by Weeks, Abby
“We’re in this together,” she said. “We both want it.”
“That’s what I thought,” Jake said. He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “So, next time you see Ariel, I want you to ask her to come over. I want her to know that this is something we both want. I want her to believe it,” he said.
Zola was nodding. She was agreeing with him. She could hardly believe that she was willing to play along with this but it was just so difficult to stand up to Jake, and so, so easy to go along with what he wanted.
“Okay, honey,” she said, her voice sounding quiet and distant. It was strange. It didn’t sound like it was her own voice. She felt like she was dissociating from herself, becoming two different people. On the one hand, she was becoming the submissive, willing partner that Jake was forcing her to become, and on the other she was the ever quieter, ever more distant, real Zola. The girl who was being forgotten and brushed aside in the pursuit of Jake’s ever more demanding fantasies.
“I’ll talk to her tomorrow, okay?” she said, as compliant as a child. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
XII
ZOLA SAT AT THE KITCHEN table, her morning coffee steaming in front of her. She poured a little milk into the mug and stirred it. The phone was on the table next to the coffee cup and she stared at it like it was a snake that might pounce on her at any moment.
This was it. This was the last step in her complete submission to Jake. Allowing his weird fetish to move from the internet to her real life was the final stage in allowing him to completely dominate every aspect of her life. She had a feeling that from here on in, no matter how things went with Ariel, the women on Beverly Row, and in time everyone Zola ever met, would see her as her husband’s sex slave instead of the woman she’d been trying to be.
She supposed that was part of the deal. That was part of the agreement she’d struck with Jake when she’d become his wife. He was rich, he had everything money could buy, and she would become his property too.
She picked up the phone and dialed Ariel’s number.
“Ariel?”
“Zola? Is that you?”
“Listen,” Zola said. She knew that Ariel would be on the defensive. She’d just had sex with Jake after all. “We want you to come over.”
Ariel burst out with a flurry of words. Zola was almost relieved to hear the nerves in her voice. It meant her own wouldn’t be so obvious.
“Zola, how can I say this? I’m so sorry about what happened. I have no excuse.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Zola said. She refused to let her voice crack. She was stronger than this. She was stronger than Jake and Ariel and whatever these rich, spoiled people did. She was stronger than all of them. If they were into this messed up, sordid lifestyle, that was their problem, not hers. She was doing whatever she had to do to survive. One day, she promised herself, she would be strong enough to leave all of this behind, but for now this was what life had dealt her. She had to make the most of it. She had to survive.
“Zola. I am worried about it. I slept with your husband. I know you won’t believe me but I’m truly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Ariel,” Zola said, her voice rising a little higher than she meant it to. “Jake and I have a completely open relationship. We both sleep with whoever we want. We do it all the time.”
“Really?” Ariel said.
“Really.”
“That’s what Jake told me,” Ariel said. “I mean, I sort of believed him at the time. But now that you’re on the phone with me, I just feel so bad, Zola. Please believe me. I never meant to hurt you. I just let the moment take over.”
“He showed you the video, right?” Zola said.
“The one of you with that man?”
“Yes. Peter. He showed you, right?”
“He did.”
“So then you know. That’s what we do. That’s what Jake and I have always done. It’s what we both want.”
“Are you sure, Zola?”
“Would I lie about this?” Zola said.
Ariel was quiet for a moment. Zola wondered what it was that she could be thinking about. She’d already slept with Jake. She’d seen the video. What was there left to hesitate about?
“So,” Zola said, “Jake and I want to invite you over. We wanted a chance for the three of us to get together. I think Jake would like to get to know both of us together if you know what I mean.”
“I do know what you mean,” Ariel said. “Jake said something like that to me the night that we, you know?”
“Slept together? Yes I know. He thought you might find it a little more comfortable if the invitation came from me.”
There was another long pause.
“Ariel?” Zola said. “Are you there?”
Ariel took a deep breath. “Zola. Can I come over?”
Zola’s heart was already pounding in her chest. It was all she could do to keep her voice steady on the phone. If Ariel came over she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep up the strong front she was showing.
“Well,” she said, trying to stall. “I was about to step out.”
“I just want to see you,” Ariel said. “I just want us to look at each other, face to face.”
“I don’t know,” Zola said.
There was another long pause. Zola had the feeling she was blowing it. She was ruining this and Jake was going to be mad at her for it. “Please, just accept our invitation,” Zola said.
When Ariel finally spoke, it sounded so abrupt that Zola was shocked at the change in tone. Ariel had gone from sounding defensive and guarded to sounding kind and compassionate.
“Zola,” she said. “My husband cheated on me. For sixteen years he cheated on me. He made me feel so small, so worthless, that there were times when I would have done anything he asked of me, even if it went against everything I believed was right for myself.”
Zola stumbled over her words when she replied. “I, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.
“It’s alright, Zola,” Ariel said. “Everything is all right. None of this is your fault.”
Zola didn’t know what to say. Why was Ariel speaking to her like this?
