Winter at Cedarwood Lodge

by Rebecca Raisin

  Rays of saffron sun shone through the stained-glass window. “Isla, what is it? You know you can talk to me as a friend.”

  “Do you have sisters?” she eventually asked.

  I shook my head. “No, I’m an only child. What about you?”

  “Same,” she smiled. “With my job, I don’t tend to have many friendships. They’re a little hard to maintain when I pack up and leave all the time. Sometimes I wish I was more grounded, settled, you know?”

  Outside, the rumble of a truck started, coughing and spluttering like it was on its last legs – I wouldn’t miss the noise once the renovations were done. “It must be hard moving on all the time.”

  She dropped her gaze. “Yes.”

  “Well, how about you sit down for five and tell me what’s really bothering you? Whatever you say stays here, in this chapel.”

  She gave me such a grateful look my heart nearly tore in two. Maybe that sadness she carried was pure loneliness and I understood that. I’d felt it often enough myself since returning home to Evergreen, but thankfully I had old friends to fall back on.

  She moved from foot to foot, the room humming from the noise outside. “I feel like I’ll drown in these feelings if I don’t confide in someone.”

  I gestured for her to continue.

  She blushed, bringing out the freckles on her nose. “He makes me forget there’s anything in the world except him and we’ve barely even talked. I can’t think straight when he looks at me. It’s the strangest thing. I’ve never felt like that before, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “With Micah?”

  She nodded.

  I hid a smile but inside I was jumping for joy. “Why not meet for a date and see what happens?” Micah had valid reasons for being wary about plunging into love again, but I couldn’t see what was holding Isla back. Shyness, and what else?

  “I doubt Micah even knows I’m alive! When we talk it’s like this halting, awkward mess.”

  “Nerves, perhaps? On both your parts…” It wasn’t my place to tell her how Micah felt but I was sorely tempted, and had to allude to it. Surely she could read the signs?

  “Do you think he feels the same?”

  I nodded. Whoops. What else could I do? Time was running out. Isla would leave soon unless something was done. “I think you’re both struggling with the same feelings and how to act on them.”

  Her blush deepened. “Well, that throws up a whole new set of problems. Unrequited love was torment enough, but that is infinitely worse.”

  “Why?” I asked, confused.

  “I worry…” Her face pinched. “…That Micah will see the real me, and it’ll all be over and I’ll have to leave Cedarwood early because it’ll hurt too much to stay.”

  “What do you mean, the real you? Unless you’re some kind of knife-wielding maniac in secret…?” I gave her a half-smile.

  She laughed. “I can wield the secateurs fairly well, so unless you’re a hedge you’re safe. But it’s more than that.”

  “OK… like I said, whatever you tell me stays in this room.”

  When she gazed up at me, my heart seized. She wore a look of abject grief, like she was one step away from dissolving into tears. What could make her so unhappy? I moved to embrace her. “Seriously, Isla, talk to me. It can’t be that bad…”

  After a deep, shuddery breath she said, “A few years ago I was visiting my parents’ farm for the weekend. It’d been almost a year since I’d seen them. That night their house caught fire. We still don’t know how it started, maybe faulty wiring, something shorted out. It spread so quickly, and it destroyed the house, and all of their farming equipment.”

  “Oh, Isla, that must have been terrifying. Were they OK?”

  She nodded. “They got out just in time. But I went back in for the dog, Roxie. I couldn’t let her suffer like that, knowing she was trapped and inhaling all that toxic smoke. I raced around the back and into the kitchen where she usually slept, and found her whimpering. As I went to pick her up a beam fell, blocking my path. Roxie scampered over it and out the door, but I got stuck, the smoke distorting my vision. The kitchen collapsed all at once, and I knew I had to clamber through the flames or I’d perish in there. It was the most terrifying thing ever, and I could hear my mom screaming my name. So I just reacted, and ran through the fire. I was burned down my body.”

  I let the story float, absorbing it all. “Isla, what a shocking thing to go through. I can only imagine how frightening it was for you and your family, but why would sharing that with Micah matter?”

