More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One

by Gretchen Tubbs

  “What a lovely sight! How are you, my dears?” she asks, coming around her desk, kissing our cheeks.

  Bennett first, of course.

  “Great,” Bennett tells her. “We’ll be perfect in about four hours when I have Lucy out of here and on the way to the beach.”

  She sighs, patting his arm. “You’re a good man, Bennett. You take such good care of our Lucy.”

  I give Rose a huge smile, and hug Bennett around his waist. She’s right. He’s a good man. We walk to the back to get started. I’m anxious today so we can get this done. I’m ready for my weekend. As we finish up with my weigh in, Dr. Amador comes in.

  “Oh, good, Lucy. I’m glad I caught you. How are you feeling?” he asks me, while shaking Bennett’s hand.

  “Good, actually. How are you?”

  “I’m well. I need you to call the office and set up an appointment for next week. While you’re here, let’s get some blood and have it sent over to the lab. I want to check your kidney function. We need to determine if any adjustments need to be made to your regimen.”

  “Is something wrong?” I ask.

  I’m nervous. I don’t want to go. Bennett squeezes my hand.

  “Don’t worry, Lucy,” he tells me, “It’s just a routine checkup. I haven’t seen you in the office since you started dialysis. We are overdue for an appointment. I just figured you would be more comfortable there. Plus, you know the entire family can fit in my office there. Hard to cram everyone in over here,” he chuckles. He knows us well.

  We start towards the back, walking towards the sounds of laughter. Mom is reading to Ava and she is giggling like she doesn’t have a care in the world. Bennett and I both stop for a minute to just watch and listen. They are huddled close, their heads touching. These two have gotten so close over the last several weeks. Mom loves her like she’s her own. She will be devastated if she and Daddy can’t take this precious girl home. I don’t see how someone could turn down the request. All they have to do is watch them together for a few minutes and see the love these two have for each other.

  “That’s a fantastic sight,” Bennett says. “I can’t tell you what your family means to her. She’s so happy since y’all have come into her life. It’s changed her.”

  “She’s doing the same for us,” I tell him.

  I tug on his hand and walk towards them. Mom stops reading and greets us. Bennett leans over, giving both of them hugs.

  “Bennett!” Ava yells. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too, sweetheart. But, I have lots of other kiddos that I have to take care of at the hospital. You get me all for yourself today, though.”

  She claps her tiny hands together, happy with the news. Mom is pleased with it, too. She’s over the moon about my relationship with Bennett. I think she might be a little in love with him. Whenever she spends time with him, she goes on and on about him for days after. Bennett this, Bennett that. She doesn’t question me about the relationship, though. She knows I’m skittish, scared, and could bolt at any second. I tend to have those conversations with Daddy and not her, but I’d be a fool to think he doesn’t share them with her. So, she doesn’t push the issue, but doesn’t miss an opportunity to let me know how great Bennett is.

  Like I don’t already know.

  “What are you two up to today?” she asks.

  Bennett never stays with me here, usually just pops in to check on me, if he’s got time.

  “I thought Luce needed a break from life, so I’m taking her to the beach for the weekend. We’re heading out as soon as she’s done,” he tells her.

  Mom is smiling huge, but then starts freaking out. “Did you get all of her medication? Sometimes if she’s in the sun too long she gets dehydrated from her blood pressure medicine. What if she-“

  He cuts her off, grabbing her hands, “Claire, do you remember what I do for a living?”

  She visibly relaxes.

  “I know she’s older than my usual patients, but I’ll take care of her. I would never let anything happen to her. Trust me.”

  Mom nods and rubs her hand up and down his arm, letting him know she does trust him. Bennett turns back to me, gives me a wink, settles in, and colors with Ava.

  My heart is full.

