Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by Jennifer H. Westall

  “You don’t care that the guy you’re dating is married?”

  “It’s not that I don’t care. You just don’t know the whole story.”

  “Wait a minute. You knew?”

  “Look, he’s not married anymore. He’s been divorced for a couple of months now.”

  Was this the same girl he’d known most of his life? Where was the Lily that refused to compromise her principles, that held onto her faith at all cost?

  “I don’t believe this,” he mumbled. “I thought you believed marriage is sacred.”

  “I do, it’s just that-“

  “I don’t even know you anymore. What is going on with you? Are you so blinded by your feelings for this guy that you’d just throw away your beliefs?” She stared at him open-mouthed, guilt all over her face. “Do you even pray anymore? Or go to church?”

  “No.” She looked away, rubbing her thumb against her palm. “I can’t. I’ve tried, but I’ve messed everything up so badly. There’s no way to fix it.”

  Her hands were shaking now, and despite the risk of pushing her away, he took them in his own.

  “Things are never so messed up that you can’t fix them. This guy is all wrong for you. Can’t you see what he’s doing? He’s manipulating you and trying to control you. That’s not love.”

  “You don’t understand. And it’s not like I can talk to you about it.”

  “You can talk to me about anything.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek, and it felt like it would rip him open.

  “Not this. Not about Alex. Not when I still…”

  She stopped and seemed to catch herself before she said anything more. Then she pulled her hands out of his grasp, stood and walked toward the door. God, he wished she would finish that sentence. Did she still love him?

  He moved around the coffee table to cut her off, and he leaned down until their eyes met.

  “When you still what?”

  “I still care about you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. And I thought that if we just stayed away from each other, it would be easier to move on.”

  “Easier for who? You and Alex?”

  “No, for you…and maybe me too.”

  “You don’t get it, do you? I’ve tried staying away from you. It’s not any easier. It hurts more than I can bear every day, especially now, when you may be in real danger and I can’t do anything to protect you. Meanwhile, Alex has you convinced he’s your knight in shining armor, when he could be the very one behind all of this.”

  “Uggh!” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “You guys are stressing me out with this. Alex is not trying to hurt me.”

  It was all he could do to control the urge to grab her and shake some sense into her.

  “Oh my God, Lily! Wake up! The guy is a control freak. He just wants to keep you on his leash like a little pet. He has you so turned around you’re not even holding onto your faith anymore. I bet he’s already tried to get you to sleep with him, hasn’t he?”

  Her face went white and her eyes shot open. He saw the look of complete guilt wash over her, and immediately he wished he hadn’t asked. She stammered out a denial, but her eyes fluttered.

  His stomach lurched.

  “Forget it. I don’t want to know.”

  But his head was already filling with sickening images of Alex’s hands on her, touching her, groping her. Heat rushed up his neck and face, and it suddenly felt like his skin was covered with hives. He paced the living room, trying to force the images out.

  She couldn’t have. She would never do that. Her virginity meant everything to her. It was her gift to her husband—to him.

  Everything within him wanted to let it go, to forget he had even thought about it, but he had to know. He had to hear her say it. He stopped pacing and faced her. She looked like she’d seen a ghost.

  “Did you?” He couldn’t keep his voice from breaking.

  She just looked at him, saying nothing. Only her eyes spoke now, and they betrayed her.

  “Lily! Tell me the truth. Did you sleep with him?”

  When she still didn’t answer, anguish took over. He walked over to her and grabbed her shoulders.

  “Please. Tell me you did not have sex with him.”

  “I can’t explain it. I’m sorry. I know it was wrong, and I wish I hadn’t, but I can’t take it back.”

  Rage shot through him. He wanted to hurt her, just as badly as she was hurting him. He wanted to hate her, to push her out the door and never look at her again.

  “You need to leave,” he said.

  “Jackson, I’m sorry-“

  “Please, Lily. Just go. I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t even look at you. I can’t believe you would do this. I can’t believe you would give everything to this guy when you barely even know him.”

  Tears poured down her face as she backed toward the door.

  “Please don’t hate me.”

  He lifted his gaze to hers. He wanted to take her in his arms and make all of this go away, to somehow go back to that horrible day last spring when he could have just told her he loved her. How could he have been so stupid? But everything was different now. She was different. And there was no going back.

  “I could never hate you, Lily. But I can’t talk to you right now. I just need some time alone.”

  She turned and quietly slid out the door, and his heart ripped to shreds all over again. He fell into the recliner and dropped his head into his hands, finally giving into the sobs. It was the final blow. God had finally leveled him. He had taken her away all right, just as he’d always feared, but in a way he’d never imagined.

  “Why are you punishing me?!” he screamed to the ceiling. “How could this possibly be for your glory?”

  He had known that their romantic relationship was probably over. But he couldn’t help holding onto a grain of hope that someday she would come back to him. The last couple of months without her had been agony, and he had spent most of it in prayer for her. A lot of good that had done.

