Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by Jennifer H. Westall

  “I don’t know about God’s eyes. I do know that my marriage is over, whether you choose to stay with me or not. You’re not breaking it up. Believe it or not, I think marriage is sacred just as much as you do-“

  “Then why aren’t you doing everything you can to save it?”

  “What makes you think I haven’t?”

  She paused and tried to gain control of the shaking inside of her. She didn’t know him at all.

  “Let’s just calm down and talk about this reasonably,” he said. “You’re hurt and angry, and you have every right to be. I should have said something sooner.”

  “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

  He sighed, but said nothing. Her body had run out of steam, so she sat back down on the bed. Could this really be happening?

  “Look,” he said. “At first, I didn’t say anything because I barely knew you. I had no idea where things were going with us. And I really hate talking about it.”

  “You should have told me before I came back down there.”

  “I couldn’t. I wanted to see you, and I didn’t want to mess everything up. She was supposed to sign the papers the Monday after you left, and I thought I could talk to you about it then. But she never showed, and now everything is all screwed up.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  She dropped her head into her hand, massaging her temples. This was exhausting. None of it really mattered anymore anyway.

  “You know,” he said, his voice softening. “I was drowning till I met you. I thought what I wanted wasn’t possible, wasn’t real. I thought I’d never give another thought to marriage. But all I can do since you came down here is think about a life with you.”

  Her eyes ached, and her throat knotted. How could he have found another dagger to drive into her? What a fool she was. She’d been dreaming of a future with someone who had already committed to sharing his life with someone else. No matter what either of them wanted, she couldn’t be a mistress, not even for a short time. She laid her head down and buried it in her pillow, yearning for him and hating him at the same time.

  “I need to go,” she said. “I can’t talk to you right now. You don’t get it. I can’t do this.”

  “Don’t hang up yet, Lily.”

  “I have to go. Please don’t call me again.”

  “Lily wait-“

  She ended the call and crumpled into a heap on her bed, gripping the terrible ache in her chest.

  Not again, God. Please, not again.

  She pulled the pillow over her ears as the phone began to ring. He could call until the end of eternity for all she cared. She was through with Alex Walker.

  Chapter Fourteen

  August 13

  Brunswick, Georgia

  Alex dialed Lily’s cell again, but after four rings it went to voicemail. He pushed his phone back into the clip on his belt and slammed his hands down on the handlebars of his bike. Beside him, Steve took a sip of water and watched him with an infuriating look of sympathy.

  “No answer?”

  Alex pulled his leg over the bike then stood next to it for a moment, gripping the seat and a handlebar with all his might.

  “Don’t you dare say I told you so.”

  “Hey man, I wouldn’t do that.” Steve shook his head. “But you had to know she’d find out sooner or later.”

  Alex shoved the bike away from him into the bushes beside the convenience store where they’d stopped. Across the lot, a small group of thug wannabe’s grew quiet and looked over at him before scattering like roaches. Alex shook his head as he paced back and forth beside the store.

  “I knew Chloe wouldn’t be able to stay out of my life. She has to stick her freaking nose into everything!”

  “Don’t start berating Chloe, man. You’ve made your fair share of bad choices.”

  “So you think what she did is okay?”

  “I’m not saying that-“

  “I should have been able to tell her in my own time, in my own way. Chloe had no right!”

  “You don’t even know if she did anything. Sounds like Lily found out on her own.”

  Alex stopped pacing and stared at Steve. He always saw the best in everyone, a trait that was normally lovable, but right now it was maddening.

  “You’ve got to be kidding. This is Chloe we’re talking about. She knew exactly what she was doing.” He bent over and grabbed his bike from the bushes. “Come on. We’re going to pay her a little visit.”

  Steve put his hands up. “Hey, I’m staying out of this one. The last thing I need right now is drama. I’ve barely gotten my things moved into the apartment. I’m not killing my marriage before it even gets started.”

  “Well thanks for the support. You know, you were a much better friend than you are a brother-in-law.”

  Alex knew instantly he shouldn’t have said that. Knew it wasn’t true. And the hurt that flashed in Steve’s eyes only confirmed it.

  “Look,” Alex said. “I’m sorry. I know you’re in a tough spot. I just can’t keep forgiving Chloe because somewhere in that thick head of hers she thinks she’s doing what’s best for me.”

  Steve sighed and leaned onto the handlebars of his bike.

  “Maybe it would be a good idea to wait. Talk to her after you’ve calmed down.”

  “No. I’m talking to her right now. You can drive me over there in the patrol car, or you can follow me on my bike.”

  “I don’t want to have to pull rank. You can’t just take off for Chloe’s while we’re on duty. We stay together.”

  “Then we better load up the bikes on the patrol car.”

