A warm breeze lifted her hair off her shoulders, and he caught a glint of hope—she was still wearing his necklace. Maybe he had a chance, if he could just find the right way to reconnect.
“Want to go for a walk?” he asked.
“What? Why?”
He glanced around. “It’s a nice evening.”
“So?”
“Come on. I need to stretch my knee a little.”
She sighed loudly, but pushed away from the car and joined him on the sidewalk.
“Fine. But make it quick.”
She took off down the sidewalk with a determined stride, and he grinned to himself as he sped up to match it. Some things were still the same. She was as stubborn now as the day he’d met her.
An image of a pig-tailed stick of a girl flashed in his mind, face smudged with dirt and tears, a defiant stride moving her down the street. How many times had she run away from home that first year they’d moved here? Seven maybe. He couldn’t remember. He’d never understood it until last fall—until he himself had wanted to run away.
They reached the end of the street and turned down the dirt path that led into the wooded section of the neighborhood. Squirrels and birds rustled in the long shadows of the trees, and the breeze tickled the leaves above them. Disturbing the serenity seemed wrong somehow, but this might be his only chance to salvage their relationship.
“I know it’s asking a lot,” he said, “but I was hoping you might find a way to forgive me.”
She shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts, but said nothing.
“If you can’t, I’ll understand. I treated you like…well-“
“Like I didn’t have a right to mourn him,” she finished, kicking a rock ahead of them. “And then like I didn’t have a right to want to be happy again.”
Jackson sighed. He wanted to reach out to her, to pull her close and erase the past, but the chasm separating them was wider than he’d realized.
“I was drowning at that point, Lily. I can’t justify my behavior, but please try to understand. I needed some time to figure everything out.”
“I never once denied you the time or space you might need.”
“I know. You did everything right. It was me.”
“Why are we here?” She stopped walking and threw her hands up. “What is it you want?”
The path snaked around the corner, but Jackson stopped at a small break in the trees. It had been a long time since they’d ventured down toward the stream together, but he was hoping for some backup from a place filled with good memories.
“You remember when we first met?” he asked.
She folded her arms over her chest. “Yeah. So?”
“You were running away.” She shrugged but said nothing. He’d have to keep prodding. “You followed me down to the stream, remember?”
“So?”
“I taught you how to fish that day.” He grinned, remembering the horror on her face as she’d scolded him for killing innocent crickets.
“What’s your point? Did you bring me down here to have some sweet little trip down memory lane? That doesn’t fix anything.”
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. I know I can’t fix things. I was just hoping…”
“Hoping for what?”
“Just hoping you’d walk with me. That we could talk, maybe find a way to make things right again.” He gestured toward the small opening in the trees. “Just a little further?”
She shook her head and stepped backward. “No. I’m not going down there. I know what you’re trying to do, and it won’t work.”
“I’m not trying anything. I just want to talk.”
She bit her lower lip and took another step away before turning back down the path. This was proving more difficult than he’d imagined. He was just going to have to try harder.
“Lily,” he called as he jogged to catch up with her.
She walked even faster, but his legs were longer than hers, and he easily matched her pace.
“Come on, wait a minute.” He grabbed her arm, but she jerked it away.
“It’s your turn to leave me alone,” she said.
“No.”
She stopped and finally looked at him—really looked at him—and for the first time he noticed the dampness around her eyes. It was like running into a thorn bush he had no idea was there, and it hit him that once again he was being selfish. He’d been so focused on getting her to see that he still needed her, to see that he was sorry and that he would never hurt her again—to see him—that he had failed to see her. And in that, he was hurting her again.
“Okay,” she said, her voice cracking. “I forgive you.”
He exhaled in relief and started to smile.
“Now, please,” she continued. “Will you leave me alone?”
Leave her alone. How ironic that his own words would come back to punch him in the gut. And he deserved it. But he was finally climbing out of the miry pit he’d been drowning in, and he wasn’t about to slide back down.
“I just want to be your friend,” he said.
She laughed, but there was no joy in it. “My friend? Are you kidding?”
“No. Why would I be kidding?”
“Because you can’t possibly be serious.”
“We’ve been friends since we were kids. It shouldn’t be that big of a stretch.”
She threw her arms in the air and let out a groan.
“There is no possible way that we can still be friends, Jackson. How in the world is that supposed to work? I get to come over and have dinner like old times? Maybe we can hang out at the movies, or even better,” she threw an arm toward the stream, “we can go ride bikes down at the creek and go fishing! It will be just like we’re kids again!”
“Don’t be sarcastic,” he said as she huffed and kicked at the dirt. “You know that’s not going to help. I just want to try, that’s all.”
Twilight was fast approaching and her eyes had gone dark with the setting sun, but he thought for a moment he saw a glimmer of hope in them. He reached out and ruffled her hair, and she pushed his hand away.