  We have to stop by my apartment on the way out of town. I don’t have enough medicine on me to last through the weekend. Plus, I want to check on Maggie before I go. When we walk in, the place is a mess. There are empty beer bottles scattered along the island and a bottle of tequila and lime wedges on the coffee table in the living room. A salt shaker is on its side, granules poured out on the table and on the carpet. The place reeks, both of cigarettes and weed. Who the hell was smoking in here? As I’m looking around in shock, I hear an annoying giggling, accompanied by a door opening. Miller and a scantily clad girl with last night’s make-up remnants running down her face come stumbling down the hall, obviously still drunk, stoned, or a combination of both.

  “Oh look, it’s my long lost roommate,” he says. “I miss you, baby.”

  I can feel the tension radiating off of Bennett. I don’t speak. I don’t know what to say to this. I’m disgusted with Miller right now. We are staring each other down, but he’s pawing at his friend.

  “Nevermind, you’re not leaving. I’m not done with you yet,” he tells the girl, grabbing her ass and moving back towards his room.

  They don’t make it that far. He stops short of his destination and pushes her up against the wall, just on the side of my bedroom door. His mouth is on hers, his hand moving up her miniscule skirt. She’s moaning and panting, getting louder and louder the higher his hand moves. I think I’m gonna be sick. He pulls his mouth away from her, his hand still working under her skirt, obviously reaching its destination. He’s fucking staring at me while he’s finger-banging this whore in our hallway. What the hell? Bennett starts to move towards him, but I grab him.

  “Please, don’t do anything. Let’s just get my stuff and go.”

  We go in my room, passing the little show on my way, and Bennett slams my door. A few seconds later, I hear Miller’s door slam. High pitched, irritating moans and screams can be heard through the walls, along with Miller’s all too familiar grunts. I throw all my pill bottles in a bag, not even bothering to check what I’m getting. I sit on the closed lid of the toilet, trying to get my breathing under control. I dig through the bag, shove a Xanax down my throat, and go into my bedroom. Bennett looks ready to blow. Neither of us says anything. We just get in the car and go. I forgot all about checking on Maggie.

  Bennett drives in silence for a little while, and then pulls off the interstate. “I forgot to feed you.”

  “I’m not hungry,” I tell him.

  Fuck Miller Ashby. He has ruined this for us. What a way to start this trip.

  “You have to eat, Luce. I can’t have you getting sick because of him.”

  Bennett finds a little sandwich shop and gets us some food. We sit in a booth towards the back.

  “We need to talk about that shit, get it all out. I will not have him or his childish fucking stunt ruin this weekend. The whole point was to get you away from all of this. You’re not letting that shit fester in your head.”

  He’s right.

  “I can’t believe he did that. He threw that whore in my face. I know he’s upset about us, but he just took it to a new level. He probably doesn’t even know her name.” I put my food down. I have zero appetite. “He hurt me,” I whisper as an afterthought, wiping a tear from my cheek.

  “Lucy, I need to know right now, are you upset because he-,” I cut him off.

  “No, Bennett. I’m not hurt because he had sex with someone else. I’m pissed because he was shit faced, probably screwing a stranger, I’m sure not using a condom. I’m pissed because he’s throwing away our friendship like it’s a day old, not a lifetime old. And I’m pissed because he’s not taking care of himself.”

  “Please tell me he never treated you like that. I will kill that b
astard.”

  “No, not once,” I tell him, but not going into detail. I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear them.

  Seconds later, I get a text from Maggie. It’s a pic of the living room in all its glory.

  Maggie: WTF?

  I laugh for the first time since we left the center.

  Lucy: M & some whore had a party. Gave me & B quite a show this AM

  Maggie: The whore parade is the new normal

  Lucy: Seriously?!?

  Maggie: Yep

  I show the conversation to Bennett. He shakes his head.

  “Fuckin’ dick,” he mutters under his breath.

  At this point, I have to agree.

  Chapter Seventeen

  As Bennett and I drive, he distracts me with stories. I try to keep my eyes open because I want to soak in as much of this experience as I can, but between the dialysis, the stress of the Miller incident, and the lunch, I can’t hold my eyes open. I drift off as he’s telling me about a particularly bad tattoo incident involving one of his Marine buddies when they got back from the desert. When I open my eyes again, we are in the driveway of a small, quaint bungalow nestled right up to the beach.

