Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by Jennifer H. Westall

“You still miss her.”

  His throat constricted just thinking about her. No amount of praying had brought Lily back. So he had accepted that God meant for him to lose her, on top of everything else. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, rubbing the ache out of his eyes.

  “I do miss her. But there’s nothing I can do. I have to get on with my life.”

  “Maybe-“

  “No more maybe’s, Mom. Lily and I weren’t meant to be. It’s time to move on.”

  Jackson closed the door behind him and jogged down his mom’s front steps. Out of some distant habit, he glanced down the road toward Lily’s house, half expecting to see her strolling across the lawns with her fishing pole in one hand and a cooler in the other. How long would it take to forget, or at the very least separate his memories from the sadness that came with them?

  He walked to his car and unlocked the door. He started to climb inside, but he noticed the same silver car from before still sitting on the other side of his mom’s driveway. This time he took a closer look, and he could see that someone was in the driver’s seat.

  He’d never seen it before, so he made his way over to the car to get a closer look. After all, it had to have been there for over an hour now. A woman was seated behind the wheel, and she typed furiously on a small laptop computer. He bent down and tapped on the driver’s window, causing her to jump and send the laptop sideways into the center console. The woman snatched it back to her lap and closed the lid before rolling her window down.

  “Hi. Just wanted to make sure everything was all right. You need any help or anything?” Jackson took a quick glance around the inside of the car. Nothing seemed unusual.

  “Uh, no, I’m fine.” The woman smiled up at him, her blond hair lifting just off her shoulders as a breeze swept through the window.

  “Well, I noticed you’ve been out here for a while, and I didn’t recognize the car. You can’t be too safe these days.”

  “That’s true. No need to worry, though. I’m perfectly harmless.”

  “Are you from around here?”

  Her mouth stiffened into a tight line, and her bright green eyes narrowed slightly. Maybe he was being overly nosy, but with his dad gone, he had to look out for his mom, even if it meant ticking off a perfectly nice young woman.

  She placed her laptop in the passenger seat and pulled her purse into her lap.

  “Would you prefer to see some identification?”

  “No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t.” She relaxed again and returned her purse to the seat. “Actually, the truth is, I’m thinking about buying a house not far from here, and the realtor said my daughter would be zoned for the elementary school right down the street. I just wanted to get a better sense of what the surrounding areas were like in case she has to walk some mornings.” She winked and gave him a crooked grin. “You can’t be too safe these days.”

  He returned her smile and had to laugh. “Very true.”

  “Do you know much about it?”

  “Sure. I went to school there. Then I worked at the after school program a couple of years in high school. And I played ball on the playground most of my life.”

  “So then this is a safe neighborhood?”

  “Definitely. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Brunswick, Georgia

  As he turned off the ignition and sat completely still behind the wheel, Lily wondered what was going through Alex’s mind. Maybe this was a bad idea. She wasn’t even sure why she’d asked him to bring her here. But she’d wondered too long about the things he’d kept hidden from her, and she needed to see them for herself. She reached over and covered his hand with hers.

  “You okay?”

  He looked at her and smiled, though it seemed forced.

  “Sure. Why do you ask?”

  “You seem a little quiet. Are you uncomfortable bringing me here?”

  “Nah, I’m fine. You ready to go in?”

  She nodded and they climbed out of his car. As she came around the front, she couldn’t see very far past the driveway and small yard except to make out a bird bath near the walkway and a For Sale sign near the road. The houses were spread out so far, she couldn’t even see the next one over through the trees. It was nothing like the cramped little neighborhood she’d lived in with her mom where there were barely a few feet separating her house from her neighbor’s.

  She took Alex’s hand as they walked along the stones leading toward the front porch.

  “It’s quiet out here.”

  He nodded. “Hmm. Yeah, I guess it is.”

  They climbed the steps onto the porch, and as he slid the key in the door, she took in the view with a strange sense of walking through a dream. She’d tried to imagine his house, tried to picture how he lived, but she hadn’t been prepared for the emptiness of it.

  A small wind chime twisted in the breeze, and the gentle ding of the notes drew her eyes to the corner of the porch. Two rocking chairs sat on either side of a small glass-topped table, and she wondered if he’d shared evenings out here with Adrian. Had they laughed together? Had he kissed her or shared a cup of coffee with her in the morning? Maybe they’d sat there after dinner, his hand on her belly, feeling the baby move.

  She suddenly felt sick.

  Alex pushed open the front door and gestured for her to go in. But her feet wouldn’t budge. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she shouldn’t be here.

  He gave her a curious look. “You want to go in?”

  “Yeah.”

  She forced her feet forward through the door and into a small foyer. The light from the chandelier cast a golden hue that spilled into the living room just beyond where the hardwood ended. She glanced around the foyer for any signs of his former life—pictures, artwork, books—anything that might fill in the blanks. But the walls were bare, and there was no sign of any life whatsoever, not even a small table or a coat rack. It was just…empty.