“You know I hate that.” The corner of her mouth tipped.
“I know.”
He did it again.
“Stop.”
She ducked her head to the side, but he reached for her with the other arm. This time she swung her hand up and blocked him.
“Look, Carter. I don’t want to have to beat you down to get you to leave me alone.”
“Oh please. I could take you down with my pinky.”
She chuckled and pushed her hair back behind her ear, but a small strand still stuck out where he had mussed it. He fought the urge to straighten it for her.
“I don’t know about this.” She shook her head, and the hint of her smile disappeared as quickly as it had come.
“I know I screwed up. And there’s no apology that can make up for that. But I’ll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes to be worthy of your friendship again.”
She dropped her head and backed away. The breeze had died, and the stillness in the air made him aware of every nerve on his skin. Even the birds and crickets had gone silent as if they were anxious for her answer.
When she finally looked up at him, her face now streaked with the tears she’d been fighting, it was all he could do to keep himself from pulling her into him. She lifted her finger and shoved it at him.
“You think you can drag me down here and make a bunch of empty promises and say some nice crap to make everything right? Now? After I spent months trying to figure out what I’d done wrong?”
“I’m sorry-“
“I don’t care if you’re sorry! You can drop dead for all I care!” Her chest heaved, and she swiped at her tears.
It felt like the pain in his chest would split him open.
“I tried that already.” He paused and focused on keeping it together. “But not anymore. From now on, I’m choosing to live.”
Bru
nswick, GA
Alex ran his hand along the black vinyl seat of his motorcycle and then across the fuel tank as he gave it a final inspection. The dent in the front fender wasn’t even noticeable thanks to the mechanic’s hard work over at the shop. Adrian had taken one heck of a swing with that bat.
He stood and stepped back from the bike, looking over at Kyle Blackmon with a forced smile.
“Well, she’s all yours.”
Across the garage, Kyle furrowed his brow and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You sure about this? You’ve only had it for what, a little more than a year?”
Alex shrugged. “Something like that.” It had been one year, and fourteen days exactly.
“Look, you seem a little attached to it. You want to take some time to think about it?” Kyle checked his watch. “We have to be at the station soon, anyway. I can come back tomorrow.”
Alex shook his head. “Nah. I don’t need to think about it anymore.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
Kyle had that look on his face, the one he hated more than anything, the I-heard-what-happened sympathy look. No telling which version he’d heard. Alex hoped it was the one where he’d gone crazy and tried to kill himself. That at least made him seem more interesting.
He helped Kyle load the bike into the back of his truck then walked to the end of the driveway as it pulled away. Standing at the edge of the yard, he waited until the truck turned the corner. Then he turned to the nearest object he could find—the real estate sign with the cheesy smile of the good-for-nothing agent that hadn’t shown the house in weeks—and he kicked it so hard it flew out into the street.
He stood and stared at it for a moment. It would do just as much good laying there as it had sitting up in his yard the past three months. Something had to give. The money from the bike would buy him some time, but it wasn’t a long-term solution. He really shouldn’t have bought it to begin with. Or better yet, he should have driven it off the Sidney Lanier Bridge. He’d thought about it once.
He turned and walked back toward the house, going in through the garage and into the kitchen. He threw the remains of his take-out into the trash and wiped down the island countertop—the freaking marble countertop that he was now stuck trying to sell.
He grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and headed down the hallway, stopping outside the closed bedroom door on the left. He hadn’t opened it in over a month, but something about getting rid of the bike made him think he could do it.
He turned the knob and pushed the door open, stepping into the barren room. He stood in its center, drowning in the emptiness, and wondered how everything could have gotten so screwed up.
Birmingham, AL
Back at her aunt’s house, Lily pulled the sheets up to her chin and let the cool silk drift over her skin. The first few moments under the covers were normally soothing, but not tonight. She rolled onto her side and punched her pillow under her head to adjust it. The breeze from her box fan across the room rippled over her face pulling strands of hair along with it, and she let out a deep sigh, trying to release the tension still eating away at her.
The nerve of that guy to just pick up a phone after so long and expect to just apologize his way back into her life. And how stupid could she be for even thinking about forgiving him? One moment of weakness. That’s all it had taken. One moment of the familiar and she’d almost let him back in.
Friends. He’d lost his mind. How could he expect them to be friends again? It was impossible. Relationships never work when moving backward, and this was definitely backward. If it was so easy for him to just go back, maybe he’d never really loved her as anything more than a friend to begin with. Maybe she’d just loved him so much, she couldn’t see that he didn’t feel the same way.
Her stomach wrenched, but she pushed the feeling away. No more thinking about Jackson. She reached for a book on her nightstand just as her phone lit up and vibrated. She grabbed it, determined to ignore Jackson’s call and turn off the phone if necessary. But it wasn’t Jackson. It was a number from Georgia.