“Zola,” Ariel said. “Wait right where you are. I’m coming over to talk. Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything to put you in jeopardy. I owe you this. Let me help you. Let me talk to you.”
The phone clicked and Ariel was gone. Zola was in a panic. She didn’t know what Ariel was going to do. She wasn’t ready to see anyone. She wasn’t ready for Ariel to come over and confront her face to face on this. She didn’t even know if she could stomach seeing Ariel, especially so soon after she’d slept with Jake. The woman had just fucked her husband, who did she think she was getting involved with her like this?
She ran upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door. She didn’t want to answer the door when Ariel showed up. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t face it.
XIII
AS SOON AS ARIEL PUT the phone down she ran out to the hall and put on her shoes. Then she let herself out the front door and hurried down the driveway. She wasn’t sure what she was doing. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping to achieve. She’d just slept with Zola’s husband. She was the other woman. She knew that Zola would be mad at her. Possibly, Zola would hate her. But there was something in Zola’s voice that Ariel just couldn’t ignore. She knew Zola needed her help, she knew that she needed a friend. Ariel might be the last woman on earth that Zola wanted to see right now, but that was too bad. She was the only one who was there. She was the only one available and willing to step in.
Ariel’s stomach was in knots as she made her way up the steps to Zola’s front door. She didn’t exactly relish the thought of confronting the woman whose husband she’d just slept with but she couldn’t let that stop her. She owed Zola this. It might be ugly, it might be painful, but if this helped Zola deal with the situation she was in, then it would all be worth it.
She knocked on th
e door. There was no answer. She knocked again. Still no answer.
“Zola,” Ariel called. Nothing. She dialed Zola’s number but the call was rejected.
Then she tried the door. It was open. She stepped into the house. The image flashed before her eyes of Zola standing on the stairs with a shotgun in her hands, waiting to blow away the woman who’d fucked her husband.
She entered the house quietly. “Zola,” she called. Still no answer. Instinctively she made her way up the stairs toward Zola’s bedroom. “I know you’re in here,” she said.
“Go away.”
Ariel breathed a sigh of relief. She’d found her.
“I’m coming in.”
“I don’t want to see you.”
“I know,” Ariel said. “I know you don’t want to see me. I don’t blame you. What I did was so wrong, so bad. I can only imagine the heartache, the betrayal you feel, Zola. I’ve been there. I understand it.”
Ariel stepped into the room. Zola was standing in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She’d been crying. Ariel could see the smeared makeup on her cheeks to prove it.
Zola looked over at Ariel. There was such a look of pain on her face that Ariel almost cried herself. She knew exactly how Zola felt. Every ounce of that grief and anger and sadness, Ariel had once felt herself when Gabe cheated on her. Now she was the woman who’d slept with the husband. She felt a pang of unending guilt as she remembered back to the lust and excitement she’d felt at knowing Jake was a married man. She’d known what she was doing at the time and this was the result of it.
Zola took a step in Ariel’s direction, then another, and another. When she reached Ariel she stopped. Tears were falling down her cheeks. The black residue of smudged mascara lined her eyes. She lifted a hand and swung it at Ariel. Ariel didn’t react. She didn’t try to dodge the blow. Zola’s hand struck her on the cheek and the pain of the blow shot through her. She still did nothing. She didn’t even move. She felt the sting of the slap on her face, on her cheek, and was only sorry that it wasn’t harder. The pain was nothing compared to the guilt she already felt in her stomach, in her heart.
“I’m sorry,” Ariel said, crying herself now.
Zola was shaking her head. She lifted her hand again, intending to slap Ariel again, but as she looked into Ariel’s eyes she let her hand fall to her side.
Then she put her arms around Ariel and began hugging her, clinging to her desperately, sobbing in her ear. Ariel felt the wetness of Zola’s tears on her cheek. It almost soothed the heat of the slap she’d received. Ariel was crying too. She reached for Zola and clung to her just as desperately. The two women held each other and let their tears fall down onto each other’s shoulders.
After a few minutes like that, Ariel was the first to speak. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
“It’s alright,” Zola said. “It’s not you, it’s Jake. Anyone would have believed we were swingers after seeing that video.”
“But you’re not, are you?”
“I don’t know,” Zola said. “I am, I guess, but only because Jake wants it. He’s the one who’s in control. He’s the one who holds all the cards. He makes the decisions.”
“And you obey him.”
“I know that sounds terribly weak.”
“It doesn’t sound anything,” Ariel said. “I’ve been in your shoes, Zola. I know what you’re going through. For sixteen years I kept quiet while my ex-husband cheated on me. I’ll never judge you for giving in to Jake.”
“I just feel so worthless,” Zola said.
“I know,” Ariel said soothingly. “I know.”
“How will I ever get myself out of this?” Zola cried.
“You’ll manage,” Ariel said. “I’ll help you. Together, we’ll figure out how to manage this situation. Together we’ll figure out what you need to do. You’re not alone. You’re not alone.”
“Really?” Zola said, sobbing. She looked so relieved to be hearing Ariel’s words. She looked like a child listening to her mother’s soothing voice.
