Focus

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “I just think you should check out all your options.”

  “My options?”

  “I don’t mean me. Obviously, that’s out of the question now that we’re probably going to be family, but there are tons of other guys.”

  “Toby didn’t put you up to this, did he?”

  “No. You know we’re not friends. I was glad when I heard you kicked him to the curb. He never deserved you.”

  Maybe I needed to reevaluate my feelings about Andrew.

  “How long have you known this other guy, Lyle is it?”

  “Levi.”

  “Levi? Like the jeans?”

  “I guess. It’s short for Leviathan. And I’ve known him six months.”

  “So you really just met him this summer? Doesn’t this seem rushed?” Andrew seemed genuinely concerned so I didn’t snap at him.

  “He’s someone who knows what he wants.”

  “My dad thinks you’re making a mistake. He’s going to talk to your mom about it.”

  “Great.” I felt anger rising. Who did Steven think he was to butt in?

  “Hey.” Toby walked in and sat down right next to me. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Not really. I’m just trying to figure out why Allie’s rushing to get married.” Andrew paused and then made a strange face. “Wait, you’re not pregnant are you?”

  “No!”

  “Okay, just checking.”

  I crossed my arms. “People get married young for reasons other than pregnancy.”

  Toby smiled at me condescendingly. “What reasons do you have?”

  “I don’t have to answer that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wake up Hailey. If she sleeps much more, she’ll be up all night.”

  I escaped into the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I hoped Toby left in the morning. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

  The sun had disappeared, leaving the room dark. I turned on a lamp and collapsed on my side of the bed. I fished my cell out of my bag. I had a missed text from Levi.

  I miss you already. When are you coming home?

  He already knew the answer, but I told him anyway. In a week. I pressed send and then decided to send another one. I miss you too.

  Good. You should miss me.

  At least I could rely on Levi being his cocky self.

  ***

  I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, unable to quiet my racing mind. All of my confusion over what to do with Levi was made ten times worse after seeing Toby. It’s not that I wanted to get back with him—not at all—but he brought back so many memories and reminded me about my dreams and the life I left behind.

  By one a.m., I’d had enough. I pulled on jeans and my coat and headed outside to get some fresh air. I took a seat on an Adirondack chair, wondering if I was being watched. I was positive Levi had covered all the security bases. I tried to sit, but I was too antsy. I got up and walked out onto the snow covered grass. The moon was full and beautiful.

  The wind picked up, bringing the start of some snow flurries with it, and I pulled my coat tightly around me. I really needed to build my cold tolerance up again.

  “You couldn’t sleep either?”

  I didn’t need to turn around to know it was Toby. I’d never forget his voice. I’d dated lots of boys before him, but he was the first one that I ever let in.

  “No. I got tired of tossing and turning.”

  “Same here. It was hard knowing you were just on the other side of the wall.”

  I turned to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

  “For?” He studied my face intently.

  “Hurting you.”

  “You did what you thought you had to.”

  “I did have to. I still know it was the best thing for both of us.”

  He moved closer. “I still know that it wasn’t—for either of us. I don’t want to keep fighting with you, but I know we’re perfect together.”

  “What does perfect even mean?” Without thinking, I brushed some snow out of Toby’s hair.

  “Shouldn’t you know? You’re the one getting married.”

  I looked away. “I don’t think anything can be perfect.”

  “Sure it can. Perfect is when you’re with someone who completes you in every way: emotionally, physically, sexually…”

  “But what does it mean to complete you? Can you be complete but still feel confused?” I probably shouldn’t have been so honest with Toby, but it was late, and I was used to being open with him.

  “What are you confused about?” He moved so close I could feel his body heat. I’d forgotten how warm he ran. He was just like Levi in that way.

  “Everything, but mostly what I want out of life. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore. It’s like life started moving forward so quickly, and now I can’t slow it down.”

  Toby wiped away some tears that had slipped out. “It’s going to be okay, Allie.”

  “You can’t say that. You have no idea what’s been happening.”

  “I want to know. I want to help.” He pulled me into a hug, and I let him hold me. Maybe it was selfish, but I needed to be held. Without it, I might have unraveled completely. I tried to be strong, but sometimes I felt so weak.

  I started to cry. Toby just held me, rubbing my back gently as I sobbed.

  I finally composed myself enough to pull away. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry this time?”

  “For breaking down. You know that’s not like me.”

  “Yes. I do know that, because I know you. Whatever’s going on, I can help you. Maybe we can call Princeton this week and get your registration in order.”

  “I’m not transferring, Toby.”

  “I’m not asking you to do it for me this time. You said it yourself. Life’s out of control. But you’re wrong. You can put on the brakes.”

  “You don’t understand. I can’t.” I ran a finger over my ring.

  “If he loves you, he’ll understand. He’ll get that you aren’t ready for something like that.”

  “I can’t just give his ring back.” For once, I didn’t mean it physically. I knew that I couldn’t give it back. Too much had happened since he gave it to me.

