Seattle Girl

by Lucy Kevin

  I was a little worried for a second that maybe he thought I sucked. “And? What do you think?”

  “You’re great. Really captivating. Funny. Real. Crass. All the good stuff.”

  I wasn’t sure how to say thanks for all of those incredible compliments, so instead I changed the subject. “Hey! Since you’re free on weekdays, how about you come on the show with me tomorrow morning?” I looked at my watch. “I’m on in approximately seven hours.”

  A funny look crossed his face. “I don’t want to stomp all over your show, or anything.”

  “Pul-lease.” I gave him a look that said he was being retarded. “Don’t be lame. Come on. I’ll show you a good time. I promise.”

  Clearly he was unable to resist me because he said, “Alright, you’ve convinced me. I just don’t want your boyfriend to get the wrong idea or anything.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about. “The wrong idea? About what?”

  He looked around. “I don’t know. Us talking late at night. Me meeting you on your show.”

  Something occurred to me. “How’d you even know I have a boyfriend?”

  He looked a little sheepish. “I saw you having lunch with him last week.”

  “Why didn’t you come up and say hi?”

  “Let me put it this way,” he said, “I wasn’t sure you guys were going to pry your lips apart long enough for me to get a word in.”

  Now it was my turn to blush. “Yeah, I know. We have a little Public-Display-of-Affection problem.”

  “No worries. I just didn’t want to intrude. How about next time I see you guys I’ll pull up a chair?”

  I laughed. “Good idea. So, what should we talk about on the air tomorrow morning?”

  We went back to my apartment and for the next couple of hours we thought of the stupidest topics we could do, like “Shoe fetishes: Do you have one?” and “If some girls like girls who dress like boys, why don’t they just like boys?”

  *

  Bill and I were on the air having a blast with the topic we had finally settled on, “Shocking Confessions: What’s Yours?” I had forgotten how much fun it was to spar with another DJ on the air.

  He punched line two. “Hey there. You’re on Seattle Girl with Georgia Fulton and her guy of the hour. What’s your shocking confession?”

  The caller began by simply saying, “Georgia,” and instantly I recognized the creep-o voice as belonging to Jerry, my stalker.

  “Hey Jerry.”

  I hit the mute button for the mics. Off the air I turned to Bill. “This guy has been stalking me since last year.”

  Bill looked stunned. “Seriously stalking you?”

  I shook my head. “Not really. He just calls up and says weird stuff, but I’ve never seen him in person or anything.”

  I turned off the mute button and said, “I’m sure I don’t want to know this, but what’s your confession Jerry?”

  “Oh, my sweet little cucumber.” He sighed into the phone. “I’m so pleased you remember me.”

  Bill raised an eyebrow and mouthed sweet little cucumber? at me. I just shook my head and mouthed, “I’ll tell you later.”

  Into the mic I repeated, “What’s your confession Jerry?”

  I didn’t want to flat out hang up on Jerry, but at the same time I didn’t want to give him any kind of out of the ordinary response that might make him think I thought he was special. In all this time that he had been calling me and making weird comments on the air, he had never done one single thing to me off the air. But I wanted to make sure things stayed that way.

  Jerry was silent for several long moments. “I’ve never had a good relationship, my chewy stick of juicy-fruit.”

  I snorted. “Look Jerry, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but have you ever stopped to think why that might be?”

  Jerry answered right away. “I’m saving myself for the right woman.”

  I knew I was getting into potentially hot water but I couldn’t resist prodding him. “And what exactly is your right woman like?”

  Bill hit the mute button and turned to me with concern on his face. “I don’t know if you should push this guy, Georgia. I mean, if he’s been in your face like this for the past three years, I don’t know…what if he freaked out or something? In fact wasn’t he the guy who used to call your show last year and say all sorts of weird stuff?”

  I ignored Bill and un-muted the mics while Jerry said, “Pure, sweet, a virgin.”

  I laughed. “Good luck with that laundry list. But you know, don’t you think you’d have a better chance at finding a girlfriend if you were-how shall I say this so I don’t hurt your feelings–less creepy and rude?”

  I guess Bill finally thought it was time to get involved in our conversation. “Um, Georgia , I’d definitely say that calling someone a creep is gonna hurt their feelings. However,” he said, talking over Jerry when he tried to say something else, “I also think that calling up someone’s radio show and making up weird pet names for them is pretty bad too. So Jerry, I’m thinking this should be your last call to Georgia’s show.”

  And with that, Bill hung up Jerry’s line.

  Instantly furious, I exclaimed, “What the hell?”

  “Don’t tell me you actually wanted to continue talking to that jerk?”

  “That’s beside the point.” I was angry. “The point is, this is my show and I’ll hang up on people when I’m good and ready.”

  Bill looked hurt. “So that’s the way it is, huh?”

  I pinched my lips together. “I guess so.”

  Bill took off his headphones and walked out of the studio. I don’t know how long it was before I finally remembered I was on the air.

  “Whoa. Now that’s some heavy drama for first thing Monday morning, isn’t it?” I said, trying to joke around.