  Alex stopped on the sidewalk outside Chloe’s apartment and dialed Lily’s phone again, but it went straight to voicemail. He was going to kill Chloe. He marched up the stairs to her door and pounded on it. Then he glanced back down at Steve hiding in the patrol car. Coward. Turning back to the door, he pounded it again and rested his hands on the door frame. She finally swung the door open, and Alex raised his head.

  “I guess you’re happy now.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and swung her weight over to one hip. “What did you do now?”

  “What did I do? That’s rich. The queen of meddling in my life has finally succeeded in ruining the best thing I had going. Are you proud of yourself?” He pushed past her and then swung around to face her. “It isn’t enough for you to lecture me constantly, to look at me like I’m a monster. You have to actually destroy the one good thing I have in my life!”

  She took a step toward him and pointed her finger at him. “You destroyed the good things in your life, Alex. Not me. You could have worked things out. You could have stayed together.”

  He almost had to laugh at the absurdity.

  “You think you know so much. You think your precious best friend is so innocent, and I’m the horrible bastard abandoning her! You don’t know anything, Chloe!” He brushed past her again and stopped just outside the open door. “Stay out of my life from now on. Don’t talk to me, don’t talk to Lily. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t exist.”

  He slammed the door as she stood open-mouthed in the living room. Then he jogged down the stairs to the patrol car below. He pulled out his phone again as he climbed into the passenger side.

  August 15

  Birmingham, Alabama

  Lily threw her practice jersey in the laundry basket and slammed her locker shut. It echoed through the small locker room. She glanced over at Emily who raised an eyebrow as she adjusted the ice on her shoulder.

  “Bad day?” Emily asked.

  Lily shoved a bag of ice under her t-shirt and secured it against her lower back.

  “Don’t ask.”

  “You better tighten up soon. Coach is starting to notice.”

  “I know!”

  She slipped her feet into her sandals and tried to settle her gnawing stomach. Emily stuck her head out of the door and glanced down the hall before letting it close again. At least she was
respecting Lily’s wish to keep her situation quiet for the time being.

  “Have you called him yet?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “How many messages has he left on your phone?”

  “A lot.” She’d erased them all, the texts too.

  “Seems like he really cares about you.”

  Lily grabbed her keys off the bench and started for the door.

  “Maybe. But I can’t talk to him right now.”

  As they made their way down the hall toward the side entrance of the gym, Emily shook her head.

  “I don’t see what the big deal is. So he’s getting a divorce. It’s not like he’s been happily married with kids and keeping you on the side.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He lied to me. And he put me in a position that compromises my beliefs. I committed adultery.”

  She could have sworn Emily chuckled at her. “Don’t be so melodramatic, Lil. It’s not adultery if you don’t know you’re doing it. Besides, you didn’t even sleep with him.”

  Lily held her tongue. They were so completely different. It was one of the reasons she had liked Emily so much. She never held anything back, just stormed ahead with her feelings and thoughts, thoughts that were never seasoned with any amount of faith. Emily didn’t even believe there was a God. Although Lily adored her, she could never take her advice on such a matter.

  She pushed open the double door to the outside and shielded her eyes from the sun. Whistles off to her right signaled the end of football practice, and she looked over to the stadium just as the players were huddling in the center of the field. At least she’d have time to eat lunch before they overran the cafeteria like a herd of elephants.

  As she topped the slope of the sidewalk and stepped into the parking lot, she caught a glimpse of movement near her car. Alex pushed away from leaning against it and began walking toward her. She stopped and shielded her eyes once more. Maybe they were playing tricks on her, but she knew that stride from any distance.

  “Oh no,” she said.

  “What?” Emily turned her head to see what Lily was looking at.

  “He’s here.”

  “Who?”

  “Alex. He’s coming this way.”

  Emily looked again, shielding her eyes as well. “You’re right. That’s definitely him. I can understand your dilemma. Married or not, he’s gorgeous. He could throw me in handcuffs anytime.”

  Lily slapped her shoulder. “Hey, you’re not helping.”

  She would have scolded her further, but Alex was within ear shot now. She’d have to face him, ready or not.

  “Lily?” he called out.

  She glanced at Emily. “I’ll meet you back at the room.”

  Emily grinned. “Good luck.”

  Lily turned back toward Alex and steeled herself as he drew closer. It was hard enough trying to make sense of the right thing to do without having to face her overwhelming attraction to him.

  “What are you doing here, Alex?”

  He stopped just in front of her, and he started to reach out, but he paused and swept his hair away from his forehead instead.

  “I don’t know. I just needed to see you. You won’t return any of my calls.”

  “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to concentrate on practice and my training. Coach has already said something about my lack of focus. I’m not screwing up my senior year.”

  “Just hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “It won’t change anything. You’re still married.”

  He paced in front of her, letting out a deep sigh. “Why do you have to be so rigid? Everything isn’t always black and white, right and wrong. Sometimes things just get messed up beyond repair, even when we’ve done everything we can.”

  She watched him pace, saw the frustration and pain in his face. This was hurting her too. Didn’t he know that?