“Really,” Ariel said. “I’ve wronged you, Zola. I know that. But if you let me, I’ll do everything I can to make this right. I swear it.”
Zola was crying even harder. Ariel knew why. It was one thing to allow your husband to abuse you, to treat you like dirt, to disrespect you and cheat on you. It was quite another to make the decision to stand up to him.
XIV
BECKY SAT AT HER DESK. For the last hour she’d been trying to get her head around some math homework she’d been putting off all week. She just couldn’t seem to set her mind to the task. All she could think about was the situation she’d allowed to develop with Kyle. What was it? Where did she stand? Were they in love? Or was she just being a complete slut? She didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. She’d always thought that her first time would be with someone she actually loved. She’d believed in romance, true love, all of it. She’d thought that she would save herself for her soulmate, for someone she loved so much, and who loved her back so much, that nothing in the universe could ever get between them. Instead, she was having some sort of sordid sexual affair with Kyle while he was also carrying on with Trudy. It was messed up. She’d always sworn to herself that she would keep her life simple, that she would keep her love life honest and pure, and not make all of the same mistakes her mother had made. Now she saw that that was going to be a lot more difficult than she’d ever imagined. She was already neck high in a situation that she felt she had no control over. The sex was good. The sex was great. But at the end of the day, what was the value of sex if it wasn’t backed up by true love?
She shut her math book and went out to her balcony. The cool air felt good against her skin. She looked toward Kyle’s house and wondered what she’d gotten herself into, and whether or not she’d be able to find her way out of it.
*
VERONICA SETTLED INTO HER BED and switched on the television. She didn’t care what she watched. There was a property show, some guys helping a couple buy a new house, and she left that on. It was exciting to be starting a new project. She had high hopes for her restaurant. She was just afraid of ruining everything she’d created with Hank by giving in to temptation. How was she going to survive the next couple of months working with Matt? How was she going to get over her obsession with him when she had to see him every single day? She knew herself, she knew the type of woman she was, and in her heart, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist temptation forever. If she didn’t figure out a way to handle the situation, she would find herself having an affair. After everything that Hank had done for her, after all the security and comfort he’d given to her and her son, how could she allow that to happen? How could she have so little control over her own actions? It didn’t make sense.
And then Hank came into the bedroom. He got out of his suit slowly and put on his pajamas, the same pajamas that reminded her so much of her father. She couldn’t even watch him get undressed, she was purposefully looking away. It wasn’t that he was ugly, he was a fine-looking man, it was just that he was so ordinary. Nothing about him excited her. Nothing about him spoke to her of risk, or danger, or lust, or desire.
He slipped into the bed next to her and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
“Good night, my dear,” he said.
Veronica sighed quietly. “Good night,” she said.
She turned off the television and lay down. As she fell asleep she wondered what Matt was doing at that very moment.
*
AS ARIEL LEFT ZOLA’S HOUSE and made her way home, Zola felt numb. She wasn’t sure what had just happened. Ariel had slept with Jake but for some reason, she felt as if she could trust her. In fact, knowing that Ariel had slept with her husband made her feel in some way even closer to her. She felt that Ariel was a true friend, that she had her best interests at heart. Ariel had gone through similar difficulties in her own life. Zola knew Ariel shouldn’t have slept with Jake, but she knew also that it re
ally wasn’t that important. Jake cheated on her all the time. He’d shown Ariel the video of her with Peter. What was she supposed to think? The fact that she’d been honest, that she’d offered help, that was what mattered.
Within a few minutes, Zola felt calmer than she had in weeks. Just knowing she had a friend who knew the whole story about what was going on, that was something. That was a start, a start on her journey toward rebuilding her life.
*
TRUDY WAS LYING ON HER back, on her bed. She was alone in the house. She grabbed her purse and took a pack of cigarettes from it. She rarely smoked in her house but she felt so relaxed, so satisfied, that she didn’t care today. She put a cigarette in her mouth, lit it, and inhaled deeply.
As she exhaled, a small smile formed on her face. She felt invincible, on top of the world, like anything was possible. After picking up Gary and Dean she felt as if she’d cracked open the secret that every woman was always trying to discover, the secret to making men desire her. All she had to do was offer them what she knew they already wanted and they’d be like puppies, drinking from her hands. She could do anything. Whatever sexual fantasy she wanted to play out, she could do it. At least, that’s how she felt as she lay, luxuriously on her bed and smoked. The whole world was her playpen!
*
ARIEL COULD THINK OF NOTHING but Zola. How could she have been so careless of another woman’s happiness? She should never have slept with Jake. She had no excuse for it. The fact that it was done was beyond her control now, but maybe she could redeem herself by helping Zola. She knew Zola was in a desperate situation. She’d known it since the moment she first set eyes on her. All those weeks ago at the barbecue seeing Jake pull Zola into the pool, it had shown her everything she needed to know about their relationship. The things she’d learned since had only confirmed it. She made a vow to herself. Even if Zola was afraid, even if she refused, Ariel would do whatever it took to get her out of the situation she was in with Jake. She would do anything to make up for what she’d done. Anything.