Her stomach did a completely different kind of flip. It had to be Alex.
“Hello?”
“Lily?”
Her heart sped up at the sound of his voice. “This is Lily.”
“Hey, it’s Alex.”
“Hey.”
A strange silence flooded the line, and she groped for anything to say. Apparently they’d forgotten how to carry on a conversation since their walk on the beach.
“So, how have you been?” he asked. Why hadn’t she thought of such a simple question herself?
“I’m good. I’m finishing up a volleyball camp tomorrow. How about you?”
“Not too bad. I just got your message a little while ago. You have no idea how good it was to hear from you.”
She smiled to herself, grateful he couldn’t see the blush flooding her face.
“It’s pretty late over there. What are you up to?”
“Just about to start my shift. I’m working midnights for the rest of the month, so I have to sleep during the day.”
“That has to be weird. I don’t think I could sleep in broad daylight.”
“Yeah, I’ve contemplated finding a dark cave where I can hang upside down, but you don’t find too many along the Georgia coast.”
She laughed at the image of Alex wrapped in a dark cloak like a vampire.
“Well, we have some great caves around here if you want.”
“Hmm, maybe.” He paused. “So when you coming back down here? There’s no one left to worship the ground I walk on.”
“Oh, I doubt that. I’m sure they came swarming out of the woodwork as soon as I left.”
“Well, that’s true. But you’ve spoiled all the fun. None of them resist as well as you did. It’s too easy.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage.”
She tried to ignore the pinch in her chest. His arrogance, feigned or not, left her wondering who he truly was.
“Seriously, when can I see you again?” His voice sobered as if he’d read her thoughts.
“I don’t know. I have camps every week for the rest of July, and I have to report for preseason the first week in August.”
She stopped before she asked him to come see her; that would just sound desperate. Besides, hadn’t they already had this conversation?
“Well, maybe we can work something out.”
Her heart fluttered and she threw up a silent prayer. “I’ll check my schedule. I might have a few days somewhere.”
“That would be great. But listen, I have to get going. I have a meeting in a few minutes. I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay?”
“Really? Okay.”
“Don’t sound so surprised. I thought you were starting to buy my whole honorable act.”
“I’m starting to wonder which Alex is real. The thoughtful one, or the arrogant one.”
“Which one will get to see you sooner?”
“I don’t know yet. Maybe the one that wants to see me bad enough to jump on his bike and get up here.”
“So that’s how it is, huh?” he said. “I guess we’ll have to discuss it and get back to you.”
She shook her head and sighed. His intentions were good, but it was pointless to get her hopes up.
“I have to run,” he said. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Definitely. Good night.”
She placed the phone back in its stand and snuggled under the covers again. Then she closed her eyes and tried to recreate their walk on the beach, her hand in his, the waves rolling gently toward their toes.
God, I know a relationship with Alex is crazy, but if I could just see him again, just one more time, I promise I’ll never ask again. Just once more.
July 13
Birmingham, Alabama
The bell at the top of the door jingled as it closed behind her, and Lily glanced around the small deli for Jackson. He was seated in the back booth, and he sat up str
aighter as their eyes met. Her insides knotted when he smiled at her, and she almost turned around to flee. But if she was going to move on, she had to face him, and she had to get him to understand. Friendship was impossible.
She pushed up her chin and weaved her way through several empty tables to the booth by the window. He watched her the entire time. She hated the expectation on his face, his large blue eyes, the faint smile on his lips. Where had all this persistent hope been a few months ago? She slid into the booth and dropped her backpack beside her.
“Let’s make this quick. I have to be back at the gym in thirty minutes.”
“Sure. I won’t keep you.” He glanced behind her. “You want a bite to eat?”
“No. I’m not hungry.” Her stomach growled in protest.
“You sure? It’s on me.”
“What are you trying to do here?”
She folded her hands on the table and leaned toward him. He tugged his worn ball cap down a bit and shrugged.
“I thought I was having lunch.”
“Don’t do that. You know what I mean. Why are you pursuing this? I told you the other night, I’m not interested in being friends with you.”
“I heard you.” He leaned forward onto his forearms. “I just don’t believe you.”
Heat flooded her face. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t believe you. We spent what, seven years as friends before we started dating? And I know what we meant to each other back then. You said so yourself.”
“When?”
“The first night I kissed you.” He inched forward, even as she leaned back and pushed down the stirring in her chest. “You said it was hard to imagine your life without me.”
“I don’t remember that.” She forced away the sudden images from their past. “But it doesn’t matter what I said back then. What I’m saying now is that this won’t work.”
“Why not?”
She looked out the window, barely registering the cars moving by in a blur. What else could she say? He just wouldn’t get the message.
“Lil, please.” He reached for her hand, lifting her fingers from the table and folding them into his. “Just give it a chance.”
Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance Page 11