  But the truth was, I knew I had just lost a friend. And even though I didn’t like what he had done, even though I didn’t like how he felt he needed to protect me, I knew I was going to miss him just the same.

  *

  I wished I felt more in control of my life that afternoon, because I was taking a really big step: I was taking Brian to lunch with my parents.

  They were finally getting to meet a real, live boyfriend of mine. Damn, but I was nervous.

  We were going to meet at a cute bistro about a mile off campus. Brian must have been able to tell how nervous I was, because he kept rubbing my back with his palm and shooting me big smiles while I drove.

  I was going to tell him all about what had happened with Bill in the studio that morning–I knew Brian never listened to my show, talk radio wasn’t his thing–but before I could he said, “It’s gonna be fine. Stop worrying. I’ll be there to take care of you.”

  I made a face. “You don’t know what my parents are like.”

  “They can’t be any worse than mine,” he said and since I didn’t know how to respond to that I pretended to concentrate on looking for a parking space.

  By the time we got to the restaurant my parents were already seated at a table for four. Even before I could see them I knew they were there because I could hear my mother saying, “No, I already told you that I wanted a glass without spots on it. Get me another one.”

  I groaned. “It’s already started,” I whispered to Brian, thinking maybe we should get the hell out of there before they saw us. I could say I got a flat or something and they’d never be the wiser.

  But Brian was already holding out his hand and introducing himself. “Mr. Fulton, Mrs. Fulton, it’s so nice to meet you.”

  By the way my mother smoothed down the front of her well-pressed slacks, I knew she was already taken with him. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

  Little did I know just how much they’d agree about, however.

  “So,” she asked him midway through what had been a surprisingly easygoing meal, “what do you think about Georgia’s little radio show?”

  Brian squeezed my hand under the table a
nd said, “I think it’s great.”

  I shot him a look of profound thanks.

  My mother’s lips tightened. “She’s going to have to find a real job when she graduates.”

  Brian nodded. “Sure she will,” he said.

  Sure I would? What the hell?

  “We’ve all got to get out there and face the real world at some point,” he said and my mother’s face melted into an expression of pure joy.

  The real world?

  “Exactly,” murmured my mother.

  “When I was her age I did the same thing that she’s doing,” he continued.

  When I was her age?

  Who the fuck had my perfect boyfriend turned into?

  “I spent a year trekking through Nepal. Just to get it out of my system.”

  Out of my system?

  “And now you’re getting an MBA,” my mother said, shooting me an extremely satisfied glance that said, I told you so. Even your boyfriend agrees with me.

  I didn’t say anything for the rest of the meal. I couldn’t. Whatever I said would have come out as a shout, or a scream, or something equally inappropriate for the middle of a restaurant on a Tuesday afternoon.

  Of course it instantly occurred to me that Bill would have never said anything like this to my parents. He would have defended my right to do talk radio until the end of time, if need be.

  But I’d thrown that friendship away with my too big mouth this morning, hadn’t I?

  And now I was stuck with a boyfriend who, obviously, had no idea about what was really in my heart, no matter how much he claimed that he did.

  Finally, not nearly soon enough, lunch came to an end. My parents paid the bill and then when my father looked at his watch and saw that their two hours at the parking meter had just expired they shot out of the restaurant in a flash.

  Right when Brian and I got out to the sidewalk I turned to confront him on his treachery. How could he have possibly sided with my mother, of all people?

  I had just opened my mouth to release a stream of scathing accusations when his cell phone rang.

  “Let me just get that,” he said as he clicked it open.

  The caller was really loud. Consequently, me and everyone else walking by could hear what his caller was saying.

  “Hi Brian, it’s Antonia. I just wanted to make sure we’re still on tonight for our Marketing project.”

  “Sure thing, Antonia.”

  I wouldn’t have thought anything of their interaction, after all I knew he had project partners, but he looked slightly uncomfortable and he was rarely uncomfortable.

  But it was when she said, “Oh and I never got a chance to thank you for dinner last night,” that I knew something was up.

  After they quickly finished their call, Brian put his arm around me and said, “So, I think lunch with your parents went pretty great. Don’t you?”

  But I was having none of it.

  I shoved his arm off me. “You had dinner with Antonia last night?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged, as if having dinner with a perky blond was no big deal.

  “What is she? Another one of your ex-girlfriends?”

  “No.”

  “Oh,” I said, sarcastically, really getting wound up now. “Then I guess she’s just someone you slept with a few times, right?”

  His face was turning red and I could see he was trying to keep himself from getting mad at my inquisition. “Fine. We’ve had sex. But I love you, so what does it matter?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Have you had sex with her recently?” He didn’t answer. “Like, say, last night?”

  My voice had risen in pitch and several other lunchers looked over at us.

  When Brian looked up at me, even before he answered, I saw the truth in his eyes. Slowly, calmly, with what I hoped was great dignity, I got into my car and drove off, leaving Brian standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

  *

  I had just been fucked with in a really big way and quickly, I figured out that I had two choices: I could get over it.

  Or I could die inside.