  He didn’t know how long he sat there, fighting tormenting images, but a knock on the door made him jump. Had she come back? Part of him wanted her so badly, and the other wanted to leave her standing out there forever. He waited, and the knock came again, more urgent this time. So he walked over to the door and pulled it open. But it wasn’t Lily on the front steps.

  It was Alex.

  “Look, I know what’s going on,” Alex began. But before he could finish, Jackson connected a right hook squarely with his jaw.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  November 2

  Birmingham, Alabama

  Lily tried to make out the road ahead of her through her tears, but everything was a blur. The car was driving itself at this point. It didn’t matter anyway. The physical pain of a wreck couldn’t hurt much worse than the look on Jackson’s face. He would never forgive her, and she couldn’t blame him.

  She turned into the small neighborhood where they had played as children just as a flash of lightening streaked across the sky. She turned right at the elementary school, and another flash illuminated the basketball court, the net barely clinging to the rim by a single strand. A loud crack of thunder followed.

  She drove past the school and onto the road that snaked past her house, squeezing the wheel with all her might. It shouldn’t matter. She’d let him go, and she’d moved on. But she couldn’t shake the image of his face, the disappointment and shame so heavy on her heart reflected in his eyes.

  She turned the car into the driveway, though she knew it was empty. She glanced over a few houses and saw the light on at Mary’s, and for a second she longed for the comfort of pouring her heart out. But she’d never be able to tell her everything, and she couldn’t bear disappointing Mary as well. No, it was better to be alone.

  As she climbed out of her car, large drops of rain plopped on the hood. She jogged to the front steps, getting her key in the lock just as the sky opened up. She pushed open the doo
r and flipped on the living room light.

  It looked the same as it had for more than twelve years now—empty table tops, a bare desk with only a few papers scattered across it, not even a dining room table. There was no evidence of this being a home. In many ways it reminded her of Alex's, only without the cloud of despair hanging over it.

  It looked the same. But nothing was the same anymore.

  She dropped her keys on the glass top of the coffee table and the clatter echoed through the empty house. She turned into the hallway and went to her bedroom, hoping for comfort from something familiar. She flipped the light switch and looked around the room, finding a small amount of comfort that her mom had kept things as she’d left them.

  Next to her closet, her trophy case still displayed her favorite accomplishments, but something about it seemed hollow. She walked over and stared at the awards, letting her fingers run over the tiny golden statues till she came to the one she’d treasured most. She picked it up and looked closer.

  Somehow it had gotten turned around. How appropriate. She’d gotten herself turned around alright, and now she’d never be able to fix it. She turned the girl on the statue back to the front, wishing it was that easy to fix herself, and then she sank onto her bed.

  Her photo album stuck out from under the side table. She picked it up and flipped to the back, right to her favorite photo—Prom night from Jackson’s senior year.

  They’d gone for a carriage ride around the block, and just as she had climbed out of the carriage, she’d stumbled and Jackson had caught her. Anyone else looking at it might think they were dancing. It looked more like a dip than a save. But it wasn’t really the photo that she loved. It was the words he’d said in her ear later that night as they had laughed about it.

  I’ll always be here to catch you, Lily.

  But not anymore. She’d seen to that. She dropped the album on the floor and curled up on her bed. Pulling her pillow under her head, she gave into her sobs.

  Alex’s head whipped sideways, and the pain that shot through his jaw sent sparks of light through his vision. Before he could even process what had happened, his gut reacted, and he buried his shoulder into Jackson’s chest. Their momentum carried them through the doorway, and Jackson went sliding across the hardwood on his back.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Alex roared.

  Jackson scrambled up from the floor and came at him again. This time Alex was ready, and he side-stepped the blow. Jackson stumbled forward, but regained his balance and turned into another punch that glanced off his temple. Alex stepped back again, crouching with his hands out in front of him.

  “Don’t do it, man.”

  Jackson lunged forward again. Alex chopped the sides of his neck, right on the carotid artery, stunning him long enough to grab behind his neck. He put his leg behind Jackson’s and took him down to his back with a thud that pushed the air out of his lungs. Alex pushed himself away, and Jackson rolled to his side sputtering out coughs.

  “We don’t have time for this,” Alex said. “Where is Lily?”

  Jackson came up on his knees and wheezed. Then he sucked in a breath and finally gathered himself to his feet.

  “Don’t you dare come in my house and ask me about Lily!”

  “I know who spiked her drink! Now where is she?”

  “Who was it?” Jackson straightened, and his face went white.

  “Just tell me where she is, and I’ll take care of it.”

  He shook his head and came at him again, but this time he simply drove a finger into Alex’s chest.

  “You’re the reason she’s in danger in the first place! Why should I help you?”

  The words gutted him as if Jackson had driven a sword into him instead. He was right. But there was no time to dwell on it now.

  “Look, I know you hate me, but right now, Lily’s safety comes first. Anything we need to settle between the two of us can be done after she’s safe.”

  Jackson continued to scowl at him, but he backed away and his body relaxed.