  “I understand that relationships get messed up beyond repair. But marriage isn’t just any relationship. It should be a commitment to stick together through everything. Everything.”

  “You can’t stick with someone who refuses to stick with you. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “God can heal anything.”

  He glanced up to the sky, seemed to mouth a prayer, or maybe a curse. Then he looked back at her and frowned.

  “Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”

  Her eyes burned, and her head swam with shame for the desire swelling inside of her. She wanted to let go of her conscience, let go of this unrelenting need to be perfect. She reached for his arm and ran her hand over his skin. Immediately he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, and just like that her already shaky resolve crumbled. He cradled her head and mumbled in her ear.

  “Did you ever consider that maybe God means for us to be together? That maybe he is healing me?” He pulled back and tipped her chin. “He’s giving me a second chance.”

  “I don’t know about this.”

  “Shh.” He rested his cheek on her head. “Don’t worry. We’ll work everything out. It’s all going to be all right. I promise.”

  Alex took a bite of his sandwich and glanced around the cafeteria. It was mostly empty, but the girls at the table near the entrance—he assumed they were Lily’s teammates—darted glances at them now and then. He must have sprouted another head recently. They looked at him like he was an alien.

  “So, how long can you stay?” Lily asked from across the table they’d found in the back.

  She still looked shaken. Doubt clouded her eyes, and she hadn’t even touched her food.

  “I have to leave in a couple of hours. I left when my shift was over at eight this morning, and I have to be back by ten to start tonight’s shift.”

  Her eyes widened, and she looked him over more closely.

  “You haven’t slept? Why didn’t you take a vacation day?”

  “I didn’t have time to wait around for approval. I just made up my mind to come here and left.”

  He took a sip of his coke. Caffeine was good.

  “Alex, you shouldn’t have done that. You could fall asleep on the road.”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse.”

  He watched her pick at her pasta with a fork, her thoughts obviously still racing with all that he’d told her. How long would it take before she started asking questions? How honest would he have to be?

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She looked up from her plate and dropped her fork. “Yeah, just not very hungry.”

  “Do you, uh, want to talk about anything?”

  “I don’t know. I do, but, then again I don’t.”

  “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just ask.”

  Somewhere in his head he knew that was a lie. But maybe she wouldn’t ask too much yet. She hesitated, leaned back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest like protection.

  “How long have you been married?”

  “Two and half years. Nearly three now, I guess.”

  She leaned forward and picked at her pasta again, this time took a bite. She folded her arms on the table, her eyes floating around the room. She wasn’t looking at him. Not a good sign. She practically winced as she finally met his gaze.

  “How do you know for sure it’s over?”

  The heaviness building in his chest felt all too familiar. It was why he hated talking about his loss. It made him weak, pathetic. How could she be attracted to someone she pitied?

  “I just know.” Honesty was one thing. Digging up the dead was another.

  “She changed,” he continued. “Her work became everything to her, to the point she preferred a job offer in New York rather than marriage with me.”

  “That’s why you have to go to New York.” She wrinkled her brow and shook her head. “But if she wanted to leave, why is the divorce taking so long?”

  “At first she wanted me to go with her. She thought if she took the job and fought hard enough, I’d eventually agree and
move there too. When that didn’t happen, things turned nasty. At one point she claimed I’d abused her.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, it’s been a nightmare. I could just wait a couple of more months and the divorce would be final anyway. Under Georgia law she abandoned the marriage when she moved. I thought I could wait, but…”

  “But what?”

  “Look, I know we’ve joked around about my bad boy image, but it’s not really a joke. I’ve made some bad decisions, and I thought I’d never let myself get attached to anyone again. Not like that anyway. But, with you, everything’s different.”

  She reached across the table and covered his hands with her own.

  “Different how?”

  He thought of all the other women, some of them just a blur. They’d been a moment’s reprieve, a band aid over the gaping hole. But not Lily. She’d awakened something in him he thought was dead.

  “Better,” he said. “I can be better.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  August 22

  New York City

  Alex stood in front of the apartment door and gathered his nerves, preparing for a confrontation. He shook off the remnants of the rain from his hair, and then he reached out his fist and knocked three times. At least he knew for certain she was here. The guard in the lobby had confirmed that. Of course, he’d also had to flash his badge to get up here, so the guard might have already alerted her that he was coming. If she tried to duck out again he might just lose it.

  Just when his frustration began to mount, Adrian swung the door open. The first thing he noticed was the satisfied grin that spread over her face. It nearly made him sick. He tried to appear unaffected as she stretched her arm up the door frame and rested the other on her hip. She’d dyed her hair blond, and she’d lost weight since he’d seen her back in March, too much weight.

  A black cocktail dress hugged her slim waist and dipped dangerously between her breasts. Her eyes flickered with amusement, a cold green he could swear had once been a soft brown. But then, so many things had changed it was hard to keep track.