  “Wake up, sweet girl, we’re here,” he says, kissing me to pull me from sleep.

  “Bennett, I love it. How did you manage this on such short notice?”

  “It’s for one of the doctors I work with. I use it when I need to get away. You’re going to love it here. Come on.” He helps me from the car, grabs our bags with one hand and leads us up the walk.

  At this point, I couldn’t care less what the house looks like or where we are. I’m thrilled to have a weekend of Bennett to myself. No Maggie drama, no calls from the hospital, no Miller, no nothing. Bennett gives me a quick tour and puts our bags in the master bedroom. The house is simple but elegant, with a beautiful porch off the back and a boardwalk that leads down to the beach. The sand is white, and the water looks warm and inviting. I can’t wait to stick my toes in both. I’m standing with my hands at the railing of the back porch, taking in all the sights, smells, and sounds around me. I’m immersing myself in the moment, trying not to let any other thoughts cloud my mind. I feel good.

  Normal.

  Right.

  “Happy, Lucy?” I hear from behind me.

  Seconds later, Bennett’s strong arms wrap around me, one at my chest and the other at my waist. I lean into him and let him support me. It feels sublime. Not just in the physical sense. He’s taking care of me. Making sure I’m alright with everything I’m going through. At this moment, I feel happier than I can ever remember. This is the feeling I have listened to Mom and Daddy preach about for years. It’s pure contentment, and I don’t want it to ever go away. I don’t know how to express this to him, so I simply nod. He turns me around, noticing tears.

  “Why the tears? Talk to me.”

  His thumbs are wiping them, but they are falling faster than he can wipe them away. It’s a losing battle.

  “I don’t know what to say to you,” I tell him.

  “I can help you, but I need a clue.”

  “I told you what I wanted, and you gave it to me by bringing me here.” I decide to go with my earlier thought. “I just feel good and normal and right. You give me all of that. You’re the only person who’s ever done that for me.”

  He grants me the most gentle of kisses I have ever gotten from him. I feel it all the way to the tips of my toes. It makes my heart pound like crazy.

  “Thank you for telling me that. Are you ready for my help?” he asks.

  “There’s more to say?” I thought I did a pretty good job.

  “Yes. You left out ‘Bennett Strickland, I’m falling madly in love with you’,” he tells me, smiling, that beautiful dimple on display.

  I take his face in my shaking hands, pull in a deep breath, and tell him, “Bennett Strickland, I’m falling madly in love with you.”

  The next kiss is not nearly so gentle. He’s kissing me like it’s his last chance to ever do it again, at the same time walking me back towards the house. He leads me through the French doors and begins undressing me. He’s peeling my clothes off slowly and carefully, like he’s unwrapping a present and doesn’t want to rip the paper. The look on his face is one that I’ve never seen before. I’m still leaking tears from the corners of my eyes, but don’t make a move to stop them. They are happy tears, and I’m not ashamed of them. Once I’m out of my clothes, he picks me up and carries me to the bedroom down the hall. When we get to the bed, he sets me down and makes quick work of both taking off his own clothes and rolling on a condom. He lays down with me, staring, eyes darting back and forth, like he’s trying to memorize my face, memorize the moment. He gives me another soul-shattering kiss that causes my eyes to close.

  “I’ve waited for you my whole damn life, Lucy. You’re home to me,” he says, and pushes into me.

  My eyes pop open in amazement. Coming from him, those words mean more than anything else he could possibly say to me. I close my eyes, letting those words settle in my heart, getting lost in the sensations Bennett is creating, but he takes hold of my face and tilts it back to his.

  “Eyes, Luce. Look at me while I make love to you. Watch me come undone for you.”

  We both come at the same time, and it’s marvelous. He probably thinks I’m insane, but this prompts more tears.

  “God, I’m sorry for all the tears. This is just so overwhelming for me.”

  “Me, too, sweet Lucy. Me, too.”