  “You can do anything you want to do. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.”

  He took my hand. “Your hands are freezing. You should probably get back inside.”

  “Probably. It’s late.” The snow had picked up, and my light-weight wool coat wasn’t designed for it.

  “I know you didn’t want to see me, but I’m not leaving tomorrow.”

  I was too tired and emotionally spent to argue. “Thanks for being here for me tonight.”

  He took my other hand. “I want to be there for you every night. I love you, Allie.”

  “Goodnight.” I pulled my hands away and walked inside.

  “Goodnight,” he called, making no move to follow me inside.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  After an early breakfast, Hailey and I stopped by the rental shop to pick out our gear before hitting the slopes. It was funny watching Hailey learn about skis for the first time. I was used to her knowing everything. I was giving her a hard time about it when an attractive guy, probably in his mid-twenties, walked over.

  “Hi. I couldn’t help but overhear that you’d never been skiing before.”

  Hailey smiled. “Yeah, it’s my first time.”

  “I’m an instructor here. I’d love to give you lessons, if you’re interested.”

  Hailey glanced at me and grinned. “That sounds nice, but I think I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you positive? I’m sure your friend will help, but she isn’t actually trained.”

  “Oh, I’m not relying on Allie. I think I’ll figure it out.”

  He looked taken aback. “Okay. Have fun then.”

  “We will.” I paid for our gear, and we headed out.

  “So do you think I should start on the easy ones, or w
hat?”

  “I bet you can handle a blue slope.”

  “I have no idea what that is, but that’s fine.”

  I grabbed her arm through her parka. “Let’s go.” We got in line for the ski lift.

  “I’ve always wanted to ride a ski lift.” Hailey looked all around in excitement.

  “Seriously? You can fly, and you’ve always wanted to sit on a ski lift?”

  “It always looks fun in the movies.”

  I laughed. “All right. Let’s go live your dream.”

  “Hey, I don’t make fun of you when you get all dumbstruck over Pteron stuff.”

  “You don’t?” I gave her a skeptical look.

  “Okay. Maybe I do.”

  We waited for our turn and got on a lift next to a young couple. Hailey was all giddy next to me, and it rubbed off. I always liked skiing, but it wasn’t my favorite activity.

  As I expected, Hailey was incredible. After a few runs, she looked like a pro. We decided to try a black diamond. Everything was fine until I fell halfway down the run after slipping on some moguls. I got back up and made it down, but my right ankle was in pretty bad shape. I could feel the swelling beginning, and I knew I should probably get some ice on it soon.

  “Are you okay?” Hailey was at my side as soon as I caught up with her.

  “Yeah. I can’t believe I’m the one who fell.” I rubbed my ankle.

  “Beginner’s luck.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  She held up her hands. “It sounds nice. I’m guessing this means we’re done for the day?”

  “No. You can stay. I’ll take the shuttle back.”

  “I can’t let you go alone.”

  “I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m sure there’s someone watching us. Do you really think Levi left my safety to just you? No offense.”

  “No offense taken. There are some locals watching, and I know Levi sent a few guys up. But they’re supposed to stay back.”

  “I figured that much.”

  She held out a hand to help me up. “I’ll just make sure you get home okay.”

  “Hail, you’re supposed to be having fun.”

  “I can come back out.”

  I leaned on her shoulder, trying to keep my weight off the bad ankle. “I’m holding you to it.”

  We took the shuttle back, and Hailey made sure I had everything I could possibly need before leaving. She really was an awesome friend.

  I sat and read for a while before deciding to change into a black bikini to check out the hot tub. We shared it with the next couple of condos, but I doubted anyone else was around. Unless you were a klutz like me, you’d be on the slopes. I slipped into the warm water, hoping it would make my ankle feel better. I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  I jumped, surprised that anyone else was home. “Uh, sure.” I tried to avoid staring at Toby for too long. He was wearing only a pair of swim trunks and seeing him without a shirt brought back memories. He must have been freezing.

  He sat down directly across from me. “How’s your ankle?”

  “How’d you know about my ankle?”

  “We ran into Hailey. Andrew decided to stay back with her.” A slow smile spread across his lips. “He was more than happy to see me leave.”

  I laughed. “I bet. I can’t blame him. He isn’t the first.”

  “I’m sure. You probably know something about that too.”

  “About what?”

  “Having lots of people want you.”

  “Very funny.”

  “It’s true.”

  I didn’t answer. I concentrated on swirling the water around with my hand.

  “You look so good in a bikini.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I mean it. I have a picture of you wearing that white bikini you had the summer before senior year. Let’s just say I look at it a lot.” He wriggled an eyebrow.

  “Get rid of that picture. It’s time to move on.” Despite our conversation the night before, I was determined to make Toby realize he needed to let go.

  “I’m not getting rid of it. It’s a nice memory.”

  “Memories imply something in the past. Let go.”