  “The burns.” She swallowed hard. “I’ve never given the scarring much thought because I was so damn grateful to be alive. But now I wonder, how they’ll feel under his touch, how they’ll look… and I just want to retreat. What if it repulses him? Or the thought of it puts him off?”

  I hadn’t even thought of the scars. I’d only thought of her near-miss and how terrifying it must’ve been for her. “Oh, Isla. What a thing to worry about. Micah’s…” I groped for something that wouldn’t sound like platitudes, something that would convince her to take a chance. “If you knew him as well as I do, you’d know it would be a non-issue for him.” I paused. “Unless it’s upsetting for you, and then he’d be concerned. Out of all the men in the world, Micah would be the one to make you feel beautiful, because you are beautiful, and those scars, no matter how much you dislike them, are part of your story. They’re part of who you are, and how you got to this point, and I’m sure Micah would say the same. It’s a big ask, me telling you to trust in him, but I think you should.”

  Her eyes were glassy with tears. “You really think so, Clio?”

  “I really do. You can hide away for ever, but what good would that do you? Why not risk it and see, and I bet you’ll be surprised.” I could only guess Micah would run his fingertips along them, and ask Isla about that night, and make her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. When he fell in love he was lost to it, and scars or not, their romance would blossom if only they could move on from their pasts. They were utterly perfect for one another and I sent a prayer up to the universe to make it happen for my two friends.

  “I guess I’ve built it up into this huge issue and I can’t see past it. It’s like I don’t know who I am any more. I always have this instinct to run, so I never get close to anyone. I don’t know, it’s just easier that way.”

  “I can understand that, Isla. What you’ve been through is pretty huge. Have you thought about putting roots down? See what happens when you stay for a while? We’d love to have you full-time at Cedarwood. No pressure, but you’ll always have a place here if you need it. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  Hope danced in her eyes. “Really? You want me to stay?’

  “Of course! But there’s plenty of time for you to decide. You do what’s right for you.”

  “Thanks, Clio. Gosh, it’s good to have another girl to talk to. I miss that.”

  “I do too. So let’s make it a regular thing.” I gave her arm a squeeze. Isla needed a friend – it was as obvious as the freckles dotting her nose – and I was more than happy to be that person. And I was glad she’d shared her secret with me. I’d tread gently with my two lovesick friends.

  Chapter Ten

  With two short weeks until the party, the lodge facelift was at full speed ahead. Kai and I had spent the better part of the day setting up the sound system in the ballroom, before working around the electricians who were fiddling with wires after the downlights had shorted, then blinked before going dead. In the end I gave up. “Kai, we’re in their way, let’s leave them to it?”

  He nodded, and gave the guys a wave, before following me outside. “Let’s head up the mountain,” he said.

  My eyebrows shot up. “We’ve lugged boxes all morning, and untangled five million cables, and you want to trudge up a huge mountain? You’re crazy.”

  “I won’t have much longer to do it. Come on, humor me,” Kai said.

  “OK,�
�� I said reluctantly. Despite my protests, a bit of space from the lodge was just what we both needed. We’d been working since sun up and hadn’t stopped for lunch or an afternoon coffee break. “Where do you come from, Kai? Which part of Australia?” It struck me I could now walk and talk simultaneously up the mountain without my lungs burning.

  He jogged up ahead, then spun to face me. “I’m from Bondi, a beachside city, which is always full of tourists. The faces always change with the seasons, but I’m betting that doesn’t happen here.”

  “Why’d you leave?” My calf muscles began to protest as the climb steepened.

  With hands on hips, he considered the question. “The coastline is beautiful, and Australian beaches are the best. Bright white sand, and the whole surf culture… But it wasn’t enough. I figured I’d pack up and see a bit of the world. Maybe I’d stumble on something that made sense to me. I’ve always felt like there was something more for me than surfing all morning and fixing up other people’s homes in the afternoon.”

  “Have you found that mysterious something?”

  He laughed. “I’m still searching.”

  “And what do you think it is? Money? Waves? Lifestyle?”

  He took an age to answer but finally said, “I think it’s a feeling.”