  She walked forward to the edge of the light where the foyer opened into the living room. To her left stretched a dark hallway, and to her right was the kitchen. Alex flipped the light switch behind her, and the room brightened, but the emptiness remained. How had he lived like this for so long?

  “Well, this is it.” He walked around the sofa and stood before her with his arms outstretched. “It’s not much.”

  She wasn’t sure what to say. Part of her ached for him, sensing this place was filled with sorrow. It had to be like living with ghosts.

  She forced a smile. “It’s a pretty house. I like it.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. Not too big. Not too small. I can’t believe you haven’t been able to sell it.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know what else I can do about it. The realtor said to pack away all the personal stuff, which wasn’t much anyway. I try to keep it clean, but beyond that, I just don’t know what else to do.”

  She walked around behind the recliner and toward the opening to the kitchen.

  “Mind if I look around?”

  “Make yourself at home.” He followed behind her into the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink? I wasn’t expecting company, so it’s not much, but I have some soda.”

  “Sure.”

  She caught a glimpse of the refrigerator as he opened it. Not surprisingly, it was pretty bare as well. The counters were a beautiful marble that glinted with the light occasionally, and the tiled floor matched their pattern. It was beautiful, but like everything else, cold and hollow. The only personal item around was a calendar hanging on the wall with a picture of a farm on it.

  “Here you go.” He handed her the soda and leaned back against the counter.

  “Thanks.”

  She opened it and took a gulp then put it down beside him. She reached out and ran her hand along his arm, feeling the tension in his body.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I s
houldn’t have asked you to bring me here.”

  “Why? I don’t mind.”

  “I can see how uncomfortable this is for you, and honestly, it feels a little weird to me too.” She took his hand. “You want to go somewhere else?”

  He sighed and squeezed her hand. “Actually, no. I like having you here. It adds a little life to the place. Maybe you can give me some ideas to spruce it up a bit.”

  She grinned and shook her head. “That’s definitely not my area of expertise. My idea of sprucing it up would be putting a sand volleyball court in the back yard.”

  “I like that idea. Would you come play in your bikini if I did?”

  “Absolutely.”

  He pulled her face to his, and the heat of his kiss warmed everything around her. For a brief moment, she forgot about where she was and just felt the excitement he stirred inside of her.

  “Hey,” he mumbled in her ear. “There’s more to see.” He kissed her neck. “If you want.”

  She let him lead her back through the living room and down the hallway. As she passed a closed door on her left, her curiosity got the better of her.

  “Hey, what’s in here?” she asked.

  He stopped and faced her, his lips fading into a frown. “Ah, that would have been, uh, you know…Evan’s room.”

  “Oh.” She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You want to go in?”

  “No, no.” She shook her head.

  “It’s okay. There’s nothing in there.” He pushed the door open and stepped halfway inside. “See?”

  She glanced through the doorway into the room, which was indeed empty. The only clue as to its intended use was the wall-paper border of trains and cars around the top of the walls. She shouldn’t have asked about it. She remembered the first time she’d gone in Jackson’s house after his dad died, the way his absence hung over every room, every piece of furniture, even every word they’d spoken. Maybe that was why this room was bare.

  “I don’t know how you live here like this,” she said.

  “Like what?”

  “With all the memories. I’ve seen other people I know go through things, and I just don’t know how you do it. I can’t imagine.”

  He stepped back into the hallway and pulled the door closed again.

  “Well, it hasn’t been easy. But you have to figure out a way to keep going.” He gave her a small smile and kissed her. “In fact, I’d like to show you something.”

  She followed him down the hallway to an open door at the end. As he stepped inside, he flipped a switch, and a lamp beside the bed lit up the room. She walked through the doorway and immediately felt a difference.

  In here at least, there seemed to be evidence of life—an empty glass on the table, a dresser with change spilled across the top and a photo of Alex, Chloe, and an older woman who had to be his mom. A large plush blanket with the Marine Corps emblem on it lay crumbled at the foot of the bed, and the sheets were strewn in all different directions. She walked to the end of the bed, taking in the room she’d been trying to imagine him in each night as they’d talked on the phone.

  Alex pulled open the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a small square of paper. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for her to join him.

  “I hope it’s okay to share this with you.” He gave her the paper, which she realized was an ultrasound photo. “He was, uh, about four months here.”

  It took her a minute, but she could make out the lines enough to see the face.

  “I don’t exactly know what to look for. Can you show me?”

  She glanced up into his eyes and saw the moisture there, but he smiled and pointed at the photo, drawing with his finger as he talked.

  “This is his face here. And right there is his arm. His legs are right there. He kept crossing them every time we tried to see if he was a boy or girl, like he knew we were looking.”

  He chuckled a little, and Lily smiled back at him, relieved he seemed to be enjoying his memories.

  “Thank you for sharing this with me,” she said. “I wish…I wish I could say something or do something…”

  He held the photo in his hand for a moment before placing it on the night stand. Then he took her hand.