  I called an emergency session at Café Café with Diane and Seth that evening.

  When they asked me, “What’s going on?” in that moment I suddenly realized how awful my relationship with Brian had been.

  “Well, first of all. I just found out that Brian has been cheating on me with someone at the business school.”

  Diane snarled, “He’s such scum.”

  “I’ve always been in love with you. We are soul mates.” I scowled. “What a load.” And then I surprised my best friends by smiling when I should have been in tears.

  Seth grabbed my hand. “Georgia,” he said gently, “I know he’s a prick and everything, but shouldn’t you be more upset about this?”

  I laughed, but the sound that came from my throat held little humor. “I never told you guys this, but he had always made it clear that my radio show was a just a cute little hobby that I would outgrow.”

  “He did?”

  “He was trying to get me to interview with recruiters at several investment banks.”

  “Oh my god, he so didn’t get you,” Seth said.

  “Tell me about it. What if I had actually done what he wanted me to do? I would have had to escape by jumping out of a high rise window in the financial district.”

  Seth grinned. “Dang. You’re on fire girl.”

  “It’s funny, but even though I’m pissed at him for being such an asshole, I swear to god I feel like I’ve got a new lease on life now.”

  “Maybe we should send him a thank you card and a little gift for screwing around on you,” Diane said wickedly.

  I laughed again and this time it was for real.

  *

  Suddenly single, on the verge of graduation, I put my new lease on life into action. I researched all of the talk radio outlets along the west coast, put together an audition tape, wrote a resume, and harassed a recommendation letter out of the University of Washington station manager.

  I figured I may never hear back from any of the stations, but I sent my packages off anyway.

  Life might have been trying to bring me down, but I wasn’t going to give in without a fight.

  LUKE

  I want to know, do the love experiences we’ve had set us up for all the others we are going to have? Is it inevitable that if we come out of bad, we always head into worse?

  Could it be that only when we’ve fallen as far as we can, then and only then do we get the chance to get back on our feet and get things right?

  It’s like the whole drug addiction thing. You can’t get well until you want to help yourself. And no matter what anyone says or does to tries at that point, you can’t want to help yourself until you’ve hit rock bottom.

  You know those movies about the guy who is part of a team and he has been really blowing it over and over, so the team manager pulls him aside and gives him a warning, and then the player blows it again and then the team owner pulls him aside and gives him a sterner warning, and then he blows it again and he’s kicked out, and suddenly he’s sitting there on his ass, no longer a part of any team and like lightening he has this flash of insight where he realizes that he’s had enough of being hell bent on destroying himself, and he totally cleans up and changes his tune, and is a new, fabulous, wonderful man?

  Well, we’re not there yet.

  Home girl was still on her way down.

  *

  So there I was with a college diploma. Big whoop. I had no job, no boyfriend, Bill had never tried to contact me again, and my two best friends moved north right after graduation. I missed living with Diane, who had taken a job doing marketing for a brand new spa in Spokane, and Seth, who had moved to San Francisco and was living a couple blocks outside of the Castro. We talked practically every day and from the way they told it, it seemed like their lives were moving forward at the speed of light, while mine was sitting on four flat tires.

  And then out of the blue,
just as I had run out of sports to try and was actually considering going to a yoga class, the good news came that I got a job doing talk radio a KSAN in San Diego! It was a dream come true, everything I had ever wanted out of life.

  Apart from true love and the ability to eat chocolate without gaining weight, of course.

  I tried to tell myself I was ecstatic as I left Seattle in the dust to launch myself, heart and soul, into doing the best show anyone had ever heard. But I have to be honest, I was worried about just being another California Girl there.

  Whereas, I’d felt a little bit special in Seattle.

  I was Seattle Girl, after all.

  So there I was, doing my still un-newly-named show for several weeks and, thank God, it was going pretty great. I had rented an apartment near the studio, and even though it was a one-bedroom studio, I made sure my focus was on work, not boys. After the trouble I’d had, again and again and again and again, it seemed wiser for me to get my career off the ground first, and look for love later.

  The truth was, however, that I was pretty jealous about the fact that Diane’s relationship with Joe the carpenter and Seth’s with Max were going so well. Even though I was really happy for them at the same time.

  Hadn’t I been the one who was doing so great at first?

  Instead I was the ultimate relationship failure, bombing out with one guy after another.

  Thank god that I had talk radio. Even though it wasn’t really true, I convinced myself that I was perfectly happy to be single in San Diego for the time being working my ass off on the air, until I could amp up my profile with the-show-I-really-needed-a-new-name-for and move into a bigger market.

  The only problem was that working at KSAN brought Luke into the picture.

  Not only was Luke my boss, but he was also the man who was finally going to bring me down.

  All the way down.

  *

  Six weeks after I started at the station, we drove up to the airport together for the station’s weekend retreat in the mountains of Northern California. Since we had booked the same flight to Mammoth, I was glad for his easy company.

  I woke up early Saturday morning and thought I’d see what boats were available in the boathouse at the edge of the lake. I had a strong urge to burn off some restless energy and the blue sky and the clear water were irresistible.