  “A feeling?” I mused about what he could mean, ready to tease him, but then I realized we were both similar really…

  I went to prod for details when something stopped me. Something was amiss, and it took me a good minute to comprehend it was the smell of smoke in the air. My heart stopped as I turned to face Cedarwood. Plumes of thick black smoke rose from the roof into the lilac sky. “Oh my God, Kai! It’s on fire!”

  I skidded forward to get a better look, but from our vantage point we couldn’t see the front of the lodge, or whether everyone was out of harm’s way. My heart raced and my breath grew short as fear seized me. This was my place. My life. Everything I had, all of my dreams were tied to the lodge and… I froze. Micah. Isla. The team.

  “Quick…” Kai grabbed my clammy hand to steady me as my body turned liquid, seemingly unable to hold me up. “We have to get down there. We have to make sure everyone is OK.”

  “Yes!” I had to calm myself and get down there fast.

  Running and skidding down the mountain, brambles ripped at my jacket and scratched my skin. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop until I knew Micah was OK. I couldn’t lose him. He was like my brother. He knew me inside and out. I couldn’t face this world without him and for some reason I had this overwhelming sense he was the person in danger. He’d protect Isla, I knew he would.

  The descent was interminable, as my heart thundered in my chest. Cedarwood seemed to glow bright in the sky and, watching the dancing flames, my mind went to Isla and my blood ran cold. She’d be reliving her worst nightmare. I had to get to her. We tumbled to the bottom, muddy and red-faced, the acrid stench of the fire growing stronger as we neared the lodge. Kai was just ahead of me and I motioned for him to go on. The closer I got to the lodge the more my fear choked me.

  Breathless, I finally came to the front of the lodge, where a few men stood, eyes wide with shock watching orange flames lick the roof. “Where’s Micah? And Isla?” I asked, my voice sharp and shrill with panic as I looked around, desperate for any sign of them. Kai ran around the side of the lodge calling up to see if anyone was inside.

  Then, through the smoke, I saw them sitting on the grass out of harm’s way. I scrambled over, my eyes stinging.

  Micah was wrapped in a blanket, his face black with soot. Isla had a protective arm around him, her features lined with worry. Breathless, fearful, and about to sob, I fell at their feet. “Micah! Micah, oh my God, are you OK?” All I wanted to do was hug him, know he was safe, sure that no matter what happened to Cedarwood I would still have Micah. And beautiful Isla with her scared eyes, and ravaged heart.

  He nodded and clutched my hands, giving me a reassuring smile. “I’m fine.” Despite his assurance his hands shook and I held on tighter.

  “Isla…” I turned to her, aware of how much this fire would have affected her.

  She shook her head, as if to say don’t mention it, so I stayed mute, while I tried to discreetly check Micah for any injuries. Was he burned? His hair was now cropped close to his head in messy tufts, but aside from that and black soot coating his skin, I couldn’t see anything else.

  A wail of sirens rang out. Fire engines careened into the driveway, followed closely by an ambulance. “Did you inhale much smoke, Micah?” While I was concerned about the lodge, seeing Micah’s charred hair and blackened face scared me silly and all I could think of was his safety and that of everyone here.

  “A little, but I got out quick. I’m really OK, Clio, but I’ve got some bad news.”

  “Shush, Micah. Let’s worry about all of that later.” I knew he meant the lodge, and the fact we’d have to start over, but right then all I cared about was them.

  I turned to Isla again, unable to shake the feeling she was reliving a past nightmare all over again. “Are you really OK?”

  She nodded, biting her lip against the tears that threatened to flow. “I’m fine. Everyone is. I couldn’t find him, and I wanted to go in, but I… something stopped me, and it was like my feet were made of lead.”

  I wrapped my arms around her and whispered. “He got out. He’s OK.”

  She swatted at her face with the back of her hand and nodded.

  “Can you help him to the ambulance?” She needed to feel like she was helping, that she was there for him, or so I figured. I silently thanked the universe she hadn’t raced into the lodge after him. Who knew what might have happened?