  We lay in bed, both of us quiet. I think we both realize that something huge just passed between us. Declarations of love have moved this relationship to a whole new level. This is something unfamiliar for the both of us. I don’t know exactly how he feels, but I’m terrified. I try to push any negative thoughts out of my head and just be thankful for now, take this one moment at a time. And, right at this moment, I am happy to be in his arms. As we revel in the moment, Bennett drawing patterns into my skin with his warm fingers, I hear the chirp of my phone. I ignore it, not wanting anything to invade our bubble of contentment. A few moments later, Bennett’s phone chimes from the pocket of his pants. Shit. I guess we can’t ignore it. Only my family would text us both back to back.

  He gets up with a groan, looks at his phone, and his eyes become outlined in red. He sees the panic cross my face as I sit up and move to get out of bed. He shakes his head.

  “No, Luce, look,” he tells me, rushing back to my side. He smiles a huge smile, contradicting the redness in his eyes. It’s a text from Mom.

  Claire: She’s ours!!!!!! Ava’s coming home in the morning!!

  We hold tightly to each other, basking in the good news. Mom and Daddy are probably freaking out right now. They haven’t had a little girl in the house in ages. Bennett shoots her a quick text, but we decide to call them in the morning once Ava’s there and settled. She’s got no idea this is happening. That baby girl is gonna be over the moon. I wish I could be there to see her chubby little face light up when they go get her.

  “She’s so lucky, Lucy. So damn lucky that these crazy, unfortunate circumstances have brought your family into her life. Hell, they’ve brought us all together. This is the best thing that will ever happen to that little girl.” He’s got a beautiful smile spread across his face.

  “Happy, Bennett?” I ask.

  “More than ever,” he says, and then gives my words back to me from earlier. “You make me feel good and normal and right, my sweet girl. Now kiss me goodnight and go to sleep. We have an important call to make in the morning.”

  “Luce, wake up.” Bennett is rubbing my back.

  I awake with a start, noticing it’s still dark in the room.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask. Why is he getting me up? I feel like we just went to sleep.

  “Come on. We can go back to sleep in a little bit. I want to show you something.”

  I reluctantly leave the warmth of the bed, and a shiver runs through my body. Bennett sees it, and yanks
the duvet off the bed, wrapping it around my shoulders. He leads me out the house, and through the back.

  “Let’s go to the beach.”

  “I’m not dressed,” I protest, but he just laughs.

  “No one will see you, you’re all wrapped up. Come on,” he tells me, pulling on my hand.

  We walk down the boardwalk and I see a spot set up close to the water. Obviously Bennett has been up for a while. There’s a blanket spread out with a basket sitting on top of it. Bennett gestures for me to sit down. I do, and he moves in behind me, wrapping his body around mine and adjusting the duvet around us, like a cocoon. With his chin resting on top of my head, we stare out at the dark, still water.

  “When did you get up and do this?”

  “I never really went to sleep,” he tells me.

  I look over my shoulder at him, but don’t say anything. I want him to keep talking.

  “I couldn’t shut my mind down last night. In such a short time, Luce, you’ve changed me. You’ve given me things I’ve never had. For once, I have hope, but I’m also scared like never before. It’s like this relationship is on borrowed time. I’m scared it’s gonna be ripped away from me. If that happens, I don’t know how I’ll survive.”

  I turn in our little nest, facing the man I have grown to love so much in such a short amount of time. Right now, though, he looks like a boy. He looks like a scared little boy. I guess the text we got from Mom last night dredged up a lot of painful childhood memories.

  He’s breaking my heart.

  “Bennett, I’m scared, too. Absolutely terrified. I’m trying to not think of this being taken away. Don’t let yourself do it either. I’m giving myself to you. Take it.”

  As the sun rises on the beach, Bennett makes slow, silent, gentle love to me. He’s giving me more and more pieces of his fragile heart. I’m taking each piece and locking them up, along with all the memories and snapshots of him that I’ve been hoarding. I’m telling him to be brave, but I’m not being brave at all. The nagging feelings in the recesses of my mind just won’t go away.