  “I’m not ready to let go.” His lips were on mine before I’d even processed he’d moved across the hot tub. His arms wrapped around me in a vice grip. The kiss felt good—sweet, familiar, comforting. It was a kiss I knew well, but it was nothing like the fireworks I felt with Levi. It was wrong, completely wrong, and I had to get out of the situation. I pushed against him as hard as I could, but he didn’t budge. I moved my knee, ready to get him where it hurt when he let go and moved back. “You felt something, right?”

  I shook my head. “Try that again and you’ll regret it.” I got out and wrapped myself in a towel.

  “I won’t regret it.” He smirked. “And I know you felt it. You responded to me.”

  I moved inside quickly and jumped in the shower, washing off every ounce of Toby. It felt so wrong. I felt so wrong. I hadn’t wanted him to kiss me, but maybe I’d let it happen. Either way, I needed to see Levi. I got out of the shower and got dressed. I blow dried my hair, wanting every excuse possible to stay in my room until Hailey or my mom came back.

  Finally, Hailey came into the room. “Hey, how’s the ankle?”

  “The ankle’s fine, but we have to go home.”

  “Home? As in to New Orleans?” I saw the excitement in her eyes. I knew she was having fun on our trip, but she missed New Orleans. The cold was never quite her thing.

  “I need to see Levi.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I just need to see him.” I paced the room, wanting to leave immediately.

  “Should we look for flights?”

  “Can’t you fly us?”

  Hailey laughed. “You must really want to see him, but I think we can take a commercial airline.”

  “Fine. I hope my mom gets back soon.”

  I waited until I saw my Mom alone that evening to break the news. “Mom, can we talk?”

  “Sure.” She picked up a blanket and walked out onto the back porch. I tried not to look at the hot tub. “Is something wrong?”

  “I need to go back to New Orleans.”

  “You miss him, don’t you?” She smiled.

  “Yes. And I need him to know how I feel.”

  “I don’t want you to leave, but I know love when I see it.”

  “You’ll forgive me?” I felt terrible that I was leaving right after I got there, but somehow I knew she’d understand.

  “Of course, but maybe you can make a trip home after the New Year?”

  “Yes. I’ll bring Levi.”

  “Good. I need to get to know him better.”

  I leaned over and hugged her. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Al?” Levi answered the door, evidently surprised to see me on the other side.

  I took advantage of his surprise, launching myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head on his chest.

  “Is everyone okay? What’s going on?”

  I looked up into the blue-gray eyes that had me at first glance. “I love you, Levi.”

  He grinned. “I love you too, Al.”

  I leaned up to kiss him, loving how quickly he responded and how incredible it felt. I was right—what I had with Levi went beyond simple attraction. I’d never find anything even remotely close to it. He lifted me up, carrying me to his bedroom. He kicked his door closed before laying me down on his bed.

  “We’re leaving,” Jared yelled, and I heard the front door slam. I was glad. I knew Pterons had good hearing, and I didn’t want to have to worry about being quiet. I didn’t want to worry about anything but being with Levi.

  I pulled Levi’s head down, wanting his lips on mine again. He moved back after a minute, pulling off my sweater and his shirt. “I’ve been waiting to get you naked in my
bed for a long time, and I’m not wasting a second.”

  “I don’t want to waste any time either.”

  “Good.” He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off. “Red panties? Were these intentional?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe subconsciously.”

  He took off his pants, and returned to unclasp my bra. His mouth moved to claim my breast.

  “I like the red, but I like you naked better.” He took off my panties, and I reached out to grab him as he leaned over me again.

  I was barely aware of him lifting me enough to pull down his covers. His hands and lips touched me everywhere before he positioned himself over me. “I love you. Every single part of you.”

  I smiled. “Then show me.”

  ***

  “I don’t know what caused it, but if this is what’s going to happen when you go on vacation, you should go more often.”

  “Next time, you should come with me.” I meant it.

  He smiled, running a hand down my stomach underneath the covers. “I like that idea.”

  I curled up against him, our bodies tangled together in the sheet. “Your bed is pretty comfortable.”

  “Comfortable enough you’re going to spend all of your nights here?”

  “Not all, but a lot.”

  “That’s a good start.” His lips brushed against my neck.

  My phone rang, ruining the moment. I tried to push Levi off so I could see who was calling.

  “Ignore it.”

  I started to sit up. “Let me see who it is.”

  “No.” He pushed me back down.

  I was all about going along with it until my phone rang again. “Give me my purse.”

  “Fine.”

  He handed it to me, but not fast enough to avoid the call going to voice mail. I looked at my phone. I had two missed calls from Jess. It was weird that she’d called twice without leaving a message.

  “I have to call her back.” I pulled the sheet tightly around me, feeling strange calling her while naked in bed with Levi.

  He made it a little less awkward. “Fine, I’m going to make us something to eat. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll bring it back here.”

  “Okay,” I said absently as he left the room.