  Her face pale with worry, she led him to the paramedic who was busy pulling supplies from the ambulance.

  The paramedic sat Micah down and asked quick-fire questions, assessing him and dabbing on ointment, fixing on an oxygen mask. Firefighters lined up before running into Cedarwood, hoses clasped tight.

  “Don’t worry.” Kai appeared, slightly breathless, at my side. “We’ll fix it.” I didn’t know if he meant the lodge, my stuttering heart, or what.

  I shivered, chilled to the bone despite the crackle and heat of the fire the firemen were frantically hosing down, bringing it slowly under control. Would it all go up? My dreams, gone in one big puff of smoke? Kai inched over and wrapped an arm around me. “You’re shaking.”

  “Do they know where it started? How?”

  “The ballroom,” Kai said.

  The ballroom! I sniffled, trying desperately to hide the shock clawing at me. “Is everyone else accounted for?”

  Kai nodded. “Everyone’s fine. Joe the carpenter was the only other person inside when it happened. We think it was the same downlights that shorted out before; they were set too close to the insulation. And when the electrician fixed the wiring, the heat from the lights set fire to the padding. We’ll have to check once it’s out. But Micah saved the room, pretty much, Clio. He got up there fast with a fire extinguisher and managed to put most of it out. Without his quick actions the whole place would have gone up. Joe got out, but when Micah didn’t follow he went back in, and found him. He’d been overcome with smoke by then.”

  “He could have died in there.” I shuddered at the thought. Micah would have been thinking only of me and Cedarwood, of the hopes I’d pinned on the place, and not his own life.

  How close to disaster we’d come.

  A fireman walked over and removed his mask. “It looks worse than it is,” he said. “The room has sustained a lot of damage, and the floor above it, but it’s mostly cosmetic. Close call, but your friend managed to keep it at bay.”

  I tried to respond but my voice caught. I tried to compose myself to speak. “Thank…” I swallowed hard as the actualization hit me anew. In the end I gave up and let the tears flow.

  The fireman patted my shoulder and said to Kai, “It’s shock. Better if you get Clio out of here for the night. Tell everyone to st
ay away. We’ll keep a few guys here just in case. The paramedic is taking Micah and Joe to hospital for observation.”

  “Sure,” he said. “I’ll tell everyone to pack up and head home. Thanks for all of your help.” The fireman nodded and went back to his team. Kai pulled me close, and I rested my head against his chest. The steady thrum of his heart was a comfort as I tried to think rationally.

  Kai lifted a finger to my chin. “Are you going to be OK if I go chat with everyone? I’ll only be a second.”

  I wiped at my face. “I should speak to them. I can…”

  “Hey,” he said. “You’re upset. And rightly so. It’s a big shock and no one is going to hold it against you if you sit for a while. I’ll be right back.”

  Isla darted a glance to the firefighters before jogging to me. “I’m going to go with Micah. Just so he’s got someone with him. OK? I’ll report back as soon as we know anything. Will you be all right?”

  “I’m totally fine. He’d love that. And please, call me as soon as they check him over.” Micah was in good hands; he didn’t need me hovering over him, wringing my hands and pacing. Still, it was hard to switch the worry off.

  Isla gave me a quick hug and ran back to the ambulance, hoisting herself inside before they shut the double doors.

  The tradespeople gathered their tools and gave me somber waves as they headed for their vehicles. I sucked in a breath of air, trying to steady my heartbeat. We’d been lucky, so very lucky. Thankfully Micah had installed fire extinguishers into every single room before anyone so much as picked up a hammer. And he was OK, wasn’t he? He’d be OK. Sobs started anew as I imagined a very different scenario, a world without my friend. And I vowed we’d do another safety check before any work recommenced at Cedarwood.

  Kai was staying in a motel the next town over, in a basic room with a tiny kitchenette and small bathroom. There was a double bed, a sofa, and an old box TV on a buffet. I was tucked up on his sofa, phone resting on the arm, waiting for any news about Micah.

  “Thanks for the coffee,” I said. “I should probably go. I don’t want to intrude any more than I have.”