her elbow.
“May I?” he asked, his voice deep and warm.
“You may indeed.” She tucked her arm about his and he guided her into the kitchen.
He picked up two plates and handed one to her.
She smiled her thanks at him, and for the space of two heartbeats the others disappeared and she and Wade were alone, lost in each other’s gaze. Someone jostled her and she jerked back to the present. She was simply giddy and imagining things, Missy told herself. Or was she? She stole a glance at him, but he was trying to choose between the chocolate brownies and the matrimonial squares.
“Take both.” And she put one of each on his plate.
“You, too.” Wade served her in turn.
“Thank you, kind sir.” She grinned at him and he grinned back. They proceeded down the table, each choosing something for the other, each time smiling in a way that made her feel syrupy inside.