  “You don’t have to say or do anything. Honestly, just being with you has made me realize that I don’t have to stay trapped in the past. You’ve helped me see what’s possible, that being happy and loving again isn’t betraying his memory.”

  She rubbed his hand with her thumb, thinking of her own struggles to leave the past behind.

  “I love you, Alex.”

  His face broke into a smile, and he cupped her cheeks in his hands as he kissed her.

  “I love you, too.”

  He rolled her onto the bed, tucking her body beneath his, and this time when he touched her, the connection felt so complete, so right, every other thought fell away. There were no alarms in her head, no thoughts of right or wrong, just the fire building between them that spread to every inch of her body.

  “Lily?” he murmured. “Do you want me stop?”

  She knew what to say, but she couldn’t form the words. His hands on her skin were the only sensations that made sense. He kissed her throat, moving down her body slowly, taking every last drop of her resolve with him.

  “Don’t stop,” she breathed.

  Birmingham, Alabama

  Adrian took one final look around the neighboring yards, making sure no one had seen her, before she closed the back door. Then she flipped the small flashlight around the room—apparently the kitchen. Probably nothing interesting in her

  She moved through the doorway into the living room, and to her left a tiny ancient television reflected the light back at her from across the room. An old sofa sat against the wall by the kitchen doorway, and it saturated the air with a musty smell that could only come from years of improper cleaning, if any at all.

  Directly across from her was a small wooden desk with a few books and a black chair. She walked over and ran her gloved finger along the top. Didn’t anyone around here believe in dusting? She moved a few papers around, but nothing struck her as interesting.

  She glanced around the small open space to her right that probably should have been a dining room, if anyone had cared to try to fit a tiny table in the space. There was only a pitiful excuse for a chandelier hanging too low.

  She turned and went between the sofa and television into a miniscule hallway—if you could even call it that. It was basically walled-in space separating the two bedrooms and the bathroom. She glanced to her right. That had to be Little Miss Perfect’s room.

  She walked around the double bed in the center of the room, looking over photos on the dresser. Nothing but boring faces and sickly smiles. A trophy case stood in the corner, all three shelves stocked full of plaques and trophies from at least twelve years prior. Bet they made Miss Perfect feel good about herself when she was praying.

  She picked up a shorter one in the front—Most valuable Player of something or other—and she turned the golden girl on the top until she faced backward. Then she returned the trophy to its shelf.

  She turned and looked at the bed, not exactly sure what she was looking for. Something had to be in here that would give her some insight, some weakness or secret. Everyone had secrets if you dug around long enough.

  She shined the flashlight across the bed at the vanity, and it seemed more promising. She walked back around the bed to get a closer look. There were pictures stuck to the mirror of various insignificant faces, but one in particular jumped out at her. A guy in a basketball jersey draped an arm over Little Miss Perfect in her volleyball uniform, and something about him seemed familiar. She lifted it off the mirror and studied it more closely.

  Then it hit her. That was the guy from earlier that day, the overzealous idiot who made her drop her laptop. Interesting. She turned to the bed and night table behind her, dropping to her knees to look under
the bed. Nothing there. But under the night table she found a photo album and a yearbook.

  She pulled them out and thumbed through them slowly, a smile spreading over her face. Now this was promising. Miss Perfect did have a weakness—a handsome one. And it would hit Alex right where it hurt.

  She’d have to find out his name and dig up some more information, but she knew what direction to go now. She pulled out the portable scanner from her satchel and ran several photos through it, concentrating on the ones that were likely the most intimate.

  It figured Miss Perfect would have Mr. Jock at her side. Weren’t they just the most perfect couple? And from the looks of things, they’d been that way for a long time. Maybe, if she played this right, she could make all three of them get what they deserved.

  She put the scanner back and returned the album and yearbook. But as she pushed the books back under the table, a small card fell onto the floor. She picked it up to shove it back in, but the emblem on the front caught her attention.

  It was a circle divided into four sections, with the letters of the word love inscribed. She looked more closely and realized it read, “True Love Waits.”

  Surely Miss Perfect wasn’t actually that perfect.

  She flipped the card over and read the vow on the back, chuckling to herself. So the perfect princess was waiting for her prince charming to marry her sorry ass before she soiled herself. That had to be killing Alex. No wonder he’d been so uptight in New York. Even better.

  She tucked the card away again and stood, satisfied with what she’d found. She’d need some more information, a few names maybe, and she’d have to get a little dirty, but this new development would fit nicely with what she’d already set in motion. Then she could just sit back and watch all three of them suffer.

  Brunswick, Georgia

  The magnitude of what she’d done didn’t hit Lily until she was lying in the quiet darkness of Alex’s bedroom, his heavy breathing signaling he was finally asleep. But when it hit, her world spun completely off its axel.

  Oh God. Oh God. Panic surged through her. Oh God. I’m not a virgin. What did I do?