  “I don’t know where she is,” he said. “She was here. But she took off a little while ago.”

  “When?”

  “Not long. Maybe ten minutes or so.”

  “Where would she go?”

  Jackson ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “I don’t know. Have you tried calling her?”

  “Of course I’ve tried calling her! She’s not answering her cell.” Did the idiot think he was a moron or something? “Where else would she go? Didn’t she stay with an aunt or something this summer?”

  “I’ll start making some calls.” Jackson strode over to the coffee table and picked up his phone.

  While he dialed, Alex called Chloe. She answered after a couple of rings, and it was all he could do to keep his composure.

  “Chloe, do you know anything about where Adrian is right now?”

  “No, Alex. I don’t. I’ve already told Steve and that detective in Alabama everything I know.”

  “When was the last time you talked to her?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe a month ago.” She paused. “Alex, she wanted to know if you were going to Charleston.”

  “How did she know about that?”

  “I don’t know. Honestly.”

  “Thanks. I’ll call you back if I need anything else.”

  “Alex?”

  “What?”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket. He couldn’t deal with Chloe right now. He had to find Lily, and Jackson was his best chance. Across the room, Jackson hung up his phone as well.

  “She’s not at her aunt’s,” he said. “And she’s not back at the dorm. Emily’s calling the other girls on the team, and she’ll call me back if she hears anything.”

  “There has to be somewhere else you can think of.” Alex sighed and tried not to punch the wall. “Come on, you’ve been best friends for twelve years! Think of something!”

  Jackson’s face went dark, and Alex thought he might lunge for him again, but he stopped and started dialing another number on his phone.

  “Mom, is Lily there?” He waited a second and shook his head at Alex. “Have you heard from her at all?” He paused again, longer this time. “No, just stay inside. I’ll be right there.”

  He hung up the phone and darted out of the room. Alex yelled after him.

  “What is it?”

  “She’s at her mom’s house. My mom says her car is in the driveway, but it’s pouring, so she can’t go over there.” Jackson came back into the room with a t-shirt on. “I’ll call Lily from your car. Let’s go.”

  A loud crash of thunder startled her awake. Lily sat up and looked around the pitch blackness, confused by her surroundings. Lightening shot a streak of light through the room, illuminating her reflection in the mirror over her vanity. Then the sickening dread in her stomach returned.

  She stood and made her way back into the living room, reaching for the light. She didn’t remember turning it off. Her hand grazed the switch. Flipped it down. Then up. Nothing. The power must have gone out. Great.

  A sliver of light from the kitchen window helped her find the sofa. Then a flash of lightening showed her the coffee table. She grabbed her keys as thunder shook the house. Maybe it was best to head back to her dorm. An eerie sensation crawled through her, and the hair on her arm stood to attention. It was definitely time to get out of here.

  She headed for the front door, but stopped when she heard something fall and roll across the back porch. It rumbled for a second before coming to a stop. Turning toward the kitchen she wondered if she should check it out. Probably just something blowing over in the wind. A trash can maybe.

  She reached for the door again, but a sudden pounding on the other side sent her reeling backward. She clutched at her chest, her heart pounding in her ears. She scolded herself, remembering that she’d decided to stop acting like such a girl. She stepped over to the window and peered ou
t of the blinds. Through the rain, she could see Alex’s pathfinder parked behind her car.

  He pounded again, this time calling her name. “I’m coming!” she replied. How did he know she was here? He’d never even been to her mom’s house. She pulled open the door, and he practically mowed her down coming inside.

  “Why didn’t you answer your freaking phone?” he growled. “I’ve been calling for over half an hour!”

  She blinked, trying to get her brain to catch up to his.

  “I must have left it in my car.”

  He picked up the house phone on the end table and pressed a button.

  “It’s dead. No wonder.”

  “How did you know how to get here?”

  He didn’t seem to hear her. He paced around the room and ducked into the kitchen, flipping switches and mumbling to himself. He leaned over and looked out of the kitchen window.

  “Lights are on next door.”

  The light coming through the window lit his face just enough for her to notice the bruises. His jaw looked swollen and his left eye too. In fact, he looked completely disheveled. He moved back into the living room like he was on a mission.

  “All right,” he said. “We got to get you out of here.”

  “What happened to you?”

  “What?” He looked at her like he’d just realized she was there. Then he rubbed his jaw absently. “Oh, this. Yeah, Jackson packs quite a punch.” He went back toward her bedroom, still looking around.

  “You fought with Jackson? Oh my word, Alex. Is he okay?”

  He stepped back into the living room, his body stiff.

  “Yes. I am fine. Thanks for asking.”

  “You’re a cop! You could have seriously hurt him.”

  “He’s fine.”

  She headed toward the door, and he yelled after her.

  “Wait for me!”

  “Just back off!” She whipped around and pushed her finger into his chest. “I’ll make sure he’s okay. Just leave me alone.”

  She opened the front door again, ignoring his protests.

  “Lily, listen to me! He’s fine! He came here with me!”